[rees0306]

So I've had some rather large realizations about my life in the past few months and im struggling to fully grasp hold of them and use them to make me a better person. At 25 i'd never had a real continuous relationship of any substance sexually and emotionally up until 4 months ago when i got my first girlfriend. Im not a bad looking guy but id had sex less then 10 times before meeting this chick and ive had self confidence issues for as long as i can remember. My relationships with women have always been beta and i know that im clingy, needy and dependent when i do connect with a woman. I'm picky looks wise as i keep myself in good shape and im sure this isnt helping the cause but im just not at all excited by women i dont find attractive.

I had alot of drug dependence issues when i was younger and i feel like im unable to feel uninhibited and natural around women unless im on something so i just stopped going out and socializing outside of my circle which only contains guys to try and stem the flow of abuse i was doing to my body and mind.

So to cut a long story short this girl broke up with me. Its really rocked me and im struggling to process it all. Not just losing the comfort she gave me but the reasons why im so upset by it. Its made me aware of how broken as a person i truly am. I realise ive always run away from my problems and covered them up either through drugs or even doing the things i thought i loved. I lost my dad when i was 18 and even though i wasnt close i dont think i ever really dealt with it. I responded the only way i knew how and moved away to surf and smoke weed for 3 years before losing my job and having to move back to my home town to start again.

Im 6 months away from completing my trade and ive got travel planned for next year but im not sure if this is just me running away from my problems again.

I can see that the relationship i had with this girl was based on my fear of rejection and loneliness but i feel so shit right now that i know if she came back id take her back and thats what scares me.

How do i swallow this pill? How do i find that happiness within myself? I was making progress the last week i was sure i was looking forward to meeting people to getting on with my life there was moments in that last week i felt almost euphoric with the oppurtunitys i know i have. That is up untill she messaged me the other morning and it broke apart that belief and all the same insecurities came rushing back.

I don't want to be unhappy any longer but i dont know where to start. Im reading everywhere to do the stuff that makes me happy but how do i know i wasn't just doing that stuff to compensate in the first place.

Any advice greatly appreciated. Cheers

[Menace]

This should be in newbie game forum. Happiness is a process, not a one time thing. A process has an action component and a time component. Doing the challenging things you want over time is what will lead to happiness.

The first thing you should do is forget about this girl. There is plenty written about this. Understand that when a girl feels emotions and gets attention, this is pretty much all they need. Do more reading. Countless guys like you have had the same thing happen, or worse.

[HiFlo]

It's all inside yourself. no woman is going to take you anywhere. You must be happy with yourself and doing the things you want. Women will follow.

RSD has the best inner game shit, it has helped me a lot. I like Tyler Durden's approach to NOT say you should be happy in life, but he's very nietzschesque saying that inner anger, turmoil & anxiety is essential to your drive and motivation to improving yourself.

[XII]

The answers to your questions can be found at The Rawness's Reader Letter series. It's about 80 pages long or something. Happy readin'!

http://therawness.com/reader-letters-1-part-1/

[rivelino]

"How do i swallow the red pill? How do i find that happiness within myself?"

shit, if i knew.

well, how about we start with the foundation of game:

"III. You shall make your mission, not your woman, your priority

Forget all those romantic cliches of the leading man proclaiming his undying love for the woman who completes him. Despite whatever protestations to the contrary, women do not want to be “The One” or the center of a man’s existence. They in fact want to subordinate themselves to a worthy man’s life purpose, to help him achieve that purpose with their feminine support, and to follow the path he lays out. You must respect a woman’s integrity and not lie to her that she is “your everything”. She is not your everything, and if she is, she will soon not be anymore."

http://heartiste.wordpress.com/the-sixte...s-of-poon/

so, what's your mission? what's your life's purpose?

i love the rawness stuff too, it is genius, but it is very advanced, and complex, and requires a lot of introspection and meditation.

meaning, it is more about thinking, and not about doing.

whenever i find myself in a funk, i find that ACTION is what really helps me get out of it.

ACTION ERASES MISERY

so rees, brainstorm on what your talents are, your interests, what excites you, what you are good at, find your heroes in your chosen field, set up some short term goals, create a system and a process to get there, and ACTION ACTION ACTION.

a man is only a man if he acts and gets shit done.

[Handsome Creepy Eel]

I love the thread title as seen from the main forum: "Inner game and swallowing..." ROFLMAO

[rees0306]

Thanks for the replys. The rawness letters are quite overwhelming. I did find it hard to follow and i got lost within a few of the concepts but i also related to quite a few of the things i read. The co-dependant description seems to relate quite closely to the "beta" tag. Part 4 interested me, my understanding was that what a lot of us are trying to achieve is just compensating for the "beta" tendancies that alot of us once or still have. This is my biggest concern and also the reason why i posted in the lifestyle section and not the game section.

How many PUA have true inner game? The kind where they have accepted themselves for who they truly are and wouldn't see themselves any lower or higher depending on thier success with women.

I want to get laid as much as the next guy but i dont want my life to revolve around it.

[Eddie Winslow]

I wrote a similar thread and story a few months ago, read this first:
http://www.rooshvforum.network/thread-13029.html

I know the feeling you have right now. Lucky for me, my ex was so sick of my dependency and neediness that she didn't even have the desire to reach out to me. That sucks that she won't let you be after dumping you, but hey, it happens. When you ignore girls, and they like you even a LITTLE, they will reach out in an attempt to validate themselves as someone who is desired. She knows you will take her back. Do not give in. Here is the plan I followed that worked.

Step 1: Cut her off completely. Block her on facebook. Block her number. Make her emails go straight to the trash. Block her on all other social media, and if you can't, delete your account. Don't leave any cracks in your shield.

Step 2: You have one goal for the next few weeks: improve your self esteem. Buy self help books, audiotapes, read the positive stuff on forums, self hypnosis, anything and everything. Fuck video games, drugs, drinking, gambling (my old vice), anything that is counterproductive or a waste of time. Do things that make you feel good: maybe exercise, play/listen to music, play sports, talk to good friends and family members, whatever. All free time is dedicated to studying self help materials, doing these healthy activities, and focusing on making yourself and no one else happy.

Step 3: Write. Write about what's pissing you off, what your goals are, what you are struggling with, random nonsense, who cares. I kept a notebook and jotted down whatever what I was thinking for about a couple months. It was helpful, and reading my earlier entries was entertaining and inspiring, especially as you make progress.

Step 4: Buy Bang and Day Bang. Read them and read them again. Watch Simple Pickup videos on youtube and see how much fun they have interacting with random strangers. Learn game

Step 5: Approach. The bolder then better. Take some chances socially. It gains confidence the fastest. Don't be a pussy; at the end of the day, no one feels bad for you or cares if you are depressed or ready to kill yourself. Do this for YOU.

Step 6: Make self-confidence and meeting girls your two primary goals for the forseeable future. All free time is dedicated to this goal. Do not lose sight. I was focused like a laser for 6 months, and it is still something I am borderline obsessed with.

You aren't the first person to feel like this. Getting laid and being confident isn't everything, but it makes life 100x easier. Once you believe in yourself, professional and personal goals start becoming alot more reachable. Once you know you can have sex and receive affection from quality females whenever the hell you want, a massive weight is lifted off of your shoulders. Start working towards this right this second, it will make you a better, happier, and more effective man.

[catalyst]

(09-29-2012 07:38 PM)rees0306 Wrote:  

So I've had some rather large realizations about my life in the past few months and im struggling to fully grasp hold of them and use them to make me a better person. At 25 i'd never had a real continuous relationship of any substance sexually and emotionally up until 4 months ago when i got my first girlfriend. Im not a bad looking guy but id had sex less then 10 times before meeting this chick and ive had self confidence issues for as long as i can remember. My relationships with women have always been beta and i know that im clingy, needy and dependent when i do connect with a woman. I'm picky looks wise as i keep myself in good shape and im sure this isnt helping the cause but im just not at all excited by women i dont find attractive.

I had alot of drug dependence issues when i was younger and i feel like im unable to feel uninhibited and natural around women unless im on something so i just stopped going out and socializing outside of my circle which only contains guys to try and stem the flow of abuse i was doing to my body and mind.

So to cut a long story short this girl broke up with me. Its really rocked me and im struggling to process it all. Not just losing the comfort she gave me but the reasons why im so upset by it. Its made me aware of how broken as a person i truly am. I realise ive always run away from my problems and covered them up either through drugs or even doing the things i thought i loved. I lost my dad when i was 18 and even though i wasnt close i dont think i ever really dealt with it. I responded the only way i knew how and moved away to surf and smoke weed for 3 years before losing my job and having to move back to my home town to start again.

Im 6 months away from completing my trade and ive got travel planned for next year but im not sure if this is just me running away from my problems again.

I can see that the relationship i had with this girl was based on my fear of rejection and loneliness but i feel so shit right now that i know if she came back id take her back and thats what scares me.

How do i swallow this pill? How do i find that happiness within myself? I was making progress the last week i was sure i was looking forward to meeting people to getting on with my life there was moments in that last week i felt almost euphoric with the oppurtunitys i know i have. That is up untill she messaged me the other morning and it broke apart that belief and all the same insecurities came rushing back.

I don't want to be unhappy any longer but i dont know where to start. Im reading everywhere to do the stuff that makes me happy but how do i know i wasn't just doing that stuff to compensate in the first place.

Any advice greatly appreciated. Cheers

Accept that you will never be perfect, be encouraged that you will always have room to improve and never give up in life.

Don't fall into the trap of getting into a relationship in order to feel accepted or comfortable. It's just another kind of drug in my opinion.

Seriously, read Roosh's books. And read his blogs, including the really old ones. I've learnt a lot over the last couple of months.