[HoustonRookie]

I was reading some of the classics from the Manosphere and I ran across the Confidence Sub-Routine on The Private Man

http://theprivateman.wordpress.com/2011/...-expanded/

Basically, he talks about how important it is to work on your inner confidence before learning all of the social skills, the charisma, etc. that you need to succeed with women. He suggests mastering a skill to help with this confidence.

My question is, what kind of skills would work for something like this? I recently joined the Toastmasters group in my area and I have an ice breaker speech coming up. I plan on following the program through to the end and improving my public speaking skills, but this only takes a few days a week. I'm looking for a second skill.

I already go to the gym and work out three times a week as well (this helped alot). What do you guys think are other skills that may help to improve inner confidence??

[plague]

I think cooking is a good place to start. you have to eat anyway, and as you get more serious about working out you start to want to have more control over what you eat.

bartending/mixology also. I am going to get into this soon, as it will be great to make some crazy drinks when I get a girl back to my place.

I also have started getting more serious about photography (hiring models, etc.). it serves a few functions. it is a skill, people find it interesting, dealing with models is good experience (the hottest, flakiest girls on earth), and who knows, maybe you can bang some of them. I've been doing it for about 9 months - there was 1 I could have banged that I fucked up, and another that I am running python game on.

[Saladin]

Meditate every day for 20 minutes.

It will give you around 20-30 percent more self trust and make you more relaxed. Its probably one of the most productive habits you can implement and doesn't require much work.

[HoustonRookie]

Thanks for the replies so far. I have looked into cooking before, I just never know where to start with cooking. I found a guide on Nexxtlevelup that tells me the basic cookware to get, and I know that Chef In Jeans has some really good recipes for men to use, but I am starting at the barebones beginning and I can never find a cookbook for people that don't even know common cooking terms.

I already know a decent amount about mixology, and anytime I need a recipe, there's an app for that. As for photography, I always get bored taking pictures, even pictures of cute girls. You're right though, it definitely gives you experience telling women what to do. I might look more into it.

Meditation is good. I never thought of it so much as a skill, more like a habit, but a good habit nonetheless. I will give it a shot and see how I feel afterwards...

[Giovonny]

(09-15-2012 05:44 PM)HoustonRookie Wrote:  

What do you guys think are other skills that may help to improve inner confidence??

I think the greatest exercise to improve inner confidence is........approaching beautiful women!!!

Seriously, what other exercise works on all these things:

approach anxiety
confidence
vibe
body language
eye-ball language
conversational skills
social skills
quick wit/humor

What other confidence building exercise does all this???

Trust me, I have tried almost everything.

If you want to be confident with women, the best to do is to talk to women. The hotter the better. Nothing challenges your confidence like a that. I think doing any thing else is avoiding the issue.

Not that cooking, working out, and meditating will not help. I just think that approaching beautiful women will help alot faster and on alot deeper level!

[HoustonRookie]

You're right of course... I find that anytime I go out with the goal of approaching women I'll approach 1 or 2 (daygame), and it usually takes me a few hours for that kind of courage. It's a big timesink. I'm hoping I can work on my confidence a bit to help with this.

[Stitch]

I'd agree that approaching would be the fastest way to build confidence in approaching, but it can certainly be painful. That's why a lot of folks use baby steps--one of the classic "noob missions" for the industry-based PUA types was to have a guy walk the length of a mall and just say hello to every single woman he passed. I myself, while not really a pickup guy, found that group dance lessons were really helpful: a) you're mastering a skill, b) you get used to walking right up to strange women and touching them so it's no big deal, and c) the social environment there is such that you're expected to ask the woman to dance, BUT it's friendly enough and guys are generally enough in demand that they'll accept. TERRIBLE venue for pickup (and it's discouraged anyway) but good for baby steps in social confidence.

[Giovonny]

(09-15-2012 09:56 PM)HoustonRookie Wrote:  

I'll approach 1 or 2 (daygame), and it usually takes me a few hours for that kind of courage. It's a big timesink.

1 or 2 approaches in 1 or 2 hours?!?!?

Dude, if you come out with me, we will approach 2 girls in the first 5 minutes!!

I understand taking "baby steps" and slowly building confidence. I get that. But, I encourage you to take extreme steps. Go out everyday and talk to 15 or 20 girls. That is my advice.

Baby steps are good, giant steps are better!!!

[HoustonRookie]

(09-16-2012 12:35 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  

(09-15-2012 09:56 PM)HoustonRookie Wrote:  

I'll approach 1 or 2 (daygame), and it usually takes me a few hours for that kind of courage. It's a big timesink.

1 or 2 approaches in 1 or 2 hours?!?!?

Dude, if you come out with me, we will approach 2 girls in the first 5 minutes!!

I understand taking "baby steps" and slowly building confidence. I get that. But, I encourage you to take extreme steps. Go out everyday and talk to 15 or 20 girls. That is my advice.

Baby steps are good, giant steps are better!!!

Yep, we probably would. The problem is that I'm going out solo, so the only motivation I have to approach is self-motivation. I'm willing to bet if I had one single person with me I'd approach a lot more often.

Of course, until that day comes, I'm looking for any skills that will improve inner confidence. I've started learning Spanish (Pimsleur course in my car), but that is going to take a while to do. Also, I've been looking into ways of generating passive income, but it's a lot harder than I thought it would be.

[Giovonny]

(09-16-2012 01:50 PM)HoustonRookie Wrote:  

The problem is that I'm going out solo, so the only motivation I have to approach is self-motivation. I'm willing to bet if I had one single person with me I'd approach a lot more often.

Of course, until that day comes, I'm looking for any skills that will improve inner confidence. I've started learning Spanish (Pimsleur course in my car), but that is going to take a while to do. Also, I've been looking into ways of generating passive income, but it's a lot harder than I thought it would be.

How many approaches have you done so far???

[HoustonRookie]

(09-16-2012 01:55 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  

(09-16-2012 01:50 PM)HoustonRookie Wrote:  

The problem is that I'm going out solo, so the only motivation I have to approach is self-motivation. I'm willing to bet if I had one single person with me I'd approach a lot more often.

Of course, until that day comes, I'm looking for any skills that will improve inner confidence. I've started learning Spanish (Pimsleur course in my car), but that is going to take a while to do. Also, I've been looking into ways of generating passive income, but it's a lot harder than I thought it would be.

How many approaches have you done so far???

31. I'm working on the Roosh Program, but lacking consistency.

[WanderingSoul]

Learn to fight. Boxing, wrestling, Muay Thai, Jiu Jitsu, whatever. Great confidence boosters that carry over to every aspect of your life.

[Basil Ransom]

Nothing gives you confidence with women more reliably and quickly than seducing and fucking hot girls. That should be your first priority.

In addition to that, every guy has certain things, which when he sees in other men, will make him respect them, or even see them as rivals. Maybe it's his muscles, style, humor, career... Whatever. Identify what those things are for you, and acquire them. You already evaluate your self on these criteria, so when you start doing better with them, you'll notice; your self regard will go up, and thus your confidence. Lifting weights and improving your grooming and style are the most straight forward.

Learn to go after what you want without apology. Speak your mind freely. Ignore social mores and do as your heart and your balls desire. If someone judges you for your hunger for conquest, write them off as pussies and avoid them. A little jovial chauvinism helps.

I find martial arts to have a steep learning curve, so it could be a while before you experience any confidence boost. I dropped it before it really did anything for me - boxing, for instance, is very rewarding I'm sure, but it's frustrating when you first start, especially if you're less athletic.

[WanderingSoul]

(09-16-2012 06:22 PM)basilransom Wrote:  

I find martial arts to have a steep learning curve, so it could be a while before you experience any confidence boost. I dropped it before it really did anything for me - boxing, for instance, is very rewarding I'm sure, but it's frustrating when you first start, especially if you're less athletic.

3x a week for 3 months should give most people a pretty big confidence boost, and also make their body look much better.

If you don't enjoy training though, it really is impossible to stick with it. You have to really like Jiu Jitsu/boxing/whatever, because they are both painful, and not every session is so enjoyable.

[plague]

(09-16-2012 07:52 PM)RioNomad Wrote:  

(09-16-2012 06:22 PM)basilransom Wrote:  

I find martial arts to have a steep learning curve, so it could be a while before you experience any confidence boost. I dropped it before it really did anything for me - boxing, for instance, is very rewarding I'm sure, but it's frustrating when you first start, especially if you're less athletic.

3x a week for 3 months should give most people a pretty big confidence boost, and also make their body look much better.

If you don't enjoy training though, it really is impossible to stick with it. You have to really like Jiu Jitsu/boxing/whatever, because they are both painful, and not every session is so enjoyable.

I got a trial membership at a local boxing gym recently and started taking an MMA class. at a minimum, after wrestling with dudes larger than me and having to tap out multiple times, I felt a lot tougher.

I'm on hiatus since I have a nearly broken big toe (yeah, speaking of "painful"...), but I will be resuming once I recover. you can also use "here, let me show you a move I learned in class" as an excuse to grope girls.

[WanderingSoul]

(09-16-2012 08:07 PM)plague Wrote:  

I got a trial membership at a local boxing gym recently and started taking an MMA class. at a minimum, after wrestling with dudes larger than me and having to tap out multiple times, I felt a lot tougher.

I'm on hiatus since I have a nearly broken big toe (yeah, speaking of "painful"...), but I will be resuming once I recover. you can also use "here, let me show you a move I learned in class" as an excuse to grope girls.

Be wary of any "MMA class". MMA is boxing, wrestling, Muay Thai and Jiu Jitsu all rolled into one. You can't become proficient in all of those by taking one class. A lot of gyms now have MMA classes, because it is popular to "train MMA". Kind of like how every 24 hour fitness type gym has boxing classes, but you will never learn to box in them.

[HoustonRookie]

(09-16-2012 03:37 PM)RioNomad Wrote:  

Learn to fight. Boxing, wrestling, Muay Thai, Jiu Jitsu, whatever. Great confidence boosters that carry over to every aspect of your life.

This is a really good idea. It would give me something to do during the week, and would probably help me out with asserting myself. Thanks for the idea. I will look into training gyms in my area.

[HoustonRookie]

(09-16-2012 06:22 PM)basilransom Wrote:  

Nothing gives you confidence with women more reliably and quickly than seducing and fucking hot girls. That should be your first priority.

In addition to that, every guy has certain things, which when he sees in other men, will make him respect them, or even see them as rivals. Maybe it's his muscles, style, humor, career... Whatever. Identify what those things are for you, and acquire them. You already evaluate your self on these criteria, so when you start doing better with them, you'll notice; your self regard will go up, and thus your confidence. Lifting weights and improving your grooming and style are the most straight forward.

Learn to go after what you want without apology. Speak your mind freely. Ignore social mores and do as your heart and your balls desire. If someone judges you for your hunger for conquest, write them off as pussies and avoid them. A little jovial chauvinism helps.

I find martial arts to have a steep learning curve, so it could be a while before you experience any confidence boost. I dropped it before it really did anything for me - boxing, for instance, is very rewarding I'm sure, but it's frustrating when you first start, especially if you're less athletic.

Thanks for the advice. I've started looking into improving my style as well. I got a personal style consultation from Tanner over at Masculine Style (http://www.masculine-style.com) and he gave me a lot of personalized advice on how to look at the top of my game. Highly recommended.

[plague]

(09-16-2012 09:04 PM)RioNomad Wrote:  

(09-16-2012 08:07 PM)plague Wrote:  

I got a trial membership at a local boxing gym recently and started taking an MMA class. at a minimum, after wrestling with dudes larger than me and having to tap out multiple times, I felt a lot tougher.

I'm on hiatus since I have a nearly broken big toe (yeah, speaking of "painful"...), but I will be resuming once I recover. you can also use "here, let me show you a move I learned in class" as an excuse to grope girls.

Be wary of any "MMA class". MMA is boxing, wrestling, Muay Thai and Jiu Jitsu all rolled into one. You can't become proficient in all of those by taking one class. A lot of gyms now have MMA classes, because it is popular to "train MMA". Kind of like how every 24 hour fitness type gym has boxing classes, but you will never learn to box in them.

thanks, makes sense. I was looking for a general purpose self defense type vibe initially, then may switch to muay thai later on. for now I like the mixture of punching, kicking, and wrestling. the wrestling is hard at first because I don't even know the moves, so I'm mostly just learning how to avoid being choked out. but the other guys in the class are helpful.

[Giovonny]

(09-16-2012 02:20 PM)HoustonRookie Wrote:  

31. I'm working on the Roosh Program, but lacking consistency.

You are not even warmed up yet! After 100 approaches you will feel alot better. You need to work harder!

(09-16-2012 03:37 PM)RioNomad Wrote:  

Learn to fight

I agree. My personal list of most effective confidence building exercises looks like this:

#1. Approach hot girls and try to close them.
#2. Spar

There is nothing like fighting. It's so primal for a man. What other activity puts you into a fight or flight situation?!

Going through that fight or flight experience and surviving it gives you confidence. Learning how to stay calm and relaxed in that situation gives you more confidence. It's really one of the best exercises a man can do!

Some guys will hate boxing and mma. I don't blame them, it's fucking crazy! Find something else, whats important is that you aggressively seek out activities that give you confidence. Don't just sit home and think about it. Don't read game material and think it can happen by simply reading and hoping. Get off your ass and get engaged in something!

I think salsa dancing or something like that would be great because you are interacting with women.

[Private Man]

As the author of that blog post, I must reinforce the point that any confidence-boosting must not directly be for the purposes of impressing women.

I know, that's kind of zen-like.

Seriously, the only person you have to impress in this world is yourself. Once you do that, women will pick up on that vibe.

[unstoppableflow]

This may be slated but what REALLY helped me was going to NUDE BEACHES.....you overcome one of the most basic fears (being naked in public), it takes quite a lot of guts to do....plus it improves your body image and self-acceptance (as per various scientific-backed studies)

plus, its a rather 'uncommon' way of building confidence and I am of the mind the more unconventional and unorthodox a method is the more likely it is to work (thats just me)

also you have to deal with the sexual undertones when it comes to attractive females....and keep calm!

I was a different, meek, shy person not comfortable in my own skin before I started to go!

[Giovonny]

(09-17-2012 12:51 PM)unstoppableflow Wrote:  

[b]going to NUDE BEACHES[/b

hahaha!!!

This is new one!

[HoustonRookie]

(09-17-2012 11:57 AM)Private Man Wrote:  

As the author of that blog post, I must reinforce the point that any confidence-boosting must not directly be for the purposes of impressing women.

I know, that's kind of zen-like.

Seriously, the only person you have to impress in this world is yourself. Once you do that, women will pick up on that vibe.

I definitely get this. Back when i was working out just to improve the size of my muscles and impress women, I was always dissapointed. Once I started working out for strength and health (for myself), I really started to love hitting the gym. More, I noticed that I had a lot more self confidence.

So, keeping in mind that the goal shouldn't be to impress women at all, I think some of these ideas are still really good. Martial Arts and Cooking are the two that have really stood out to me, and I think I'm going to get started with these two while continuing to improve my style, fitness, and speaking ability.

That was a great blog post, by the way. Really got me thinking.

[Private Man]

(09-17-2012 04:58 PM)HoustonRookie Wrote:  

So, keeping in mind that the goal shouldn't be to impress women at all, I think some of these ideas are still really good. Martial Arts and Cooking are the two that have really stood out to me, and I think I'm going to get started with these two while continuing to improve my style, fitness, and speaking ability.

That was a great blog post, by the way. Really got me thinking.

Thanks for the compliment. Having the ability to speak well in public is extremely charismatic and women love a guy who can hold the attention of a crowd.

To help with that, fix your voice:

http://theprivateman.wordpress.com/2011/...ned-voice/