[Dan]

I've been trying to gain confidence over the past few months and I've found it difficult because I don't find myself attractive. Has anyone else faced a similar battle?

Being able to pick up women is something that would give me a tremendous amount of confidence, but I don't believe it works like that. Everything I've read says that you first need to have that confidence in order to attract women. And that's understood by pretty much everybody.

This is inner game, and I feel it really needs to be mastered before I go out there approaching a boat load of women.

So what gives you confidence? Is it looks, accomplishments, or ability to attract women?

[Dan]

Meant to post this in the Newbie Forum. Fuck me.

[WanderingSoul]

I'm going to bed, but read this: http://www.rooshv.com/the-roosh-program

Think that might be a good place for you to start.

[Dan]

(08-08-2012 12:21 AM)RioNomad Wrote:  

I'm going to bed, but read this: http://www.rooshv.com/the-roosh-program

Think that might be a good place for you to start.

Was looking for something like this. Thanks a ton.

[Knowledge Seeker]

I'm a pretty average Filipino guy. 5'7", 150 lbs. I'm naturally introverted but I'm a rather charming and funny guy once people get to know me. I was naturally skinny and always felt self conscious about it. After I graduated from college 8 months ago I started working out heavy. I finally got some meat on my bones and I feel strong and good about myself. Girls actually compliment me on my muscles and a lot of my older friends are amazed at how ripped I got. From that moment, my confidence grew immensely. I bought stylish new clothes for work and co-workers gave me a lot of props on my fashion sense. I'm at a point where my confidence is supreme, nothing can stop me.

There are still many more aspects of the game I need to master within myself. But it's all about the journey.. Once you look at yourself in the mirror a year from now and say "I like what I see", you're on the right path.

Here's my advice for you:

Start working out. Girls are visual creatures too. They'd choose cut and ripped guy over a scrawny one or fat one if given the choices.

Save some money and buy yourself good clothes that fit your style. Ask your female friends for advice on what would suit you.

Start soaking in knowledge from every game material you can find. Discover a style that suits YOU best.

Have fun. You don't want to live with regrets. You should always feel entitled to have the best the world has to offer. Not genetically gifted? So fuckin what.. The reality is, that's the hand you were dealt. Now play with it and use it to your advantage.

Confidence is strictly internal. Once you change your thought patterns, you really can't help but believe them. Confidence is contagious as well. Once females see it inside of you (people have a sense for this), they automatically become attracted.

Good luck!

[Capitán Peligroso]

Quote:

Being able to pick up women is something that would give me a tremendous amount of confidence, but I don't believe it works like that. Everything I've read says that you first need to have that confidence in order to attract women. And that's understood by pretty much everybody.

You need to approach in order to build that self-confidence. Every time you approach, even when you fail you'll like yourself a little bit better. It's this inner game that develops the confidence you need to create the relationships you want. The inner game precedes the outer game.

[peterthephoenix]

VK talks about confidence as feeling comfortable in a situation as you have been in it many times before and you know how to deal with it.

Apart from that:
- Hit the gym hard (startingstrength or stronglifts is an easy way to start)
- Upgrade your fashion (check Aaron Marino's youtube channel)
- Join a few clubs
- Go out at least twice a week to talk to girls

[Giovonny]

(08-08-2012 12:29 AM)Dan Wrote:  

(08-08-2012 12:21 AM)RioNomad Wrote:  

I'm going to bed, but read this: http://www.rooshv.com/the-roosh-program

Think that might be a good place for you to start.

Was looking for something like this. Thanks a ton.

Ya, thats a great post by Roosh.

(08-08-2012 12:17 AM)Dan Wrote:  

I feel it really needs to be mastered before I go out there approaching a boat load of women.

No, do the opposite, use approaching women as a way to build confidence. Approaching attractive women is the best way to build confidence, in my opinion.

As Roosh says in his post, do several things simultaneously, work out hard, up grade your fashion and approach, approach, approach. Start with 6's, when you can confidently open and hold a conversation with 6's.move up to 6.5's.

1. Work out and eat right
2. Fix your fashion and hair.
3. Approach, approach, approach
4. Talk to as many strangers as possible to build conversational confidence.

Do all these things at the same time.

Here is the "x-factor" for you. What is the cause of your fear? Why are you so afraid to talk to girls? Have you always felt unattractive? Why? Do you consider yourself below average in terms of looks? Do you have an inferiority complex? Try to get to the root of your fear and conquer it. It probably goes back to childhood like most of our fears.

APPROACHING WOMEN IS THE SINGLE GREATEST EXERCISE YOU CAN DO TO BUILD CONFIDENCE AND ELIMINATE FEAR!

[Giovonny]

Dan pm'd me and we identified the root of his fear and came up with a solution. It was really no big deal. You just have face your fears with courage and not try to cover them up. Do what is necessary to eliminate them!!!

The greatest thing you can do for your game is eliminate all your fear!

Dan, you should share with the forum because it really no big deal and actually a common problem.

[Dan]

As I told Giovonny, I have a red dot on my nose that is unappealing to look at. He convinced me - quite easily - to get it removed via cosmetic surgery. Been looking into that today.

Plan to start The Roosh Program tomorrow.

Thanks for all the help guys.

[Giovonny]

What is it? A zit? A cyst? Acne scar? Have a doctor look at it and let us know..

[Ramon Zarate]

(08-08-2012 01:05 AM)Giovonny Wrote:  

(08-08-2012 12:17 AM)Dan Wrote:  

I feel it really needs to be mastered before I go out there approaching a boat load of women.

No, do the opposite, use approaching women as a way to build confidence. Approaching attractive women is the best way to build confidence, in my opinion.

As Roosh says in his post, do several things simultaneously, work out hard, up grade your fashion and approach, approach, approach. Start with 6's, when you can confidently open and hold a conversation with 6's.move up to 6.5's.

1. Work out and eat right
2. Fix your fashion and hair.
3. Approach, approach, approach
4. Talk to as many strangers as possible to build conversational confidence.

Do all these things at the same time.

Here is the "x-factor" for you. What is the cause of your fear? Why are you so afraid to talk to girls? Have you always felt unattractive? Why? Do you consider yourself below average in terms of looks? Do you have an inferiority complex? Try to get to the root of your fear and conquer it. It probably goes back to childhood like most of our fears.

APPROACHING WOMEN IS THE SINGLE GREATEST EXERCISE YOU CAN DO TO BUILD CONFIDENCE AND ELIMINATE FEAR!

Seconded. The issue with the attitude of "I need to get my looks/style/career sorted before I feel confident enough to approach women." is that a.) you postpone approaching because you could always be a little more ripped here or you could always be a little richer or more well-read and it becomes a rationalization not to go out and hit on girls. This rationalization of not taking actiom happens because your entire mindset is that you're trying to avoid rejection and you don't feel that you're enough as you are to attract girls. That and b.) basing your confidence on external factors such as looks, style, money and situational value is that if you lose these things you revert back to being beta, so your confidence is built on shaky foundations. Not saying you shouldn't be trying to look better and get a great lifestyle but see them as complements to approaching, not as confidence boosters in themselves.

I had this attitude for ages and it got me zero lays. Just approach

[WestCoast]

I love the newbie forum because 6 years ago I was beyond beta and omega just off the charts sad.

The reason why it's all about "facing your fears" is because it's more of building confidence. Confidence isn't something you wake up and have. You build it over time. It's not like you wake up one day have a million bucks a 6 pack, chiseled chest and threads that match your skin color and fit perfectly with pocket square and correct walking style and dance moves.

Get out there and do shit you've always said "you couldn't do".

I could "never" talk to a girl on the train. Why not you gonna die?
I could never travel to xyz country. Why not what's the big deal I bet you someone has.
I could never be attractive. Why not? Lose your ego. I put a photo up of myself 6 years ago compared to today, no one believes it's the same person. Put your photo up on hot or not.com then fix yourself and put a new one up.

Can't fix your face? Wrong.
Can't fix your clothes? Wrong
Can't fix your smile? WRONG

The only skill needed for girls is hardwork. With the generation of pussified men in the USA it's not surprising to see high failure rates.

Make the days count. Don't count the days until "confidence" just arrives. Ask yourself what the fuck did I do to make myself better today? You should be your own largest critic.

[RandalGraves]

Always be improving. Over the last year I've come a long way, a little at a time.

I'd go to the gym and get a little more and more fit every week. I'd go shopping for new clothes and slowly transform my wardrobe. I'd be experimenting with haircuts until I found the one that compliments my face.

You eventually get to the point where you appreciate the work that it took to get to where you are, and you automatically start looking at girls and honestly thinking, "Ugh, is she good enough for me and where I am?"

[Greek kamaki]

Money in my pocket gives me confidence.Who cares for rejection?She is the loser I will spend it on another one.
Just take care of the environment trying to undermine your confidence.Guys and women who stand in your way badmouthing,pushing,insulting etc.Treat them with a heavy hand and you will feel confident.

[mental]

One of the easiest ways is to pretend you're a stranger. Because I have extremely pale untanable skin I pretend I'm either Swedish or Danish. You get the same feeling as going to another city and girls lower their bitch shield because they think you're a foreigner.

[manilaguy]

Success builds confidence.

As devil advocate, I suggest postpone gaming girls and get your shit together first. I graduated recession and had to give up gaming 2+ years my life so I can get myself situated. Now I have reserves and have a career. My confidence lies in my achievement.

Prioritize.

Survival first. Girls second.

[Stitch]

The common denominator of success, as quoted elsewhere, is that successful people make habits of doing the things that failures don't like to do. So make a habit of continuous improvement.

One of the best helps I've had is to develop the habit/reflex of doing something constructive whenever you're down instead of just moping/drinking/whatever. Develop self-constructive tendencies. So you're pissed off or depressed? Fine; instead of getting smashed, hit the gym or build something. Last week I had a really bad couple of days and used the time to exercise and build some speakers I'd been meaning to build; okay, not earthshattering, but if you take every defeat and end up happier and further along afterward, it adds up pretty big after a while.