[Thatdude]

I know there's a fine line between being a playful funny asshole, and a bitter douche asshole. My question is how do you guys draw the line? I've been having a problem recently where I usually go too far I guess and it just turns the girl off. How do I get it just right? You know, so where the girl giggles and says "your such a jerk." Something like that?


Any feedback would be appreciated, thanks guys.

[MrXY]

This is a question that is difficult to answer verbally since it is really about your interior state-that is, your Inner Game

To me, the most important attitude is Not Taking Girls Seriously.

The calibration problem you're having is totally normal for guys starting out and trying to transition to a more alpha state- they tend to try too hard and come off as angry.

It's not even so much what you say as how you say it-read the post Heartiste just did on how chicks enjoy cruelty from guys

Try to cultivate a state of being playful, lighthearted, superior and arrogant, without being angry

[Duke Castile]

You said it yourself, you have to not be bitter inside, and those types of deliveries or jokes won't come off that way.

[Thatdude]

thanks for the help guys, I guess I'll try not to go too overboard with it. Or maybe work on the way I'm saying thing so it doesn't come off as angry, but playful.

[XXL]

i'd say expression > impression. any behaviour that comes from the place of trying to impress and show off is cliche, fake, lame and douchy. however then it's pure expression, even though it might be too edgy, it'll be fine in the end.

expression stems from instinct, emotional leverage, spontaneity, fun, being carefree, not giving a fuck
impression stems from planning before hand, thinking what to say/do, analyzing, being stiff, caring too much

example: when you hear you favourite song and start jumping dancing, some chick gives you shit, you tell her she's stupid and stiff and get back to your fun that's when you express yourself freely without managing how you come across to others. but if you hear lame song and you try to have fun with it cause a chick likes it that's when you're trying to impress, it's try-hard, it's incongruent therefore fake therefore douchy, lame.

lame assholes are fully oblivious to negative feedback, they cross the line hard and look like fools.
cool assholes are in tune with social context, they're reponsive to negative feedback so they get to the line without crossing it usually.

[manilatroy]

In order to know where the line is you have to cross it...don't worry about being too assholish...you will know where the line is once you cross it a few times...then you can naturally calibrate

[Thatdude]

(07-09-2012 02:59 AM)XXL Wrote:  

i'd say expression > impression. any behaviour that comes from the place of trying to impress and show off is cliche, fake, lame and douchy. however then it's pure expression, even though it might be too edgy, it'll be fine in the end.

expression stems from instinct, emotional leverage, spontaneity, fun, being carefree, not giving a fuck
impression stems from planning before hand, thinking what to say/do, analyzing, being stiff, caring too much

example: when you hear you favourite song and start jumping dancing, some chick gives you shit, you tell her she's stupid and stiff and get back to your fun that's when you express yourself freely without managing how you come across to others. but if you hear lame song and you try to have fun with it cause a chick likes it that's when you're trying to impress, it's try-hard, it's incongruent therefore fake therefore douchy, lame.

lame assholes are fully oblivious to negative feedback, they cross the line hard and look like fools.
cool assholes are in tune with social context, they're reponsive to negative feedback so they get to the line without crossing it usually.

I agree with what you are saying, that shit makes perfect sense. Just come off as the asshole because you don't give a fuck, your just indifferent and do what you want to do in a way. It comes off as too try hard when I'm trying to impress them...and that makes sense, girls have a sixth sense for that type of shit. They can tell.

I actually did some digging around roissys blog and found this old post...its sort of like what you were saying in a way.

http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2011/12/2...assholery/

So if anyone else needs to know how to calibrate it he sums it up pretty good as well.

[XXL]

basically it's a balance between being irreverent and responsive

[robreke]

I run into my ex sometimes. She is now dating HER ex.

We usually are friendly but briefly chat when I see her. I'd like to bang her again.

I was thinking of insinuating if she misses my 'big dick' and that I'm bigger than her current boyfriend.

I'm pretty confident this is the case for several reasons. She does have more history with this guy though hence a stronger emotional attachment. Last time I talked to her she said she wanted to give him 'one final chance' before telling him to fuck off.

We kissed and made out some, but she resisted the bang.

When I'd bang her in the past, before she got back with her ex, she would say all manner of the lords name in vain and have shuddering aftershocks after the bang.

Wondering if this form of 'asshole game' that is, asking her if she misses my big dick ( bigger than her current guy is the innuendo) is good game ( bold, not give a shit asshole game ) to get the bang. In a sense, it's disrespecting her bf....but at the same time, stating the truth. Maybe get her to thinking.

[L M McCoy]

(10-20-2014 10:11 PM)robreke Wrote:  

I run into my ex sometimes. She is now dating HER ex.

We usually are friendly but briefly chat when I see her. I'd like to bang her again.

I was thinking of insinuating if she misses my 'big dick' and that I'm bigger than her current boyfriend.

I'm pretty confident this is the case for several reasons. She does have more history with this guy though hence a stronger emotional attachment. Last time I talked to her she said she wanted to give him 'one final chance' before telling him to fuck off.

We kissed and made out some, but she resisted the bang.

When I'd bang her in the past, before she got back with her ex, she would say all manner of the lords name in vain and have shuddering aftershocks after the bang.

Wondering if this form of 'asshole game' that is, asking her if she misses my big dick ( bigger than her current guy is the innuendo) is good game ( bold, not give a shit asshole game ) to get the bang. In a sense, it's disrespecting her bf....but at the same time, stating the truth. Maybe get her to thinking.

I'm not an expert but that sounds like insecure game

Going out of your way to 1 up her current squeeze by dropping a sorry comment like that lowers your value.

If you want to brag about the size of your dick, let her "accidentally" see it on your phone to remind her of what she's missing.

[L M McCoy]

^ Looking back at that comment, I wish I wasn't such a dick but I'm drunk so fuck it

[Dalaran1991]

(07-09-2012 02:59 AM)XXL Wrote:  

i'd say expression > impression. any behaviour that comes from the place of trying to impress and show off is cliche, fake, lame and douchy. however then it's pure expression, even though it might be too edgy, it'll be fine in the end.

expression stems from instinct, emotional leverage, spontaneity, fun, being carefree, not giving a fuck
impression stems from planning before hand, thinking what to say/do, analyzing, being stiff, caring too much

example: when you hear you favourite song and start jumping dancing, some chick gives you shit, you tell her she's stupid and stiff and get back to your fun that's when you express yourself freely without managing how you come across to others. but if you hear lame song and you try to have fun with it cause a chick likes it that's when you're trying to impress, it's try-hard, it's incongruent therefore fake therefore douchy, lame.

lame assholes are fully oblivious to negative feedback, they cross the line hard and look like fools.
cool assholes are in tune with social context, they're reponsive to negative feedback so they get to the line without crossing it usually.

I get what you are saying about not being a braggart, but you just cant say we dont try to impress girls. If we didnt want to impress girls we wouldnt do half of the shit we do, its just that we have internalized such behavior wnd now we enjoy impressing girls because it pleases us.

OP Im always trying to calibrate this myself. Guys have already given advice about not being bitter and dont take her seriously. But calibrating is very situational. Some girls are more playful than others. I dont do it anymore but I used to say the Taken quote from Liam Neeson "I ll find you and I ll kill you". Some girls laugh at this, some got seriously creeped out. Anytime you strike out remember that its her loss cause she is not that fun to be around anyway.

However if you notice a pattern then its probably best to adjust your routine. Tapping girls on their head i.e is not as effective as pinching her cheek and nose. Also cut back on swearing and guy's talk. You are talking to a girl not your dudes. Making fun of her is more effective than insulting her, but then some girls think everything you say it's insulting. Read her body language is what I find to be the most effective way to gauge your progress.

IMO this is a delicate matter that takes time in the field. Each demographic has difference tolerance level to asshole game. I tone down my verbal game a lot with soft-spoken girls, but kino game never changes.