I have intended to get this out for a while, but better late than never I guess. Its been almost 12 years since I had been there and while a lot has changed, nothing has changed at the same time. Overall, I really cannot recommend it unless
A) You really want something really different and you are bored out of your mind
B) You have a reason to go there, like work/research
C) You are fucked in the head
One of the advantages you have in places like Uzbekistan and Kazakhstan is that they see very few westerners and you are seen as something exotic still, at least more than the rest of the eastern block these days. They are backward, but they are frontier countries and they do have a lot to offer when you dig deeper. So while some of the 'stans are worth visiting, Turkmenistan is still really not one of them. I was in Ashgabat for most of the trip, and also spent a few days in Balkanabat. While Ashgabat has grown, I felt like I stepped back in time. If Russia is still in the late 80's, then this place is still in the mid 50's at the height of communism.
It really is like time stopped here. They actually ban newspapers and I had magazines confiscated from me at the airport! You also get warned by the hotels now that pictures are not to be taken, nor video, as it can lead to arrests and detention if you took pictures of the wrong thing. Site photographs I took were fine, but photos and video in the city open yourself up to police hassle if its not approved on some list somewhere.
The city of Ashgabat is like something out of a fantasy novel. Everything is white marble and massive Soviet/Muslim hybrid architecture. The place has exploded a bit in the last 12 years, and I was surprised to see there has been no deviation in the building at all. Its more of the same, and to be fair jaw dropping at times. The economy is performing well and they are sitting on resources which they are opening up on more. If they had to free things up a little it Turkmenistan would explode and they would solve their unemployment problems. I just cant see it happening though.
Ashgabat is also a ghost town. It feels like there is no one on the street at times and given the size of the buildings, parks and monuments its almost like they were built for people they expect will arrive one day. There is a HEAVY police presence too. Its worse than Russia and Belarus in the 90's and for me to notice it it must be in your face. Im talking every corner, being watched constantly, people clearly watching what they say or how they react.
Russian is understood by all, but there is a clear resentment of all things Russian it seems.
The worst thing about the place is the new curfew. You cannot be outside the hotel after 11pm, which means your only late night options are hotel nightclubs, bars and restaurants. You can be in a taxi, so you can travel from venue to venue, but venue options are limited anyway given the large Muslim population and the fact that most dont drink. So you are forced into the centre.
So with that:
Hotels:
No budget hotels from what I could see. Expect $150 a night and up, and I seriously doubt apartments would be available. I was at Nissa and Sheraton, both of which were decent by Russian standards but nothing special and certainly not good value. No problems bringing women back to either.
Daytime:
Lots to see. The city itself is magnificent and while I have no doubt the poverty is hidden outside the main city, Ashgabat as a city is without a doubt one of the most beautiful cities I have seen anywhere in the world. Not kidding either. Their government buildings and main strips are really like something out of a painting and you will not see another place in the world like this.
Nightlife
In a word, shit. The vast majority of the entertainment is at the hotels themselves with a few of them having clubs. The clubs go all night and they do get quite full, but you know all the entertainment is being kept to specific areas on purpose. Restaurants at the hotels are OK, and some around the city are pretty decent too. I spent some of my time at The British Pub, which has a lot of expats and business men. That has a nightclub above, and between that and the clubs at the hotels, it will have to do. While taxi travel past 11pm is fine, the last thing you want to be doing is wandering the streets or stuck outside waiting for a taxi after 11pm. The cops will stop you and probably take you in.
So all nightlife is central, with most of it being at the hotels. There is really almost no where to go but the hotels and casino it seems.
Women
There are a lot of Russian women there, along with other women from the neighboring Stans. Its a mixed bag really, but most of the women are a bit darker and do have the Turkic look to them. Persian women are off the chain sometimes, and that influence is there, but compared to Uzbekhistan and Khazakstan, the women are not up to scratch. Its not that there are no hot women, its that the ratios are shit. The vast majority are Turkmeni and they are conservative Muslim women for the most part.There are obviously a great deal of mixed women too, and the results can go both ways. Basically, the Russian women are hot, the Uzbek and Khazak women sometimes hotter, and the Turkemi women are average to pretty, but also it seems unattainable foreigners.
When in Russia and EE, Ill hit on a bitch anywhere. Streets, trains, service staff, receptionists. Anywhere is on when Harry gets a semi. Turkmenistan though I went into my shell. Everyone is highly guarded and suspicious and they are very measured in what they say. The people are watched and I get the impression that they report each other, hence why they dont trust anyone. Foreigners are also watched closely it felt at times, and there is no doubt that activity with foreigners could lead to a lot of trouble for them given what I saw. Its one of the few remaining police states and you do feel it.
At night though, things were much different, and its clear that at many of the hotels and in particular the British Pub, the women are out in force looking for foreign men. Its like the days of old where the local women would follow the foreign men around like groupies it seemed. So at first I thought that even with all the restrictions, I would be probably fucking my lungs out. The biggest problem I had though was finding women who were not looking for sponsors and paid sex. I would say that easily 50% of the women in the clubs and bars were hookers or looking for whales. And many that were not too obvious may have been looking for the same thing too. So managing that was more of a problem than finding a genuine bang, and after a while the women start avoiding you because you seem to be rejecting so many advances.
Its a catch 22. All the activity is around the hotels, which attract tons of foreign businessmen. The local hookers go where the money is and because so many of these guys have nothing to do, they are going to drop money on them. Outside of the centre, you have a problem with taxi's, which could be a really big problem with the curfew if you get stuck somewhere. I went to a few hole in the walls where local women were in abundance, but that was with locals and we had arranged taxi collection at a specific time. Even with all my travel experience and fluent Russian, I was not going to take chances with law there.
If anyone ever says the streets are lined with pussy that throws itself at you, chances are they were banging up pros. When I am married one day, Ill be sure to schedule more business trips here.
SNL was easy though, fucked 2 on the same night. Another one met me second day and I fucked her that night. Another one was only after two dinners, but I liked her enough that it was no big deal and it was worth the wait. One was Uzbek, the others classified themselves as Russian. Russians and minorities from the Stans are what you will see at most of the venues you go to. Which is fine considering how average the Turkmeni women are. I think a decent looking guy under 50 who can speak Russian is not ever going to struggle there, and some of the expats or long stay contractors I spoke to (cant imagine living there in a million years) often mentioned the women. So there are what seem to be normal women there, you just need to make damn sure she is not going to ask to be paid in the morning.
Russian is a must though and you have zero chance without it. I dont even think you could pipeline English speakers because Im not sure if they would even have dating websites. So unless you are proficient in Russian, I would say you avoid it completely.
Balkanabat was boring as hell, nothing to report. Its that shit. Had I known, I would have taken a chick with me.
Summary
Overall, for purposes of nightlife and pussy, avoid it.
___________
On the way home, stopped over at Vladivostok, first time in about 4 years. Its off the radar for most, and a little bit of Russian or even solid pipe lining is going to put you in the middle of it here. I was only there for four days, fucked two different women and my neck was cramping by the time I got on the plane from all the spinning it done. Its back on my hit list again and this time its going to be for a short holiday instead of work like its always been in the past.
A) You really want something really different and you are bored out of your mind
B) You have a reason to go there, like work/research
C) You are fucked in the head
One of the advantages you have in places like Uzbekistan and Kazakhstan is that they see very few westerners and you are seen as something exotic still, at least more than the rest of the eastern block these days. They are backward, but they are frontier countries and they do have a lot to offer when you dig deeper. So while some of the 'stans are worth visiting, Turkmenistan is still really not one of them. I was in Ashgabat for most of the trip, and also spent a few days in Balkanabat. While Ashgabat has grown, I felt like I stepped back in time. If Russia is still in the late 80's, then this place is still in the mid 50's at the height of communism.
It really is like time stopped here. They actually ban newspapers and I had magazines confiscated from me at the airport! You also get warned by the hotels now that pictures are not to be taken, nor video, as it can lead to arrests and detention if you took pictures of the wrong thing. Site photographs I took were fine, but photos and video in the city open yourself up to police hassle if its not approved on some list somewhere.
The city of Ashgabat is like something out of a fantasy novel. Everything is white marble and massive Soviet/Muslim hybrid architecture. The place has exploded a bit in the last 12 years, and I was surprised to see there has been no deviation in the building at all. Its more of the same, and to be fair jaw dropping at times. The economy is performing well and they are sitting on resources which they are opening up on more. If they had to free things up a little it Turkmenistan would explode and they would solve their unemployment problems. I just cant see it happening though.
Ashgabat is also a ghost town. It feels like there is no one on the street at times and given the size of the buildings, parks and monuments its almost like they were built for people they expect will arrive one day. There is a HEAVY police presence too. Its worse than Russia and Belarus in the 90's and for me to notice it it must be in your face. Im talking every corner, being watched constantly, people clearly watching what they say or how they react.
Russian is understood by all, but there is a clear resentment of all things Russian it seems.
The worst thing about the place is the new curfew. You cannot be outside the hotel after 11pm, which means your only late night options are hotel nightclubs, bars and restaurants. You can be in a taxi, so you can travel from venue to venue, but venue options are limited anyway given the large Muslim population and the fact that most dont drink. So you are forced into the centre.
So with that:
Hotels:
No budget hotels from what I could see. Expect $150 a night and up, and I seriously doubt apartments would be available. I was at Nissa and Sheraton, both of which were decent by Russian standards but nothing special and certainly not good value. No problems bringing women back to either.
Daytime:
Lots to see. The city itself is magnificent and while I have no doubt the poverty is hidden outside the main city, Ashgabat as a city is without a doubt one of the most beautiful cities I have seen anywhere in the world. Not kidding either. Their government buildings and main strips are really like something out of a painting and you will not see another place in the world like this.
Nightlife
In a word, shit. The vast majority of the entertainment is at the hotels themselves with a few of them having clubs. The clubs go all night and they do get quite full, but you know all the entertainment is being kept to specific areas on purpose. Restaurants at the hotels are OK, and some around the city are pretty decent too. I spent some of my time at The British Pub, which has a lot of expats and business men. That has a nightclub above, and between that and the clubs at the hotels, it will have to do. While taxi travel past 11pm is fine, the last thing you want to be doing is wandering the streets or stuck outside waiting for a taxi after 11pm. The cops will stop you and probably take you in.
So all nightlife is central, with most of it being at the hotels. There is really almost no where to go but the hotels and casino it seems.
Women
There are a lot of Russian women there, along with other women from the neighboring Stans. Its a mixed bag really, but most of the women are a bit darker and do have the Turkic look to them. Persian women are off the chain sometimes, and that influence is there, but compared to Uzbekhistan and Khazakstan, the women are not up to scratch. Its not that there are no hot women, its that the ratios are shit. The vast majority are Turkmeni and they are conservative Muslim women for the most part.There are obviously a great deal of mixed women too, and the results can go both ways. Basically, the Russian women are hot, the Uzbek and Khazak women sometimes hotter, and the Turkemi women are average to pretty, but also it seems unattainable foreigners.
When in Russia and EE, Ill hit on a bitch anywhere. Streets, trains, service staff, receptionists. Anywhere is on when Harry gets a semi. Turkmenistan though I went into my shell. Everyone is highly guarded and suspicious and they are very measured in what they say. The people are watched and I get the impression that they report each other, hence why they dont trust anyone. Foreigners are also watched closely it felt at times, and there is no doubt that activity with foreigners could lead to a lot of trouble for them given what I saw. Its one of the few remaining police states and you do feel it.
At night though, things were much different, and its clear that at many of the hotels and in particular the British Pub, the women are out in force looking for foreign men. Its like the days of old where the local women would follow the foreign men around like groupies it seemed. So at first I thought that even with all the restrictions, I would be probably fucking my lungs out. The biggest problem I had though was finding women who were not looking for sponsors and paid sex. I would say that easily 50% of the women in the clubs and bars were hookers or looking for whales. And many that were not too obvious may have been looking for the same thing too. So managing that was more of a problem than finding a genuine bang, and after a while the women start avoiding you because you seem to be rejecting so many advances.
Its a catch 22. All the activity is around the hotels, which attract tons of foreign businessmen. The local hookers go where the money is and because so many of these guys have nothing to do, they are going to drop money on them. Outside of the centre, you have a problem with taxi's, which could be a really big problem with the curfew if you get stuck somewhere. I went to a few hole in the walls where local women were in abundance, but that was with locals and we had arranged taxi collection at a specific time. Even with all my travel experience and fluent Russian, I was not going to take chances with law there.
If anyone ever says the streets are lined with pussy that throws itself at you, chances are they were banging up pros. When I am married one day, Ill be sure to schedule more business trips here.
SNL was easy though, fucked 2 on the same night. Another one met me second day and I fucked her that night. Another one was only after two dinners, but I liked her enough that it was no big deal and it was worth the wait. One was Uzbek, the others classified themselves as Russian. Russians and minorities from the Stans are what you will see at most of the venues you go to. Which is fine considering how average the Turkmeni women are. I think a decent looking guy under 50 who can speak Russian is not ever going to struggle there, and some of the expats or long stay contractors I spoke to (cant imagine living there in a million years) often mentioned the women. So there are what seem to be normal women there, you just need to make damn sure she is not going to ask to be paid in the morning.
Russian is a must though and you have zero chance without it. I dont even think you could pipeline English speakers because Im not sure if they would even have dating websites. So unless you are proficient in Russian, I would say you avoid it completely.
Balkanabat was boring as hell, nothing to report. Its that shit. Had I known, I would have taken a chick with me.
Summary
Overall, for purposes of nightlife and pussy, avoid it.
___________
On the way home, stopped over at Vladivostok, first time in about 4 years. Its off the radar for most, and a little bit of Russian or even solid pipe lining is going to put you in the middle of it here. I was only there for four days, fucked two different women and my neck was cramping by the time I got on the plane from all the spinning it done. Its back on my hit list again and this time its going to be for a short holiday instead of work like its always been in the past.
