[Eddie Winslow]

I invented a fun late-night game a few years ago in college and I feel like its time I shared it with the world. It's called Feed the Fatties.

There is an extremely popular late night walk-in Chinese buffet place right next to the main strip of bars at UMD. They give you a white takeout tray and for about $9, let you pile as much fried meat, lo mein, and egg rolls as you can fit. Feel free to substitute this with any disgusting late night cuisine.

I get my tray and post up near the exit of the bar where everyone congregates. The best time is right as the bar closes. I stand there with with my fork in hand, and hold my tray of irresistible fried crap a litttttle further away from my body than is natural for eating. OK, maybe like a foot The trap is now set.

It is hilarious to watch the girls eye the food like its a treasure chest full of diamonds. Eventually, a bold, drunk, hungry fat chick will think I'm not paying attention or am giving out free samples, and will try to grab an eggroll (don't worry, you won't have to wait long). Then...

"WHOAWHOAWHOAWHATTHEFUCKAREYOUDOINGDOYOUTHINKYOUCANJUSTSTEALMYFOODRIGHTOUTOFMYHANDSYOUFATBITCH!!!"

That one is a real crowd pleaser, but you can be very creative. And hey, sometimes they aren't fat - in that case, it's a very easy way to tease a girl and have her on the defensive IMMEDIATELY. I have never pulled while playing this game, but I'm sure it would work. Obviously, this probably shouldn't be your go to move .

With all of the creative assholes here, I'd love to hear some field reports. Give it a shot - it's FUN!

[Tuthmosis]

(05-13-2012 01:07 PM)americanbk Wrote:  

With all of the creative assholes here

My evil mind is churning on this. Will report back with ideas.

[Veloce]

This has Tuth written all over it

[EisenBarde]

Whaling?

[Screwston]

What would they do when you called them out?

[Eddie Winslow]

(05-13-2012 02:43 PM)houston Wrote:  

What would they do when you called them out?

Most of the time they will grab my arm and try to apologize...its very difficult for them to be bitches after being caught stealing my food in front of 30 eyewitnesses. You can get away with saying pretty much whatever you want. After you call them out though, you can really guide the interaction in whatever direction you want

[Tuthmosis]

I've been cooking on this all day and I think I have a variation that might serve a wider audience. It might need work still, but I think this is going in a direction that could work:

1. Do everything you have described above in procuring a tub of food. I'd suggest two, in fact. Get egg rolls and other finger foods only (fried and greasy, of course).

2. Bring a folding stool, plastic crate, or other make-shift stand. Alternatively, find a conveniently located hood of a car to post up.

3. Bring a poster board-sized sign with the words FREE SNACKS FOR GIRLS written on it. Add in smaller lettering, JUST FILL OUT SHORT SURVEY.

4. Have a friend with a camera rolling. As the point-man, try to corral in the fatties especially. They'll be low-hanging fruit anyway.

5. Say this is all for a "school project." "I waited till the last minute. It's due next week."

6. Have a survey with some hilarious questions on it. The title should be something normal-sounding: NIGHT-LIFE RESEARCH SURVEY. Have a section for their "statistical information": first name, age, height, weight. Take mental note of distortions as they fill that section out, or as they skip certain questions. Then have questions about whether they ever fart in public, around their significant other? Have they ever physically confronted a man in public? Have they ever danced on top of a bar? What do they think about girls with short hair (multiple choice)? Keep it short and not too obvious or insulting. Subtlety is king.

7. When they're done, let them take an egg roll. Have a sauce there for dipping. Film the dipping and eating.

8. The surveys might not turn out to be so funny (though they probably will be), but the video will be solid gold. You'll get all kinds of interesting eating footage, lining up of hogs, riffing with the fatties. You'll probably get confronted at some point, like: "What the FUCK is this?!" with fattitude.

9. Bring a cannister of pepper spray.

10. Have an escape plan, and don't bring anything you can't carry while running or walking briskly. A third friend as a spotter is not a bad idea. He can deflect the drunk sausages and alert you to any fatty stampedes or attacks.

*11. Share results with forum.

[alphaspiraton]

Lol tuth that's brilliant, even though it's a complete tangent from the OP haha.

[at350zguyy]

Tuth your post is awesome and just downright hilarious. I would love to see this on video!

[Eddie Winslow]

(05-14-2012 12:23 AM)Tuthmosis Wrote:  

I've been cooking on this all day and I think I have a variation that might serve a wider audience. It might need work still, but I think this is going in a direction that could work:

1. Do everything you have described above in procuring a tub of food. I'd suggest two, in fact. Get egg rolls and other finger foods only (fried and greasy, of course).

2. Bring a folding stool, plastic crate, or other make-shift stand. Alternatively, find a conveniently located hood of a car to post up.

3. Bring a poster board-sized sign with the words FREE SNACKS FOR GIRLS written on it. Add in smaller lettering, JUST FILL OUT SHORT SURVEY.

4. Have a friend with a camera rolling. As the point-man, try to corral in the fatties especially. They'll be low-hanging fruit anyway.

5. Say this is all for a "school project." "I waited till the last minute. It's due next week."

6. Have a survey with some hilarious questions on it. The title should be something normal-sounding: NIGHT-LIFE RESEARCH SURVEY. Have a section for their "statistical information": first name, age, height, weight. Take mental note of distortions as they fill that section out, or as they skip certain questions. Then have questions about whether they ever fart in public, around their significant other? Have they ever physically confronted a man in public? Have they ever danced on top of a bar? What do they think about girls with short hair (multiple choice)? Keep it short and not too obvious or insulting. Subtlety is king.

7. When they're done, let them take an egg roll. Have a sauce there for dipping. Film the dipping and eating.

8. The surveys might not turn out to be so funny (though they probably will be), but the video will be solid gold. You'll get all kinds of interesting eating footage, lining up of hogs, riffing with the fatties. You'll probably get confronted at some point, like: "What the FUCK is this?!" with fattitude.

9. Bring a cannister of pepper spray.

10. Have an escape plan, and don't bring anything you can't carry while running or walking briskly. A third friend as a spotter is not a bad idea. He can deflect the drunk sausages and alert you to any fatty stampedes or attacks.

*11. Share results with forum.

I feel like this is my duty now. I'm going to plan this for Memorial Day weekend; I have a couple friends in mind, but if anyone in the DC area would like to participate feel free to PM me.

I also LOVE the survey idea. Let's hear some more suggestions for questions and I'll draft something up.

[void]

Question Suggestion: Ask them for their regular/favourite night clubs and bars and the according weekdays they go party there. ask them what they like about the venue. Thus you have a statistic (fatistic) you can condense into a blacklist with venue/weekday. sample size should be BIG enough to make significant statement

Nightlife Survey ...........

Venue_____Weekday_______Plus
-------------------------------------------
McD_______Mo-Su________Supersizemenues
KFC_______Thu___________idk

[Tornado]

Haha I also go to UMD. You must be talking about shanghai cafe.

[Roosh]

Can we see pics of this in action? I'm intrigued.

[Eddie Winslow]

Here's a rough draft. I am actually interested in how these girls answer and how well they get treated at the bar. I have a ridiculously good deadpan and enough charm to obtain some honest interviews and get seemingly non-malicious face-stuffing footage afterwards. I tried to include some legit questions. Suggestions?

Night Life Research Survey

ABOUT ME

Age ______Hair?LONGSHORT

Height ______Ethnicity ___________

Weight _______Level of Education __________

TONIGHT

How many alcoholic drinks did you consume this evening? _________

How many men approached you this evening? __________

How many free drinks did you receive? _________

How many nights per week do you go out? __________

Did you have to yell at/confront any creepy guys? ________

LIFESTYLE

How many girls do you bring when you go out?__________

How often do you blackout? NEVER RARELY SOMETIMES USUALLY

I AM BLACKED OUT

Are you in a relationship?YESNO

I have had sex this week.TRUEFALSE

Describe your perfect late-night snack.
___________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________

Circle all that apply. My regular night out includes.....

DANCING ON THE BAR MAKING OUT FAST FOOD

CRYING SEXTINGVOMITINGSMOKING

FARTING ON THE DANCE FLOOR LOSING MY PHONE

[T and A Man]

Tuth's gig sounds like what Roosh's "Sex for Pizza" should have ended up like.

[void]

hilarious. but if you actually invest the time already. id really fatmap nightlife in the city. all other questions seem like a time waster for me, almost no personal profit/useful information in them

[chakri]

americanbk, did you end up making this happen? I'm curious to know the results

[Tuthmosis]

Oh shit, I forgot about this. Yeah, what happened?

[germanico]

(05-14-2012 12:23 AM)Tuthmosis Wrote:  

6. Have a survey with some hilarious questions on it. The title should be something normal-sounding: NIGHT-LIFE RESEARCH SURVEY. Have a section for their "statistical information": first name, age, height, weight. Take mental note of distortions as they fill that section out, or as they skip certain questions. Then have questions about whether they ever fart in public, around their significant other? Have they ever physically confronted a man in public? Have they ever danced on top of a bar? What do they think about girls with short hair (multiple choice)? Keep it short and not too obvious or insulting. Subtlety is king.

Make it a video survey. Ask them random and silly questions, then edit the questions and their responses.

- Did you met any interesting guys tonight?
- Not even one, not really.

- Ok, so how many drink did you had tonight?
- Like 5 or 6. I tried to have another one for the road but my friends finished them all up.

- Would you be willing to hook up with someone you met at a bar?
- I dont do that. I think women that do that have no respect for themselves.

- Do you have any tatoos?
- Well ,yeah, of course I do. And all of them mean a lot to me.

Now mix and match questions and responses!

[Eddie Winslow]

I was never able to rally the troops for this to help me out (or get my hands on a decent camera) and I forgot about it. Then shortly after, I started working to be more positive and less angry with girls, which I think has really made me happier. Going out with the sole purpose of starting confrontations with angry fat chicks seems like a step in the wrong direction now . I think my fatty feeding days are behind me.

Would I still be interested in seeing this video get produced? Absolutely. Any takers feel free.

[Tuthmosis]

(12-19-2012 05:25 PM)americanbk Wrote:  

I was never able to rally the troops for this to help me out (or get my hands on a decent camera) and I forgot about it. Then shortly after, I started working to be more positive and less angry with girls, which I think has really made me happier. Going out with the sole purpose of starting confrontations with angry fat chicks seems like a step in the wrong direction now . I think my fatty feeding days are behind me.

Would I still be interested in seeing this video get produced? Absolutely. Any takers feel free.

I applaud this attitude. It's part of the reason I've eased up considerably on the Online Hamster thread. Was focusing on the worst, rather than the best. You're in a constantly pissed attitude.

That said, this would still be a good project. Hilarious.