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Not hurting a girl
10-17-2009, 04:58 PM
I met this girl who just turned 19. She's pretty shy and had a longterm bf from 14-17 and she's been single for a year and she said I was the first guy she went out with since her last boyfriend. She's really cute and sweet, today we went on our second date (on the first she was really nervous, and we didnt even kiss). We had loosely arranged to see each other today but I had forgot, but when I logged on to messenger she reminded me and we went out and eventually got to making out.
She's scared of getting attached and I don't want to hurt her. I know I'm going to want to see other girls but I also want to see her! I told her that and she said ok but I think if I keep seeing her she's going to get attached and hurt. I want to just keep seeing her and go with the flow but it breaks my heart if I end up hurting her. Anyone else have this dilemma?
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Not hurting a girl
10-17-2009, 05:01 PM
Don't worry about a girl's feelings until after you have sex with her. Your mind will be clearer.
It's not your job to ensure a girl doesn't get hurt after you told her you don't want something serious.
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10-17-2009, 05:10 PM
Riker I dealt with a similar scenario recently.
I was really worried about hurting this girls feelings.
So much so that guess what, I broke that chicks heart. I think I psyched myself out.
Your move however, might be to remind this wahine that sure she had a serious relationship, but come on she was 17 years old. You don't know much about anything from 14-17.
Sell yourself as the rebound guy. And don't sweat it. She's gonna get hurt a lot more as life goes on. You on the other hand, got a hot 19 year old sitting there, capitalize.
Aloha!
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10-17-2009, 10:22 PM
There's a difference between hurting a girl's feelings to be a dick, and hurting a girl's feelings because she doesn't want you to do something, and you do it, despite what she says.
I agree with Roosh. Fuck her, and most likely she'll be cool. As long as you don't act like you've done something wrong, and you told her up front, she should be cool about it. Don't, as the RSD guys call it, "cherish" her too much. This leads her emotional mind to believe that you are going to couple, even though her logical mind tells her that you've already said you don't want to remain exclusive. Just treat her like any friend.
It sounds like to me, though that you're having conflicts yourself. You want to see other girls, but you want to start a monogamous relationship with this one. Figure out what you want, and act on it, and don't diverge. I had to make that decision when I started dating my girlfriend, who I've been dating for more than a year, and it was a great decision. But I'm me and you're you. You may not want what I want.
Getting back to the point, if you want to see other girls, and after you fuck her and she starts becoming needy/resentful that you're banging other chicks, she is bad news. If she is cool, then keep her in your rotation. Remember, you can't control how she reacts to your decisions, but don't abuse the power you hold over a girl's feelings.
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10-18-2009, 02:07 AM
Yea I feel like the feminine in me gets the best of me. I just finished reading "The Way of the Superior Man" (recommended by the G) and it talks a lot about masculine and feminine energies.
On the one hand I fantasize with being with a girl forever and the whole lovey dovey thing, but on the other my masculine wants a girl with a couple more points on her and who's more of a challenge. I swear I'm starting to get addicted to the histericas, to the point that they can't show interest unless they mix in enough resistance, or I lose interest.
I improve myself everyday, but at the same time I feel like the girl I truly want wouldn't want to be with who I am now, but she would want the improved version of myself that I'll be in a year. But I can't just hold back feeling and be all cold till then... I just want to meet girls and make them feel as wonderful as I can while getting my needs met as well. It just feels like theres going to be plenty of darkness along this journey as well.
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10-18-2009, 07:01 AM
Quote: (10-18-2009 02:07 AM)Riker Wrote:
Yea I feel like the feminine in me gets the best of me. I just finished reading "The Way of the Superior Man" (recommended by the G) and it talks a lot about masculine and feminine energies.
On the one hand I fantasize with being with a girl forever and the whole lovey dovey thing, but on the other my masculine wants a girl with a couple more points on her and who's more of a challenge. I swear I'm starting to get addicted to the histericas, to the point that they can't show interest unless they mix in enough resistance, or I lose interest.
I improve myself everyday, but at the same time I feel like the girl I truly want wouldn't want to be with who I am now, but she would want the improved version of myself that I'll be in a year. But I can't just hold back feeling and be all cold till then... I just want to meet girls and make them feel as wonderful as I can while getting my needs met as well. It just feels like theres going to be plenty of darkness along this journey as well.
Then we can all hold hands and skip off into the sunset with the words "The End" coming up then fade to black.
Don't worry. I used to feel this a lot myself. I was afraid of the "dark side" of game as well. It's not all about blowjobs and rainbows. You're going to have to hurt people's feelings. It's all part of growing up and maturing and learning to deal with it. We don't stop growing at 18.
It actually starts with fucking hot girls who annoy the shit out of you, which doesn't happen a lot, but enough where you eventually stop caring so much about others feelings and more about your prinicples when it comes to how you treat others. At least that's how it started with me.
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10-18-2009, 07:35 AM
Riker, live life to the fullest. Dont let trivial things hold you back. I've broken a lot of hearts. I dont think any of those girls regretted experiencing the Duke. I might have even had mine broken once or twice along the way too. It's painful, but probably always worth it. Go listen to the Garth Brooks song called "The Dance". There's a lyric in there that applies here "I'm glad I didn't know the way it all would end....I could have missed the pain, but I'd of had to miss the dance".
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10-18-2009, 09:03 AM
Ugslayer, great advice bro
and riker remember this man. Either you're getting your heart broken or doing the heart breaking. There really isint a middle ground. Choose A or B
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10-19-2009, 03:46 AM
wrap your feelings ''i dont want to hurt you''..in a box and lock it up untill you bang her..you cant bang a girl once you have developed the emotion ''i dont want to hurt her feelings'' ...
next time,dont give a shit to feelings ( yours or her)if you want to get the bang.
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10-20-2009, 01:17 PM
All really good advice here, IMO.
As long as you don't make any promises to her that you know that you wont keep, or say things that you don't mean, then your not really accountable. You can have a lot of fun with her without doing either. But she is a little young. (Edit: I just reread your post. 19 isn't that young. She knows what she's doing.) However, because of that she will rebound fine no matter what happens. She's learning about the game, just don't play dirty and don't get her pregnant. Of course, whether you choose to be a dirty player (dishonest) or not is up to you.
The only girl that I didnt bang because of her "innocence" was a 25 year old Iranian virgin. I just didnt want all of the cultutal baggage that would have gone along with that. There are a lot of familial/cultural expectations (marriage) for guys that take the virginity of such a girl. Not to mention her emotional attachment that would have come too intensely and quickly. But she was hot, and so it was very tempting. What can I say, I'm a stand up guy I guess.
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10-20-2009, 02:04 PM
If not hurting people was something we always looked out for then therapy would be the biggest money making industry in the country. We hurt people all of the time whether we realize it or not. And you know what... most of those people are doing just fine with their lives.
You should be looking at it from a different point-of-view. Don't concern yourself over whether or not she'll get hurt. Instead, ask yourself if you're being straight with the girl and not leading her on into thinking there's going to be more coming out of this courtship. Then ask yourself if you think it's worth the trouble to get deeply involved. If not then just tell her "It's not working for me let's just be friends." and move on to a chick that isn't going to give you a psychosis.
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10-21-2009, 12:30 AM
Quote: (10-20-2009 02:04 PM)Trotter Wrote:
If not hurting people was something we always looked out for then therapy would be the biggest money making industry in the country. We hurt people all of the time whether we realize it or not. And you know what... most of those people are doing just fine with their lives.
You should be looking at it from a different point-of-view. Don't concern yourself over whether or not she'll get hurt. Instead, ask yourself if you're being straight with the girl and not leading her on into thinking there's going to be more coming out of this courtship. Then ask yourself if you think it's worth the trouble to get deeply involved. If not then just tell her "It's not working for me let's just be friends." and move on to a chick that isn't going to give you a psychosis.
+1.
took me long time to relieze this fact. !
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