[Skyhigh]

I've always been fairly introverted and would prefer to sit back and listen to a conversation rather than join in. How do I translate that and make myself Aloof and mysterious?

[babelfish669]

You need as much forced social interaction as possible if your introverted.

Aloof and mysterious is a tool, not a way to define your entire personality.

[MikeCF]

Be good looking. Dress shaply. Have a nice body.

Stand by the bar.

Women will nudge their way towards you to "order a drink."

Have a couple of lines ready.

I usually say, "Hey."

Difference between mysterious and creepy?

How good looking you are.

Even if your looks aren't great, you can dress sharply.

[peterthephoenix]

You can still be good at game and be introverted. Not everyone can be the super cool funny loud extrovert.

My opinion:
- If you are introverted because you are socially shy, this will be reflected by weak body language. You're going to have to change that.
- Amp up your physical attractiveness to lure girls in. Work out more (re: Starting strength), dress better (re: Aaron Marino)
- Still join in on conversations, but only when you have something poignant or clever.
- Make it seem like you are very selective in who you talk to. When you talk to a girl let her do all the talking and give her strong eye contact.

[Excelsior]

(03-08-2012 07:08 PM)babelfish669 Wrote:  

You need as much forced social interaction as possible if your introverted. Aloof and mysterious is a tool, not a way to define your entire personality.

This is not good advice for a true introvert. Someone who is naturally introverted will not respond well to forced social interactions.

And yes, there are people for whom "aloof and mysterious" is a personality trait, and not merely a tool/tactic.

To OP: As somewhat of an introvert myself, I echo what MikeCF and peterthephoenix have said.

1. Look good. Workout and dress well. This is indeed the main difference between "creepy" and "mysterious". When women see a quiet person wrapped in a very unattractive package, they'll conclude that he's just weird and/or a creep.

When they see a quiet person wrapped in an appealing (well dressed, fit body, etc) package, they'll ask "what's up with that guy?" and the hamsters will start running trying to crack the code or get into your vicinity. You will be a mystery to them (read: "mysterious"). That is the key.

2. Speak sparingly and choose carefully who you speak to. You up the value of your words when they are scarce, and you up them further by only offering them when they are on point, poignant and clever. Think before you say anything-never ramble, never blab. As you get used to thinking carefully about your words before you utter them, you'll eventually be able to do this much faster and more regularly (read: you won't need to speak slowly or create long pauses in your speech).

Above all, internalize this saying:
"When uncertain, remain absolutely silent."

[babelfish669]

(03-08-2012 07:54 PM)Athlone McGinnis Wrote:  

(03-08-2012 07:08 PM)babelfish669 Wrote:  

You need as much forced social interaction as possible if your introverted. Aloof and mysterious is a tool, not a way to define your entire personality.

This is not good advice for a true introvert. Someone who is naturally introverted will not respond well to forced social interactions.

Works for me. If your a true introvert you are at high risk of not having properly developed social skills (can also happen if you grow up in a redneck state.) If you can't turn yourself in to "aloof and mysterious" this could be part of the problem. There is a physical different between introverted and aloof.

As an introvert you are going to naturally squirm your way out of social situations that you shouldn't, while introverts are going to go out of their way to be sociable in situations that are a waste. Each personality type needs balance.

[Sphinx2]

TRAVEL. Go somewhere where you don't speak the language. Trust me, you'll be pretty outgoing when you can't read the subway signs.

[MikeCF]

(03-08-2012 09:29 PM)Sphinx2 Wrote:  

TRAVEL. Go somewhere where you don't speak the language. Trust me, you'll be pretty outgoing when you can't read the subway signs.

Are you an introvert?

I am.

I actually have the exact opposite response. Instead of asking, I get lost in my head.

[All or Nothing]

(03-08-2012 07:54 PM)Athlone McGinnis Wrote:  

(03-08-2012 07:08 PM)babelfish669 Wrote:  

You need as much forced social interaction as possible if your introverted. Aloof and mysterious is a tool, not a way to define your entire personality.

This is not good advice for a true introvert. Someone who is naturally introverted will not respond well to forced social interactions.

And yes, there are people for whom "aloof and mysterious" is a personality trait, and not merely a tool/tactic.

To OP: As somewhat of an introvert myself, I echo what MikeCF and peterthephoenix have said.

1. Look good. Workout and dress well. This is indeed the main difference between "creepy" and "mysterious". When women see a quiet person wrapped in a very unattractive package, they'll conclude that he's just weird and/or a creep.

When they see a quiet person wrapped in an appealing (well dressed, fit body, etc) package, they'll ask "what's up with that guy?" and the hamsters will start running trying to crack the code or get into your vicinity. You will be a mystery to them (read: "mysterious"). That is the key.

2. Speak sparingly and choose carefully who you speak to. You up the value of your words when they are scarce, and you up them further by only offering them when they are on point, poignant and clever. Think before you say anything-never ramble, never blab. As you get used to thinking carefully about your words before you utter them, you'll eventually be able to do this much faster and more regularly (read: you won't need to speak slowly or create long pauses in your speech).

Above all, internalize this saying:
"When uncertain, remain absolutely silent."

I disagree with this advice 100%. I have always been extraordinarily introverted. I have spent one and a half years working on overcoming my extreme level of shyness and putting down the walls I have between me and meeting other people. I have overcome it to the point where I have friends and people generally like me. I would have never gotten to this point if I had never gone out and challenged my being.

Instead of remaining absolutely silent, say it anyways. That way you can learn what to say and what not to say depending on the situation. If you always remain silent when uncertain, then how are you going to challenge yourself and become better at interacting socially. Most of learning comes through EXPERIENCE. If you avoid experiencing anything new, then you will learn NOTHING.

Also the whole "mysterious" thing is complete BS. I'm 6'1", I have a good looking face, green eyes, light brown hair, and I dress better than my peers. Admittedly I'm about 35 pounds overweight (I'm working on it). Regardless, a huge part of the difference comes through body language. No matter how good looking, how well dressed, if the guy has bad body language that shows a lack of confidence, it will still remain in the creepy zone.

I think Mike CF's strategy works for him because he developed it over hundreds (thousands?) of interactions. Fact of the matter is is that you have to get you feet wet if you want to become the mysterious, sexy guy that women want to fuck. This only happens by taking risks and putting yourself in uncomfortable situations.

If anything, the OP's desire to be mysterious and aloof is an EXCUSE not to take risks and meet people. I know this because I made the same excuses myself. Personally, I have discovered that excuses are only a waste of time.

Personally, over the last year and a half. I have been in and out of several clubs. Went to therapy for six months. Spent a decent amount of time trying to befriend people only to fail (I've had a solid amount of successes too). Rushed for a fraternity three times. Right now, I'm in two clubs where my main goal is to meet every single person, know there names and have a conversation with each and every single person. Along with that, I'm in toastmasters where one time every week, I have to do public speaking for 1-5 minutes.

At the end of the day Skyhigh, if you want to overcome your shyness you are going to have to meet people and get rejected a lot before you can experience success.

[speakeasy]

I agree with all or nothing. I'm an introvert too, but I think through years of pushing myself out off the comfort barrier I can at least be as sociable as the average person. I can pretty much have a decent conversation with anyone now. Even people I don't have much in common with.

However sometimes I do withdrawal out of choice as having extended superficial small talk can be quite tiresome.

[MrXY]

This is my " behavioral niche" I guess you could call it, so I can verify that the advice from Mike, Peter and Athlone is correct. A few weeks ago, a girl i picked up at a nightclub and banged told me she was interested in me because I looked so "serious"(girls appreciate state control) as I stood at the bar not talking to anyone (until I approached her). I have also been told by others that I was "mysterious" or they couldn't figure me out. This style is chick crack if you learn how to play it right.

Since you're not DHV'ing by being a social monkey, aloof and mysterious game requires you to find other ways to show your value to women- hence the emphasis of your appearance. Your style, fitness and body language are critical to success. Also pay attention to your facial expression-make sure you don't look nervous or depressed or boring. Practice in a mirror to find expressions you can hold that look confident and seem to indicate that you're having thoughts that are interesting. Daniel Craig as James Bond is a good model for this.

As Athlone said, when girls see this, they think "Who is this guy?", What's his story?", the subtext being that there must be something special about you if you so self satisfied and independent.

But remember- this is only an initial impression- you have to be able to back it up once you start talking. I have learned to speak slowly and deliberately with emphasis, to lower my voice, and to be cocky, teasing and evasive during the initial encounter especially. This style plays into the mysterious vibe as well. You don't have to speak loudly or a lot to be thought of as sexy and masculine- think of Clint Eastwood's speaking style.

What you absolutely must do is avoid coming across as shy- if you are going to play this niche you must learn how to exhibit rock solid confidence

[Excelsior]

(03-08-2012 09:46 PM)All or Nothing Wrote:  

I disagree with this advice 100%. I have always been extraordinarily introverted. I have spent one and a half years working on overcoming my extreme level of shyness and putting down the walls I have between me and meeting other people. I have overcome it to the point where I have friends and people generally like me. I would have never gotten to this point if I had never gone out and challenged my being.

I have always been fairly introverted. I spent the better part of two years (read: my first two years in college) working on overcoming this, going out to "challenge my being" (meeting everyone, joining the frat, etc, etc). Do you know what I learned?

It is useless to try and be somebody that you are not.

My actions were based on an inherent insecurity with who I was, one fed by American society's particularly strong passion for the extroverted. I thought my own persona was wrong, so I tried to be someone else. I tried to be more extroverted.

It failed, and I only understood why well after the fact. People could see that I was trying to be somebody else-how could they respect someone who disrespected himself so much as to try to become another?
I have always had friends and people have generally liked me-I found that this is actually more true when I am myself (read: fairly quiet and introverted-very careful about when and how I speak).

Once I shut up, and learned to speak only when certain (and cponsider the words carefully before hand), my situation improved.

Quote:

Instead of remaining absolutely silent, say it anyways. That way you can learn what to say and what not to say depending on the situation.

And you can become the idiot who never thinks before he speaks, and gets the reputation for it. The guy who talks to much, or "doesn't know when to shut up". The "weirdo".

Been there, done that.

The best speech is thoughtful speech, words considered carefully before given voice. It is only from here that confidence can spring. When you know what you are talking about (instead of using your mouth as the proverbial assault rifle, hip firing and spraying any old bullet in the hopes that you might hit something), you can speak with confidence, and see your words carry much greater weight with others in turn.

There are many other ways to learn what words are valued and which are not. Observe, learn and consider at all times.

Quote:

If you always remain silent when uncertain, then how are you going to challenge yourself and become better at interacting socially.

1. You will watch those who have achieved higher levels of social interaction. You will observe them, and carefully put the most valuable lessons gleaned from their behavior into practice.

2. You will suck up knowledge. It is easy to speak with certainty when you know what you are talking about. Read, watch, and listen carefully. You don't always need to beat yourself up to improve.

Quote:

Regardless, a huge part of the difference comes through body language. No matter how good looking, how well dressed, if the guy has bad body language that shows a lack of confidence, it will still remain in the creepy zone.

Of course. That comes as a part of the whole "looking good" suggestion.

[Hotwheels]

I have to agree with Athlone on this. My normal persona is fairly aloof and quiet and my best success is definitely in this mode.

The problem is when I get shitcorked bombed I do the Jekyll/Hyde thing and become this extroverted asshole. This never happened until I tried changing a few things about my game years ago by adding some cocky/funny bullshit. Since I was already kind of aloof anyway, I have a dry sense of humor in person, adding the cocky to it just puts me into the asshole category.

It's really bad when this transformation happens at the saloon as people notice this change in behavior, making you look like you're trying to be someone you are not which is never a good play. Stopping this behavior is a priority for me as there is nothing worse than cockblocking yourself.

Basically what I am saying is you have to pick a persona and be that all the time otherwise you come across as incongruent to those that know you.

Of course if you go someplace no one knows you you can be whatever you want but you still have to be consistent through the night. And being aloof or reserved is different than shy. An aloof person doesn't close themselves off to others via body language and reply with confidence when someone initiates conversation.

[MikeCF]

(03-08-2012 09:46 PM)All or Nothing Wrote:  

I think Mike CF's strategy works for him because he developed it over hundreds (thousands?) of interactions. Fact of the matter is is that you have to get you feet wet if you want to become the mysterious, sexy guy that women want to fuck. This only happens by taking risks and putting yourself in uncomfortable situations.

Nope. First time I started going out, at least 2-3 6s would make their way to the bar.

My ex had dressed me up well for years, so I learned how to put together an outfit.

I have a nice body and looked nice. Good hair cut, good skin, good clothes. I looked nice - or as the brothers say, "fresh."

Thus, the women - though, admittedly, not the hottest women in the bar - would come to me.

I just had to get some "social intelligence" to realize that when there was space available to order elsewhere at the bar, and they nevertheless came to where I was, they were interested.

I just had to open them.

I am a super huge nerd. Even if never read another book in my life, I would remain one of the most well-read guys you'll meet.

But by going out and just standing by the bar, I had major results.

All of our backgrounds influence our game.

I was super nerd and introvert. But I wear a 31-32" waist jean and 44R - i.e., not huge but have a nice taper.

Get your hair cut right for your head shape, dress sharp, moisturize your skin, and look "fresh," and a lot of decent girls will just come to you.

[BadgerHut]

All or Nothing,

"I disagree with this advice 100%. I have always been extraordinarily introverted. I have spent one and a half years working on overcoming my extreme level of shyness and putting down the walls I have between me and meeting other people. I have overcome it to the point where I have friends and people generally like me. I would have never gotten to this point if I had never gone out and challenged my being. "

I'm not really going to dispute your overall story, but shy and introverted are very different things. Shyness is an anxiety against social interaction; introversion is a loss of energy from social interaction. Have you been typed by Myers-Briggs or other systems as a natural introvert?

http://badgerhut.wordpress.com/2011/11/0...introvert/

Being introverted also doesn't mean you're "quiet," you can be quite conversive in the right company.

"If anything, the OP's desire to be mysterious and aloof is an EXCUSE not to take risks and meet people. I know this because I made the same excuses myself. Personally, I have discovered that excuses are only a waste of time."

This I can believe, maybe not in the OP's case but among a subset of guys, they imagine the only way they'll get good game is to fashion some kind of brooding mood. In my estimation, that's almost as likely to backfire as trying to cop an actively asshole shtick.

"I've always been fairly introverted and would prefer to sit back and listen to a conversation rather than join in."

Now if the OP is just not into jumping into the discussion and imposing his will, that will cost him social dominance points among the group but that's not the only way to build attraction. In particular, if he is comfortable he'll give that off in secure body language which itself is a plus.

This was a long lesson for me to learn, but aloofness doesn't mean you don't talk or you stay away from people - that's just being a shut-in. Aloofness is a vibe that you are not invested in them, that they aren't affecting you strongly. I nailed aloofness with a chick recently, she told me "I can tell you're really private!" which was code for she wanted to know more than I was telling her. Aloofness automatically sets up the secret world that Roissy speaks of. I've found aloofness is easier than I thought - don't talk about yourself directly and don't react to her pushing your buttons.

[lurker123123]

correct me if im wrong, but you really only see the difference between and extrovert and introvert in group settings. i know plenty of introverts that are talkative in one on one situations or with familiar people. game is MOSTLY one on one with a girl. therefore if you have the balls to approach, you're on a level playing field no matter your personality type. granted, extroverts MAY have an easier time approaching, but not necessarily.

remember, introvert is different than shy or insecure.

[Hencredible Casanova]

(03-08-2012 06:31 PM)Skyhigh Wrote:  

I've always been fairly introverted and would prefer to sit back and listen to a conversation rather than join in. How do I translate that and make myself Aloof and mysterious?

I used to be like that growing up, but everything changed when I left the US for several months and was forced WAY outside of my comfort zone. I was no longer in my usual circle of "urban" friends; I was with people from different countries and all walks of life and made friendships with them. This radically changed me into a whole different person. I can talk to just about anyone now.

I recommend hitting the gym, saving dough and traveling abroad for adventure and generating epic experiences. You'll be so full of life afterwards that you'll go out of your way to strike up a conversation.

[Excelsior]

(03-09-2012 12:42 AM)BadgerHut Wrote:  

Being introverted also doesn't mean you're "quiet," you can be quite conversive in the right company.

This is the key that people miss.

As somewhat of an introvert, I am a completely different person around certain people I've grown comfortable around over time. Even they've commented on it:
"Look at the way you are with us-how come you can't be like that with everyone else?"

They're referring to the fact that, when chilling in small groups with them, I'm talkative and outgoing, and I'm much funnier. When hanging out in the frat or lockerroom, I was much quieter, almost mute. Most people never get to see that other side of me, and as an introvert I'm simply not capable of showing it to them.

With the introvert, it is all about the right company.

[IntBM]

Being circumspect about showing emotion in the presence of people you don't know well is the crux of introversion.

Here's my take on it:
Extroverts use The Blast. They bowl over competition and overwhelm senses with their enthusiasm, attracting many to the excitement. They thrive in large audiences, hitting multiple targets at once with shotgun like force. Gain energy by interacting with other people. Drained by extended periods of physical inactivity & quiet.

Introverts use The Draw. They focus in on detail and can even use intense silence to pull people of similar wavelengths into their inner world. Gain energy being in quiet areas. Drained by extended periods of social interaction & noise.

Having said that, I believe introversion and extroversion is a spectrum rather than being strictly a black/white polarity.

Play to your strengths and you'll attract those who find your strengths attractive.

[Greek kamaki]

Power of silence Balkan style.Silence is a powerful weapon.Many men make the mistake of talking too much and appear vulnerable to girls.Girls contrary to what is rumoured prefer guys who can keep silent on the right moment.So you order her ''you talk too much'' and she gets silenced because she has to show respect.

Generally we are not talkative as the Italians etc.Just saying the essentials is sometimes enough.Also when we indicate sth.We speak only 50% of what we really mean.The other person has to catch the rest 50%.We never talk the whole thing out.

For example ''do you think that...? without finishing the sentence then she answers ''yes'' and you have to understand what she means.

-Do you think that..?

-Yes.

-What if it were not...?

-No way.Then I would change.

-But in this case...

-Do not think about it.It is my decision.

-Sometimes...this happens..I understand,it is O.K. And then maybe I hug her.Less talk more kiss.

This is a common problem with Italians.They talk so much to the girls that at the end they have no power to fuck them they get completely exhausted by talking.Girls want actions not just words.

This is why in some cases they put their finger on your mouth for you to silence.

[cat_a_clysm]

(03-08-2012 07:28 PM)MikeCF Wrote:  

Difference between mysterious and creepy?

How good looking you are.

Even if your looks aren't great, you can dress sharply.

I agree to a point, however I think it is more about the projection of confidence and chillness (for lack of a better word) than about "looking good"

[Clearwaterkid]

I used to be really introverted especially through high school and college. I set goals for myself what kind of person I wanted to be like and put them in a list above my desk. I looked at every situation that I would normally that I would fall into my introverted self and got the blood rushing to change how I interacted. Doing things like this every day will open you up to the point where you have to talk to people or you feel off. I found that list not to long ago and had forgotten about it, when I found it, I realized I had accomplished everything on the list without knowing it.

I also took a risk with my life and went into sales which I never in my life thought I would be doing and that forced me to open up. Now I have no problems talking to people i don't know, girls, or public speaking. I even go out by myself to clubs and bars which I never thought I would be able to do. Take a risk and realize it's a skill that has to be learned and not something that everyone is born with, especially in our technology based society that we live in.

But I feel you man, definitely been there and I wish you the best.

[IntBM]

(03-08-2012 06:31 PM)Skyhigh Wrote:  

I've always been fairly introverted and would prefer to sit back and listen to a conversation rather than join in. How do I translate that and make myself Aloof and mysterious?

What I find interesting about your original question, Skyhigh, is that you were NOT asking for a way to become extroverted. After re-reading, my interpretation of your question is, "How can I get others to see me as aloof/mysterious?"

You don't become aloof and mysterious to yourself. Its a reactionary response to your general presence and demeanor; a judgment made by others about you that you may never be aware of unless they vocalize it to you.

How to do it? Presentation. Actors do it quite a bit. If you must, I'm sure there are people that you can think of as being mysterious and aloof in a few movies. Study them carefully. I can't think of anyone in my real life who I think of as being mysterious or aloof.

[WestIndianArchie]

(03-08-2012 06:31 PM)Skyhigh Wrote:  

I've always been fairly introverted and would prefer to sit back and listen to a conversation rather than join in. How do I translate that and make myself Aloof and mysterious?

1) get taller
2) get in better shape
3) dress better
4) go to quieter venues
5) place yourself in a good proximity for hollering
6) listen closely
7) observe, remember the follow up, and then make a sharp comment
8) Repeat at your regular spot

I think this is a low probability strategy, but if you're the kinda guy that looks cool @ the coffee shop where the cute chicks go regularly, you'll get opened/find an opening...EVENTUALLY.

It does work for some guys, it just doesn't work for most guys. Pretty much every dude @ a club is trying to Clint Eastwood his way into some pussy. As usual, dudes would prefer to do something easy with very little chance of results, than put in some work for a better chance.

If you really think of the randomness of the typical places where you meet chicks, the loudness, the AMOG's, the cockblocking friends, the lights, the music, the alcohol...You've really got to be so visually interesting that people want to open you.

You're better off getting over your approach anxiety (sober) and talking to chicks you find attractive, and developing your opening and conversational skills - rather than hoping you can be close enough to a group, throw in a one liner, and bed your target shortly after.

But at least you're not spending hours on OkCupid.

WIA

[Parlay44]

My style is subtle sarcasm and using double entendre.

You have to be very flexible though and be able to handle taking the conversation in any direction.