[Loner69]

I'm a college sophomore, good looking (not pizza faced or anything like that), and athletic. Still a virgin.

Since not getting any tail last year (or ever) I made a tremendous effort over the summer to better my success with women. I think I did pretty much everything I could: watched David DeAngelo DVD series, listened to audio guides of "dating gurus,"read Roosh's book, online articles etc. You name it. I did it.

Now, I am back at school, however, and I am still petrified of girls and approaching them. I've been back a week and I am just to afraid to approach any because of rejection or them not buying cocky and funny as david deangelo says. I am literally frightened by women, and keep beating myself up everyday over missed situations where I could have talked to a girl and gotten her number and potentially had a "date" (I'm not even at the point of thinking about sex as I've never gone on a date). This problem has taken over my life since starting college as a freshman. Can any of you offer any hindsight on your first approaches (highschool, college, junior high, whatever) and what I can do to overcome my hurdles and practice what I actually learned over the summer? I know I sound weird, but I am just looking for help.

[thegmanifesto]

Jeez.

You are on a bad one.

"I am still petrified of girls and approaching them. I've been back a week and I am just to afraid to approach any because of rejection or them not buying cocky and funny as david deangelo says. I am literally frightened by women,"

If you are using the words petrified and frightened, don't worry about the "cocky/funny" stuff.

You just need interaction with women, so you are not scared.

Maybe join some clubs at school where girls have to talk to you.

The best advice I can give you is there is nothing to fear about girls.

And don't take this the wrong way, but you might need some real pros to help you out. And I am not talking about these dating pro chumps either.

- MPM
The Guide to Getting More out of Life
http://www.thegmanifesto.com

[kerouac]

Two key things to remember, 1) Good Eye Contact 2) Smile. The only way you're going to get better with all of this isn't through reading, but actually going out there and DOING.

What I would do in your case is try to be the opposite of a loner. What I mean by this is go out and talk to people. Whenever you get a chance just talk to someone. When you're grabbing some lunch, and you see a girl sitting by herself, go by and sit with her (just say "do you mind? "). Surround yourself with girls whenever you can. I'm not saying put yourself in the "friend role" with a girl, but just get around them, start talking to them, just put yourself out there. Also, don't forget that one of the best ways to meet girls is becoming friends with social guys. If you're not super social, find some guy friends who are, and it'll expose you to a lot of stuff.

Girls in college love to be around guys whenever they can. Just approach, and make yourself approachable (and this can be accomplished through smiling and saying Hi, etc.)

Hope this helps,
Good Luck! Don't forget, Good Eye Contact and Smile

[College Game]

To ease the approach anxiety out of this you can just toss the random girl approach out the window. Seek out girls that are in your social circle. You do this by just making friends in general, joining clubs, teams, etc. From here aim for the wallflower type of girls. I know you are pissed that you are still a virgin, but there are a lot of girls that are too. Given that, aim for campus christian groups, gold mine man.

[Kona]

(09-16-2009 09:04 PM)thegmanifesto Wrote:  

And don't take this the wrong way, but you might need some real pros to help you out.

Hey that's a good idea.

What would be the problem with my super shy brothers just going to a lapdance happy Gentleman's Club and just sitting there for a while. If he sits somewhere where all the girls come and ask him for dances he could maybe just politely decline?

It won't cost much, and once they realize he's not buying anything they'll leave him alone. It might not be approaching that's creating the anxiety but maybe just women in general?

They wouldn't be so hard on you either if you say something stupid. They have heard worse. Or even tell the Dancers he's there because he is uncomfortable around women and ask them for advice.

Aloha!

[CJ]

(09-17-2009 03:15 AM)Kona Wrote:  

What would be the problem with my super shy brothers just going to a lapdance happy Gentleman's Club and just sitting there for a while.

Ha ha ha, Kona you're hilarious.

Anyway dude, are you anti-social? Do you have male friends you talk to? You should just get more comfortable talking with people in general. I hope you live on campus at your college. Why don't you do the following:

1. Join a student organization - colleges have tons of these, hell join two, so you can quit the one you don't like
2. Make friends with your roommates, their friends, your neighbors etc

This way you'll expand your social circle and get more comfortable talking with people. Just don't be the obnoxious guy that tries too hard to make friends and comes off as "fake nice" cuz he doesn't know any better, damn I hated that kid.

[College Game]

G and Kona are right. Strippers and hookers. Come up to Montreal, we have the 2nd best strip clubs in North America, and an overabundance of hookers and escorts.

[bcg]

Every guy has a part in his mind that takes pain - some part of you that's done a bellyflop in purpose or played bloody knuckles or something. Get that part of your mind active. Go to a place where you'll never have to see anyone ever again, visualize abject failure, and approach away.

What you'll find is that most people are polite, and the ones who aren't polite are either:

a) not confident and are trying to prove something, i.e. get inside your head, and once you know that's their goal, it's easier to not give a damn what they think

b) kind of weird, like something is off about them

Eventually, you'll get enough experience under your belt that you'll know when someone is normal & you did something wrong & you'll feel embarassed (rightly so), and you'll know when someone else is abnormal & you did nothing wrong & you'll just think "What was their problem?" & not doubt yourself for a second.

Approaching is kind of like working out. I know some guys who should go to a gym and get bigger, but they don't. The reason they don't is because they don't want to go into a gym and pick up the small weights and feel stupid in front of everyone. Your fear is based off that embarassment being a contingency, as opposed to a sure thing. Dedicate yourself to being embarassed, and you will lessen how bad it feels. Tell yourself it's going to be the worst day of your life. Try to believe it. Then go do it, and then feel the sensations of embarassment - that feeling in your stomach, the pinpricks of sweat, and just grin and grit your teeth and tell yourself you like it.

Imagine your embarassment as a person who you are fighting against, like a fistfight, as opposed to a force without personality. Then imagine him getting tired as the fight wears on - you just have to wait until he drops from exhaustion.

In the end, you're going to have to go out, grab your dick, and walk up to a girl and get shut down. That is the *only* way. Period. There is no alternate route. There is no cleverly avoiding it. It's the dragon outside the tower with a princess at the top. It is pain and you will either go through it, or you'll pussy out and beat off in the corner and unsuccessfully fight for the rest of your life to rationalize away how much you disrespect yourself for pussying out. That's not a statement aggrandizing the situation to motivate you: That is a statement of fact. Those are the two options. The rest is bullshit.

[Loner69]

Yeah, something has to change. My palms are getting way too buff!! I know I need to make my moves soon, as the hot girls will hall have boyfriends before I know it. It didn't help much that I saw a guy with this hottie I have been eyeing since the first day of class. He looked like he should have been feautured in the "before" portion of a proactive infomercial. I just don't get it. How an ugly guy like him could be with someone so hot.....
Also, FYI, I'm not looking to become a "gamer" that bangs tons of hot chicks. I just want one perfect girl that I can bang everyday. I don't have the energy or skill to be chasing tons of girls...

[inspecthergadget]

dude... i have 3 words for you - model of abundance.

That was the single most powerful concept I took away from Roosh's book. It has helped my mindset immensely.

Next time you see that 'infomercial' guy with that girl, watch how he interacts with her. I've always watched this. I don't get pissed off and say 'i just don't get it - why him and not me?'. Observe this everywhere. kind of like how football teams watch tapes.

[Loner69]

I observed the guy. He didn't seem like a stud. Looked like he had just come from shopping for clothes at the Salvation Army, and as I said b4, based on standard conventions of being handsome, he is damn ugly.

My hunch is that when guys see stunning girls (like playboy model centerfold types) they don't do anything out of fear. This must of been the only guy with any balls and the girl wanted to get with someone. That's just my opinion.

I've come to the realization, however, that to get what I want (a beautiful girlfriend) I'm going to have to do the work and make moves. The girl isn't going to approach me and ask to go for dinner. It's taken me a long time to figure that out.

[kerouac]

The way I look at it is like this... economics has this thing called "opportunity cost" which basically means how much you're losing by doing something else... in this case waiting.

If I think about how long I have to wait until a girl approaches me, I could have approached 10 girls myself. I'm kinda lazy so I don't approach as much as I should, but when I approach I am pretty successful. Now, if I were to wait for a girl to approach me, while not approaching myself, I will have lost at least 10 girls. So when you look at cost, I'm losing 10 girls in order to get 1, and this doesn't account for the quality of the girl approaching.

When you approach you get two benefits: choice of quality, and choice of quantity.

[Kona]

"How an ugly guy like him could be with someone so hot..."

Isolate that girl and ask her.

Aloha!

[Loner69]

Maybe I should just join a frat? The meatheads seem to have it pretty easy, getting the opportunity to talk to loads of girls through sorority invites every week.

[Kona]

"Maybe I should just join a frat?"

Please don't brah,

Later in life those frat brothers come out of the woodwork and want to borrow money, stay at your house, take your boat out and shit like that.

The best part of the frat scene is the girls. There are other ways to find them. If you really need to get involved with the frat scenario to find girls at your school, figure out a way to screw with them. Be the frat president's bookie or sell weed but offer a discount to girls. The frat boys will be sending all their girlfriends to you.

Aloha!

[Loner69]

I know what you mean Kona. I don't particularly like the guys in frats nor do I fit their personality. Maybe I'll just try to go to their parties.

[Kona]

(09-17-2009 10:25 PM)Loner69 Wrote:  

I know what you mean Kona. I don't particularly like the guys in frats nor do I fit their personality. Maybe I'll just try to go to their parties.

Have your own parties.

And not fitting their personality is good my brother.

Read all of the stuff on this forum. The college scenario comes up a lot.

Aloha!