I don't want this thread to turn into a discussion of morality here. Know this going in: fucking a married woman is risky business. People get killed over this shit. If you're married, you've got a lot to lose if you get caught. Why sign up for divorce rape? If you're married and thinking about screwing around, ESPECIALLY online, think hard about the consequences. Nobody thinks they'll get caught. Trust me, no matter how tech stupid your wife is, the law of large numbers says that if you do this long enough, you'll get busted. You'll forget to delete a text, leave a browser window open, forget to use private mode browsing or clear history, she'll see a credit card bill; there's a hundred ways to fuck up.
The first rule of infidelity is Don't leave a paper trail
It's also the 2nd rule. Still interested? Now onto the rest:
Ashley Madison, if you didn't know, is a site for married people looking for an affair. There's a fair number of singles on there, though most of the single women are looking for a sugar daddy. I'm writing this with the assumption that it's a married guy thinking about a little side action, but most of it still applies. If her husband finds out, you don't want to take the chance that he's the vengeful type.
The basics:
Get a burner email and a burner phone, or even better Google Voice or similar. For the love of god, do not give any traceable information, to AM or to a potential date. You think I'm paranoid? I've read stories of guys wives finding a credit card charge to ADL Media and doing a little googling, and then they're busted. The guy tries to claim he didn't do it, and Ashley Madison delivers a certified letter to the dude's house with printouts of his profile, credit card numbers, every picture he put on the site. NEVER use your real credit card, real name, real email, or real phone number.
Maybe you're single and chasing married tail. Why the paranoia? Because she has a husband. Let me tell you, you haven't lived until you've got a pissed off husband calling you up, or showing up at your door. It's better to be safe than sorry.
Background:
AM claims 7:1 male to woman ratio. Add in fake profiles (men who create female profiles to scope the competition, escorts, webcam models, etc), the infamous AM "Online Hosts", and the chicks who just want attention, and you're likely at 20:1 or 25:1. The level of thirst is high. I see mid-40s 4's complaining of being overwhelmed by the amount of email. You can imagine what a 20-something girl who's HWP and reasonably cute would get in terms of email.
There's 3 types of women on AM
1. Seeking Arrangement types - fairly easy to spot. There's a checkbox on preferences where she can say "Seeking a Sugar Daddy", and if she mentions she wants a generous guy or "I want to be spoiled", that's a strong indication that's what she is. Most of these girls are single, but not all.
2. Attention Whores, or "email queens". All they want is some positive attention. They may say explicitly on their profile that they're only open to cyber/chat, or they may not. Either way, these girls suck because you can invest a lot of time going nowhere.
3. Actual DTF girls. The married ones are bored at home, obviously. There are singles on AM. Most of these girls, if they aren't after a sugar daddy, are in a career and just want actual NSA sex, and the thinking is that married guys don't get attached.
Signing up:
Use your fake email. Standard dating site advice applies: don't sign up as bigdick69. First of all, some other chode already took it, second of all, these women get 30 emails a day even if they're a 53 yo 5. Write something in your profile. The checkboxes are silly, everybody knows that. My advice is that you will need some kind of pictures, but you should NEVER show your face.
Your Profile:
Exactly like every other dating site. You want to be fun, exciting, a guy that a woman would want to be around. You should have some pictures, because it improves your interest rate dramatically. It's up to you if you show your face. I wouldn't advise it personally. The whole site is built on discretion, so I've found women to be forgiving about the lack of a face pic. Plus it gives you a reason to exchange contact info quickly and take the conversation off the site.
I recommend being somewhat vague in your profile. You can pick a few checkboxes, but most of what you say will be in words. Make her use her imagination.
Paying for it:
AM is most definitely not free. As a free member you have practically no options. On top of that, any woman with half a brain realizes that unless you have the Premium Member badge, you can't contact her, so she's not going to waste any time on you. So you'll have to buy some credits to get anything done.
First, get down to the supermarket and buy a Visa gift card. Minimum buy in is $50, which gets you 100 credits (20 messages). In my experience, it takes more like 40-50 messages to get a decent number of real leads, so you might want to spend $100 on it. Regardless, it's like going to Vegas: decide on how much you're willing to lose and set the limit there. AM is very, very good at getting you to spend money accidentally. So if you use a gift card, you won't be surprised by charges on your card. In addition, it adds a level of anonymity.
Finally, make sure you uncheck the mobile option. It's $19/month, and you don't need to be leaving evidence on your phone.
Finding Women:
The goal: you want to find the best available woman. As we all know, women's desire comes in cycles, and when she's not available (not in the mood, already has a partner, too busy), she's probably not logging in. So don't bother sending initial messages to women who haven't logged in within the last 24 hours.
Most women won't write anything in their profile, don't upload a picture, and maybe just check a few checkboxes. I've had some good results meeting the empty profile girls, so it's not necessarily a red flag. This type could be displaying an abundance of caution. In general, you'll be lucky to get a single pic in a private showcase and a few lines of text in the profile.
The advanced search feature is your friend. First of all, the site asks women to put in their height & weight. Surprisingly, women don't seem to lie too badly here. If you're not sure what you'll end up with, mybodygallery.com is a good way to get an idea. For instance, if she's claiming 120 lbs / 5'4", plug those numbers into mybodygallery along with her age and that'll give you an idea of what you're working with. If you browse through 10 pictures on MyBodyGallery and maybe 1 chick stirs your interest, then it's likely a bad idea to contact her.
Communicating:
This is where it gets complicated. First of all, instant messaging is a complete ripoff (30 credits for 30 minutes of IM!). Ignore all incoming messages. There's a profile option where you can shut off IM entirely, and that's helpful. Mail messages cost 5 credits each. Once you've contacted a girl, you can exchange all the mails you want for free. Girls can also send you "collect messages" where you pay 5 credits to read the message, but that's not considered "contact". You'll have to pay 5 to reply and initiate contact. In my experience, I've never received a collect message worth paying to read.
Women have the option to quickreply to men (If men have the option, I can't find it). If you ever get a response from a woman to a wink or hotlist, it's almost always either "Send a real message if you're interested" or "I'm too busy to answer winks". Those are pre-written responses. I'd say that if she actually shows up in your recently viewed list, it's a positive sign. Some women will just reply to everyone like that, so it's hard to tell.
Messaging is going to be the same as on a site like AFF. Women are there for casual (extramarital) sex, and it doesn't get much sluttier than that. So the ASD is high and coming on strong is not going to be a winning strategy. It's your money, your credits, spend them as you see fit, but I'm just saying, you'll do better feeding the hamster than shaming it. So put some work into a message.
Also, the way the display works is the first few words are shown in the inbox, just like OKCupid, so it's better not to waste time saying "hello" - better to gave an opening sentence that grabs attention.
Once you have the first email, you can always re-email her. I've had women respond months after the 1st email. Women get a lot of email. Getting her to read yours is sometimes a matter of luck. She may have been not in the mood that day, in the middle of a hot lead with another guy, or maybe you've rewritten your profile or changed pictures. It's likely she won't remember you unless you had an extended conversation.
Getting her to email you:
Short story: not likely. Unless you've got a killer picture and profile, she's probably got too much incoming mail to spend time hunting on her own. AM does have a "user initiated contact" feature which is something that you get the 1st month free and then autorenews at $19 a month and you have to explicitly opt out (another reason to use a prepaid card!). Here's what AM told me about this feature
So the only option for getting her attention is to hotlist her, send a private key, or hope she sees you in her "recently viewed" screen. Don't send winks or private key requests, they count as initial contact.
The good part:
If she's willing to give up her contact info, AM does nothing (that I can tell) to block that, so it's easy to take the conversation onto email or text. From there, you should know what to do. There are other threads on dealing with married chicks, but a few basics bear repeating. Logistics are going to be hard, she's likely not going to be able to have you over, and her time is probably constrained. Also, this kind of thing is highly subject to mood & horniness. Either she'll be DTF right away or you'll have to bide your time for the moment to appear and then be ready to take the opportunity.
Avoiding bullshit:
Don't let your credits go to 0, because once you do, you can't even read your own emails. So actually, if you buy 100 credits, you get only 19 email contacts, because when you spend that last one, you won't be able to read her email if she does respond.
Make sure you uncheck the "priority email" option in your profile. By default, they'll charge you an extra 5 credits per message and mark the message "priority", which has some kind of highlight and I think goes to the top of their inbox. Women I've talked to hate the option because if they're in a conversation with a guy they like, they have to page through the priority mail to get to the messages they want. Plus, messages cost 2x as much. So don't do it.
Shouldn't need saying, but the gifts are bullshit. Don't give a woman a "gift". Nothing screams loser like buying a woman virtual flowers.
If you get a message from a woman who lives a long way from you, delete it. It's spam.
There used to be an option "I don't want to be contacted by online hosts" but I can't find it anymore. Online hosts come on like the spammers, usually from someone far away.
The usual online profile rules apply. If something looks off, something doesn't add up, don't message her.
Be very careful of reading between the lines. If she mentions anything about generous, being spoiled, or looking for a sugar daddy, assume she's a whore and proceed accordingly.
Last, always remember this: If it's too good to be true, it is.
Leaving the site:
When you delete your profile, you'll get an offer to delete your entire profile, with the implicit threat that if you don't, your data will remain on the site. They charge $19 for this and the option is checked by default. Another reason to use a gift card for the site, so if you delete and miss the checkbox, they can't get you for a parting charge.
A few other tips:
Profiles are assigned a number. The numbers are ascending in the order people join the site, so if you find a chick with a profile number much lower than yours, she's been on the site way longer and has probably gotten around. Your profile number is displayed in the upper left of the screen. Her profile number is harder to see, but it's in the URL used in the favorites list, for one.
Be careful of "Claire" profiles. The slang comes from a now-defunct blog Ashley & Me, where the author tried an experiment with creating a fake female profile to see what the competition was up to, he named his fake girl "Claire" (and used a picture of Ann Coulter on the profile at one point). It's a technique some guys will use. You're bound to run into these fake profiles. Mostly it's harmless, but be aware.
Hotlists can be very useful. Her last login date shows up on the hotlist, so if you don't want to keep showing up in her "recently viewed" list, the hotlist will show her online activity, in case you're wondering if she's still shopping around, or if she's ignoring you.
A cautionary tale: a couple years ago, a couple high profile infidelity bloggers were exposed by some anonymous person. If you're going to do this, have your fun, but don't fucking go online and tell about it. There was no idea who did the expose - a lover who didn't like her portrayal online, a vengeful spouse, who knows, but the whole idea is to not make yourself a target. Fucking another man's wife is enough risk, no sense doubling down.
That's about all I've got. Hope this helps someone, even if it's to come to the realization that your $50 is probably better spent elsewhere.
The first rule of infidelity is Don't leave a paper trail
It's also the 2nd rule. Still interested? Now onto the rest:
Ashley Madison, if you didn't know, is a site for married people looking for an affair. There's a fair number of singles on there, though most of the single women are looking for a sugar daddy. I'm writing this with the assumption that it's a married guy thinking about a little side action, but most of it still applies. If her husband finds out, you don't want to take the chance that he's the vengeful type.
The basics:
Get a burner email and a burner phone, or even better Google Voice or similar. For the love of god, do not give any traceable information, to AM or to a potential date. You think I'm paranoid? I've read stories of guys wives finding a credit card charge to ADL Media and doing a little googling, and then they're busted. The guy tries to claim he didn't do it, and Ashley Madison delivers a certified letter to the dude's house with printouts of his profile, credit card numbers, every picture he put on the site. NEVER use your real credit card, real name, real email, or real phone number.
Maybe you're single and chasing married tail. Why the paranoia? Because she has a husband. Let me tell you, you haven't lived until you've got a pissed off husband calling you up, or showing up at your door. It's better to be safe than sorry.
Background:
AM claims 7:1 male to woman ratio. Add in fake profiles (men who create female profiles to scope the competition, escorts, webcam models, etc), the infamous AM "Online Hosts", and the chicks who just want attention, and you're likely at 20:1 or 25:1. The level of thirst is high. I see mid-40s 4's complaining of being overwhelmed by the amount of email. You can imagine what a 20-something girl who's HWP and reasonably cute would get in terms of email.
There's 3 types of women on AM
1. Seeking Arrangement types - fairly easy to spot. There's a checkbox on preferences where she can say "Seeking a Sugar Daddy", and if she mentions she wants a generous guy or "I want to be spoiled", that's a strong indication that's what she is. Most of these girls are single, but not all.
2. Attention Whores, or "email queens". All they want is some positive attention. They may say explicitly on their profile that they're only open to cyber/chat, or they may not. Either way, these girls suck because you can invest a lot of time going nowhere.
3. Actual DTF girls. The married ones are bored at home, obviously. There are singles on AM. Most of these girls, if they aren't after a sugar daddy, are in a career and just want actual NSA sex, and the thinking is that married guys don't get attached.
Signing up:
Use your fake email. Standard dating site advice applies: don't sign up as bigdick69. First of all, some other chode already took it, second of all, these women get 30 emails a day even if they're a 53 yo 5. Write something in your profile. The checkboxes are silly, everybody knows that. My advice is that you will need some kind of pictures, but you should NEVER show your face.
Your Profile:
Exactly like every other dating site. You want to be fun, exciting, a guy that a woman would want to be around. You should have some pictures, because it improves your interest rate dramatically. It's up to you if you show your face. I wouldn't advise it personally. The whole site is built on discretion, so I've found women to be forgiving about the lack of a face pic. Plus it gives you a reason to exchange contact info quickly and take the conversation off the site.
I recommend being somewhat vague in your profile. You can pick a few checkboxes, but most of what you say will be in words. Make her use her imagination.
Paying for it:
AM is most definitely not free. As a free member you have practically no options. On top of that, any woman with half a brain realizes that unless you have the Premium Member badge, you can't contact her, so she's not going to waste any time on you. So you'll have to buy some credits to get anything done.
First, get down to the supermarket and buy a Visa gift card. Minimum buy in is $50, which gets you 100 credits (20 messages). In my experience, it takes more like 40-50 messages to get a decent number of real leads, so you might want to spend $100 on it. Regardless, it's like going to Vegas: decide on how much you're willing to lose and set the limit there. AM is very, very good at getting you to spend money accidentally. So if you use a gift card, you won't be surprised by charges on your card. In addition, it adds a level of anonymity.
Finally, make sure you uncheck the mobile option. It's $19/month, and you don't need to be leaving evidence on your phone.
Finding Women:
The goal: you want to find the best available woman. As we all know, women's desire comes in cycles, and when she's not available (not in the mood, already has a partner, too busy), she's probably not logging in. So don't bother sending initial messages to women who haven't logged in within the last 24 hours.
Most women won't write anything in their profile, don't upload a picture, and maybe just check a few checkboxes. I've had some good results meeting the empty profile girls, so it's not necessarily a red flag. This type could be displaying an abundance of caution. In general, you'll be lucky to get a single pic in a private showcase and a few lines of text in the profile.
The advanced search feature is your friend. First of all, the site asks women to put in their height & weight. Surprisingly, women don't seem to lie too badly here. If you're not sure what you'll end up with, mybodygallery.com is a good way to get an idea. For instance, if she's claiming 120 lbs / 5'4", plug those numbers into mybodygallery along with her age and that'll give you an idea of what you're working with. If you browse through 10 pictures on MyBodyGallery and maybe 1 chick stirs your interest, then it's likely a bad idea to contact her.
Communicating:
This is where it gets complicated. First of all, instant messaging is a complete ripoff (30 credits for 30 minutes of IM!). Ignore all incoming messages. There's a profile option where you can shut off IM entirely, and that's helpful. Mail messages cost 5 credits each. Once you've contacted a girl, you can exchange all the mails you want for free. Girls can also send you "collect messages" where you pay 5 credits to read the message, but that's not considered "contact". You'll have to pay 5 to reply and initiate contact. In my experience, I've never received a collect message worth paying to read.
Women have the option to quickreply to men (If men have the option, I can't find it). If you ever get a response from a woman to a wink or hotlist, it's almost always either "Send a real message if you're interested" or "I'm too busy to answer winks". Those are pre-written responses. I'd say that if she actually shows up in your recently viewed list, it's a positive sign. Some women will just reply to everyone like that, so it's hard to tell.
Messaging is going to be the same as on a site like AFF. Women are there for casual (extramarital) sex, and it doesn't get much sluttier than that. So the ASD is high and coming on strong is not going to be a winning strategy. It's your money, your credits, spend them as you see fit, but I'm just saying, you'll do better feeding the hamster than shaming it. So put some work into a message.
Also, the way the display works is the first few words are shown in the inbox, just like OKCupid, so it's better not to waste time saying "hello" - better to gave an opening sentence that grabs attention.
Once you have the first email, you can always re-email her. I've had women respond months after the 1st email. Women get a lot of email. Getting her to read yours is sometimes a matter of luck. She may have been not in the mood that day, in the middle of a hot lead with another guy, or maybe you've rewritten your profile or changed pictures. It's likely she won't remember you unless you had an extended conversation.
Getting her to email you:
Short story: not likely. Unless you've got a killer picture and profile, she's probably got too much incoming mail to spend time hunting on her own. AM does have a "user initiated contact" feature which is something that you get the 1st month free and then autorenews at $19 a month and you have to explicitly opt out (another reason to use a prepaid card!). Here's what AM told me about this feature
Quote:Quote:
The way that this works is that if a member contacts you in any way (wink, message, photo key, etc.) without your having contacted her in the past, you will not have to spend credits to correspond with that member. This ONLY works if the member in question is the one initiating the contact. If she is replying to a wink or a photo request (etc.) that you have sent, this is not considered member initiated contact and you will have to pay the standard credit costs to initiate mail contact and correspond.
So the only option for getting her attention is to hotlist her, send a private key, or hope she sees you in her "recently viewed" screen. Don't send winks or private key requests, they count as initial contact.
The good part:
If she's willing to give up her contact info, AM does nothing (that I can tell) to block that, so it's easy to take the conversation onto email or text. From there, you should know what to do. There are other threads on dealing with married chicks, but a few basics bear repeating. Logistics are going to be hard, she's likely not going to be able to have you over, and her time is probably constrained. Also, this kind of thing is highly subject to mood & horniness. Either she'll be DTF right away or you'll have to bide your time for the moment to appear and then be ready to take the opportunity.
Avoiding bullshit:
Don't let your credits go to 0, because once you do, you can't even read your own emails. So actually, if you buy 100 credits, you get only 19 email contacts, because when you spend that last one, you won't be able to read her email if she does respond.
Make sure you uncheck the "priority email" option in your profile. By default, they'll charge you an extra 5 credits per message and mark the message "priority", which has some kind of highlight and I think goes to the top of their inbox. Women I've talked to hate the option because if they're in a conversation with a guy they like, they have to page through the priority mail to get to the messages they want. Plus, messages cost 2x as much. So don't do it.
Shouldn't need saying, but the gifts are bullshit. Don't give a woman a "gift". Nothing screams loser like buying a woman virtual flowers.
If you get a message from a woman who lives a long way from you, delete it. It's spam.
There used to be an option "I don't want to be contacted by online hosts" but I can't find it anymore. Online hosts come on like the spammers, usually from someone far away.
The usual online profile rules apply. If something looks off, something doesn't add up, don't message her.
Be very careful of reading between the lines. If she mentions anything about generous, being spoiled, or looking for a sugar daddy, assume she's a whore and proceed accordingly.
Last, always remember this: If it's too good to be true, it is.
Leaving the site:
When you delete your profile, you'll get an offer to delete your entire profile, with the implicit threat that if you don't, your data will remain on the site. They charge $19 for this and the option is checked by default. Another reason to use a gift card for the site, so if you delete and miss the checkbox, they can't get you for a parting charge.
A few other tips:
Profiles are assigned a number. The numbers are ascending in the order people join the site, so if you find a chick with a profile number much lower than yours, she's been on the site way longer and has probably gotten around. Your profile number is displayed in the upper left of the screen. Her profile number is harder to see, but it's in the URL used in the favorites list, for one.
Be careful of "Claire" profiles. The slang comes from a now-defunct blog Ashley & Me, where the author tried an experiment with creating a fake female profile to see what the competition was up to, he named his fake girl "Claire" (and used a picture of Ann Coulter on the profile at one point). It's a technique some guys will use. You're bound to run into these fake profiles. Mostly it's harmless, but be aware.
Hotlists can be very useful. Her last login date shows up on the hotlist, so if you don't want to keep showing up in her "recently viewed" list, the hotlist will show her online activity, in case you're wondering if she's still shopping around, or if she's ignoring you.
A cautionary tale: a couple years ago, a couple high profile infidelity bloggers were exposed by some anonymous person. If you're going to do this, have your fun, but don't fucking go online and tell about it. There was no idea who did the expose - a lover who didn't like her portrayal online, a vengeful spouse, who knows, but the whole idea is to not make yourself a target. Fucking another man's wife is enough risk, no sense doubling down.
That's about all I've got. Hope this helps someone, even if it's to come to the realization that your $50 is probably better spent elsewhere.