Quote: (08-27-2008 10:18 PM)Roosh Wrote:
Do you know where this fear is coming from? Is it a case of you've never really approached without ioi's and are nervous about the reaction or you have had very bad experiences from approaching?
I'm going to guess it's the first. (I've had extremely bad responses in my time but that usually encourages me to keep going.)
I made my first serious non-IOI approach when I was in 11th grade. Keep in mind I'd been painfully shy in my high school years. I think back now on instances where girls that were perfectly bangable were into me but I found every excuse in the world not to like them, to fearful to do anything about it. So anyway I just said that to provide a context. So at a party in 11th grade, there was a girl I really liked. Some of my friends knew her and were pushing me to talk to her. I got up all my nerve and approached by saying I'd seen her at some other parties and thought I'd say hi, we were going to be attending the same high school next year blah blah. I fucked up so badly I was literally tongue tied and stumbling for words. It was so bad I didn't even ask for her number, I just found an excuse to walk away and I saw her talking to her friends and them all laughing. It was awful, like something you'd see in a movie. I think that one traumatizing experience was a downward spiral that I'm not sure has been entirely purged from my subconscious. Even though I've seen god knows how many guys cold approach a woman and walk away with her number, I cannot get up my nerve to do it. I have this fear that as soon as I walk up, and I'm going to have all these awkward pauses and be fumbling for words and look like a dumbass. I get nervous, try to think of something interesting to say to spark a conversation and my mind goes blank. Even when I'm drunk off my ass I can't make myself do it. It's that bad.
The consequence of this is that even though I get some nookie here and there, it's not on my terms. It's not with the women I would WANT to be with. There's nothing more powerful than having the ability to have the women you want. And all my life, I've been letting women decide that for me. Few of which I've been impressed with. I've still not laid the type of girl that would make guys head's turn. I think I'm a decent looking dude, decent sense of style, well-groomed and all that crap. So I've been stuck waiting for IOIs from girls, which virtually never come from anything I'd want, or having to cold approach girls that don't even make eye-contact with me. This shit is tough, dude. I guess I just have to figure out a way to tackle this or I'm either going to be a bachelor for life or end up settling for something I'm not happy with. That's what got me into studying game. I know what to do just fine once the girl is engaged in the conversation and interested. It's sparking the initial attraction which is where my sticking point is.