[Beyond Borders]

When I saw "age appropriate," first thing that came to mind was, "20?"

Anyways...

Quote:

The exception being one much older gentleman that married a "mail ordered bride."

There are some lessons here. Much younger woman. Guy has had his fun and just wants to relax (or is too old to want to go find the fun he never had). Broad is probably from a culture where women are not completely ruined, and gender roles are intact.

I started settling down (by all appearances so far, anyhow), last year at 37.

Met a 20-year-old Filipina. Took my time getting to know her and courting her. Devirginized her, met the family, asked her father permission to move her in (we may as well be married, and it's definitely expected by all interested parties). We're living together now in a beachside tourist town where I have a pretty big social circle, and she got herself a job at a local resort to stay busy.

I've found the transition to be pretty satisfying.

The difficult part was this: at one point I made a deal with myself to fully commit to the process of courting her...and without sleeping with other women at all. At first, we lived in other towns, and since we weren't having sex, I'd have my fun when she wasn't around.

But part of me knew that was deteriorating any chance of it actually working. She'd put a lot of effort into staying chaste and waiting for the right guy, and by not taking that seriously, I knew on some level I was making a mockery of the whole thing and robbing it of its meaning.

Which (this is important) robbed it of its meaning for me as well. This probably wouldn't have mattered if I'd led a normal life up to this point within a traditional society...but because of my past, I needed to invest time and effort into something wholesome in order to change. While I don't necessarily agree with Leonard's statement that you'll have to settle for an ugly girl, I do think it's a good idea to back off the casual flings if you do want to pursue something more meaningful.

And I also knew that without this there was a good chance I'd lose interest after we started having sex. That's when it'd no longer be a challenge. The only way to convince myself I was serious enough to not risk ruining her was to go cold turkey on the other broads for long enough to give it a real chance. And then take her virginity once I was sure I wasn't going to just use her and toss her to the curb.

Since it took quite some time to get her sexual, I definitely had some blue ball moments there. Almost lost patience with the whole thing. But after we started having sex, I haven't had any issues calming my itch to run out chasing other broads or party it up. I'm sure putting myself through that process is part of the reason.

Sure, I see other girls I want to bang sometime and even think about actually going through with it. But I assume that's natural for a man of any age no matter what his sexual history.

Overall, I find my life a lot more predictable, grounded, and satisfying. After years and years of living on the road - banging all kinds of broads and moving in and out of many short and long relationships I was never fully invested in, and getting lost in the nightlife - the casual sex was getting empty as hell. I felt alone in the world, growing more apart from family and friends back home but not having my own family or a social group of unchanging faces either, as I was constantly on the move.

Her waiting at home is a stabilizing force that keeps me from wandering out aimlessly at night looking for a piece of ass or just some company. I don't waste half my day chatting with sloots (new or from my past) online like I used to do sometimes when single.

And Filipina women are like a bottomless well of love and affection that never runs dry. I've been through some hard times lately and I tend to withdraw into myself, as I'm sure most of us do. A Filipina is constantly hugging and massaging and kissing and pampering you - it's just their nature. As I wrote this, she woke up and came out of the room and began her unconscious morning ritual, which starts with sitting down at my side and hugging me for about five minutes, as if just to reassure herself of my presence.

I've had a lot of women love me, but it's another level. Sometimes my impulse is to cut her off and get back to what I'm doing, but more and more I try to just appreciate the consistency of it and let her do her thing. And I've realized how rejuvenating it can be to just forget my problems and the world for a moment and stop fending her off and just let her work her magic.

Because at the end of the day it is powerful for me too. I submit to her affection and then get back up and face my problems and responsibilities again, renewed in spirit and mind. Submitting to that physical expression of genuine devotion and raw emotion has a power to wipe the slate clean like a hard session in the gym or relaxing massage at a spa just can't quite hold a candle too.

I mean, is this not what the love of a good woman has always done for men?

The biggest hand I'd say my past has in our relationship is that if we're in a spat I'm ready to drop everything on the drop of a hat while emotions are still running high. I know how many options I have, and I was a lone wolf for years, so I have nothing to lose, I tell myself. I don't need anyone, I tell myself. And have sometimes told her...

I'm sure it's hurtful to her and doesn't make her feel as secure in the relationship. I've always said a man should always keep the option of walking away in his back pocket, as it maintains a lot of his power. I still believe that. But obviously it does need to be tempered or she'll lose the faith that you're actually committed to sticking things through in hard times.

And allowing a woman to lose faith in your ability to be there for her can be the ruin of an intimate relationship. So I should probably find some balance there and only pull out the nuke button when it's absolutely necessary.

On the other hand, I was like that with girlfriends by the time I was 20 after getting burnt by a few broads hardened me to the antics of women. It may even go back further than that. I think it's also a coping skill I learned from dealing with my mom (alcoholic single mother); she was always toying with my emotions by verbally attacking me then flipping the script to guilt trip me as she sat there in her room and cried, waiting for me, the child, to take the responsibility of "fixing it."

My default from being emotionally manipulated like that became to act like I didn't give a fuck, almost like turning a switch off inside myself and growing stoically hard and indifferent to her, maybe even leaving the house for the night.

So anyways, don't know that my age and years on the road have much to do with even that. And I do think in some ways it's actually a strength when I don't get carried away and irresponsible.

Here's something other maturing players may want to consider: I think part of the reason the transition from lone wolf player to happily settling down with this girl is going so smoothly is because I pulled out all the stops and forced myself to take it slow with a good woman. It would be a lot harder for me to settle with a girl that's been with even a small handful of guys.

The old adage, "opposites attract," could apply here. By going for the complete opposite of what I had in my life - I'm getting so much of what I was missing as a man. By bringing exactly what I didn't have into my life, I appreciate it more. Because she's my polar opposite, it balances me out, and I'm a man who needed (who still needs) some balancing.

Having swallowed a handful of redpills over the years and lived in those realities completely, of course you're going to find it hard to put up with the average woman's shit. Or to limit yourself for a woman with average honor...

So don't settle for the average woman with her average honor, then. Make it one worth keeping around. Make it one who's proved her value - not with her looks alone but by the integrity of her character and behavior.

Because for all intents and purposes, a woman without a sound character is useless to me.

Do I still see the less desirable facets of the female nature shine through from time to time? Of course! She is, after all, a woman, and she's a very young one at that. If you don't punish bad behavior and reward good behavior in any woman, well, we all know what happens eventually. They'll get away with what you let them get away with and start the downward slide.

But because I'm so much more experienced in the ways of the world, because the power dynamic in the relationship is so far in my favor (thanks to her age, lack of experience, greater emotional attachment, conservative culture teaching her it's the role of men to lead, etc), and because I know what to look out for (thanks in large part to the RVF )...I'm able to nip it in the bud pretty fast.

It's the difference between training an untainted girl with a lot of potential and trying to turn an old post-wall hoe into a housewife. Which one makes more sense? Doesn't mean it will work 100% every time but certainly puts the odds in your favor.

Things could still go south - life is unpredictable. I'd be a fool if I didn't allow for that possibility.

Something definitely feels different this time, though, and as for now, I'm not missing the carefree, promiscuous life. On a side note, I could probably have my cake and eat it too in this relationship if I really wanted. That's certainly common in Filipino culture, but it just doesn't seem healthy or honest to me.

Could end up slipping up here and there, sure, but at least for the time being, I don't have any plans to be out rooting around.

I would say key "danger" to settling down older is you may miss out on a lot with your children if you don't live to a ripe old age. Hey, that's life. We're not traditional men around here with traditional lives, and I've seen older men be successful fathers before.

In any case, a little too late to be 20 again (I was in no way, shape, or form fit to settle down at 20), so why pine over what's said and done and gone? If fathering children is important to you, better late than never, I say.

40 or older and keen to settle down? Go for it.