Quote: (06-21-2018 08:12 PM)Winston Wolfe Wrote:
OP do you have an update?
Yeah, though not much of a update.
Matched a couple of babes on tinder though they did not reply, even after 2 weeks. Probably fake profiles.
Made like 5 approaches in the last two weeks and half. Awkward as fuuuuuck, nothing natural about it for me, though it's true that I only approached girls that really stirred my loins. Perhaps I should approach more middle of the pack girls. I basically softly grabbed their arm and presented myself, apologized for interrupting their day, told them that they seemed interesting from afar and we should exchange numbers, hang out sometime, get to know each other better. I got either smiles or surprised faces and mostly the boyfriend excuse. No numbers though. And I was dressed nicely, smelled good,etc. And I bailed on one chick when she told me she was turning 20 (I'm in my early 30's), the age difference got in my head.
This is exceedingly new for me, feels like I am treading water. It feels ok to talk to people, I don't have any problem making eye contact and such but I feel like I am interrupting someone's day only to get blown off and it fucking sucks no matter how outcome independent you try to be. The girls I went out with in the past were mostly in my circle of friends and acquintances, we were both a bit preselected so to speak so our guards weren't up all the time. Even this girl that I am trying to keep out of my mind, I must've talked/flirted with her for weeks.
I know some of you will laugh, but I also tried speed dating. It felt good talking to girls, even though in an artificial setting where we are forced to listen to eachother for seven minutes. There were 15 girls but I maybe vibed with 3, most of them were either fat, over 30 and fattish and a couple of them were perhaps 6's. Most of them reeked of desperation as well. I made a mistake of waiting for the results, I should've just talked the couple of chicks that were stand-outs as soon as the event ended. I thought we vibed well enough and thought I would get their contact details. I'm guessing I didn't click with them since I received none of them. Another depressing thing about speed dating was the mediocrity of the people there, beauty wise, SMV is truly a brutal thing. I sort of empathized with girls who weren't into me in the past as I couldn't get myself to see these chicks as attractive no matter how good of a mental gymnast I thought myself to be.
Most of the guys reeked of desperation (I mostly came to see the quality of the women at these events and was NOT impressed), not very handsome, mostly geeks and some of them VERY shy guys, so much that I felt like a fucking Adonis in that room and I know that I am not a natural ladies man. Anyone with a bit of game would have cleaned house.
I talked with a buddy of mine over a glass of wine, a guy I've known for a long time but we don't usually gloss over women. I got to talking and this guy was basically nodding his head sideways the whole time, pointing out the mistakes I made with this girl and that he commiserrated as he knows that it's rare to have a really hot chick with which you also have shit to talk about and do but he also told me that some women simply get bored and like to play with men's heads while denying responsability. He has been burned and so have other friends of his. He explained that I should have bailed when she went to her fuckbuddy and that I should have pushed more to fuck when she came back to my place for the first time. He also said that I should have been firm with her from the start and she would have known where I sit. Once she knew that I was willing to make compromises to excuse her awful behavior towards me, I was finished...
And then he explained what is basically abundance mentality, something which is foreign to me but which I am trying to grasp mentally. While I wouldn't call myself a romantic, I've always been a monogamous type of guy, the concept of a sidechick/fuckbuddy was alien to me, I was always with a chick until I was not .
This guy I am talking about used to be a LTR type but now he is very casual about women, basically has a ton of numbers of potential fuckbuddies so, if his chick bugs out, he always has backup. The proverbial concept of plates as it were. He told me he is very upfront with women, be they fuckbuddy or girlfriend material, if he likes them he takes them on a date, if they seem non-LTR material, he simply invites them for wine and a movie at his place. If they bail, he has options. He told me that I should look at any decent looking woman, no matter what age, as fuckbuddy material but to be upfront about it and to keep their numbers for occasional scores. I know one period after he got out of a long relationship, he was basically fucking 3-4 chicks at the same time while looking out for a high quality girl. He basically told me that I should have gotten the number of the 20 year old chick and used her for sex.
I feel like I am getting a bit better with putting her out of my mind. I caved and looked at a couple of pictures of her I had on my PC and I basically felt empty, whereas I usually felt sad or angry. It really feels as she is starting to drift into the past.