You hit on the core of the matter in your post, when you said you were not very social or good at talking to people.
The key to being good at talking to people is to build rapport with them as quickly as possible. The good thing is that you can actually become good with pretty girls without talking to very many of them. You just need to practise talking to strangers generally.
I found two things quite startling as I went through this process:
1. I thought I was a natural when it came to dissembling. It turns out that it is actually very hard to fake being interested in someone, and even harder to con them into believing you're interested. I was not able to do it and I think people often (rightly) thought I was insincere.
2. Once you stop trying to fake it, you may realise that taking a sincere interest in those around you (even strangers) is one of life's real pleasures, and that it is actually incredibly easy to form a bond of real warmth and sincerity with a stranger very quickly. In essence, you don't have to fake it, you just have to identify something in the person you're speaking to that gives common humanity and which makes them interesting to you. This is a good reason to follow a sport or two seriously - particularly if you're a more cerebral/introverted type. I think very fondly on countless train journeys that have been made a real pleasure by a simple human connection with a rival fan. It's a real joy to strike up a conversation with a stranger, and to feel a genuine twinge of sadness when it's time to part. I was on a busy train last week and I engaged a guy opposite me, a salt of the earth type, in a conversation about football. By the end of the trip, an hour or so later, we'd brought in everyone around us. It was a very happy hour, full of good natured ribbing and raucous laughter. Most of the carriage was looking at us enviously, and when (frequently) a stop came around and someone involved in the conversation had to get off, they always looked disappointed and smiled at us all and said good evening.
This is a learnable skill. It is a real joy to be able to strike up a good conversation and to bring in those around you. Do it enough and you'll come to realise that there is as much pleasure to be had in a conversation about football with a builder as there is in a conversation about shiny things with a pretty girl.
The key to being good at talking to people is to build rapport with them as quickly as possible. The good thing is that you can actually become good with pretty girls without talking to very many of them. You just need to practise talking to strangers generally.
I found two things quite startling as I went through this process:
1. I thought I was a natural when it came to dissembling. It turns out that it is actually very hard to fake being interested in someone, and even harder to con them into believing you're interested. I was not able to do it and I think people often (rightly) thought I was insincere.
2. Once you stop trying to fake it, you may realise that taking a sincere interest in those around you (even strangers) is one of life's real pleasures, and that it is actually incredibly easy to form a bond of real warmth and sincerity with a stranger very quickly. In essence, you don't have to fake it, you just have to identify something in the person you're speaking to that gives common humanity and which makes them interesting to you. This is a good reason to follow a sport or two seriously - particularly if you're a more cerebral/introverted type. I think very fondly on countless train journeys that have been made a real pleasure by a simple human connection with a rival fan. It's a real joy to strike up a conversation with a stranger, and to feel a genuine twinge of sadness when it's time to part. I was on a busy train last week and I engaged a guy opposite me, a salt of the earth type, in a conversation about football. By the end of the trip, an hour or so later, we'd brought in everyone around us. It was a very happy hour, full of good natured ribbing and raucous laughter. Most of the carriage was looking at us enviously, and when (frequently) a stop came around and someone involved in the conversation had to get off, they always looked disappointed and smiled at us all and said good evening.
This is a learnable skill. It is a real joy to be able to strike up a good conversation and to bring in those around you. Do it enough and you'll come to realise that there is as much pleasure to be had in a conversation about football with a builder as there is in a conversation about shiny things with a pretty girl.