[Paracelsus]

This sort of "total collapse" you're in is common. Not having a job for 2 years is a hell of a morale crasher. It's a bit of a vicious cycle: you don't have a job, so you lose motivation, so you're less likely to do other self-improvement stuff, so you're less likely to improve, and so on.

However, we can talk about causes all day until the cows come home. And bear in mind nobody here is going to be able to diagnose precisely the right solution for you with pinpoint accuracy: we're not your shrink or your personal trainer. What we can do for you here is give you a number of suggestions together with why we suggest them and see if that does anything for you. You're going to have to conduct your own experiments on your own body, mind, and personality to see what works. Some of these things may reinforce one another: the body affects the mind which affects the body; what we're looking for is trying to get you into an upward cycle, create some momentum.

You diagnose both the problem and the solution when you say you start a routine but then give it up in a couple of days because there doesn't seem to be a point to it. To defer gratification you have to have something clear to defer your gratification in favour of. Therefore, two ways to see this:

(1) Find a better way to frame the goal you want, or outright find a different goal. Rather than making your goal specifically "I want the body of a Greek God," make it something specific: "I want to weigh X pounds in 6 months," or "I want to run the 100 in X seconds by X date." If even that seems vague and isn't getting you off your arse to start with, dangle pussy in front of yourself: "If I get my ass up and run for 30 days, afterwards I'll go buy myself a lap dance at the local strip club as a reward." Or P4P if you really must. That latter approach is only to get you going, I might add. Sooner or later you are going to have to find some goal that is long term and a good reason to pursue it.

Or:

(2) Try and ingrain certain activities as unconscious habits rather than set goals. This is the Scott Adams approach, i.e. you don't set goals, you set routines in place and turn that conscious behaviour into something unconscious. You may have already tried this and it's not working, so, your mileage may vary. In the long run, though, we tend to stick better to habits than we do conscious goals, because ingrained habits don't require any willpower.

I would strongly suggest you get some physical activity going first. Choose that not as a basic physical health alternative, but a mental health alternative: do something physical and the brain feeds you endorphins, which make you feel good, which makes you more inclined to do shit. Nofap might help if you're jacking off way too much, which drains your energy, but either way the key to understand is that the body and mind are connected. Influence one and you will influence the other, especially men, especially when it comes to testosterone, quite independent of TRTing or roiding or all that shit.

Can't go to the gym? Look up the book Never Gymless or Starting Strength -- these texts free you from having to use a gym to train, and take you from the ground up.

As far as the music production, writing a book, and youtube channel things are concerned: don't necessarily be worried if those things seem trivial right now. Part of that might be your current malaise, because your mood determines your focus, and it sounds like you're basically in a long funk right now ... but part of it might just be that they are trivial. After all, you're not a teenager anymore. People's interests change with time. If you get yourself back into a sort of groove and you're not finding those things are inspiring you, then maybe they simply weren't what you really wanted to pursue anyway.

And before you start to worry about the time you put in and lost: don't. Reframe it. At worst, you have spent a good amount of time determining that shit is not what you want to do with your life. And at best, you have a passing familiarity in sound engineering presumably given you were interested in music production. You have a limited education in speaking on camera given your interest in youtube. I don't know how deep you delved into those subjects, but these are very, very handy skills to have in areas of your life that you don't even know about yet. Scott Adams runs the line that for 95% of the population it's not about being the number 1 in a single talent, it's about having adequate skills in a number of areas. He provides a list of the skills he thinks are worthwhile to learn in today's world: I'd suggest you go seek them out, young man.

Next general comment: change some shit in your life. If you can't move out because you have no job, then consider taking a trip overseas, even if it's a short one. Or consider taking a trip across a border, be it Canada or Mexico. Start looking interstate.

Again, reframing your needs as questions helps: don't say you need to leave, say "How can I leave?" and work from there. You know how to play an instrument, you're bright enough to make a list of shit to be done. Sounds like you have free internet access too, so start using that as well.

In terms of meeting new friends and so on - start doing shit that is way out of the ordinary for you. Nothing illegal, mind you. Try an amateur acting class: this does wonders for inhibition problems because you're going to have to stand in the centre of a spotlight at some point and be as real as you can be. Whatever you choose, though, be sure to leave your ego behind and be prepared to be laughed at because you're fucking up something you've never done before. Every person has been laughed at because they fucked up. I promise you. You have to push past that, learn to ignore it, for the sake of deciding whether what you are trying is worth doing.

You are, frankly, wrong, when you say you don't matter at all. Being unlucky enough to be born as a millennial you have had it drummed into you by a generation of idiot teachers that You Are Super Special, you are coming down off that high in the same way my generation realised around the time Fight Club was released that we weren't all going to be movie stars, prom queens and the like. That sort of angst is not uncommon if you're in a physical funk, as you seem to be. But it does come to an end, and it comes to an end faster by you starting to ask yourself, really for yourself: what is it that you want? From this life, from existence? The world doesn't always give you what you want from it, but it will never give you anything unless you ask for it and work for it, unless you take a chance on something.

Next thing, i.e. you being a virgin: go get that sorted out right away with a hooker. Yes, I'm serious. A twenty-two-year-old man has no business walking around with a dry dick unless he's planning on the priesthood or prefers male asshole. I can tell you from personal experience that you can lose a whole fucking decade (pun is literal and intended) in your twenties putting pussy on the pedestal because you haven't banged a woman yet and you're shit-scared of what your dick or her cunt are going to do when they're brought together.

That'll allow you to get the basic mechanics of fucking down -- and if you explain your situation she might be willing to give you some pointers on how cunts work.

Don't give us this crap that you had "a few women on rotation": you're a virgin, so by definition you didn't fuck any of them, so you didn't have them on rotation, they had you on rotation in that nearly extrasolar orbit we call the friendzone. As I'm sure you've already found out, you can be the most supportive, kindest guy around and they still won't fuck you. Whenever a woman says "so sweet", she is always saying "not fuckable".

It's either fuck a chick for money to lose your virginity or go the hard way: approach, approach, and approach women who look fuckable, be in in the club, on the street, wherever ... although your approaches are going to be hindered not only by your inexperience with women but with your anxiety about the act of getting fucked. The Game subforum may be able to help a lot with that -- and game principles to some extent are principles for social interaction generally -- but whichever way you go, you can't afford to have that anxiety hobbling you when you go after a chick for sex.

In short, though: find out who the fuck you are, and do so by trying different shit. Go overseas, get fucked, jump out of a plane, do something different, do something with your hands, read some philosophy, challenge yourself, now's the time, figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life, because that shit is happening now.