[armenia4ever]

Update and Reflections


Let it be said, that marriage is hard work. It's a hell of a balancing act on a tightrope. There are rewards though, and I do believe that they outshine the fights and time sacrifices. (Children in particular are one reward as there is nothing quite as satisfying as creating a legacy and realizing that the rabid SJWs who oppose us have no intention of doing the same. )

On Monday, July 18th, my son was born. I named him Julius. I wanted to his middle name to be Caesar, but my wife doth protested, so we settled on Michael, her father's name.





We moved to a new location for a while to be closer to the hospital, but he ended up being born at a different one anyway. He was born with his lungs not fully functioning the way they should, so he's been at the NICU or ISCU - Infant Special Care Unit - for the last week, which is where I write this post from right now.

He should be out in a few days though and he's been rapidly improving. (My wife has been stressed and there has already been some breakdowns with the simple fact being that she hasn't been able to hold him since he was born - and that was only for an hour. For any new mother, this is key. Unfortunately, she's ended up targeting me a few times because of the stress, and later admitting to me she doesn't know why she takes it out on me. Alas, that's a problem to address later, but after Julius has been home for a bit.)

I realize that I should put some more context into this thread. Me and my wife were friends with benefits for a while before we started dating. It was once we started dating, that we threw caution to the win when it came to sex and thus behold barely two months into it, she was pregnant with Julius. We both weren't necessarily planning on a child, but we were willing to let it happen.

Now, I'm the type who refuses to be dragged into anything I don't want, and that includes a child. (I.E. I'd rather go to jail then pay child support.)

All that said, my wife is young - she's still 19, though she turns 20 in May. Sometimes when we fight, I ask myself, "Why is she behaving like a teenager!" Well, she still is one. Remember that when you marry someone who is younger. (In my case 7 and half years younger then me and I'm wife's first real significant relationship. She really dated anyone before me.)


The Red Pill and Pregnancy.

One thing that the RP doesn't prepare you for is the prior stages of Fatherhod, specifically your wife's pregnancy. Her emotions run rampant, and often you have no idea how exactly to handle them.

Do you run any dread game? How much should you compromise? Are you giving her the idea that she can get away with very bad behavior if you let it slide? Are you being selfish? Should you compromise and how much? You are after all married.

Pregnancy is a new and foreign element that you just quite aren't sure how to handle.

At one end of the scale, she is pregnant and I'll cut her some slack for some of the rather nasty things that have been said during arguments. (Generally, women usually fight with words, and they fight dirty - perhaps even dirtier when pregnant.) On the other end, how responsible should you hold her for the things said?

Fights, fights, fights.

Usually ours are quick, fierce, and end in sex. However, there are ones that linger. Women sometimes can't let a disagreement go and think about it throughout the day. This is exactly what happened in a disagreement over me smoking cigars. She wanted me to quit all together and kept bringing up third hand smoke.

I said hell no, though I agreed to take plenty of precautions regarding third hand smoke. This wasn't enough. Give an inch, and she takes a mile. I made this point to her and it all blew up.

"You are selfish!" "You don't love me or him!"

Comments like that. I couldn't believe that shit and it made me mad as hell. Words are a woman's weapon of war. Something I've learned is that women tend to use the nuclear option when they are upset. They see red and say all sorts of terrible things.

Just like Bill Burr said, they say whatever they think will hurt you the most at that time and so when you respond back, that's it. (My wife has literally tried to stay mad at me even when she isn't, because she feels she will lose the argument if she stops being mad at me. Emotions eh?)

I've realized that I've underestimated just how powerful a women's emotions are - specifically a pregnant woman, and how they can take over and just reign hell. You can't fight with them, you just have to ignore them until she calms down.

The Epic Fight

During one particularly bad fight - remember you can't logic with emotion - she, I told her enough was enough and there would be no more nasty shit, pregnant or not, and how I wouldn't put up with it anymore.

She was so mad, that she packed some bags, went outside, and just started crying on the stoop. She was so mad and upset, she hadn't though anything through. (Her folks live in another state.)

Now, I've made a point in not saying nasty things in return to her - upon very good advice from my dad, specifically with her being pregnant, being early in marriage, and the stress it could add. Usually, I'd go for a walk to get my anger to subside, but even then I'd still get alot of texts about how I don't love her, I'm not being there for her, etc.

I did stand my ground.

A short while later she was broken down, crying in my arms, hugging me tightly telling me through uncontrollable sobs that she didn't know why she said such terrible vicious things to me and how sorry she was.

She said that her anger would just take control of her. (This fight had started over something quite small, though I can't remember what.) In fact, she has told me sometimes she is mad at me and doesn't even know why, and tries to stay mad at me, because while she is mad at me, she really wants to have sex with me, which if she does, means she's lost the argument.

Honestly, I don't care about the argument at that point, and I've realized that sex is literally one of the best ways to end a fight. During one, where it was starting to really escalate, I just went up to her, pulled her pants down, and that was that.

In the past, she has told me to do this when she's mad and in a rage, and it definitely is one cure for this particular ailment. In fact, I've noticed that when my wife hasn't had sex, she gets crabby and often tends to tell me that I haven't spent quality time with her that day, even if I think we have.

This seems to be cured by sex. One time I was so frustrated that we had some very rough sex and the rest of the day, I didn't get any push back. So the "fuck her good" advice goes far beyond just your plates and LTRs, it extends very specifically to marriage. It will make the day that much easier.

In fact, this sometimes help to resolve time issues, which is a cause of some of our fights. I want me time, something she is starting to get, but she of course wants "quality time" between the two of us first, and sex is usually what she means by that.

Something else to drop: I gained 15 pounds during the pregnancy and I haven't been able to shed it. I've heard of this before, but I didn't think it would happen to me. Instead of my normal 142-149 fluctuation, I've gone up to 160 and haven't been able to drop it despite increased exercise. I'm five foot seven)


Now if there's one thing I can say about younger girls, is that you have to stand your ground on some issues. IF you really need to do something or want to, do it. Let her stomp around and tantrum for a bit. Eventually it subsides and she apologizes.

Takes time though.