Quote: (12-29-2015 06:48 PM)Menace Wrote:
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All of these elaborate theories suggest to me that few of you have been in long term committed relationships.
This. Control her...or what will happen? What is this Sword of Damocles hanging over your head that you have to keep constant vigilance? It's like saying you have to be really careful driving or your tire tread will wear out. Yeah, and? Get new tires.
I think the issue is that we have men here with different mindsets and levels of experience, so what to one seems an enormous continuous labor, to another is really rather simple. You need to become the man that is so obviously better than her other options AND most other women's options (and there is a lot wrapped up in this concept), that she will simply not consider others absent some really unforeseen event. This does not mean you need to be a millionaire, or extremely good looking, or any of this other stuff.
Realize that you cannot control a woman. Give up on this notion, it is poisonous. You have control of yourself. Even your children you have limited control over, and less and less over time. You become great through actions and time.
When you are driving you do have to be really careful. It can be a fatal endeavor otherwise. Not only with the path, terrain, and weather you decided to journey in, but also unforeseen external forces like others cars. It's when people are too comfortable, even nodding off at the wheel, when many accidents happen.
I've been in a lot of LTR's for the past 30 years, lived with several women, and been engaged twice. Both of who proposed to me. Though I've never been married, I've been around the block enough and I've seen the marriages develop of my good friends as well.
I've also raised a child, and you can control them remarkably well if you decide to be a strong and firm Father instead of a buddy. I look at the children in this country and I can understand one might think they are hard to control. Much of American culture touts we shouldn't be so strict and instead be their "friends" and give them room to find themselves. Same with women really. But go to Mexico and see how the children there behave out in public. It's like night and day.
You and WIA make good points about being the best man you can be. I admit I can become too comfortable in relationships and get out of shape physically. However I don't think that's the overall answer to it.
You can do all you can to be the best possible version of yourself, but it won't be enough to stop aspects of human nature such as desire, emptiness, temptation, along with all the current cultural programming of the times.
If you and your wife are standing in front of a 1000 ft wave of feminine temptation are you just going to expect, "My game will save us". Having good "game" (aka wisdom) is seeing and knowing how to avoid the threatening waves to begin with.