My main squeeze wants a relationship and the only thing stopping me is the fact she's 10lbs from a goddess-like figure (= BMI 20). How do I say this? She's not fat just not slim the way I like 'em. Other than this single item she's very worthy.

Never settle.

When you commit to a relationship with her, that 10lbs will almost instantly turn into 20lbs and you're stuck with her as the weight balloons up. Pretty soon, you're considered a chubby chaser because your women got lazy and complacent.

No just tell her you're not interested in a relationship. If you criticise her weight, she'll never have sex with you again.

I'd just tell her straight up. Subtle hints won't work. If you really want this chick to lose weight, she needs to A) not want to lose you and B) know how you feel. You can't do either by beating around the bush.

Nah, I once criticized a girl's weight (in the terms "you're not physically attractive"), she got mad and left, then came back a few hours later and blowed me with gusto. If you take a strong stand, she will get over it.

Although, I wouldn't exactly use the word fat, given that she is only 10 lb. overweight. Just invite her to some kind of exercise or etc and she will take the hint. If she doesn't, "no LTR for you! Come back one year!"

No, she's female so she'll be too dumb, lazy and undisciplined to use this information to reduce her weight in any event. Instead, just dictate her diet and exercise. It can be done with subtlety and avoids a fight.

You may be fighting a losing battle. If she's not naturally thin, then losing and keeping off the last 10lbs will be very difficult. It's probably easier for someone to lost the first 25 than it is the last 10.

Your best bet would be to get her into something like Crossfit or sign up for Tough Mudder together. You would have to get her to internalize the lifestyle as opposed to just doing it for you.

If you think she is fat, then why even consider LTR. I mean why go into something you not attracted to. It's simple tell her u not interested in a relationship but you like how things are already, that way you can always tell her to leave if she get to fat And trust me she will!

This will end up in chasing the dream of having a skinny girl. If the weight is there now, it's there to stay. If she's madly in love with you she might try to loose a few pounds but once the love wears of a bit she will grow fat again.

You will be fighting an uphill battle.

You gotta tell her, like the other guys say. But you can't do this beta, "let's join the gym together," or beat around the bush. Be cool and surgical about it, and be ready to weather some fall-out.

Quote: (08-05-2012 11:24 AM)Tuthmosis Wrote:  

You gotta tell her, like the other guys say. But you can't do this beta, "let's join the gym together," or beat around the bush. Be cool and surgical about it, and be ready to weather some fall-out.

haha, that's true.

"Surgical" is key.

I remember I made a joke about one of the lizards I was boning periodically a few years back. We were in a wallgreens or something and there was a scale. She hop in and I said something like :" one at a time please".

She got totally traumatized, she actually gained weight, she did not wanted to be naked around me,etc...

It was bad....don't joke about it like me.

The funny part is that she wasn't even fat, maybe 10 pounds extra but still looking real good.

What I've done before is to give the girl an ultimatum. Don't come back in my door until you've lost 10 pounds.

That girl was living with me at the time. I admit, I did cave, and let her lose it while still living with me, but she lost it very fast.

If she can't respect your desire to date an attractive woman, then she deserves to be kicked to the curb just for that. Being fat is disrespectful to her man, and to herself. It's her job as a woman to be attractive for you, and if she fails, she gets fired.

Yeah, you can tell her she's fat. She won't do you the same favor when she doesn't find you attractive enough to date, she'll just fuck your best friend.

It's probably best to not be passive aggressive about this, that's what women do.

ok, i just told her. I said this is the last time I'm going to mention it, but one of the main reasons I am holding back was the weight. I said I thought it was wierd, but it was just slim girls I was attracted to the most *snigger*. She was surprised it was just that, said she really wanted to lose it herself. I already took her to crossfit once, she loved it. She just needs to eat right. She's really in love so I now I need to set a deadline in a way so she knows I mean business. Don't get me wrong, I'll continue to play the field. I really like her and want to give her a fighting chance.

I recognize the danger of old habits dying hard. I still think she deserves an honest opinion.

depends. If you are not in great shape (20-25 BF%), you have no right to tell her that. If you are in pretty good shape then you do.

Follow-up: this weekend she asked that LTR question. We've been continuing to see each other, so maybe she thought my stance had changed. I do like her, she's cooler than so many other girls ive dated. I can't tell whether to call her bluff (she weighs 132lbs, bmi 21.6, well-built, i told her 120 was my preference)

Her: i was pretty upset last night. I didnt know you were THAT serious about the 120lbs. Is that whats keeping you from calling me something more special?

Me: would it really change anything if we were official?

Her: i think thats pretty irrelevant.

Me: how so?

Her: because if its that, then there will always be something you dislike that bothers you. I dont want to be some kind of compromise, or a pet project thats not perfect in your eyes.
So yeah, im surpressing my beta urges, how do i turn this into a win win?

Kinda like: but those extra lbs aren't YOU sweety!

Or: i work hard for what I want and don't settle. If the principle or those lbs are so important to you that you're not going to do anything, then I guess we can say we did our best, but it ends here.

"120lbs isn't a compromise. 120lbs is perfect for me."

do you workout, how do you eat? are you a leading (aesthetic) example in terms of lifestyle and fitness? what does she do?
if you want to change her, invite her to go to the gym with you or introduce her to a new diet.
BMI means shit, because muscle is heavier then fat. you dont want her to look chubby, thats all.
one universal rule

love it, change it or leave it.

How tall is she?

She's 168cm, so... 5'6''

man, if this works out well you'll be some kind of a pioneer ^^

dump her then she will get thinner more beautiful, courageous and strong then you can never have her back

Quote: (08-20-2012 04:34 AM)daygamedatingcoach Wrote:  

dump her then she will get thinner more beautiful, courageous and strong then you can never have her back

It seems like the most effective way of getting a bitch to go to the gym is to break up with her. They'll lose weight and tighten up to spite you, but not to make you happy when they're with you.

Yes. Why couldn't you?