Quote: (02-23-2019 01:03 PM)komatiite Wrote:  

Quote: (02-22-2019 06:42 PM)Rhyme or Reason Wrote:  

I'm about 6 weeks into a wagon and I've had a really tough time since starting this shit. If I'm being honest, I'm pretty fucking over it. I picked up an extra job during my initial pink cloud phase because I was feeling motivated to make extra money, and between my two gigs I've got no spare time and currently no scheduled days off. I'm under more stress than before but have given up my coping mechanism. If life didn't suck so badly, I might have a shot at keeping to a wagon. I'm really fucking anxious all the time. I am grinding my teeth constantly. It's kind of become clear to me now that I've been self medicating with alcohol / other stuff throughout life for a reason. This is some personal shit I'm throwing out there and I am fully aware of that and how it makes me look here. But whatever, if I cannot be honest what's the point?

Hey Man hopefully you feel better today. There’s a certain mental hurdle that everyone who hops on the wagon has gone over — in a way, a guy sort of loses his innocence when he mentally knows he has to quit drinking and makes a Wagon commitment... I knew that by about age 24 and tried several Wagon rides with many failures in between before I finally figured it out. Each time I would fall off the wagon I was so riddled with guilt and shame, and the drinking would always come back with a vengeance until my life would be back all tucked up several months later and I’d try the wagon again.

Lizard is right — jus be patient. I always had the same feelings you describe above at times on the wagon but I promise you that the feeling will pass. It may not be tomorrow and it may not be next week but these feelings will always pass, I can promise you that! Good luck man.

What komatiite says is spot-on and is similar to my own experience. I had this same feeling in my early 20's after several false starts and episodes of binge drinking followed by periods of abstinence.

I can only roughly describe it as a "crisis of faith." You know you that your well-worn drinking habits are not working for you yet you cannot clearly see life without drinking.

I think it is important to occupy yourself and give yourself a chance to experience contentment in some of the more mundane aspects in life. Not all satisfaction derives from intoxication, flashing lights and excitement. Enjoy a bike ride with the wind in your face; do some work around the house listening to music you like; do something. At some point you will say to yourself, "hey, I actually felt happy working on the car in the garage today." The idea is to accumulate experiences like this which will reaffirm the value of the wagon.

It will take some time but it will come. Stay the course.

What do you guys drink when going out. I honestly like the party scene even when not drinking.
I ordered Coke, but this is even more unhealthier than beer imo.

Yesterday I asked 'wáter with some lemon' but the guy looked at me strangely and said ''we don't have that''.
Probably never gotten that request before. I ended up drinking a redbull (also not healthy).

What's a good drink to order in bars (a part from alcohol free cocktails)???

It's amazing how easy the wagon becomes after the passage of time. It's true that the beginning can be extremely difficult, and it seems like an impossible, insurmountable undertaking. But once you get through the earlier stages and you begin to experience the benefits of the wagon, it becomes pleasurable and satisfying to sit back and patiently wait for the further benefits you instinctively know will follow. Everything in your life begins to fall into place, and it feels like your life has switched to easy mode compared to your pre wagon days. You wake up every morning with a feeling of exhilaration and gratitude, and you look back at your former life with disbelief that you would spend so much of your time and money on something so destructive and depraved. It feels like nothing can get in your way and you can easily overcome anything that life throws in your path.

Unfortunately life isn't so simple. Eventually you'll experience something devastating that you find yourself unequipped to deal with. That's when everything in the previous paragraph gets thrown out the window and means nothing at all. You're now in unchartered territory. As you find yourself overwhelmed by your inability to deal with the situation, you begin to look at your drinking days with nostalgia. You remember with fondness the beautiful hue of the bottle of Jamesons and the satisfying sound of the ice falling into the tumbler as the bartender prepares the usual. You know that succumbing to temptation is a terrible choice and will not end well. But goddamn it would be so easy to walk into a bar and affix a temporary band aid, to experience a few moments of relief.

You know from your earlier experience of the wagon exactly what needs to be done when things get tricky. You know that you shouldn't try to surpress anything you are feeling, but rather acknowledge it and allow time to process your emotions in the stark reality of sobriety. You remember how much stronger you became from navigating much less devastating situations without alcohol, and that if you come out of the other side of this one without raising a glass to your lips, you will be immeasurably stronger.

In such a short space of time, you go from elation towards life to an overwhelming sense of emptiness. But this is the moment to remember that making the conscious and cowardly decision to seek relief in alcohol will only proliferate any current problems you are facing, while making the more courageous decision to face your problems with a clear mind is one you will thank yourself for.

Quote: (03-02-2019 02:09 PM)Kentemo Wrote:  

What do you guys drink when going out. I honestly like the party scene even when not drinking.
I ordered Coke, but this is even more unhealthier than beer imo.

Yesterday I asked 'wáter with some lemon' but the guy looked at me strangely and said ''we don't have that''.
Probably never gotten that request before. I ended up drinking a redbull (also not healthy).

What's a good drink to order in bars (a part from alcohol free cocktails)???

Club soda, coffee/tea, ice tea (w/o sugar)

Quote: (02-22-2019 06:42 PM)Rhyme or Reason Wrote:  

I'm about 6 weeks into a wagon and I've had a really tough time since starting this shit. If I'm being honest, I'm pretty fucking over it. I picked up an extra job during my initial pink cloud phase because I was feeling motivated to make extra money, and between my two gigs I've got no spare time and currently no scheduled days off. I'm under more stress than before but have given up my coping mechanism. If life didn't suck so badly, I might have a shot at keeping to a wagon. I'm really fucking anxious all the time. I am grinding my teeth constantly. It's kind of become clear to me now that I've been self medicating with alcohol / other stuff throughout life for a reason. This is some personal shit I'm throwing out there and I am fully aware of that and how it makes me look here. But whatever, if I cannot be honest what's the point?

Keep on it

Quote: (03-02-2019 04:53 PM)Gmac Wrote:  

Quote: (03-02-2019 02:09 PM)Kentemo Wrote:  

What do you guys drink when going out. I honestly like the party scene even when not drinking.
I ordered Coke, but this is even more unhealthier than beer imo.

Yesterday I asked 'wáter with some lemon' but the guy looked at me strangely and said ''we don't have that''.
Probably never gotten that request before. I ended up drinking a redbull (also not healthy).

What's a good drink to order in bars (a part from alcohol free cocktails)???

Club soda, coffee/tea, ice tea (w/o sugar)

I met a lady in a bar a few years ago. She had a drink and I had coffee and bottled water.

I guess you can do orange juice or any other fruit juice. It can be mistaken for a screwdriver if you are concerned about drawing attention to yourself not drinking alcohol. Of course it is better to just be upfront and unabashed about not drinking.

After quitting drinking, I have a strong dislike for being in bars. There is just a polluted and dirty feeling to them, with the smell of booze and stale beer.

Quote: (03-02-2019 02:09 PM)Kentemo Wrote:  

What do you guys drink when going out. I honestly like the party scene even when not drinking.
I ordered Coke, but this is even more unhealthier than beer imo.

Yesterday I asked 'wáter with some lemon' but the guy looked at me strangely and said ''we don't have that''.
Probably never gotten that request before. I ended up drinking a redbull (also not healthy).

What's a good drink to order in bars (a part from alcohol free cocktails)???

Soda with lime.

It's got less calories than tonic water, it looks like a gin and tonic, and it actually tastes pretty bad so you'll be able to nurse it for a while.

Quote: (02-22-2019 06:42 PM)Rhyme or Reason Wrote:  

I'm about 6 weeks into a wagon and I've had a really tough time since starting this shit. If I'm being honest, I'm pretty fucking over it. I picked up an extra job during my initial pink cloud phase because I was feeling motivated to make extra money, and between my two gigs I've got no spare time and currently no scheduled days off. I'm under more stress than before but have given up my coping mechanism. If life didn't suck so badly, I might have a shot at keeping to a wagon. I'm really fucking anxious all the time. I am grinding my teeth constantly. It's kind of become clear to me now that I've been self medicating with alcohol / other stuff throughout life for a reason. This is some personal shit I'm throwing out there and I am fully aware of that and how it makes me look here. But whatever, if I cannot be honest what's the point?

It will and probably has passed since you wrote this. I’m not patronizing you but 6 weeks isn’t that long. Keep going you’ll be ok and your life will improve beyond your imagination

Passed the 3 month/90 day mark yesterday and also was tested a fair but with social pressure to drink when going out with a hard partying client here in Asia...a baller type dude who I have gotten shitfaced with many times in the past. Letting everyone know my last Liver test was not all that great (actually true) had them back off from pressuring to just have one beer or a whiskey soda.

Temptation to have a drink was there, but not overwhelmingly so that I needed to remove myself from the party. Waking up this morning not hungover was a very good feeling...better than any other morning over the last 3 months.

Not much else to report, but have noticed more mental clarity lately, much better sleep overall and if I can stay motivated I am getting more work accomplished.

I ended up breaking my wagon today/yesterday. It all started in a party hostel with a girl. I thought I deserved a beer, rationalized it. Was happy about it, ended up having the worst night in a long long time while spending a week worth of money in one day. If this isn't a sign, I don't know what is.

I'm back on the wagon from 20 March 2019. I'll keep this misstep in mind as well.

Checking in at six months, half way there!

I just passed the two year mark on March 28th and life has never been better. Just three years ago I was a homeless acloholic with very little hope and not much desire to live. Thanks to this forum and the inspiration I get by reading these posts, especially in this thread. Iam most definitely signing up for year 3 of the wagon.

Congrats on your second wagon and overall life improvement. It's no little feat.

I just passed the three months mark and am feeling great. I'm now wondering why I kept drinking for so long. The temptation, however, is still there lurking somewhere.

Quote: (03-19-2019 11:24 AM)Kentemo Wrote:  

I ended up breaking my wagon today/yesterday. It all started in a party hostel with a girl. I thought I deserved a beer, rationalized it. Was happy about it, ended up having the worst night in a long long time while spending a week worth of money in one day. If this isn't a sign, I don't know what is.

I'm back on the wagon from 20 March 2019. I'll keep this misstep in mind as well.

Kentemo, thank you for this post. Welcome aboard as of March 20, 2019 and I hope to hear more from you here over time.

Quote: (03-31-2019 01:57 AM)scotian Wrote:  

Checking in at six months, half way there!

Good work, my man. It may get harder in the next six months as the ice melts and the spring torrents start flowing; just keep that in mind, especially if you find yourself headed to warmer climes. All you need to do is to remember, in the right moment, that you made a decision and that the point of that decision is that you stick to it no matter what. Remember that and you'll be all right.

Quote: (03-31-2019 05:06 PM)PrimeTime32 Wrote:  

I just passed the two year mark on March 28th and life has never been better. Just three years ago I was a homeless acloholic with very little hope and not much desire to live. Thanks to this forum and the inspiration I get by reading these posts, especially in this thread. Iam most definitely signing up for year 3 of the wagon.

PrimeTime32, that is wonderful to hear. The deuce is such a big deal, and the trey will be an even bigger deal if you can believe that; the deuce consolidates, but the trey cements. Please keep it up -- I cannot promise you there will not be more ups and downs in your life, but I can promise you that through all the ups and downs, the wagon will always do you justice and reward your commitment.

Welcome back aboard for year 3 as of March 28, 2019 and I look forward to hearing more from you in this thread as time goes on.

I made it to a year in December.
I did a couple shots (about a third of a pint) on my birthday in February and felt awful. I think I'm over alcohol. My only complaint is I really don't go out to the local spots at night anymore but they were not "target rich" places in this city anyway.

I am a little disappointed in myself as I had no real reason to drink except being at my small birthday get together but I was only committed to a year (based off the thread) and a couple of drinks in a year is not the end of the world.

This month I'll be half way through my second (non consecutive) wagon. I've got two fellow riders with my exact same date, one on and one off the forum.

This wagon is easier and more enjoyable. During my first one I thought about drinking, thought about the end of the wagon, thought about how to get through parties or events all the time. This time, it's different. It does not come to mind that I am on the wagon, and I don't think about the end date. I don't worry about having a heart attack because of not drinking wine because my body tells me that story was alcohol industry bullshit.

My other health goals are coming along nicely. I don't stress over getting into keto, I find myself looking for carbs to slow it down. In business, my first wagon helped me lay the foundation to get through some serious heavy business, legal and financial problems. Not drinking let me write all the problems on a single sheet of paper and the paper no longer weighed more than another sheet. On the second wagon I look deeper into the future and have the patience to plan bigger things then getting out of emergencies.

The second wagon is more like having a slow speed camera that you can use and operate live in real time. The thoughts, words, micro-expressions, deceptions and sincerities are played in real time in front of you at a speed that makes the hummingbird's wings single motions, and you can think and act on them without the blur.

Quote: (04-03-2019 07:28 PM)The Lizard of Oz Wrote:  

Quote: (03-19-2019 11:24 AM)Kentemo Wrote:  

I ended up breaking my wagon today/yesterday. It all started in a party hostel with a girl. I thought I deserved a beer, rationalized it. Was happy about it, ended up having the worst night in a long long time while spending a week worth of money in one day. If this isn't a sign, I don't know what is.

I'm back on the wagon from 20 March 2019. I'll keep this misstep in mind as well.

Kentemo, thank you for this post. Welcome aboard as of March 20, 2019 and I hope to hear more from you here over time.

Thanks Lizard. I have to restart again. I had a birthday party and there was a new bar opening in town that had free drinks until 11 pm. So yeah. Couldn't resist again.

Not drinking anything just isn't fun for me personal. Seems like I have to go out of my own way to order water, instead of a beer (probably the point) . I'm getting good in drinking less though. But a glass of wine with dinner or a glass of scotch/whiskey after a 10 hour day once a month feels good.

Maybe I get back on the wagon later.
Also having another challenge of running a marathon in 2 months, so will at least cut back a lot.

I passed the 3 month mark recently. I'm too stubborn to drink at this point. I save a lot of money because I basically don't spend it and I'm working all the time. Having more cash is probably the only tangible thing I've got to show for the wagon though. I've been a lot more pissed off than I was before the wagon, but I guess that's just how it works.

My alcohol tolerance is so high that I need 5 strong Long Islands to feel buzzed. I spend serious cash on this shit and I am sick of not addressing the issue. Once I went 3 months without alcohol, smoking, and masturbation, so I am sure I can do it again and this time for a longer period of time. Count me in as of April 16, 2019. Zero alcohol, zero other substances, zero masturbation, zero porn, and zero starbucks and other crap.

That's gonna take a lot of will power to quit ALL of that at once. Maybe just quit the booze first and allow yourself coffee and jerking off for a while, and then eliminate those later?

Logically didn't read through the whole thread but I'm doing a month without alcohol and have some observations on why it's hard for me in particular.

-I'm doing no sugar as well and I live in Africa. Going to a club here and asking for water will make you extremely suspect and strange. There is no culture or concept of abstaining from both alcohol and sugar drinks here. Just general health concepts and concerns do not exist here. Some bars actually do not have water. Since I was a strong drinker, but just a social one, not too problematic, but a true sugar addict, I feel the No sugar is more important for me in my life. Doing both long term will be hard and if I have to choose now I will keep the No sugar going.

-My game is very much reliant on asking a girl to come and have a drink at my place, usually wine since girls love that. In almost all cultures, 'let's go have a glass of wine at my place' is a very acceptable and efficient way to get a girl back. Not having that tool in the box makes it quite a lot harder. Wine shows class, romanticism and can easily translate to escalation and bang. Another tool of mine has been hosting the after party for a select small group with at least one girl that I can bang. Can't do that when you have no alcohol at your place.

-Unknown girls here have bought me drinks in bars as a way of hitting on me. Refusing it will probably end the interaction.

So, I will keep doing this month of no alcohol and then probably install a regime of limited units of drinks per week, then I can't get fucked up hard anymore and will have to plan drinking strategically. 2 times a week inviting a girl for a glass of wine will not be an issue then, nor accepting a drink in a bar, but drinking 10-15 beers on a binge night will not be allowed. It is a recipe for disaster some nights since once you start drinking it is harder, but I will give it a try anyway.

Anyway, you guys are beast, good luck!

Year four is finished.

Remember being a kid? Four years was a lifetime. That's an entire high school career. But now it goes by in a blink. Scary.

I'm signing up for year five as of April 20th, 2019.

Once again, thank you Lizard of Oz, and everyone else that has encouraged me to keep it up over the years. I appreciate it, gentlemen.

Quote: (04-15-2019 02:24 PM)speculator Wrote:  

My alcohol tolerance is so high that I need 5 strong Long Islands to feel buzzed. I spend serious cash on this shit and I am sick of not addressing the issue. Once I went 3 months without alcohol, smoking, and masturbation, so I am sure I can do it again and this time for a longer period of time. Count me in as of April 16, 2019. Zero alcohol, zero other substances, zero masturbation, zero porn, and zero starbucks and other crap.

speculator, are you in for a full year as of April 16, 2019? If so, please confirm and I will officially welcome you on board.

I concur with etwsake: trying to quit all these things at once may not be the best idea. One can glide through 3 months on mere enthusiasm, but for the long haul more than enthusiasm will be required, and one step at a time is best. There is also a kind of anxiety and impatience in venturing to solve all of one's problems, supposed and actual, in one blow -- the same anxiety and impatience that are characteristic of many hard drinker types; and there is a useful discipline in contradicting this impulse and taking an unglamorous one step at a time approach. I hope you will consider it.