Hey guys! I just wanted advice about how to deal with women that are enthusiastic, give you their number, text you back, and then later on reveal that they have a boyfriend. I've had this happen to me twice recently. I'm not sure if these women are telling me so that if we bang they won't feel like a slut. Because they can claim that it's "not their fault", since they told me they had a boyfriend and I tried to bang them anyway. In which case I should ignore their boyfriend comment and try to bang as usual.

Or if they are interested, but attached; so they want to keep me around as a beta orbiter. In which case I should put them on ice, and include them in a mass text a couple of months later to see if they're unattached.

Obviously whether their boyfriend lives in the local area, or lives somewhere else makes a huge difference. A lot of the chicks I've been hitting up lately are college co-eds so a significant minority of them are in a long distance relationship.

I've included an example below to show you what I'm talking about.

Learn the basics before worrying about what women think.

Never have conversations over text, your first text destroyed what little chance you had.

Why did she give you her number?

Not to be a dick, but I would have gone about it much differently than you did.

Here's one problem with how you did it - you said you'll text her in 3 months and that you won't forget. Does this sound like a man with lots of options? Even if you don't have any options, that's not something you want to convey to your prospects.

While it's good you said you can't be platonic with someone you're interested in, you could have just ignored the boyfriend thing and just bulled through it for a meet up. In this case, after she mentioned it, I would have said something like

"I'm not worried, whom and whether you are seeing someone doesn't concern me. Anyway, I make a mean margarita at my place. Tonight?"

Just swat it away like a mosquito.

And shorten your texts, you type too much.

I agree with the previous posts.
Keep convos short and always try to arrange a meeting (not 3 months later) before ejecting.
Also, the "boyfriend bomb" (whether there actually is one or not) is just another shit test. Ignore it.

LaPD

Quote: (09-10-2015 11:55 AM)rudebwoy Wrote:  

Never have conversations over text, your first text destroyed what little chance you had.

Why did she give you her number?

I opened to her in the student life center, rapped about multiple things, she seemed into me and gave me the number. We texted back and forth a couple of times. I number closed with: "You seem like a pretty cool person. Let me get your number so we can hang out sometime." I figured that I fucked up after she was so insistent that we still hang out after she told me she had a boyfriend, and I told her I wasn't interested in being just friends. Oh well... live and learn I guess.

I like the Heartiste approach though I have yet to use it in practice.

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2010/07/...responses/

This is my favourite : https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2012/05/...boyfriend/

Quote:Quote:

"Right"

Just think about that for a second. You can almost see the hamster spinning after you drop a response like that.

Maaaaan, I've been runnin' into this shit so often. Just fuckin' plow on through. And . . . multiple prospects.

Girl in class next door who I've played at a coupla times in the hallway. She had responded to my 1st attempt with the boyfriend biz. One more for the hell of it . . .

me: I got a new job.
her: oh, great! What is it?
me: the boyfriend replacer. Want to hire me?
her: (laughing, walking away) Have a good one.

WAY too much texting going on here, keep texting to logistics. Nothing more.

She said she was SEEING someone, that doesn't mean it's her BF.

You could've came up with so many funny responses to her seeing someone. These are half assed ones I barely thought of.

Hopefully we aren't seeing the same girl !
I'm glad you have 20/20 vision
-ignore and carry on-

Her being under 20 is a great segway into being "young wild and free" via underage drinking in miniature alcohol bottles, flasks, sneaking into a bar, etc.

Hell invite her to your place to grab a drink. Or shit it doesn't even need to involve booze, use your imagination.


You placed WAY too much emphasis on texting. I wouldn't have started a conversation about school, just solely logistics and maybe getting to know her a bit more. That's it.

This exchange honestly made me cringe.

These three words summarize everything wrong.

"Aww you're sweet!"

- Animated sound effect. (Aww)
- Perfect grammar and punctuation (you're)
- Using a compliment as an endearing term when she hasn't earned it yet. (Sweet)
- Exclamation Mark (!)



Suggestions:

- Only text to build curiosity and arrange meetup.
- No more than two sentences.
- Tease and tease more. You had a chance to spin a cool story talking about police, or tease her when she complained about accounting.
- She is invited to tag along your fun life, not the other way around.
- If she pulls the boyfriend card, either address the elephant in the room or roll it off. Don't have it affect your frame.

Quote: (09-10-2015 02:48 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

WAY too much texting going on here, keep texting to logistics. Nothing more.

She said she was SEEING someone, that doesn't mean it's her BF.

You could've came up with so many funny responses to her seeing someone. These are half assed ones I barely thought of.

Hopefully we aren't seeing the same girl !
I'm glad you have 20/20 vision
-ignore and carry on-

Her being under 20 is a great segway into being "young wild and free" via underage drinking in miniature alcohol bottles, flasks, sneaking into a bar, etc.

Hell invite her to your place to grab a drink. Or shit it doesn't even need to involve booze, use your imagination.


You placed WAY too much emphasis on texting. I wouldn't have started a conversation about school, just solely logistics and maybe getting to know her a bit more. That's it.

This exchange honestly made me cringe.

Yeah that seems to be the consensus. She seemed really into me too which sucks. I'll have to take it as a lesson learned I guess.

I've never had this happen. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I put out a vibe that basically says that I'm in no way interested in being an orbiter and I'm pretty sure that I've never been an orbiter, so maybe that's it.

It happens all the time in Los Angeles. Sometimes they don't even bring up having a boyfriend until after we have banged. In which case, who cares? I already got what I wanted.

Game on as usual, unless she says it in a way such as "you know, you are wasting your time, I already have a boyfriend, it's going great, so you are totally wasting your time" etc. then move on.

If she says she has a boyfriend, you can ask her if it's going as well as she would like, if she hesitates, or says 'no not really', then game on. Basically start a stopwatch in your head after you ask if it is going as well as she would like, and the longer it takes her to answer, the easier time you will have getting her into bed.

Attractive girls that age will change 'boyfriends' like we change socks....like





Remember this: To girls a BF = 1) social status, 2)attention, and 3) meal ticket.


She gave you her number because she's open to "upgrading" her situation. If she was 100% committed to the BF she wouldn't have given you her number. But she's not going to let go of the last BF (branch) until she's got next one "in hand".

I'd circle back in a couple weeks and pretend she never mentioned the BF. Plow ahead...but be a man not a weenie chode. She needs to believe you are an upgrade. If you do the next branch she grabs will be your tool.

Your texts and my comments in bold. This belongs in the What should I text next thread or a newbie thread, not as it's own thread:

Quote: (09-10-2015 11:10 AM)mpr Wrote:  

Saying "hey" and her name is not necessarily bad, but the exclamation point is unnecessary and conveys low value. Remember you just met her. Asking her about the police cars is not necessarily a bad intro, but it would've been way better had you asked her if she was the reason or what bank she robbed or something fun and exciting and drawing her into a fantasy world that you're directing.

She asked you what happened. Another opportunity to weave an obviously tall but funny tale and you missed it. Better even might've been to ignore it completely and go off in another direction. Look at your response, instead of a factual and boring description and a really boring question, you could've gone with teasing her about playing hooky from school or just responded with "oh it was this cute brunette that got dragged out, thought it was you..." which isn't even that strong but it world's better and SHORTER than the multi-sentence response you gave.

Quote: (09-10-2015 11:10 AM)mpr Wrote:  

She could potentially still be interested with this long ass response, but you can tell she's not all that enthusiastic because she's not flirting and it's all factual. That's mostly your fault as her conversation will generally reflect yours.

Quote: (09-10-2015 11:10 AM)mpr Wrote:  

You respond with an even longer barrage of text that could've been simply, "Good, let's grab a drink after your meeting"

Quote: (09-10-2015 11:10 AM)mpr Wrote:  

Her response is lengthy, but formal and a polite blowoff. At this point you should've just said something short and vague, or just gone direct and blown off the fact that she mentioned a boyfriend. You could've even mentioned offhand that you actually make great margaritas and if she's nice you can teach her. Something, anything other than:

Quote: (09-10-2015 11:10 AM)mpr Wrote:  

"I wouldn't want to mess that up!" reeks of desperation and it's 100% hiding your dick and telling her the opposite of what your true intention is. You'd love to mess that up and fuck her, making a mess on her stomach, her tits, her face, her ass, her back, etc...

Women know when you're being a pussy. God bless? What is she, your grandma? If she's single you'll get a cup of coffee and talk? What happened to margaritas? You back off from alcohol and towards more of a "chit chat friends" type date. You're being about beta nice guy as possible.

Quote: (09-10-2015 11:10 AM)mpr Wrote:  

She readily accepts your frame of friendship (you may think you're offering more than friendship, but who wants to fuck a pussy? Certainly not females. She further cements you in the friend's category and then follows it up to assuage your nice guy feelings with the "though I'm quite flattered " line which you may be reading as her still having some interest but in actuality is more like me being nice to a fat chick approaching me who is sweet and nice about it. I'll say almost verbatim, "Thank you, I'm flattered, but I'm not interested."

Quote: (09-10-2015 11:10 AM)mpr Wrote:  

You follow completely misreading her social cues thinking that you have a choice in the matter, but you don't. You can be her friend or nothing. It's clear from her texts at this point but you call her sweet and tell her it would be nice to be friends with her despite you full well having zero intention of being friends with her. Again, hiding your dick.

When she says "I understand " she's really saying, "I understand you're a hopeless orbiter and will try helplessly again to get my attention and affection/sex"

"Good luck with your semester" might as well be, "have a cool summer, keep in touch!" written in a grade school yearbook. The girl doesn't mean anything by it.

Hope that helps point out that you have a long way to go. She may even have been interested when you talked to her in person, but a combination of you being overly eager, verbose, factual/boring/droning, and misreading social cues left you with this result.

You need to make plans with them and have the number just be a way to flirt/confirm any final logistics.

EDIT: Added bolding and corrected my text accidentally included in the first quote.

IMO that is some extremely weak text game. For so many reasons. I got bored reading them, as I was cringing.

No one cares about anyone else's school work, and she doesn't give a shit about your boring day. The smiley faces are gay. "Awww you're sweet" is something girls say. And then "I'll call you in three months and won't forget" makes you sound like a creepy beta orbiter.

I wouldn't be shocked if she gave you her digits because she was interested, and then your text game blew it.

Read the RooshV guide to texting (or McQueen's), put this in the n00b forum, and then come back.

Quote: (09-10-2015 05:01 PM)HankMoody Wrote:  

IMO that is some extremely weak text game. For so many reasons. I got bored reading them, as I was cringing.

No one cares about anyone else's school work, and she doesn't give a shit about your boring day. The smiley faces are gay. "Awww you're sweet" is something girls say. And then "I'll call you in three months and won't forget" makes you sound like a creepy beta orbiter.

I wouldn't be shocked if she gave you her digits because she was interested, and then your text game blew it.

Read the RooshV guide to texting (or McQueen's), put this in the n00b forum, and then come back.

What I say is with my experience and education level, if I get bored or completely lost reading a text, what do you think will happen when a nineteen year old girl tries to read it?

Quote: (09-10-2015 02:48 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

WAY too much texting going on here, keep texting to logistics. Nothing more.

She said she was SEEING someone, that doesn't mean it's her BF.

You could've came up with so many funny responses to her seeing someone. These are half assed ones I barely thought of.

Hopefully we aren't seeing the same girl !
I'm glad you have 20/20 vision
-ignore and carry on-

Her being under 20 is a great segway into being "young wild and free" via underage drinking in miniature alcohol bottles, flasks, sneaking into a bar, etc.

Hell invite her to your place to grab a drink. Or shit it doesn't even need to involve booze, use your imagination.


You placed WAY too much emphasis on texting. I wouldn't have started a conversation about school, just solely logistics and maybe getting to know her a bit more. That's it.

This exchange honestly made me cringe.

Ding dong.

Alright man, I just repped you for posting this exchange and opening yourself up to criticism.

You've basically volunteered to take the Jumbotron test, but the audience is the RVF, possibly the most discerning Jumbotron audience on the planet. Takes balls. Or maybe an oversight, but let's just say you got balls.

I have a few observations to add.

1. In case you don't know what the Jumbotron test is, it's a test where you can show your buddies, or us, the text, and not be embarrassed by it. That comes from actually knowing what to text.
2. You came across as a nice dude. She also seemed to respond pretty lengthily which is not a bad sign. I disagree with some of the posters that she completely blew you off. If a girl texts you she is 'seeing someone' rather than 'I have a boyfriend,' that's not the greatest endorsement of a relationship I can think of. For all you know, the bitch has been seeing the dude for 2 weeks. The way she phrased it seemed like she left the door open for you.

She *may* have been asking for you to take charge, grab the bull by the horns and plow through. You could have stolen that dude's sandwich just by showing you're fucking cooler.

Either way, you did a 180 and assumed the worst, that she just met Mr. Right and you 'didn't want to interfere.' Even if the door wasn't open like I'm optimistically assuming, you can't win if you don't play the game. Put your quarter in and pull the crank, don't just leave.

3. When it comes to EVERYTHING with girls, it's best to be non-linear whenever you get the chance. That remark about the police was a GREAT opening topic, but you missed an opportunity at a great joke in there as a previous poster noted. The other thing is that you portrayed THIRST at damaging levels.

I completely disagree all texts have to be kept as logistics only. Girls have literally fallen in love with my text game. I can think of 3 girls off the top of my head who've explicitly said "I really like the way you text" or some variation of it. One of them had a (real) boyfriend at the time and I made the girl my LTR. Texting well is a sign of writing skills and social calibration. It hits a lot of good signals. But you have to know how to do it right or you'll just fuck up. You should keep texts short and to the point, send pings only when you know the bait is good, be funny, and most importantly help give off the vibe that you just do not give a fuck. There are also general rules like, getting to know early on, only texting from 1-9 pm or so so that you make sure she's awake and it "isn't too late to respond," and generally don't text too soon after she's responded, unless she texts you back within a minute.

The IDGAF vibe is the most important vibe in my game. You gave too many fucks about this chick and it showed. 'I'll wait 3 months and I won't forget.' Uf. Like I said, I think there was an opening for you there. Shit, it may STILL be there. But you'd have to make a drastic turnaround just from that last line.

Anyway, you seem like a nice dude from your texts and maybe a guy who doesn't want to employ 'game tactics' to get a girl. Just a final note that a lot of these 'tactics' are not sleazy at all and are really just about being interesting and conveying that. You want to entertain her, and entertain yourself by gauging her reactions. Game is about not being cookie-cutter.

Unless you're 6'2+ and a male model, then I guess you can get away with this text exchange. Otherwise, you gotta have a serious shift in perspective. If this forum doesn't do it for you, some bitch royally fucking you over will.

*EDIT: I gave the whole exchange a second read-through, I'm completely convinced she was into you. She responded lengthily, with lols, and used the word 'flattered.' There's a slight possibility she was letting you off easy, but I put it at 90% that this B wanted the D.

You were nice enough to say you weren't interested in being friendzoned right away when she said she was seeing someone. I think you jumped the gun, but then she comes back and says she STILL wants to see you. Some guys will interpret that as her weak attempt at friendzoning, I see it as an opening where you can put yourself in more compromising positions until you finally get the panties down.

Girls love drama. Girls WANT that temptation. When I went in for the first kiss with my last LTR, she told me she had a boyfriend. I just said "That explains a lot," got up and started walking out. She asks me as I'm right at the door, with a worried-ass look on her face: "We can still be friends, right?" I just said, straight faced, "No." Smiled, and walked the fuck out.

Banged her a week later. Bitch met my parents and had a tasty booty.

Kamikaze needs to post more. Almost everything I've seen him write has been solid gold.

Quote: (09-10-2015 06:09 PM)Merenguero Wrote:  

Kamikaze needs to post more. Almost everything I've seen him write has been solid gold.

Quote: (09-10-2015 05:31 PM)Kamikaze Wrote:  

Banged her a week later. Bitch met my parents and had a tasty booty.

It took me a second to realize you are the dude advocating to manipulate women by eating their asses to get them to fall in love with you. It's a dirty job, not necessarily one that I want. Carry on.

Edit,
That's a really good nutshell of what just went on in that text exchange as well. The girl here was saying that she is sort of dating someone but open to being gamed by a guy with good game. Sometimes when this happens to me, I pick up on it while she is saying it, sometimes I just bail like the OP did, even now. Before I was game aware, I would bail every time and give up way too soon. Arguably this is still salvageable. I would wait a week and text "screw it, just meet me for drinks at xyz bar at 8pm Wednesday night". If she says "what do you mean by 'screw it'?" just say you don't really care if she is sort of dating someone, because she doesn't seem that enthusiastic about it.

She is either sick of the chump she is dating and wants out and is hoping the op would have some solid game and step up and help her out of her current mess, or is just OK with dating more than one guy at a time. Either way, she wants the d

I would have made the same mistakes a few years ago. Don't sweat it.

I agree with Kamikaze that all your texts don't have to be calibration. Here is my own greatest hits of text game...

- Don't use capitalization or grammar. I'm a writer by trade, so it's always odd to me to send texts with no capitalization. My texts to my male friends are long, well punctuated, and convey cogent thoughts. To women they're mostly like "cool" "good stuff" "awesome" "fantastic" or "k". Brevity is good when texting with women.

- Don't ask questions. As a rule of thumb I don't use question marks. "And you did that because..."

- Don't use emocons. They're gay and for females.

- People HATE making decisions, so man up and make them. This is bad: "What would you like? Would you like tacos or Chinese? Where do you want to go? What are you in the mood for?" (this is also a demonstration of lower value, because it places her wants and needs over yours). Instead: "i want sushi tonight. gonna hit up [sushi joint]." If she's into you, she'll probably respond along the lines of "I want to go!"

- Don't put her on a pedestal. You did that by asking about her schedule and saying stuff like "If you want to see me" or "If you don't have a boyfriend." No.

I don't see a lot of positive signs from the chick in this text exchange--especially since she's immediately setting up a "I'm busy" excuse--suggesting that you're not the best at gauging she-wants-the-D tells. Giving you her number means almost nothing in 2015, unless she does it unsolicited or with some serious body language, so I hope there was more to it than that. I can almost imagine from your text tone that, in person, you're friendzoning yourself, creating insufficient connections with these girls, and misreading signs.

Assessment game not recognized.