My Travel Journal - Printable Version

My Travel Journal - Printable Version

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My Travel Journal - Dalaran1991 - 06-07-2017

Quote: (06-03-2017 01:35 AM)Eugenics Wrote:

Quote: (06-03-2017 12:49 AM)destiny Wrote:

I'm in a bit of a mess right now mentally. I need to find some new chicks to ground myself.

This is your problem. You shouldn't need women to ground you, this is something you have to figure out for yourself.

Eugenics got it right. If you head out gaming girls in this state, you will just scare the fuck out of them. Shit, you are scaring even me with this desperate vibe.

I'll give you something better than a chick. If you come to see me, I'll give you this: I'll bitch slap the shit out of you, knee you in the stomach and dump your head in the Seine river until you are half-choked. Then I'll wash you up, give you room and board, make you a drink then take you out sight-seeing and gaming. At the barest mention of you bitching or complaining I'll beat you up again until the last vestige of weakness is beaten out of you and you actually learn to fight back. Then I'll take you to meet other RVF brothers here "this is a born-again hard fucker"

It's something that I'm sure no one in your entire Asian-in-Toronto life has done for you. All you got from parents and false-friends are verbal abuse, back-stabbing, man-coddling and condescendence. You have never had any man in your life showing you strength or the tiniest glimpse of honest, brutal love. How can you act like a man if you have never even been treated like one?

I know this because this is every miserable Asian guy's lifestory. Every fucking one of them. My friends in Vietnam are just like you mentally, the only difference that they sometimes get lucky and get a cute girl or wife. And even when married they are still living with their parents and following mommy around. Some of them left home in a rebellious act, but they still do it as a child and not as a grown up man.

If you do come to Paris let me know, but I promise you you will get some tough love. Then you will get a tons of love from lovely French chicks.

For now, try not to put a ring on anything, not to gun down anyone and not do anything drastic.

Best of luck,

My Travel Journal - destiny - 06-07-2017

Quote: (06-07-2017 11:09 AM)Dalaran1991 Wrote:

Quote: (06-03-2017 01:35 AM)Eugenics Wrote:

Quote: (06-03-2017 12:49 AM)destiny Wrote:

I'm in a bit of a mess right now mentally. I need to find some new chicks to ground myself.

This is your problem. You shouldn't need women to ground you, this is something you have to figure out for yourself.

Eugenics got it right. If you head out gaming girls in this state, you will just scare the fuck out of them. Shit, you are scaring even me with this desperate vibe.

I'll give you something better than a chick. If you come to see me, I'll give you this: I'll bitch slap the shit out of you, knee you in the stomach and dump your head in the Seine river until you are half-choked. Then I'll wash you up, give you room and board, make you a drink then take you out sight-seeing and gaming. At the barest mention of you bitching or complaining I'll beat you up again until the last vestige of weakness is beaten out of you and you actually learn to fight back. Then I'll take you to meet other RVF brothers here "this is a born-again hard fucker"

It's something that I'm sure no one in your entire Asian-in-Toronto life has done for you. All you got from parents and false-friends are verbal abuse, back-stabbing, man-coddling and condescendence. You have never had any man in your life showing you strength or the tiniest glimpse of honest, brutal love. How can you act like a man if you have never even been treated like one?

I know this because this is every miserable Asian guy's lifestory. Every fucking one of them. My friends in Vietnam are just like you mentally, the only difference that they sometimes get lucky and get a cute girl or wife. And even when married they are still living with their parents and following mommy around. Some of them left home in a rebellious act, but they still do it as a child and not as a grown up man.

If you do come to Paris let me know, but I promise you you will get some tough love. Then you will get a tons of love from lovely French chicks.

For now, try not to put a ring on anything, not to gun down anyone and not do anything drastic.

Best of luck,

I think that's exactly what happened today. I tried to start a conversation with one of the employees at the mcdonalds that I frequent daily but got blown out.

Her: Hi, how may I help you?
Me: Can I get so and so
Her: Your total is X
Me: I wave my credit card in front of her
Me: Do you work here everyday? I see you all the time here
Her: Yah everyday in a disinterested look
Her: Hands me my receipt and waves me to the side to take my order

If your willing to help a brother out then I'm more then willing to buy a plane ticket and come on out to see you. Right now I'm having some doubts about the long weekend Halifax trip because I looked up prices for hotels and also apartments on airbnb and it was fucking outrageous. I realistically only have 2 days for this trip since I work afternoons until 12am the next day so I'm not sure if it would be worthwhile for me to come see you with such a limited timeframe. I don't have any vacation days this year neither.

I know I shouldn't need women to feel grounded and I'm not happy about the fact that it affects me this much but I think I need some more female dating prospects and also being around female company just to help eliminate this mental scarcity mindset and also to ease my oneitis problem. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be too worried about the girl in vietnam if I was banging another cute chick over here.

My Travel Journal - destiny - 06-08-2017

Update:

Finances/Career:

I just had a meeting yesterday with the production coordinator at my company along with the other team leader who I will be working with. Apparently they want to have me one day working as the production manager for the afternoon shift just like the production manager from the day shift who's a total douchbag and is nearing the age of retirement. I don't know if they are trying to blow smoke up my ass or not, but I don't think the salary they will offer me will be anywhere near competitive and only be like a 15% raise or something.

I never really had any intention of working in a fucking factory before. It feels like I wasted all of my time, effort, and money attending university for nothing. The owner is Chinese and over 60% of the employees here are also Chinese. All of the foremans and supervisors are all young guys as well. I guess my physical profile fitted everything the owner wanted. One of my coworkers who's apparently the mother-in-law of one of the owners keeps on telling me that working at this company will give me a bright future and that one day I can replace my manager and even work in the office. I'm not really sure what to think about this. The salary is crap and the owner is cheap.

Right now I'm not sure if I should stick it out here and get some more work experience and then bounce or stick it out here and hopefully wait until I can get promoted to at least a supervisor and then leave after getting 1-1.5 years of work experience or just saying fuck it and take a risk and go back to looking for work in kinesiology, although I doubt I can find any jobs for that.

I was speaking with a coworker of mine today, an older guy in his early 50's. He used to work in the telecommunications field but then did an early retirement and got bored so came back to work. He told me about the numerous opportunities that were abound in China and overseas and that there's nothing here in Canada, especially Toronto and that he's a fool for coming here to live. He told me why don't you go and apply to be an English teacher there and then go look for opportunities. I mentioned this company that we are working at right now and he said it's ok for short term but... He then asked me "Do you want to just have a stable job or do you want to go on an adventure and look for opportunities?"

This really hit a cord in me. I fucking hate this place, especially the dating situation here, but I don't have any skills or experience to do anything else outside of Toronto here. I'm at the point in my life where I want to have some stability with my career and I think I could slowly climb up the ladder and perhaps fix my career situation in this new field. This is a very young company only 3-4 years old that was grown quite a lot quickly. I am sure if I stay for a little while longer, I can move up further on the later and then later quit after I have 1-1.5 years of experience and essentially double my salary at another company.

However, the thought of venturing off into the unknown, exploring new countries and cultures, meeting beautiful exotic girls, is really tempting, but the thought of having no security at all and further damaging whatever career prospects I may have is quite hard to swallow. I think the best solution for the moment is to just stick it out here for a while. Since my plan of going back to Vietnam for 2-3 months in the fall has now been ruined, and I'm just gonna go back for 3 weeks just to feel out the situation and figure things out. I could always return back next year for 6 months up to 1 year once I've saved up enough money and paid down my student debt. That time I am away working on improving my dating skills and meeting other women could also be used for networking and looking for career opportunities abroad. Plus I will have had at least 1 year of work experience in my new role which could act as a safety net in case, I want to return back to this role in the future. For now I'm just gonna tough it out here.

Dating/Relationships:

Well, a few days ago, I saw on my facebook newsfeed that she posted up a picture of her receiving some $200 swiss watch and a bunch of swiss chocolates from someone who I'm assuming is a guy. I think its that guy from Switzerland. This upset me for a quite a while. Nonetheless I have gone no contact on her and will focus my energy on other girls just to shake off this oneitis.

Today I tried to strike up a conversation with an employee at the local mcdonalds I always frequent right before work. She appeared disinterested so I guess I can cross her off my list. I also showed up to work 5 minutes early today hoping that I could go and strike up a conversation with that other chick at my workplace who works in the morning shift. Unfortunately as soon as I got in and my manager saw me, he ushered me to come follow him and then ordered me to go learn how to do something somewhere away from that chick. This asshole cockblocked. One of my coworkers has also recommended that I go check out this church weekly meetings to scoop for prospects. She mentioned that she knew 1-2 girls who were single. She said one of them was a 30 year old hong kong born Toronto raised chick. She said this girl was absolutely gorgeous but in the past, her expectations were fucking ridiculous. She wanted the guy to make at least 6 figures, be tall, have abs, good looking, etc. Needless to say, she didn't get many dates and has now hit the wall, although my coworker says she still looks like she's in her early 20s. She said she's gonna try and arrange a meeting between us with her there one day lol. She didn't really know much about the other girl other then she's her friend's younger sister.

I'm not expecting much, in fact my expectations are very low, but I think I will give the church thing a try this sunday and see how it goes. Hopefully, I don't have these people phoning me later on and harassing me to come out again to a reading.

Lastly, I looked up the prices for lodging in Halifax and its fucking ridiculously expensive. For the price I pay there, I might as well go to Miami or somewhere more mainstream. I'm not sure now if I want to go there. I mean having only 2 nights there to game is going to be quite tough. My time is extremely limited, although it would be nice to just check out the east coast. The other options I am thinking about are:

1. Montreal
2. Ottawa
3. Coming to see Dalaran in Paris
4. Maybe over to Cologne to see Kirdiesel if he's up for meeting

I only have 2 nights to spend away from Toronto and I don't want to spend so much on airfare only to travel for 2 nights. The other option is to just save my money and to just focus on trying to break into some social circles like these church groups. I tried to lookup several niche groups to go to on meetup.com focusing on esl learners or chinese or vietnamese groups but most of the people going to these events were dudes. It was like 90% dudes and the 10% chicks that were left, looked at atrocious.

I also had some random asian chick message me yesterday on cs saying she's down for meeting for drinks/food because I created a thread a long time ago about meeting people there.

We'll see what happens this weekend.

My Travel Journal - kirdiesel - 06-08-2017

Regarding your finances:

I am not sure how much work experience you have but it doesn't sounds like alot. Stay there for 1 year and then start shopping around for a new job. Don't quit before you have something else. That is if you plan on staying in Toronto for awhile.

If you really want to get the fuck outta there you could always look into Teaching English overseas. Get a fucking TEFL/CELTA certificate and go work for language schools in Europe. Its not the best pay in the world but alot of people take that route when they want to get overseas for cheap. It allows you get into the country of choice, get a visa to stay, get some income in the meantime while you get accustomed to the new culture and then switch to a new job/career.

Lots of expats here in Germany have done it this way as well as in other countries throughout Europe. Theres threads here about it. Just food for thought.

Regarding dating/relationships:

I don't remember if i mentioned this before but you need to have a complete/intimate understanding of your dating market in Toronto. Are ANY Asian guys getting the girls you want in Toronto? How are they getting them? Day Game? Night Game.. Which bars/clubs? Online Game? If you are seeing other guys similar to you with the girls you want it means that there is something wrong with YOU or your approach. You seem to be just trying random things and don't have a planned out strategy or direction on how to get or even reach the girls you want.

BTW I NEVER pickup girls at my job or even at Mcdonalds or anything like that. I am not a guru... I am a NIGHTGAME SPECIALIST. You need to specialize.

My reason for asking this is that I am experiencing something similar right now.

Quick Story:

There are two clubs here which think are lower class but in the past they were two separate clubs. I would randomly see black guys hanging around each of these places looking dejected or alone and one in a while with a decent chick or two. Probably since they were separate I never saw much and never thought anything of it. These two have joined together and expanded space to form one super club. Since then i have seen many more black guys hanging around there consistantly with nice white girls which I didn't think was possible here. Turns out that I have been possibly climbing an uphill battle in the wrong locations for MONTHS ON END it could be fucking years.. who knows at this point!!!. I have been getting laid but probably not as often and as easily as I could have be... BECAUSE I MIGHT BE IN THE WRONG MARKET. So I am now in the process of researching the new location.

Firstly, I wont go there to game but just to watch and SEE what the other black guys are doing and kind of quality they are getting. Then devise a strategy and start tearing that place apart.

Visiting me in Germany:

I'd love for you to visit me here. I could give you some direction and guidance but gaming here for you is NOT going to be easy. Germany is NOT the place for beginners to game.. Minorities are also not seen well here. Depending on your time Dalaran is also not far away as Paris is only 5 hours away and 3 hours by high speed rail. AFAIK he is also Asian and he will have more of an understanding of the challenges you face better than I will. Blacks and Asians face similar challenges with women but not exactly the same.

My Travel Journal - Dalaran1991 - 06-08-2017

Destiny, the last thing you need right now is spend money that you dont have for a trip to Europe.
I'm more than willing to help you, but you need to sort something out first.

You need to fucking toss away the idea that you need a girl or be near a girl to restore balance to your life, as if you cant live without some female essence or some shit. Luckily not all men are like you or how the fuck does army on campaign functions? Or Isaac Newton? Or any man for that matter?

I'm not telling you to do MGTOW or some bullshit, but the idea that your mental well-being depends on female presence is the most pathetic thing that could ever come vomitting out of a man's mouth. If you do come visit I'm afraid I actually have to beat you almost to a coma.

Understand this: girls have a right to be weak. You dont. You dont have the right to be weak, emotionally dependent on girls. Or you will end up exactly like one of your chode friend, or worse.

Back when I was a beta, I fell in love with a beautiful French girl. She was the most femme fatale ever and I got heartbroken. During the 2 years when I was in USA and couldnt go to meet her, I poured myself into a self-improvement frenzy. Yes, I did go to bed looking at her pics and dreaming of her. I got hurt, a lot. But guess what? I didnt die nor did I go insane. I didnt go out and try to pick up random women. I was just a likable, normal guy, biding my time until I could come back to Paris.

Now I'm back in Paris, and my girlfriend is much younger, hotter and tighter than this girl.

So dont fucking tell me you NEED girls. Until you fix that part of your mentality nothing me or anyone here can say or do can help you. If I were you I would see this time period as a huge fucking opportunity because you have a huge motivation: anger. Anger is a wonderful energy source. Use this anger to work on yourself and figure out a way out of your country/city. Use it to motivate yourself to work overtime. Use it and turn it into anger to learn something, for you and not for getting women. Stop thinking about picking up women. Stop spending money going to bars and clubs to talk to women. Live below your means, save up money, bide your time and keep eyes and ears open for opportunities.

Given your age you dont have much time left. This is the age when men are thinking about the next career change / promotion, opening a new business, or starting a serious family. You are not in a position to do any of that. You are exactly where most of the libtard we love to make fun of on this forum are. There's no blaming anyone for that, not your family not circumstance, nothing. I could rail against the god for being Asian and short but where would that get me? Instead I fucking work and got rewarded. Everyone of us Asian living in a majority white country must fucking work hard, sometimes 10x harder than the average guy to get the same result. Either get used to it or expatriate.

Life turns out much better than you'd think once you do.

Keep working on girls now and you will get into the same shit. You will get duped, betrayed, backstabbed and made fun of. Frankly you can't handle one plain Viet bitch, so going out dealing with Toronto women is like trying to take on Spetnaz as a recruit. It will not end well.

Why does your life has to revolve around women? dont you have other hobbies? Go to the gym/martial arts, talk to the guys, make friends, invite them out for a beer. Go read, learn an art, get to know people and get rid of your poisonous friends. Go live a fucking healthy life that doesnt need pussy smell to make it rosy.

My Travel Journal - destiny - 06-09-2017

Quote: (06-08-2017 02:11 AM)kirdiesel Wrote:

Regarding your finances:

I am not sure how much work experience you have but it doesn't sounds like alot. Stay there for 1 year and then start shopping around for a new job. Don't quit before you have something else. That is if you plan on staying in Toronto for awhile.

If you really want to get the fuck outta there you could always look into Teaching English overseas. Get a fucking TEFL/CELTA certificate and go work for language schools in Europe. Its not the best pay in the world but alot of people take that route when they want to get overseas for cheap. It allows you get into the country of choice, get a visa to stay, get some income in the meantime while you get accustomed to the new culture and then switch to a new job/career.

Lots of expats here in Germany have done it this way as well as in other countries throughout Europe. Theres threads here about it. Just food for thought.

Regarding dating/relationships:

I don't remember if i mentioned this before but you need to have a complete/intimate understanding of your dating market in Toronto. Are ANY Asian guys getting the girls you want in Toronto? How are they getting them? Day Game? Night Game.. Which bars/clubs? Online Game? If you are seeing other guys similar to you with the girls you want it means that there is something wrong with YOU or your approach. You seem to be just trying random things and don't have a planned out strategy or direction on how to get or even reach the girls you want.

BTW I NEVER pickup girls at my job or even at Mcdonalds or anything like that. I am not a guru... I am a NIGHTGAME SPECIALIST. You need to specialize.

My reason for asking this is that I am experiencing something similar right now.

Quick Story:

There are two clubs here which think are lower class but in the past they were two separate clubs. I would randomly see black guys hanging around each of these places looking dejected or alone and one in a while with a decent chick or two. Probably since they were separate I never saw much and never thought anything of it. These two have joined together and expanded space to form one super club. Since then i have seen many more black guys hanging around there consistantly with nice white girls which I didn't think was possible here. Turns out that I have been possibly climbing an uphill battle in the wrong locations for MONTHS ON END it could be fucking years.. who knows at this point!!!. I have been getting laid but probably not as often and as easily as I could have be... BECAUSE I MIGHT BE IN THE WRONG MARKET. So I am now in the process of researching the new location.

Firstly, I wont go there to game but just to watch and SEE what the other black guys are doing and kind of quality they are getting. Then devise a strategy and start tearing that place apart.

Visiting me in Germany:

I'd love for you to visit me here. I could give you some direction and guidance but gaming here for you is NOT going to be easy. Germany is NOT the place for beginners to game.. Minorities are also not seen well here. Depending on your time Dalaran is also not far away as Paris is only 5 hours away and 3 hours by high speed rail. AFAIK he is also Asian and he will have more of an understanding of the challenges you face better than I will. Blacks and Asians face similar challenges with women but not exactly the same.

Finances:

Ya I figured right now, the best plan for me would be to stay here for at least a year just to get some work experience and I could always hop somewhere else if there's no promotion within a year. It would allow me to get my finances in check.

Dating/Relationships:

Here's the thing, I haven't seen a single asian guy with a girl that I like especially an asian girl. For some reason, the asian girls over here all look butt ugly. It took a trip down to Vietnam to really open my eyes to what I was missing out on with Asian girls. I saw one Asian guy from my muay thai class a while ago date some white chick, and most of the asian guys I know are either single or dating hideous creatures. I think I saw like 3 cute Asian girls here in the span of 3-4 years.

I think a saw 1 Asian guy who dated a cute girl from my class. He was in the same program as us but was a year behind us. I didn't get a chance to do social circle gaming because I got kicked outta my program before I had a chance to work on the girls and I was too focused on my studies trying to stay alive in the program.

Ya I definitely need to specialize. Club game is definitely my worse area followed by online game. I seem to do abit better with pub game and day game. Never really tried social circle game before but that's because my social circles are crap and full of dudes.

Meeting you:
Ya, I figured Germany wasn't going to be easy but then again, I've already tried Toronto, Riga, Krakow and those places aren't exactly a walk in the park neither. Anyways I don't think it would be a good use of my money and time to visit u for only 2 short days. A plane ticket + accommodations will set me back over a grand just for 2 days.

My Travel Journal - destiny - 06-09-2017

Quote: (06-08-2017 10:29 AM)Dalaran1991 Wrote:

Destiny, the last thing you need right now is spend money that you dont have for a trip to Europe.
I'm more than willing to help you, but you need to sort something out first.

You need to fucking toss away the idea that you need a girl or be near a girl to restore balance to your life, as if you cant live without some female essence or some shit. Luckily not all men are like you or how the fuck does army on campaign functions? Or Isaac Newton? Or any man for that matter?

I'm not telling you to do MGTOW or some bullshit, but the idea that your mental well-being depends on female presence is the most pathetic thing that could ever come vomitting out of a man's mouth. If you do come visit I'm afraid I actually have to beat you almost to a coma.

Understand this: girls have a right to be weak. You dont. You dont have the right to be weak, emotionally dependent on girls. Or you will end up exactly like one of your chode friend, or worse.

Back when I was a beta, I fell in love with a beautiful French girl. She was the most femme fatale ever and I got heartbroken. During the 2 years when I was in USA and couldnt go to meet her, I poured myself into a self-improvement frenzy. Yes, I did go to bed looking at her pics and dreaming of her. I got hurt, a lot. But guess what? I didnt die nor did I go insane. I didnt go out and try to pick up random women. I was just a likable, normal guy, biding my time until I could come back to Paris.

Now I'm back in Paris, and my girlfriend is much younger, hotter and tighter than this girl.

So dont fucking tell me you NEED girls. Until you fix that part of your mentality nothing me or anyone here can say or do can help you. If I were you I would see this time period as a huge fucking opportunity because you have a huge motivation: anger. Anger is a wonderful energy source. Use this anger to work on yourself and figure out a way out of your country/city. Use it to motivate yourself to work overtime. Use it and turn it into anger to learn something, for you and not for getting women. Stop thinking about picking up women. Stop spending money going to bars and clubs to talk to women. Live below your means, save up money, bide your time and keep eyes and ears open for opportunities.

Given your age you dont have much time left. This is the age when men are thinking about the next career change / promotion, opening a new business, or starting a serious family. You are not in a position to do any of that. You are exactly where most of the libtard we love to make fun of on this forum are. There's no blaming anyone for that, not your family not circumstance, nothing. I could rail against the god for being Asian and short but where would that get me? Instead I fucking work and got rewarded. Everyone of us Asian living in a majority white country must fucking work hard, sometimes 10x harder than the average guy to get the same result. Either get used to it or expatriate.

Life turns out much better than you'd think once you do.

Keep working on girls now and you will get into the same shit. You will get duped, betrayed, backstabbed and made fun of. Frankly you can't handle one plain Viet bitch, so going out dealing with Toronto women is like trying to take on Spetnaz as a recruit. It will not end well.

Why does your life has to revolve around women? dont you have other hobbies? Go to the gym/martial arts, talk to the guys, make friends, invite them out for a beer. Go read, learn an art, get to know people and get rid of your poisonous friends. Go live a fucking healthy life that doesnt need pussy smell to make it rosy.

I wish I could just do that right now. Today I saw several pics of that viet girl posted on facebook with that guy and her and her friends eating at a restaurant. It felt like a stab in the back. She was wearing that expensive Swiss watch he bought her. This guy's running baller game. Right now I feel a wealth of negative emotions inside of me, everything from anger, sadness, betrayal, etc. That fucking bitch! Just two months ago, she was telling me how she misses me and wants to see me as soon as possible and now she's going around dating that sob. I feel like I want to get back at her. Go on some dates with some girls and post pics of us on the date together. I'm not thinking straight right now because I'm feeling hurt.

This feels just like that girl who fucked me over a few years back and was the catalyst for me to learn game and improve myself. I met her while I was doing my masters degree. I figured once I was finished the program, I would be set financially and have a nice stable career. I had put women off all my life and didn't really think much about them until I met her. I figured that I should focus on my career and the girls would naturally come my way. What I wasn't prepared for was meeting the she-devil. She put on a fake front, nice and conservative and told me she hardly ever drinks or goes to clubs. This was all bullshit. She turned out to be one of the most vile and disgusting creatures I have ever met in my life. She caused me tremendous grief, agony, and pain like I never felt before. Instead of focusing on my studies, my mind was occupied with her all day. This lead to me doing worse and worse in school. My jackass ex-friends encouraged me to hang out with them more and more as my condition worsened. I still wonder whether or not they did it because they wanted to help me or sabotage me. When I told them the news that I failed my program, they laughed it off and said "good, now you can be like us." or something like that. I went into serious depression.

I still remember me lying there in my bed, crying from the pain of my failures with both the girl and school. I had worked my ass off and beated thousands of others to get a chance to get into the program and now it was all gone. I remember making a vow to myself that day that I would never experience that same pain again, and that I would grow stronger, get better with women, and improve my life. I wanted to show her the new and improved me, to show her and rub it in her face. To make her regret, everything she ever did to me. I had neglected focusing on females for nearly 3 decades and now it was finally coming back to bite me in the ass. I felt this was an area of my life that I really needed to fix. I used that anger and fire that was within me to fuel my rage to take action. I poured everything I had into fixing this area of my life.

At first, I started reading pickup websites, blogs, and books. I devoured that shit like no tomorrow. Then I worked on my fashion. I completely revamped myself. I lost a quite a bit of weight, got rid of my glasses and got contacts instead. I visited men's clothing stores and talked to the sales associates, asking for their recommendations and help. I visited fashion websites and studied it. The next time, my friends and classmates saw me, they couldn't even recognize me. In fact, some of them started copying my fashion style.

Next, I started to network with local wannable PUA guys down at the Eaton center. I knew nothing about game so I figured why not go team up with others who are also learning game. I remember doing my first cold approach where I couldn't even usher a single word to my target as my wingman threatened to punch me in the face if I didn't open the set. Even though things looked bleak and rough, I never gave up. I continued and persisted despite not getting very far. I remember getting my first phone number and feeling on cloud nine. The number went nowhere. Weeks turned into months and I still didn't see much improvement. I tiny bits of success here and there but nothing major came about. My wings saw the same results, sometimes even worse then me despite practicing for years on end. I figured something isn't right here. What I'm doing is not working so I have to try something different.

I corresponded with another fella into PUA stuff in the states and decided I needed a break from the city and go visit him, just to clear my head and also learn a few things from him. It was my first time traveling alone to a foreign country. I was scared yet excited at the same time but I knew I needed to accelerate my growth and to challenge myself to adapt so I did it. Since that trip, I have been hooked on traveling solo.

I also signed up for a shit tonne of social activities with the hopes of helping me get the thoughts of my failures outta my head and also to meet women. I took several different dance classes, martial arts training, improv comedy, rock climbing, intramural volleyball, continued with my weight training that I have been doing since being a freshman at university, and went to every single social event that I was invited to. Unfortunately none of these things yielded the results I wanted.

I ended up getting expelled from my program permanently after getting too anxious on a practical exam and went into further depression for a while. It was around this time that I stumbled upon Roosh v and the forum. They talked about traveling to other countries to meet girls who were more feminine and genuine. I figured why not give it a try, you got nothing to lose and besides you need the break after getting expelled from school so I set off to Europe. It was here that I met a girl who showed me that I didn't need to settle for that crap in Toronto and motivated me to learn about creating an online business so that I could travel around to other countries and date the local women there. Unfortunately after several failed attempts, I couldn't do it anymore and got an online teaching job with the hopes of being able to work and life in another country of my choosing. I was 29 at the time and still never even kissed a girl in my life. I felt fucking horrible. The company ended up being extremely shady and paid like peanuts and expected u to be a slave so I said sayonara. That brought me to Riga and Krakow and the creation of this journal. It feels like I'm right back where I started now despite the colossal effect I put into fixing this area of my life.

I did eventually blow that girl off at the end who caused me to start this journey, and last I saw of her, she turned into a fat whale and has hit the wall hard.

Right now it just feels like my life is one big complete mess. I see other couples so happy in their relationships and am so envious of them, and what they have. I ask myself why can't I have that? I am putting in all this effort yet I'm not getting the results.

I don't know what the hell to do anymore. It seems no matter what I do, nothing ever changes.

My Travel Journal - Rocha - 06-09-2017

Quote: (06-09-2017 03:19 AM)destiny Wrote:

Right now it just feels like my life is one big complete mess. I see other couples so happy in their relationships and am so envious of them, and what they have. I ask myself why can't I have that? I am putting in all this effort yet I'm not getting the results.

I don't know what the hell to do anymore. It seems no matter what I do, nothing ever changes.

I have been there for a period of time some years ago.
We have a saying in portuguese more or less like this "Only one who is in the convent knows what is going on in there"... they may seem happy, but you don't know the bullshit the guy has to handle for example.

Instead focus on yourself and in your social skills and self improvement, and not project your happiness in being with other person, who at the end of day is just another person with her flaws and virtues, and who might make you feel like shit again. Try to bang women, as much as possible, nothing will make you feel more comfortable with women and knowleadgable of women psychology than being around many, but try to dettach from further ventures with them, at least at this moment in your life, unless you want to hit the ground hard again.

Rome was not built in a day. It took me many trips abroad and many lays to master some stuff regarding seduction and more importantly understand a womans mind. Not matter what you read online or in books, experience is what will take you far.

I bet on you, you have the drive to become a pussy slayer.

My Travel Journal - kirdiesel - 06-09-2017

As as far I remember you lost your virginity fairly recently.

So thats worth nothing now? Thats not an accomplishment?

My Travel Journal - destiny - 06-10-2017

Quote: (06-09-2017 01:32 PM)kirdiesel Wrote:

As as far I remember you lost your virginity fairly recently.

So thats worth nothing now? Thats not an accomplishment?

It took a colossal amount of effort to accomplish something that seems so simple. It took me 31 years of my life to lose it. Most guys lose their V-cards in their late teens to early 20's. I've made so many bad decisions in my earlier life it just feels like I fell down into an abyss, desperately trying to climb back up to no avail.

My Travel Journal - destiny - 06-10-2017

Update:

I've done a lot of reflecting on my situation. My emotions seem to vacillate from sadness and feeling down to feeling a little inspired to do something about my situation. My emotions seemed to have died down abit and I can think a little more clearly.

I had some more talks with my older coworker. He agrees with everything I say about how fucked up Toronto is and how deep rooted feminism is here. We talked about different countries and he told me stories from his younger days traveling around the world and how much more developed all those countries were compared to here. Canada is like a big laughing stock compared to other 1st and even 2nd world countries. He said I was wasting my youth here and all of my university education is going to waste. He told me how the environment in a factory is shit and how people especially girls look down on guys who work in factories instead of in offices (it might be a chinese saving face thing, I don't know). I hate to say it but I agree with him. Working here is a complete waste of my potential. I'm bored here all the time, looking for something exciting to do and more responsibilities. Sure the work is easy and I have next to no pressure which is great, but I need something a little more stimulating. I also asked one of my supervisors how much the production manager was making and he said the same as me. What the hell? $15 an hour? As soon as I heard that I knew their was no future here for me. I don't want to be working here when I'm 50 earning $15 an hr. Fuck that!

I look around the place and its littered full of young guys, guys younger then me, guys my age. They seem pretty contempt working here with their lousy salary and have ambition. I don't want to be like them. What a waste of life. After some further thought, I think I'm gonna go full steam ahead next year with my long term travel plan.

1 year plan:

I'm gonna stay here, save up money, pay off my student debt and be debt free, then start accumulating funds for my trip to Asia. I'm gonna go visit Vietnam first for 3-4 months then spend 3 months or maybe more looking for opportunities to advance my career while dating the local women. I figure if I can't find any opportunities at least I tried and will have no regrets. I can't live a life of regrets. If this fails then I have a fallback plan which is to go look for another company now armed with 1-1.5 years of experience as a production team leader. Hell, I could even get a team leader position and then search for a job in kinesiology while still working as a team leader.

Dating/Relationships:

You guys are right about women. My head isn't very clear right now and I'm very emotional. The last thing I should do right now is open myself up emotionally to another women and become deeply involved with her. I have put that girl on the backburner for now and trying to forget about her. Having said that though, I feel it would still be beneficial for me to date around locally here. I will detach myself mentally from girls and just view them as someone to bang and nothing more. Dating will be seen as more of a hobby and past time then something that needs to be a major priority right now.

I'm gonna try something a little different this time and go with social circle which seems to be the easiest. My older female coworker who acts kind of like a mother figure at my workplace showed me a pic of one of those two girls she mentioned to me. She said the girl was 36! She told me she was too old for me lol. The girl was ok looking although she looked like her 30's. She also made me promise her that I would go to church this Sunday lol.

I also signed up for some Chinese social dating mixer event here which cost me $20. I'm not expecting much but better to have tried then not. They also have some matchmaking service where they tried to charge me $500 for a 1 year membership, that's fucking insane.

Fitness/Health:

I'm currently back on a weight loss cutting plan. Last year prior to my trip to Riga, I had lost around 12-15 lbs on intermittent diet plan of consuming around 1800-2000 calories a day. I felt great and looked the leanest I've ever been and had a 4 pack. Unfortunately I gained all that weight back when I went to Europe followed immediately by Vietnam. Now I'm looking to shred all those pounds again and then some more. I've already lost about 1.5-2 lbs this past week already on the diet plan. If everything goes as planned, I should be able to lose about 4-6 lbs a month and be back to where I was in about 3-4 months time. I also bought a pair of powerblocks recently and I'm looking to upgrade the weight further this weekend with an add on.

Social Life:

Since my local social circle of so called friends are full of toxic and negative people I figure its time to rebuild my friends over here. I need to get my social life back on track and replace these jackasses with people who are supportive and build me up instead of tearing me down. I signed up for some chinese meetup.com social event tomorrow at a chinese restaurant. I'm hoping to slowly network my way and rebuilding my local social circle of friends.

I'm planning on buying a car in about 1-2 months time depending on my finances. I'll probably drop around 5k for a used car. It won't be much but at least I will now have more independence and this will make going on dates easier as well as meeting people from the new social circles I am working on. I decided to cancel my plans to fly somewhere in July during the long weekend and instead divert those funds to use to buy a car. It's not really worth it to spend close to a thousand bucks just for 2 days.

Hobbies/Interests:

I recently took up an interest in photography due to me wanting to take better pics for online dating and also to increase my social media presence. I've been watching a lot of youtube videos and practicing taking photos. I'm looking into buying some photography equipment like those umbrella lights to help give me better photos.

Right now I feel like a house that has just collapsed and now its a fresh new start. I get to build a stronger foundation for the house with better materials that will make the house look more stronger and nicer too. I'm looking forward to that extended trip to Asia next year but in the mean time, I still have that short 3 week(hopefully) short trip back to Vietnam in the winter of this year. Having gone through this rough experience, I'm gonna learn to be able to detach my emotions and feelings when I start dating the local women there again.

My Travel Journal - lavidaloca - 06-10-2017

I just read this entire thread. I don't even want to guess how long it took me. Maybe 3 hours and I'm actually a pretty quick reader.

From reading this. I honestly see no reason for you to stay in Canada. Your employment isn't really a stepping stone. Your not really making the kind of money that will put you ahead and your not happy with your social life.

Personally from reading this I can't for the life of me figure out why you wouldn't just teach english. Even if your only making break even each month you'd probably be much happier.

I can't comment on the difficulty involved in teaching English but heck if they pay you enough that you can break even every month in a country like Vietnam you could atleast establish a nice relationship and social life.

In regard to the girl you lost your virginity too. Shes just being practical. You've been away and will be away a long period of time. Shes not gonna just sit around waiting. Maybe a month or two and then logic kicks in. I wouldn't hate her the least for it.

I don't really see a lot of point in going to Poland again. I mean its shitty income and your dating prospects aren't really all that much improved. Somewhere in Asia might just be the ticket.

I'm just not seeing any points besides family in staying here. Frankly with this factory work its almost never going to allow you to get ahead or get out of the rat race here. Meanwhile you could teach english somewhere in Asia and have a higher income percentile, enjoy the fruits of being foreign, mysterious and well travelled and have a better social circle. That sounds to me like a big win for you. If I was in your shoes that would be my mission objective. I'm assuming you live at home which allows you to save. You could also save your money and try to start a business when you move abroad which would elevate your status further. A business owner anywhere is gonna have higher status than an employee. However you choose to do it just plan to leave Canada. The world is your oyster.

No one ever says it but whenever interracial dating is involved its harder than non interracial dating. Just like if I tried to date a viet girl there would be more of them that wouldn't want to date a white guy then wouldn't want to date a fellow vietnamese guy.

My Travel Journal - Skank_Hunt - 06-10-2017

Quote: (06-10-2017 12:00 AM)destiny Wrote:

Quote: (06-09-2017 01:32 PM)kirdiesel Wrote:

As as far I remember you lost your virginity fairly recently.

So thats worth nothing now? Thats not an accomplishment?

It took a colossal amount of effort to accomplish something that seems so simple. It took me 31 years of my life to lose it. Most guys lose their V-cards in their late teens to early 20's. I've made so many bad decisions in my earlier life it just feels like I fell down into an abyss, desperately trying to climb back up to no avail.

I feel for you bro. Read the whole thread. Either you fucking die in Canada, waste away in a factory, or you go out and get the best you can. Man, I lost my virginity young but there have been periods e.g. 2-3 years where I've had dry spells as I watched the entire social world change around me in disbelief... and other stuff of course... What I'm saying is fucking hell, if I took until 31 to lose my virginity man, I don't think I would have lasted. I think I would have been put in an institution or shot myself or some dark shit like that. 31 and you recovered from an abyss that, by that age, very few men do unless it's by a hooker. Good on you man.

Some will then counter "he went to Asia to get a girl because he couldn't get a white one". Well fuck, when you're 31 years old and you look at the current situation in Canada, it's not like your parents or grandparents. There has been progress in other areas but socially I honestly think we've gone fucking backwards. Even if you could get a white Canadian girl, she would probably be a fat SJW and demand tons of ridiculous shit for the privilege of porking her stinking gash. Compare this to a slim, petite, curvy, polite Vietnamese girl and what is any sane man going to pick? If it's truly Vietnamese girls that get your blood boiling and it's those in whom you can access the highest quality e.g. top 8 vs top 4-5 in CA, get your passport ready.

I understand that it's not always possible to permanently expatriate however. Some guys on here are ballers and can travel the world with what they earn and even have huge investments in the background too, but for many others it's a grind. But we only live once and we have to find a way. Good luck.

My Travel Journal - destiny - 06-10-2017

Quote: (06-10-2017 02:55 AM)lavidaloca Wrote:

I just read this entire thread. I don't even want to guess how long it took me. Maybe 3 hours and I'm actually a pretty quick reader.

From reading this. I honestly see no reason for you to stay in Canada. Your employment isn't really a stepping stone. Your not really making the kind of money that will put you ahead and your not happy with your social life.

Personally from reading this I can't for the life of me figure out why you wouldn't just teach english. Even if your only making break even each month you'd probably be much happier.

I can't comment on the difficulty involved in teaching English but heck if they pay you enough that you can break even every month in a country like Vietnam you could atleast establish a nice relationship and social life.

In regard to the girl you lost your virginity too. Shes just being practical. You've been away and will be away a long period of time. Shes not gonna just sit around waiting. Maybe a month or two and then logic kicks in. I wouldn't hate her the least for it.

I don't really see a lot of point in going to Poland again. I mean its shitty income and your dating prospects aren't really all that much improved. Somewhere in Asia might just be the ticket.

I'm just not seeing any points besides family in staying here. Frankly with this factory work its almost never going to allow you to get ahead or get out of the rat race here. Meanwhile you could teach english somewhere in Asia and have a higher income percentile, enjoy the fruits of being foreign, mysterious and well travelled and have a better social circle. That sounds to me like a big win for you. If I was in your shoes that would be my mission objective. I'm assuming you live at home which allows you to save. You could also save your money and try to start a business when you move abroad which would elevate your status further. A business owner anywhere is gonna have higher status than an employee. However you choose to do it just plan to leave Canada. The world is your oyster.

No one ever says it but whenever interracial dating is involved its harder than non interracial dating. Just like if I tried to date a viet girl there would be more of them that wouldn't want to date a white guy then wouldn't want to date a fellow vietnamese guy.

My therapist keeps on insisting that I stay here but look for jobs in health promotion working for the government. It ain't gonna be a walk in the park, especially since I have little work experience in this area and its been years since I last was in this field. He also keeps on insisting that I try again with the local women and even include Asians now which I have now agreed to do.

Your right about the factory job, there's no fucking future there. All these young guys with zero ambition are wasting their youth and life away there. I mean if the owner wasn't such a cheap ass and offered a competitive salary then that would have been another story but there's no way of escaping the rat race working here.

As for teaching English, I tried that avenue years ago. Schools and recruiters discriminate you based on your ethnicity and colour. They told me they don't want me because I have an oriental face. The only places that offered me a job was out in the middle of fucking nowhere in some village or in some harsh cold city. It would have been even worse if I had went there. I may consider doing the CELTA part-time next year and give it one more go, but I think another way just to guarantee that I can be there for an extended period of time is just to save up enough cash and stay there. I won't need to worry about getting a crappy teaching job and can just focus on networking and women, that's it.

And regarding Poland, I've given up on it. Although I could probably score a tech support/customer service job in Krakow or Warsaw, neither city seems good. Krakow is great because of the centralized location and the party scene but in terms of gaming women and career advancement, I don't think there's much opportunities there. Plus the salary was quite low as well, around 3500-4000zl net which is nothing.

Right now my priority is to just work and focus on myself while also spending some time trying to date the local women. I'm gonna work further on raising my value, accumulating money, getting a decent car, updating my fashion yet again, trying to cut and lean out, and niching out to focus specifically on church girls and Asians through social circle game. If this last ditch effort fails with the local women, then for sure 100% I need to get the hell outta here. I'm gonna be a fucking virgin for the next 31 years if this shit continues like this.

My Travel Journal - destiny - 06-10-2017

Quote: (06-10-2017 11:28 AM)Skank_Hunt Wrote:

Quote: (06-10-2017 12:00 AM)destiny Wrote:

Quote: (06-09-2017 01:32 PM)kirdiesel Wrote:

As as far I remember you lost your virginity fairly recently.

So thats worth nothing now? Thats not an accomplishment?

It took a colossal amount of effort to accomplish something that seems so simple. It took me 31 years of my life to lose it. Most guys lose their V-cards in their late teens to early 20's. I've made so many bad decisions in my earlier life it just feels like I fell down into an abyss, desperately trying to climb back up to no avail.

I feel for you bro. Read the whole thread. Either you fucking die in Canada, waste away in a factory, or you go out and get the best you can. Man, I lost my virginity young but there have been periods e.g. 2-3 years where I've had dry spells as I watched the entire social world change around me in disbelief... and other stuff of course... What I'm saying is fucking hell, if I took until 31 to lose my virginity man, I don't think I would have lasted. I think I would have been put in an institution or shot myself or some dark shit like that. 31 and you recovered from an abyss that, by that age, very few men do unless it's by a hooker. Good on you man.

Some will then counter "he went to Asia to get a girl because he couldn't get a white one". Well fuck, when you're 31 years old and you look at the current situation in Canada, it's not like your parents or grandparents. There has been progress in other areas but socially I honestly think we've gone fucking backwards. Even if you could get a white Canadian girl, she would probably be a fat SJW and demand tons of ridiculous shit for the privilege of porking her stinking gash. Compare this to a slim, petite, curvy, polite Vietnamese girl and what is any sane man going to pick? If it's truly Vietnamese girls that get your blood boiling and it's those in whom you can access the highest quality e.g. top 8 vs top 4-5 in CA, get your passport ready.

I understand that it's not always possible to permanently expatriate however. Some guys on here are ballers and can travel the world with what they earn and even have huge investments in the background too, but for many others it's a grind. But we only live once and we have to find a way. Good luck.

If I do decide to stay in canada and I get my shit together meaning career and social life back together again, then my only other option is to marry and sponsor the girl over. I definitely ain't gonna marry her because of how messed up and one sided the divorce laws are over here so my best option would be to sponsor her in a common-law relationship which requires me to live with her overseas for 1 year or more. This is the option I am thinking about if I really can't leave Canada. In fact, its the only viable option here. Marrying her after only dating her for a few weeks or months is insane and very high risk. Dating her for at least 1 year at least minimizes the risk and allows me to screen her. Also she can't touch my assets in a common-law relationship and there ain't spousal support. The worse that could happen is she gets citizenship here, I might be on the hook for supporting here for 2-3 years if she goes on welfare and if we have a kid, I would be responsible for child support but that's nothing compared to getting divorce raped.

I would live with her in the suburbs away from the degenerate city and try to not allow her to integrate here, thereby minimizing her getting poisoned by that feminist crap and increasing her chances of cheating. She could be a fucking fob for her whole life for all I care, I don't want her to get polluted with all that crap here.

My Travel Journal - destiny - 06-10-2017

Update:

Social Life:

I went to a meetup.com Chinese speaking social event at a restaurant. I scanned the people that were there when I arrived and was quickly disappointed. 4 chicks and they were all ugly looking. The best was a 5 and that's being generous. The rest were all dudes, maybe like 80% of the people there. All the guys dressed like hobos and there was one bald guy who had hair on both sides of his head, wearing some wrinkled up t-shirt, cargo shorts, and dirty running shoes. The organizer of the event was some acne filled tall hobo guy with an extreme case of stuttering speech. They were also cheap and instead of letting everyone order themselves decided to order a giant set meal because it was cheaper. I also don't think they paid tip. Everyone was extremely fobby there and I was quite honestly embarrassed to be in their company. All in all, it was a fucking nightmare.

The only person who I think I saw a little value was some guy who was seated right beside me but he appeared disinterested in talking to me and instead was talking about real estate and his house and condo purchase in Vancouver. Later on when we were all walking outside to the subway, another guy asked me questions about working out since he saw how big I was. This guy over heard me giving that guy some tips and then started asking me questions about exercise. I gave him several recommendations and provided him with a lot of value. I probably should have asked for his contact info and suggest we go out for a beer sometime. Other then that, there was noone there, I wanted to become friends with. What a waste a time!

Tomorrow I have the church group to go to. Hopefully I have better luck there. I'm gonna look for some other meetup.com groups to join.

Tomorrow I'm gonna go checkout a car dealership in my area if I have time. I should have enough funds saved up to purchase the car in 1-2 months from now.

Fashion:

I purchased a gift set of some Cologne (acqua di gio by Armini) today to replace the nearly full bottle I gave away to my cousin back in Vietnam who wanted it.

Fitness and Health:
I'm continuing to watch my calorie intake and hope to lose the gut in a few weeks. Need to lose the gut soon. I worked out today as well.

My Travel Journal - destiny - 06-10-2017

Dating/Relationships:

I forgot to mention this earlier but today I received a phone call from a matchmaking website that I signed up for. I thought it was a online dating website catered to Chinese people but then started receiving emails from the company with a dozen matches. Only about a 1/3 of the girls were doable. The lady on the phone told me to sign a contract and pay them $500 for a one year membership lol. I asked her what exactly does she do for you to warrant the $500 charge. She told me they help you fill out your profile and screen chicks for you. Once you pay the $500 fee, they give you the person's contact info. What a joke. I would have been willing to pay $500 if they actually do something for me, like giving me a fashion consultation, doing some consultation work on dating, guaranteeing a certain number of dates within a year, but $500 just to help me fill out my online profile which they didn't really ask for much except your age, city and country you live in, languages you speak, income level, if you own a house, and a car. This companies a joke.

My Travel Journal - Skank_Hunt - 06-11-2017

I wasn't just talking about your ex Vietnamese girl, I mean any of them. Whatever girl you might bring back, beware, the smartphone is a trojan horse. She doesn't need to be in a city anymore to be exposed to all the toxic crap. You might have to look for a place with terrible 3G/4G (mobile data) connection and also do not allow WiFi in your house. Also restricting TV to basic packages, blocking certain channels, from Kardashians to SITC to leftist news websites. But you have to do it in a way that doesn't bother her because she doesn't know what she is missing, so finding alternative activities for her to do, keep her occupied like a little child. This is so much easier said than done that's why the recommendation is generally not to bring the girls back, but not every man has that option.

And damn, the shit an oriental looking dude has to go through to find a half decent girl in Canada, fucking hell. Even a mentally ill 4 who is fat and has all sorts of issues is having a blast now compared to you. All I can say is as slim as the chance is, I hope you find a unicorn in church.

Ha, therapists, they are 99% BP as hell. I have gone to two in the past a long time ago. Basically every one called me a racist, facist, sexist, national socialist, misogynist, homophobic... basically all the -ist and -phobic words the fucking dictionary haha. Fuck them. I told them if they're gonna call me bullshit invented PC crap, give me my fucking money back because they're supposed to at least help with general solutions to problems. I get that a lot of people are fucked up and they need to hear the truth, but I know very well about my political beliefs. Their reasoning was that my knowledge about the world was incorrect and that I must turn BP before I can make any "progress". A huge % of women who go into psychology major anyway do it because they are in some ways fucked up and want "answers". So it's basically a mentally ill hamster telling me how to navigate life in this world as a man, which is about a million lightyears away from navigating life as a western woman.

My Travel Journal - destiny - 06-11-2017

Quote: (06-11-2017 06:46 AM)Skank_Hunt Wrote:

I wasn't just talking about your ex Vietnamese girl, I mean any of them. Whatever girl you might bring back, beware, the smartphone is a trojan horse. She doesn't need to be in a city anymore to be exposed to all the toxic crap. You might have to look for a place with terrible 3G/4G (mobile data) connection and also do not allow WiFi in your house. Also restricting TV to basic packages, blocking certain channels, from Kardashians to SITC to leftist news websites. But you have to do it in a way that doesn't bother her because she doesn't know what she is missing, so finding alternative activities for her to do, keep her occupied like a little child. This is so much easier said than done that's why the recommendation is generally not to bring the girls back, but not every man has that option.

And damn, the shit an oriental looking dude has to go through to find a half decent girl in Canada, fucking hell. Even a mentally ill 4 who is fat and has all sorts of issues is having a blast now compared to you. All I can say is as slim as the chance is, I hope you find a unicorn in church.

Ha, therapists, they are 99% BP as hell. I have gone to two in the past a long time ago. Basically every one called me a racist, facist, sexist, national socialist, misogynist, homophobic... basically all the -ist and -phobic words the fucking dictionary haha. Fuck them. I told them if they're gonna call me bullshit invented PC crap, give me my fucking money back because they're supposed to at least help with general solutions to problems. I get that a lot of people are fucked up and they need to hear the truth, but I know very well about my political beliefs. Their reasoning was that my knowledge about the world was incorrect and that I must turn BP before I can make any "progress". A huge % of women who go into psychology major anyway do it because they are in some ways fucked up and want "answers". So it's basically a mentally ill hamster telling me how to navigate life in this world as a man, which is about a million lightyears away from navigating life as a western woman.

Oh yes, I forgot about the cellphone. That's even worse then tv in Asia. Vietnamese girls are glued to their phones 24/7. I would essentially have to block off facebook/instagram/ dating websites through the router if that was the case and find some recreational activities for us to do together. I think once she starts popping out kids though, her time will be preoccupied taking care of them but who knows.

Ya, Toronto is very Blue Pill/ Left wing. Most of the men have had their balls cut off. Just last week while me and the other guy from my workplace were discussing how men are being emasculated and how women manipulate men, these two young guys in their 20's quickly jumped to the women's defense and started to fire off examples of how men manipulate women [Image: facepalm2.gif]

My Travel Journal - destiny - 06-11-2017

Update:

I just got back from the church like 2 hours ago. When I arrived, I could see through the windows that it was filled with all old people and seniors, not a single young person. I spoke with the Pastor and he said this church was fairly recent. I started having people shove papers in my face and then the Pastor said he wanted to introduce me to some younger pastor. He took me to some guy around my age and I had a little chat with him. He started to size me and told me he was responsible for doing the children's service. I asked him if there was one for young people like us and he said unfortunately not, maybe in 3-4 years from now. 3-4 years??? Are you kidding me? He said their was a general adult and a children's service, no young adults. He asked for my number and said he would like for us to meet someone more casual and just talk. I gave the dude my number. I'm hoping I don't regret this. I felt very strange going there and going through this.

Man my luck just keeps on getting better eh?

My Travel Journal - Dalaran1991 - 06-12-2017

You are like the guy who is trying to fix his swollen toe while your throat is gushing blood.

Let's say you do run into some cute/hot girls who are pleasant (heh), what makes you think she will want to sleep with YOU?
I'm not trying to discourage you, but this thread stinks of self-pity so much. Its ironic that we are more proud of your achievements that you do.

Now that you need some tough love, I'm spell it out for you: you are at best a 5 in terms of attractiveness and game.

Knowing the Redpill does NOT make you anymore attractive. In fact it actually makes you very bitter, angry and desperate, even whiny.
Let's break it down for you:

Physics: so you have a gut. If girls haven't commented on your physics yet then you are average, as hard as it might sound. You seem to have basic hygiene and fashion, so that even out an average physics. Nonetheless that makes you a 5.

Career: I find it very annoying that you say you wasted your life concentrating on your career. If you did, what do you have to show for it? A factory job with no future and crap pay? You dont have any right to talk about other "blue pill" guys because you are much worse off than they are.

My bluepill Asian friends, they are 26 like me. Almost all of them have promising career (dentist, finance, consultant, etc.) Sure they dont have a lousy girlfriend, but neither do you, and they can at least afford a very comfortable lifestyle.

You "concetrated" on your career and you fuck even that up. That's on you, dont blame society. I made a stupid choice and took a piece of shit degree but I'm still working a comfortable minor manager job. In fucking France where unemployment is 10%. Get with the fucking program or get lost.

Career-wise, you are a 5.

Lifestyle: you travel a lot and seemed to try a lot of hobbies. That makes you at least an 8. However you surround yourself with negative people and you have focused all your world around girls. If you meet another guy, it's in hope of him leading you to pussy or out to game with you. You actually have zero interest in people from what I have read here and are very negative. Never forget that you are the average of the 5 closest people to you. That brings you back to a 6-7 regarding lifestyle.

Another disadvantage: you are always trying to shoot for a 7-8 but you forget that your age make girls expect certain thing from you (good career, house etc) unless you play down the age. Huge advantage for Asian btw because we look younger.

Game: your persistence and will to transcend give you a 10 in my book, earlier in this thread. However you are like a crab building a sand castle on the beach, all those efforts pour into aimless goals for nothing. Your extreme negativity and failure to comprehend the nature of the game (read: everyone for himself, only the best survives) render your few victories useless.

And plus, you are Asian who can not play on your strength. That brings you back to a 5. No race trolling here, it's simply the truth. The average guy on cold approaching has an average approach to sex rate of 0.5% (Good looking loser). An average Asian guy has about half of that.

I might come off harsh here but people dont seem to understand the challenges of being an Asian. So many doors are closed to you in terms of careers and dating. So many MORE doors are opened, but you dont know how to take advantage of that. You HAVE to work harder and smarter. You HAVE to be the COOL ASIAN guy, so that when girls see you, they dont see just an Asian guy, they also see a cool guy.

I would do a similar, honest self-assesment and see where you can improve the most. Your game is the one holding you back the most with your desperation and negativity. If you can fix that (and the lifestyle associated with it), and capitalize on your persistence and will to power, you can easily bring your game to the 7-8 range.

Which will let you occasionally game a 7-8 successfully. You managed to game a Viet 6 thanks to this, but you sweat it way too much.

Focus on being a cool guy, ditch all the desperation and negativity, accept that if you dont get laid you are still not gonna die (you didnt for the last 30 years, right?) and work on your career.

Go read this gold thread: thread-35934-page-4.html

My Travel Journal - kirdiesel - 06-12-2017

Quote: (06-10-2017 12:00 AM)destiny Wrote:

Quote: (06-09-2017 01:32 PM)kirdiesel Wrote:

As as far I remember you lost your virginity fairly recently.

So thats worth nothing now? Thats not an accomplishment?

It took a colossal amount of effort to accomplish something that seems so simple. It took me 31 years of my life to lose it. Most guys lose their V-cards in their late teens to early 20's. I've made so many bad decisions in my earlier life it just feels like I fell down into an abyss, desperately trying to climb back up to no avail.

Man its tough trying to help you. So what it took you 31 years to make it. YOU STILL MADE IT and are now on your way up.

How long have you even been in the game itself? You can't even count the time before because you were obviously doing it wrong.

You seem to count me as a credible person right?

Who do you think I lost my virginity to? An HB 8?.. an HB7?... Ok ok Maybe a HB6?

WRONG!

I lost my virginity at 19 years old to a HB3 fat white chick named Colleen from Pottstown, PA.. HOURS AWAY from NYC that I met in an AOL chat room. It took a HUGE amount of effort because black women wasn't feeling me and couldn't get any normal white girl to sleep with me. I am an intelligent guy and went to a top tier school but couldn't understand girls AT ALL.

The girl you banged for the first time was probably better looking than my girl.

From there I got it done, out the way and worked on myself and worked my way up to 8s and 9s. I changed my body (went to the gym and went from 160lbs to 183lbs) I was in the gym 5 or 6 days a week, took supplements, and changed my personality to be more of the guy that girls found interesting. This all TOOK YEARS by the way.

I believed I was worth more than that and that these other motherfuckers aren't better than me. I am still trying to do better TO THIS DAY!

I specialized in meeting girls in nightclubs and made that my main form of game and went again and again and again until I was sick in the face and started learning.
Now in 2017 I am working on Tinder/online dating (taking it somewhat serious for the first time) and its almost like starting from scratch again because I DONT FULLY UNDERSTAND THE ONLINE GAME. I just got my first Tinder bang a few weeks ago. I met about 4 girls before I was able to turn one into a bang and SHES NOT EVEN AN 8! I would say a 6.5. Granted I can use skills from nightgame and past dating experiences to my advantage but it still wasn't EASY/Simple like you think it is for everyone but you. I have NO idea how many hours I invested in Tinder to bang that 6.5 girl.

You need to make a plan and figure out what form of game works for you. I cant say this again.

Get a GAME PLAN your career.

Get a GAME PLAN for meeting women/game and stick with it until you are 100% sure out that it works or it doesn't work. You can't be trying pick up a girl in Mcdonalds, then starbucks, then church, then on the corner. Work on your body, fashion and personality along the way.

Focus.

My Travel Journal - destiny - 06-24-2017

You guys are all right, I really need to focus on myself and bringing the other aspects of my life back in order. I invested way too much emotionally into this chick way too quickly and got burned. I wasn't able to think clearly and still not able to do it at 100% yet. I guess since she was my first, it was really hard for me to not get attached to her emotionally like that. I still do catch myself going on her facebook like once a week or something even though I know its wrong. I unfollowed her to make sure her posts don't show up on my feed. I've been trying to put her on the backburner so that I could focus on working on the other aspects of my life.

Fitness and Health

I've lost around 3lbs so far and estimated to be losing 1 lb a week. My two pack abs have returned and I'm expected to be able to see my 4 pack in 3-4 weeks. If I can maintain the momentum, I think I could potentially get very lean and shredded by the end of August or September. I plan on added about 15-20 minutes of jogging to my routine to speed up the weight loss as well. I'm hoping once I get ripped, I can take some shirtless pics of my abs to use for online dating and also displaying higher smv.
I've since purchased all the of gym equipment I need and now just waiting to receive my chin up bar order which would complete my home gym.

Career and Finances:

Since being promoted to team leader at my company (more like a supervisor position with shit pay), I've had about 2 people challenge my authority and frame. I think I'm too soft and my frame needs a lot of work. I generally leave the employees alone as long as they get their work done, and there's no issues, but a few people think they can challenge my authority. I consider myself easy going at least when it comes to this job and generally get along fine with others at work, but some people think I'm a push over. I think its because I come across as being very innocent and naive. In the end, even though I felt really bad about it, I recommended both of them get sacked for insubordination. Even though the pay's shit here, I think I am learning some valuable lessons on frame control and not being a pushover and learning to stand firm on my decisions. From now on, I'm gonna be more cut throat in my role.

My plan at the moment is to just stick it out here, get some supervisory/management experience, pay down my student loans then bounce after 1 year. We'll see if there's opportunities to earn more in manufacturing otherwise I'm gonna go back to health care field.

In addition, I'm planning on making weekly contributions to my student loans. I figure if I spend most of my money on my student loans then I can't be wasting it on other crap. I need to pay down this student loans and be debt free as soon as possible. I think with each new payment towards my loans, my spirit and confidence will lift up a little higher.

Fashion:

I've been updating my fashion and wardrobe. I now have several summer outlooks with solid colors that are very versatile. I also picked up several pairs of shoes for dirt cheap as well which will help expand my wardrobe. At the moment, I'm facing an issue with my suits and blazers. The shoulder pads stick up way too much due to the size of my shoulders and my muscles. I never really noticed nor paid much attention to this in the past but as my fashion skills become more and more honed, I'm getting more and more critical and picky about how I look and present myself. I don't want to spend hundreds to thousands of dollars just to purchase some new suits so I'm gonna have to either go see a tailor and get this fixed or go shopping at some more stores purchasing some off the rack suits and then getting it tailored. I purchased like a dozen suits over the past 2-3 years when I began changing myself but now only like 2-3 outta the 12 are wearable. I might end up getting 1 made to measure suit if I can't find an off the rack suit that fits my shoulders perfectly. Overall, not too bad in terms of progress.

Social life:

After browsing through various meetup.com groups and events, I couldn't find anything worthwhile. There was 1 no more mr.nice guy group that I joined and they had an open house but the time was during my work so I won't be able to attend. I purchased an internations albatross membership hoping that it would yield better results. The quality is definitely better, although a little older and more mature but again, the events organized aren't the greatest and a lot of them are during my work hours but their might be some potential here. I was planning on using the couchsurfing hangout app but lately have been so busy with all these other areas of my life that I hadn't had much time to focus on it. I need to figure out a way to meet guys and build up my social circle again.

In addition, I purchased a car recently. A fairly attractive mid-size car. This will make traveling and going on dates much more easier. Now I just need to work on getting over my fear of driving, especially while alone. My anxiety disorder just exacerbates this fear. I don't know, I can travel alone and live in foreign countries without knowing anyone for months, join martial arts competitions where guys want to take my head off, but I'm scared shitless to drive alone, especially during rush hour. I've been practicing for 2-3 months now but still not where I feel confident enough yet. I need to get over this fucking fear! Its crippling me. I bought the car as a way to force myself to get over this fear. No I have no way out except to face the fear and learn to drive confidently.

Lastly, I haven't had much time to learn more about photography but I hope this upcoming week will give me more time once I accomplish some other things on my to do list.

Dating:

Like I mentioned, even though I went no contact on the girl and put her on the backburner, it still doesn't mean my mind doesn't wander off and think about her from time to time, although its getting better. I think if I was sleeping with another chick it would help speed up the process and get rid of this oneitis I have for her. I haven't focused too much on dating at the moment, like I mentioned previously because I'm been so busy working on improving the other areas of my life. There was 1 incidence at work though with that chinese chick. One day this past week when I showed up for work a little early, while punching in, all of a sudden I heard someone call me. As I turned to my left, I saw the chinese girl call out my name and wave me over. How the hell did she know my name? I never even spoke to her before, I thought. She said "destiny, do you know how to fix this machine? We are having some problems." All of the morning shift people were just sitting there staring at me, while she talked to me. It felt fucking strange lol. Now I'm not 100% sure about this, but my hunch is telling me this chick is interested in me. I'm almost positive she did it to break the ice since she already knows I don't work outside in that department. Comparing her to the girl in vietnam, there's a slight drop in looks but at the same time, she isn't wearing much makeup so in reality, potentially she could look even better then the girl from vietnam. Plus she's a lot taller, I think around 5'7-5'8 which would be a perfect height for me. I definitely need to get the ball rolling on talking with her and grabbing her number but my manager has been a major cockblock despite me coming to work early. I need to make it my goal to talk with her more and grab her digits. Just that my confidence took a huge beating after all of that bullshit going on with that girl from vietnam. I also got that singles mixer event coming up in 2 weeks. I need to make sure that I look sharp and confident at the event and I'm a charming and social guy. Hopefully I would have lost 5-6 lbs in total at the day of the event making me more look aesthetically pleasing while increasing my confidence.

Lastly, I continue to talk with girls online. One day, I accidentally pressed call on viber on a previous chick from vietnam who I spoke with. I gave up on her after trying to get her out to meet me a few times but her not being around during the tet holiday. She thought I gave up on her and forgot about it and said she's shy and that I should be the one sending her texts since I'm the guy lol. We got back in touch. I also had a chinese viet chick in hcmc contact me. We speak in chinese which made things a lot easier communication wise since I can't speak viet and she can't speak english. Neither one is good looking though so I'm not sure how I feel about that, but I'll try to add them to my potential rotation.

Having this extra female attention, certainly helps a lot with getting my mind off of girls and allowing me to focus on other aspects of my life, ironically as it sounds. I need to try to force my mind to have an abundance mindset with girls. I need to continue to focus focus focus on myself to increase my smv so that I can blow the competition right outta the water. Since I'm now targeting Asians, especially fobs, competition should be a little easier.

My Travel Journal - Dalaran1991 - 09-18-2017

OP, any update?

I'm assuming no news is good news. For all we know OP is too busy banging hot tourists in Toronto.

My Travel Journal - destiny - 05-11-2018

Quote: (09-18-2017 07:20 AM)Dalaran1991 Wrote:

OP, any update?

I'm assuming no news is good news. For all we know OP is too busy banging hot tourists in Toronto.

Hey Dalaran, I didn't see your post until now. Sorry. I was hoping to share with you some good news and the rest of the rvd community and expected that to happen unfortunately my bad luck resurfaced again recently.

I had taken some time off from dating to focus on the other areas of my life such as money, improving skills, etc. but because of what happened with that vn girl from last year and me feeling like shit when that happened, I had renewed my vncupid account. I was just hoping to use it for some female attention until I could get my head on straight again and it did just that and much much more.

About 2-3 months after things ended up that vn girl, we kind of both just ghosted ourselves. Kind of funny in a way now that I think about it. Anyways I'm getting off topic again. I met another vn girl. One from the north actually in Haiphong. At first I didn't feel any connection with her and I could tell the same as true for her although I was pleasantly surprised at her attractiveness compared to her photos. I actually couldn't even communicate with her because of the language barrier. I spoke practically no vietnamese and she spoke practically no english. We just messaged each other on and off for a few months and she usually took her time to reply back. But then in november, I temporarily ghosted her for close to 3 weeks after she ignored my message for a week. When I replied back, I noticed a spike in her attraction level for me and she started to question me why I didn't message her back after she wrote that she misses me.

I gave her some bullshit answer and she rationalized it to be true herself, chicks eh?
Anyways this was when we started to talk alot more and she would always call me and message me multiple times during the week and was asking me often when I was coming to vn. This might have been a while, but if you guys remember, I mentioned returning to vn next year to see that other girl but things didn't pan out with her. So I told her next year. I was working on my finances and saving up money to make an extended trip there. At first I thought 3 months would be enough, but then I got laid off in the fall which put a huge setback to my plans for vn. I was planning on coming down during the tet holiday but could no longer do it because I was now on employment insurance. I would be a fool not to take it as I was getting paid to sit at home. So then I came up with the genius idea to work on passive sources of income, in this case a non-fiction self-help book. I worked on this book for months now and it's nearly complete. I also began exploring other options, in this case a youtube channel which I am going to launch very soon as soon as I get my head back on straight. I studied up on film making and cinematography. I watched vlogs from pros like casey neistat as well as other shows and explored potentially niches that I could target. I spend a lot of money and film making equipment and went out there and practiced and produced a few decent videos.

We continued talking very frequently and then she started to refer to herself as my gf and me her bf. I didn't want to commit to anything yet because we hadn't met and I was keeping my options open so I just kind of never acknowledged her or said something like when I get there and we date a little bit then we can talk about. She showed me off at her mother and all of her family and friends. I even went to her sister's wedding via videochat and she shared a post of me writing some comforting words for her when her grandfather pasted away last month on her fb. I thought everything was going ok and I just needed to get my but in Nam as soon as possible. Things seem to be going very good between and I thought this was it. I could actually see myself with this girl long term. I thought she's a good height for me, nice and conservative (she's from the countryside), and doesn't dres slutty, and has good family values. She saw eye to eye on a lot of things (does this remind you guys of anything? [Image: icon_mrgreen.gif]

) Then last month just out of blue she asked me this question

her: if she want to get married with another man soon! What are you doing when you come here?

This completely caught me by surprise. I thought it was a shit test and that I was suppose to be not reactive and cool about it so I replied likewise.

me: I have no choice. If she is serious about him, she will wait for him. If not, she will go marry another man.

I probably should have answered her like something like this "I'll put on my superman costume (this was an inside joke between us) and come and steal you away from him [Image: wink.gif]

"

I asked her if she was getting married soon. She said no but if she was, what would I do. She wanted my answer to that question. Reflecting back on it today perhaps I should have answered in a more compassionate way (at least that's what my old beta pre-game self would have done). I didn't think too much about it and told her I was going to be there soon in a few weeks.

I told her something stupid like, What could I do, if she went into the arms of another man. I could only move on with my life.

her: you don't want to keep me tight in your arms. You don't like me? I want to know, I waiting you a long time, if you like me a little?

I asked her what does she think? She says she doesn't know. I brought up all of the things I am doing for her (working my ass off to get the funds needed to stay in vn for nearly half a year, working on my passive income to potentially stay long-term, studying up on vietnamese (I can now speak at an upper elementary-lower intermediate level), talking with her nearly every day, etc.

She said thank you and apologized for asking a stupid question. I tried to reassure her again but she told me she was worried and said:

her: I worry about my heart if I like you more but you don’t like me, I will make my heart is hurt

I tried to reassure her again and I thought based on her reply below we were cool.

her: Oki,I will waiting for you come here and talk to me your decision, If you want to besides me, Or you don’t like me! I will waiting for your decision when you come here! Ok?

I told her that she already knew the answer to my question but she said she wanted to hear a formal decision from me. I told her she already heard it when I sang for her. Then I asked if she felt better and she said yes. I flirted with her and then she brought up the gf thing again but I ignored her comment.

After that day, she was never the same. I fucked up...

Fast forward, a 2 weeks ago, I message her because she went cold for 2 weeks. I didn't want to be like those beta guys you always read about constantly messaging girls so I kept a little distance maybe 1 time a week or something where I would initiate contact. Looking back at it, maybe I should have been way more bet and constantly message her and click all of her fb posts like those beta orbiter. Maybe that shit works in Vn, who knows. I surely don't based on my fuckup.

She sent me a video of her little sister's birthday. I immediately noticed some guy in the background beside her sister briefly for a split second. This was a red flag. I asked her who that guy was. She said it was her brother-in-law. I also could see and hear her brother in law talking so I knew how he sounded ad looked like. I questioned her further. She finally admits he's her brother-in-law's friend and that she isn't involved with him. I didn't want to appear jealous and anything so I changed the topic. We talked some random topic and then she asked me again when I was coming here. I told her when I was finished my book and videos. She said June. I said yah. I joked with her a little bit then ended the conversation. She was a little off. I senses something wrong.

One week went by no message. I don't like to double message girls twice in a roll however I really sensed something wrong so I said fuck it, if I appear beta so what and I messaged her. Again, not really much from her end so I thought I might try to guilt her a little and wrote her some beta shit like how in a few weeks I will hold her tight in my arms and kiss her while everyone looks at us in awe.

Thats when she broke the news...

her: Now my parents want I will get married soon with Vietnam man

I fucking knew it! But why didn't I act sooner? Shit, was I too late? I asked her so it was true then when you told me that.

She replied she will wait for me. I replied "You just told me you are getting married soon."

her: My parents want this

I asked her what did she want. No reply. I asked her if she met him already and how long does she know him for.

her: I meet him already. 1 month. Near my home.

me (going all beta and freaking out: Do u love him?

her: No

me: Is he the man from the video u sent me? From your sister's birthday.

her: Yes. You can see in my video. You guessed right.

She lied to me. I was angry now!

me: I know, he stole my nickname (fucking prick).

me: I wish you goodluck and I hope you are always happy

She gives me a sad emoticon.

her: You talk me go?

me: I don't know. I'm confused right now. You lied to me.

her: no

me: yes, I asked you before and you said no. but now you are getting married. and you told me this man was just your brother-in-law's friend.

her: yes, he is my brother-in-law's friend.

me: you never told me he was your fiance.

I was really angry and didn't know what to do and the other thing I could recall in my head was to do the walk away and hopefully she will come running back.

me: It doesn't matter anymore. I'll tell you what. I'll leave it up to fate. if you really love me then you will wait for me, if you don't the you will get married. Its no longer my choice. You have the decison.

her: I understand.

me: goodbye em

Her crying emoticon

her: see you

I think wrote her a some beta shit about how I had a dream about being on vacation with my parents but now its just a dream. Then I told her when I come to vn if she still wants to see me then she can call me and we can meet up.

her: I will still waiting for you come here and you will have your decision

her: ok. I wait you a few months a go and now. and later when you come here and have your decision.

me: I cannot be involved with a married woman. It was your decision to marry him. I really really wanted to come and see you back in april. I go on and explain myself for not arriving in vn yet.

her: I not yet agree with another man
her: I understand.
her: My parents worry about me

I told her I now need to reconsider my plans and told her I had to go now. "Hope you are always happy, I will remember (girl who broke my heart). Your name has my name in it (literally). Goodbye.

her: I hope you have enjoy trip in my country. I hope everything will be fine when you come here. See you soon. If you come here, call for me if you want

me: you can call me when you see that I am leaving for vn. you can come pick me up at the airport if you want

her: yes

A few hours later, she sends me two pics which I ignored. I was pissed and the only thing I knew to do was to do the walk away hoping she would come crawling back.

It was two pics of her inscribing what i just wrote to her. "(her name) In my name have your name.

I didn't bother to reply back. I didn't know what to do now. But it bothered me greatly and I wanted to know all of the details and get answers so the beta inside of me came out again and I cracked and messaged her the next day which was yesterday night.

me: I want to ask you some questions.

her: (replies 15 minutes later.) Ok, you can ask me.

me: Can you be honest with me. I just want to know the truth.

her: what do you want to know, I just talk the truth.

me: are you really getting married soon.

her: I'm thinking

My beta side got the best of me again. I saw her posting on her facebook that when she's getting married she will cut her hair short to match her husband.

me: because on fb I saw you writing that you are getting married and cutting your hair short to match your husband.

her: I'm thinking.

me: how come when he asked you to marry him, why didn't you say you have a bf from canada?

her: You are my bf?

me: I thought we agreed on this already. I told you before that when I come to vn, we will make it official.

her: You don't admit that

me: yes, I told you before. You said your my gf

her: thumbs up

me: I wanted to come to the airport and surprise you with the news as I whisper in your ear to make it official. But now... I don't know anymore. I just wanted to know all of the facts before I decide what to do next.

me: when do your parents want you to get married?

her: I’m hear what my heart want to do

me: what does your heart want you to do?

her: no reply

her: 2 months later

me: not your parents but you. I want to know. If you want to marry him then ok fine, I don't want to waste my time and give my heart to someone if they don't appreciate it. I just want to know if you agreed to marry him.

me: then... how come u didn't tell your parents you have me already?

her: I don't agree to marry him.

me: but he came to your parents house on your sister's birthday. How come before when I asked you that day you sent me a video, you said your not involved with him.

her: he is a friend of my brother in law

me: but then last time I spoke with u you told me you were thinking about marrying him

her: he introduced to me. and my parents like him and in my country I can marry.

her: my parents worry about me

me: I know they worry you will be alone and can't get married.

her: yes, they know you

me: but didn't you already tell them about me? so then why do they still invite this man to their home.

me: They don't like me?

her: And they said you don’t want to serious relationship Because you live far from me

me: Did you tell them I have plans to live close you, the plans I told you many times?

her: And they said not sure about you. I want to have more time to thinking about it. I want to waiting for you come gere. I waiting for you a few months ago now and the near future

I told her I was sorry that I made her wait but a lot of the things were out of my control

her: My parents don’t want to me put hope on you. Before I ask you many times, when you come here. I hope you come here soon
her: crying emoticon

I tried to explain that I had difficulties with my work and I showed her pics of my arms being cut up from work. I tell her about my shitty job.

her: crying emoticon, crying emoticon, crying emoticon, crying emoticon, crying emoticon

me: but I remind myself that I suffer for you so that I could see you soon.

her: I'm sorry, I'm feeling hurt,
her: sad emoticon

her: now i feel worry about you

me: it's ok, I do it because I wanted to see you. I am a strong man, superhero remember?

her: I think you can come here soon and leave soon! It’s ok. I don’t want to see you hurt anymore

me: no, I need to make enough money so that I could spend more time with u

her: crying emoticon

her: no, I think you can come here and we have decisions. When you come back your country we have a plan

me: I don't want to keep you waiting forever. So I propose we do this. At the end of this month, I will buy the ticket but it will be the second week of july. Because in june it's very expensive but if you really want to see me, I can buy the ticket for first week of july. I will show you the ticket at the end of this month in 3 weeks so you know exactly when I will come. so you have no more doubts and questions. What do you think?

her: I don't know, I really worry about you. Your work very bad.
her: sad emoticon
her: It’s make you hurt
her: sad puppy crying
her: I very sad. I'm sorry because can't help you

me: if you agree, I will buy the ticket, this will be the day I come to vn to see you.

her: I will thinking and my answer for you tomorrow

her: Take care your health. Be strong my superhero
her: Good night ? and have sweet dreams

I wish her goodnight

her: puppy holding a big heart

boy that was a long read wasn't it? I hope it was quite suspenseful though. It guess its foreshadowing something. This now leads us to today while I was on my last break from work:

her: I have my answer. I will get married soon

me: ok

her: goodbye

me: goodluck em, hope you made the right decision

her: goodluck anh

I was extremely hurt and just trying to do whatever I could to make her change her mind while still maintaining frame.

me: I was going to tell u something nice today. You would have been happy. Goodbye em. This will be the last time we will talk.

her: no reply

I crack a few minutes later. My break was about to end. I needed to do something.

me: I was going to quit my job next week and come and see you in 3 weeks. I was packing my luggage last night. I already called the travel agency.

her: sorry

me: goodbye

her: crying emoticon
her: goodbye

Truth be told, while at work today I really going to be quitting in 3-5 weeks time. I was really considering it after looking at my financials last night again. Maybe I should have told her before she gave me her answer, maybe it would have changed the answer I received, who knows.

So this brings us to right now as I type this. I just received the bomb a few hours ago and completely devastated and fucked up in the head right now.

I actually had stalked her wall last night when I was freaking out and wanted to see if she was still lying about having met him 1 month ago. I noticed that the guy was liking practically all of her fb posts and sending her liking hearts and writing comments but she ignored them. If what she told me is true then this guy is extremely beta having only met her 1 month ago and already proposing marriage. Now I don't really know what to think anymore about her decision and whether or not she is lying about her parents forcing her to marry this guy. I do know that she was under a lot of pressure to get married prior to all of these events happening or at least having a bf. She was actually going to come to canada a few months back to work in some hic farm out in the middle of nowhere but I told her don't do it. They wanted her to pay them like 25k or something and it sound really sketchy. maybe I should have done that and perhaps we would have been together by now.

Before I had received the news, I had actually gotten a message from a backup potential plate. I immediately asked if she was going to show me around when I arrived in vn in a few months. I did this because I knew if the news wasn't good I would not be able to handle it. When I got home, I immediately unfollowed her. I'm still debating whether or not to unfriend her. On one day, I don't want to fucking see wedding photos of her and that guy, but on the other hand, I guess I am still hoping for a miracle to happen and she changes her mind.

I also considered making her jealous when I get to vn by posting videos and photos of my travels as well as me with attractive girls.

I feel betrayed, angry, depressed, and sad all at the same time. Who would have thought this would happen to me one month ago. Damn, it stings. This is just like a repeat of that event 2 years ago in latvia with that girl except she never expressed these things with me and even called her my gf or anything.

I'm really torn up inside right now and not sure what to do. So guys please help me out here. I desperately need it. Should I go full on beta on her and message her again saying I'm going fly out either next week or the following week and just ask her to wait for me or should I just forget about her? I don't know if she still wants me to come see her or not based on her messages as it was kind of ambigious except for the final one today. My hunch and suspicion is that her parents and family are really coming down hard on her to get hitched with this guy and she's hoping I come run to her rescue. I just need confirmation that this is true and I'll go save the day in my superman costume.

One thing I know I definitely will do though is, quit this job within 5 weeks from now most likely 3 as I fucking hate it and have just enough funds to cover all of my expenses for the next 5 months in vn, 6 if I was frugal. So regardless of this girl, I am still going to vn and know that I will be surrounded by cute girls there and will have a lot of success especially now that I can communicate with them in vietnamese.

I wished I had some better news for you guys but unfortunatey this is all I have. I was planning on updating this journal when I hit vn but unfortunately I felt the need to ask for some desperately needed advice.