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Friendly divorce scenario - How to handle it? - BoiBoi - 05-20-2017

My Dad's wife (his 3rd...) wants to seperate and ultimately a divorce.

Some background:

He is 66 and his wife 48. They live in a house together and have a teenage daughter. He doesn't want to split up and was flabbergasted by her wanting it. Didn't see it coming at all. Her reasoning is freedom, change, blabla...nothing too substantial or nasty.

They have been married for like 15 years and throughout the marriage, he's been earning way more. As of yet, they still live in the same house. Obviously, one of them has to go. Their relationship is still kind of friendly and no lawyers are involved. Yet. No prenup.

They live in the burbs, small but nice home. He is retired, she still works in the city, commutes ~40 min each way.

Spoke to him yesterday and he he told me that he was considering moving out in order not to deal with the shit anymore.

He thinks that if he doesn't move out, their relationship will go to shit and since half his stuff is hers, so is half the house. His reasoning is that if he stays, he has to pay her. The house is worth ~600-800k and he doesn't have enough to ever pay her for it. The result would be that they sell it and split it. Meaning the family home would be lost. Something he doesn't want.

What would you do? About the house and in general. I was pretty shocked when he told me that she wanted a divorce. Always thought that they'd make it to the end.

This will be a big big financial hit for him and it'll be tough for him to get back into the game given his age. I want the best for him but I'm not sure what to do in this situation.

I told him to consult a family lawyer but keep it on the hush in order to not freak her out or give her any ideas.

Friendly divorce scenario - How to handle it? - TigOlBitties - 05-20-2017

Tell him to stop getting married.

Friendly divorce scenario - How to handle it? - Sam Malone - 05-20-2017

Quote: (05-20-2017 12:21 PM)BoiBoi Wrote:  

My Dad's wife (his 3rd...) wants to seperate and ultimately a divorce.

Some background:

He is 66 and his wife 48. They live in a house together and have a teenage daughter. He doesn't want to split up and was flabbergasted by her wanting it. Didn't see it coming at all. Her reasoning is freedom, change, blabla...nothing too substantial or nasty.

They have been married for like 15 years and throughout the marriage, he's been earning way more. As of yet, they still live in the same house. Obviously, one of them has to go. Their relationship is still kind of friendly and no lawyers are involved. Yet. No prenup.

They live in the burbs, small but nice home. He is retired, she still works in the city, commutes ~40 min each way.

Spoke to him yesterday and he he told me that he was considering moving out in order not to deal with the shit anymore.

He thinks that if he doesn't move out, their relationship will go to shit and since half his stuff is hers, so is half the house. His reasoning is that if he stays, he has to pay her. The house is worth ~600-800k and he doesn't have enough to ever pay her for it. The result would be that they sell it and split it. Meaning the family home would be lost. Something he doesn't want.

What would you do? About the house and in general. I was pretty shocked when he told me that she wanted a divorce. Always thought that they'd make it to the end.

This will be a big big financial hit for him and it'll be tough for him to get back into the game given his age. I want the best for him but I'm not sure what to do in this situation.

I told him to consult a family lawyer but keep it on the hush in order to not freak her out or give her any ideas.

In the middle of something right now, but saw this thread and had to post a few things.

- First off, tell him to check out Dads Divorce dot com. A Google search will find it easy enough, it may come up as Mens Divorce. That place is like the divorce and custody version of RVF, and its not for pussies.

- Don't move out. Once he moves out, he's saying he's perfectly fine with letting the wife be primary to the daughter.. meaning he'll pay big bucks for child support.

- He carries a voice recorder on him, running at ALL times. The eleven hours of silence are just as important as the three minutes of her yelling at him and trying to provoke him,, before she calls the police and accuses him of assault. Guess who goes to jail without that audio ?

- Run Silent, Run Deep.. he keeps his mouth shut about any moves he's making. Don't tell her shit. Nothing.

There is no 'friendly divorce scenario'. It isn't 'buddy/buddy', either.

It's both parties keeping their hands on their swords, ready to pull them out of the scabbards, hoping to come to a 'peaceful' solution.

But it ain't friendly.

Friendly divorce scenario - How to handle it? - DarkTriad - 05-20-2017

Quote: (05-20-2017 12:21 PM)BoiBoi Wrote:  

My Dad's wife (his 3rd...) wants to seperate and ultimately a divorce.

Some background:

He is 66 and his wife 48. They live in a house together and have a teenage daughter. He doesn't want to split up and was flabbergasted by her wanting it. Didn't see it coming at all. Her reasoning is freedom, change, blabla...nothing too substantial or nasty.

They have been married for like 15 years and throughout the marriage, he's been earning way more. As of yet, they still live in the same house. Obviously, one of them has to go. Their relationship is still kind of friendly and no lawyers are involved. Yet. No prenup.

They live in the burbs, small but nice home. He is retired, she still works in the city, commutes ~40 min each way.

Spoke to him yesterday and he he told me that he was considering moving out in order not to deal with the shit anymore.

He thinks that if he doesn't move out, their relationship will go to shit and since half his stuff is hers, so is half the house. His reasoning is that if he stays, he has to pay her. The house is worth ~600-800k and he doesn't have enough to ever pay her for it. The result would be that they sell it and split it. Meaning the family home would be lost. Something he doesn't want.

What would you do? About the house and in general. I was pretty shocked when he told me that she wanted a divorce. Always thought that they'd make it to the end.

This will be a big big financial hit for him and it'll be tough for him to get back into the game given his age. I want the best for him but I'm not sure what to do in this situation.

I told him to consult a family lawyer but keep it on the hush in order to not freak her out or give her any ideas.

Tell him it's not that friendly, that she's only acting friendly because he's caving on every important issue and doing her dirty work for her.

Don't want to lose the "family home"? She shouldn't be deciding to break up the family, it' a natural consequence of this action. The solution commonly available if you want to "keep the family home" is for the person being ejected from the "family" to be sleeping on a bag of rags in grinding poverty. You can't keep splitting a pie while keeping your pie the same size, it just doesn't work that way. However, Family Court has declared it DOES work that way (the child can't lose their standard of living) which means the person being ejected from the home must make all the sacrifices.

He's retired, he's the caregiver for that child, SHE should be ejected from the home. He needs to get lawyer that is absolutely the meanest son of a bitch in the valley, lay out his options, and start laying groundwork for the eventual fireworks when she figures out that faking nice will no longer get her what she wants.

Marriage counseling has a 98% failure rate, but if he does decide to go that route, he has one big positive. Most of the time it does work is when the woman discovers that she'll be the one that has to sleep on the bag of rags at the end of it all.

Have him lay it out for her that HE is the child's caregiver, that HE will get custody, that HE will get the house, that SHE will only see the child between hours of her job and the second job she will have to pick up to pay her Child Support. It doesn't really matter if these statements are completely accurate (biased family court they might not be) all he has to lay them out with utter conviction and ask her to make the decision immediately. Even if she caves and decides to be a good wife and mother instead, have him keep talking to the lawyer and doing pre-divorce prep.

It's brutal but the stakes are high. If he doesn't do this, the "family home" will be the place where her new beaus stare at his daughter too long when she's getting out of the shower. He's got to be strong to prevent her from breaking up the family.

Friendly divorce scenario - How to handle it? - DarkTriad - 05-20-2017

A couple of other points - your dad isn't retired. He's having a brief respite before crushing payments to his ex require him to pick up another job, no matter how degrading, no matter how poor his health is, even if it works him into an early grave (I've seen it happen). He is going to get fucking DESTROYED if you don't get him to pull his head out of his ass.

Why is he "....considering moving out in order not to deal with the shit anymore." if everything is so "friendly"? She's running a sophisticated harassment campaign to mindfuck him...and it's working.

"He thinks that if he doesn't move out, their relationship will go to shit..." Their relationship went to shit when she decided to destroy her daughter's family, these are divorce tactics, not a "relationship".

"Her reasoning is freedom, change, blabla...nothing too substantial or nasty." Your private investigator told you this? Or did SHE tell your dad she was blameless and innocent? He went from Alpha success with money to retired and suddenly she wants "change" instead of a family? YOu might want to invest in PI (without telling your dad) just to help him get his head out of his ass and defend himself.

"“Now remember, things look bad and it looks like you’re not gonna make it, then you gotta get mean. I mean plumb, mad-dog mean. ‘Cause if you lose your head and you give up then you neither live nor win. That’s just the way it is.” - The Outlaw Josey Wales"

Friendly divorce scenario - How to handle it? - PapayaTapper - 05-20-2017

Quote: (05-20-2017 01:16 PM)DarkTriad Wrote:  

He needs to get lawyer that is absolutely the meanest son of a bitch in the valley, lay out his options, and start laying groundwork for the eventual fireworks when she figures out that faking nice will no longer get her what she wants.

^This...a thousand times...like his life depends on it...Because it does

Quote: (05-20-2017 01:16 PM)DarkTriad Wrote:  

It's brutal but the stakes are high. If he doesn't do this, the "family home" will be the place where her new beaus stare at his daughter too long when she's getting out of the shower. He's got to be strong to prevent her from breaking up the family.

The chances of this turning ugly are very high and as soon as she talks to a lawyer it's a certainty He's got to take action first

Friendly divorce scenario - How to handle it? - BoiBoi - 05-20-2017

Quote: (05-20-2017 01:44 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  

Quote: (05-20-2017 01:16 PM)DarkTriad Wrote:  

He needs to get lawyer that is absolutely the meanest son of a bitch in the valley, lay out his options, and start laying groundwork for the eventual fireworks when she figures out that faking nice will no longer get her what she wants.

^This...a thousand times...like his life depends on it...Because it does

Quote: (05-20-2017 01:16 PM)DarkTriad Wrote:  

It's brutal but the stakes are high. If he doesn't do this, the "family home" will be the place where her new beaus stare at his daughter too long when she's getting out of the shower. He's got to be strong to prevent her from breaking up the family.

The chances of this turning ugly are very high and as soon as she talks to a lawyer it's a certainty He's got to take action first

Yeah, I know. Already told him that he has to get a lawyer and gave him the contacts of one I know.

Friendly divorce scenario - How to handle it? - DarkTriad - 05-20-2017

Quote: (05-20-2017 02:44 PM)BoiBoi Wrote:  

Quote: (05-20-2017 01:44 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  

Quote: (05-20-2017 01:16 PM)DarkTriad Wrote:  

He needs to get lawyer that is absolutely the meanest son of a bitch in the valley, lay out his options, and start laying groundwork for the eventual fireworks when she figures out that faking nice will no longer get her what she wants.

^This...a thousand times...like his life depends on it...Because it does

Quote: (05-20-2017 01:16 PM)DarkTriad Wrote:  

It's brutal but the stakes are high. If he doesn't do this, the "family home" will be the place where her new beaus stare at his daughter too long when she's getting out of the shower. He's got to be strong to prevent her from breaking up the family.

The chances of this turning ugly are very high and as soon as she talks to a lawyer it's a certainty He's got to take action first

Yeah, I know. Already told him that he has to get a lawyer and gave him the contacts of one I know.

It's an emotional decision, and he's not in the right place to protect himself right now. You're his family, that means it's YOUR job to protect him. Make the appointment for him and go with him and hold his hand to make sure he goes. He'll have a thousand excuses not to do it. Have all correspondence sent to your house not his. Once an independent professional lays out just how bad this is going to be, he'll start coming around.

Even just little things, like looking up your state's Child Support guidelines and telling him how much he'll have to pay (on top of his new rent) can do a great job in restoring him to sanity. When he sees the numbers and just absurd they are, and how he'll need to work as a Wal Mart greeter along with a second job without the same dignity just to survive in grinding poverty might make him re-evaluate his "nice guy" intentions.

Friendly divorce scenario - How to handle it? - doc holliday - 05-20-2017

Thing is though is that he's retired and he's 66. Its doubtful that a judge is going to force him to go back to work to pay any alimony or child support, not at his age (if he were younger then yes). His wife being the primary breadwinner if I'm reading the scenario correct, is the one who's going to get fucked here. She may end up having to pay him alimony if he chooses to fight for it. He may not fight for it but he certainly can use it as leverage against asset splits etc.

He most definitely should be prepared to kiss the marital home goodbye though, there's no way they'll be able to keep it. Hopefully there is equity that can be split after it sells. I finished my divorce about 9 months ago and I stayed in the house during the divorce with her for the majority of the time. It was rough but it was 10 times rougher on her and I know I caused her some permanent psychological damage, something I take pride in having done seeing as she wanted out but then wouldn't make a deal with me for a quick divorce. We sold our house and I don't miss it a damn bit. Your dad should understand that it's just a house and it doesn't mean much in the grand scheme of things. But yes he needs a good lawyer post haste.

Friendly divorce scenario - How to handle it? - RatInTheWoods - 05-20-2017

It always starts friendly, before it gets very very nasty.

He needs to quickly seek legal aid, propose a settlement and get it all signed off.

Lets see how friendly it stays during that process.....

Friendly divorce scenario - How to handle it? - Matt Warner - 05-20-2017

Bio Bio The info you need is above. Just about finished a "friendly divorce' now. I went and saw a lawyer very early on and paid cash so no record. All legal info went to a friends place. The lawyer gave me lots of good advice on how to handle things etc. you dad needs to listen to the lawyer and get the best deal he can otherwise the resentment can eat you up. Don't think she won't be doing the same. Try to get him to be as calm as possible with her, easier said than done. You need to be there for support its a long drawn out rough process to go through.

Friendly divorce scenario - How to handle it? - Vaun - 05-20-2017

DONT LET HIM SIGN ANYTHING.

Dont move out, play nice/dont say anything, and hire a lawyer today, the best advice so far in the thread.

On the MensDivorce forum, there is a post called "The List". Its the proper plan for a man beginning divorce.

Here is the link, but the site is down right now for maintenance. http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?t=13374

Have him pretend and play along by acting nice. Until you get "The List".

Friendly divorce scenario - How to handle it? - Hypno - 05-20-2017

he needs to ask for alimony since he is retirement age and she is working age.

Friendly divorce scenario - How to handle it? - Simeon_Strangelight - 05-21-2017

+ Read up on advice
+ consider it a hostile takeover
+ do not move out
+ hire a detective and get her pics cheating (though that does not matter nowadays very much)
+ legal battle with primary caregiver will be tough - she can easily accuse him of abuse and he is out thrown out by the police, women have all the cards and divorce gets super-ugly super-fast

If he wants to do it amicably, then it is better to sell the house, take 50% and also convince the daughter to move to him and sell it to his wife as a move for freedom for her. That way he does not pay childcare and no alimony. She gets a lump sum.

At 48 that bitch is not going to get a better option as she will soon find out. I don't think that there is a way for him to keep the home. He is deep in Blue Pill Beta frame with no Game at age 66 and no prenup. Even if he became brutally Red Pill and would Alpha up fast, then it is unlikely to save the marriage. At best he could sort of keep on to the house and wait out until the wife returns after having realized that she cannot do much better at that age, since men may want to fuck her, but she will find very few willing to settle with her.






That guy did it better - though he is still sort of Purple Pilled, he is in excellent shape at age 58. He got himself a 19yo Philippino girl and made her sign a NO NOTHING PRENUP and said also NO MORE KIDS. She signed it and they are still married. At worst she divorces him in 10 years, but he is still fucking pussy in her prime at age 60. If she divorces him, she leaves with her bags and the engagement ring.

Red Pill is sweet. Blue Pill tastes bitter. Your friend has a tough road ahead of him.

Friendly divorce scenario - How to handle it? - doc holliday - 05-21-2017

Quote: (05-21-2017 11:11 AM)Zelcorpion Wrote:  

At 48 that bitch is not going to get a better option as she will soon find out.

Ain't that the truth.

Friendly divorce scenario - How to handle it? - BoiBoi - 05-22-2017

Alright, thanks for the input. I'll walk him to the lawyer and will be holding his hand throughout the process. That woman crushed his nice endgame setup and he must be devasted. The legal part will be covered by the lawyer. So I guess that I'll handle the mental aspect. As you pointed out, his mindset is fucked and he need to alpha up in order to make it through this alright.

Concerning the wife, what a selfish cunt. He upgraded her lifestyle by quite a bit, made her another kid. Showed her the world, so to speak. And just as it gets really tough for my Dad to get back into the ring, she's leaving him. I guess that since he's getting old and while she still has more bounce in her, she's bored. He wants to sit in his garden and read a book. She wants to go for one last great run on the carousel. Seems like quite a gamble to me, but she has demonstrated bad judgement prior. Anyway, selfish cunt.

Friendly divorce scenario - How to handle it? - BoiBoi - 01-29-2018

Update:

I talked some sense into my Dad. He went to a lawyer and he still lives in the house. He said that he won't move out. His wife left the place some months ago and he's doing fine.

Friendly divorce scenario - How to handle it? - orythedog - 01-29-2018

Your father, understandably, is approaching this in an EMOTIONAL manner.

INSIST that he see an attorney TODAY.

Making LIFE CHANGING DECISIONS without all of the information in your hands is the WORST course of action.

A lawyer who SPECIALIZES IN DIVORCE AND CHILD CUSTODY is the only option. Use your family lawyer for a referral, not advice.

___________________________________________________________
Sometimes I take notes, sometimes I take hostages. It all depends on the day.

Friendly divorce scenario - How to handle it? - Alpha_Romeo - 01-29-2018

Is the house in his name only? Perhaps he could sign it over to you. She can't take from him what isn't his.

Has he changed the locks?

Friendly divorce scenario - How to handle it? - jordypip23 - 01-30-2018

Your dad needs a lawyer ASAP (assuming that he is not a lawyer himself). The soon to be ex sounds like bad news. There's no point in staying with her.

Friendly divorce scenario - How to handle it? - RatInTheWoods - 01-30-2018

IF the house is in his name, changing it over to someone else is a bit fishy, but remortgage it up so there is no equity and getting rid of the cash is easy and untraceable.

Friendly divorce scenario - How to handle it? - BoiBoi - 01-30-2018

The house legally belongs to both of them. Basically, the lawyer told him that if she wanted to escalate the situation, she could demand a payout if he stays in the house. He would not be able to afford it and hence would be forced to move out. They'd sell the house and split the profit. Since his daughter is still living there with him and the wife is not a complete and ruthless cunt, this seems unlikely atm. My guess is that she'll play the long game and will wait until he dies or something to claim the house afterwards. I could be wrong, though.

Good thing is that the lawyer also told him that if they'd go to court, it's pretty likely that she'd be forced to pay alimony to him, since he's retired and she has still some 15-20 years of employment ahead of her.

Friendly divorce scenario - How to handle it? - PapayaTapper - 01-30-2018

Quote: (01-30-2018 05:54 PM)BoiBoi Wrote:  

Good thing is that the lawyer also told him that if they'd go to court, it's pretty likely that she'd be forced to pay alimony to him, since he's retired and she has still some 15-20 years of employment ahead of her.

Bet her lawyer told her the same thing...thats why she's "playing nice"

[Image: giphy.gif]

Thats worthy of the Good News thread

Friendly divorce scenario - How to handle it? - Sam Malone - 01-30-2018

Quote: (01-30-2018 06:45 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  

Quote: (01-30-2018 05:54 PM)BoiBoi Wrote:  

Good thing is that the lawyer also told him that if they'd go to court, it's pretty likely that she'd be forced to pay alimony to him, since he's retired and she has still some 15-20 years of employment ahead of her.

Bet her lawyer told her the same thing...thats why she's "playing nice"

[Image: giphy.gif]

Thats worthy of the Good News thread

Seconded.

And depending on how much time/overnights your father has the kid, she could end up paying child support as well.

That said, it’s a negotiating point. The last thing any woman wants is to have to pay a man alimony and/or child support.

Keep in mind that there’s a lot of leeway in negotiations prior to court. Hell, he can have written in the decree that she has to bring a pepperoni pizza when she drops the daughter off every Sunday, as long as his soon to be ex agrees to it.

Have your dad run the numbers. If her half of the home’s equity is equal to or relatively close to what she’d pay out in alimony over time, he could forgo alimony in exchange for keeping the home and the equity (versus a judge ordering it to be sold).

Be creative, and hammer out the best deal possible.

Friendly divorce scenario - How to handle it? - RoastBeefCurtains4Me - 01-30-2018

As I understand it, your Dad didn't want the divorce. I assume the wife want to go Eat Pray Love, thinking a billionaire playboy was waiting to sweep her off her feet if she got back on the market. I bet she' s found her options are not as attractive as she thought.
Is she banging someone else? If not, once she wakes up to reality, I'd think she'd find it more attractive to get back with your dad and live as an intact family. How does your dad look at this now? How do you see it?