Quote: (12-20-2011 11:35 AM)Caligula Wrote:
@Timoteo - thanks for sharing - sounds like you actually saved that marriage! Who said players are not socially useful?
Quote: (12-20-2011 12:48 PM)Timoteo Wrote:
Quote: (12-20-2011 11:35 AM)Caligula Wrote:
@Timoteo - thanks for sharing - sounds like you actually saved that marriage! Who said players are not socially useful?
In an odd way, I did. Some back-story on the lovely couple: When they were in college in Spain, they were in different schools, so they had an agreement - we date who we want to, but when we're together, no questions asked and enjoy our time together. After college he decided he wanted to come to the US, so there was a decision to make - do we break up, or do I go with him? She decided she wanted to come with him, but didn't want to leave her home and family to follow a guy she wasn't married to (it would have broken her parents' hearts). So she put together a wedding in about six weeks. But it seems he was still living by the old, pre-marriage agreement of fucking around, no questions asked. However, there was a caveat - if one of them felt something was up, they could ask, and the other had to tell the truth. He kept mentioning some chick from work a little too often, and her antenna went up. She asked, and he owned up. He actually gave HER permission to do the same, but he did so knowing she wasn't cut out that way (I can't respect a man that gives the mother of his children permission to have random dudes fuck her...that's weak). He actually had HER believing SHE broke the rules (you can have lovers, but can't fall in love! In some ways, his psychological game was tight). Once he realized she'd fallen for someone, he felt like his family was threatened, so he stopped fucking around. Who knows what will happen ultimately. I could see them staying together until their youngest kid is out of high school, then separating.
Quote: (12-21-2011 02:20 PM)Riker Wrote:
Quote: (12-20-2011 12:48 PM)Timoteo Wrote:
Quote: (12-20-2011 11:35 AM)Caligula Wrote:
@Timoteo - thanks for sharing - sounds like you actually saved that marriage! Who said players are not socially useful?
In an odd way, I did. Some back-story on the lovely couple: When they were in college in Spain, they were in different schools, so they had an agreement - we date who we want to, but when we're together, no questions asked and enjoy our time together. After college he decided he wanted to come to the US, so there was a decision to make - do we break up, or do I go with him? She decided she wanted to come with him, but didn't want to leave her home and family to follow a guy she wasn't married to (it would have broken her parents' hearts). So she put together a wedding in about six weeks. But it seems he was still living by the old, pre-marriage agreement of fucking around, no questions asked. However, there was a caveat - if one of them felt something was up, they could ask, and the other had to tell the truth. He kept mentioning some chick from work a little too often, and her antenna went up. She asked, and he owned up. He actually gave HER permission to do the same, but he did so knowing she wasn't cut out that way (I can't respect a man that gives the mother of his children permission to have random dudes fuck her...that's weak). He actually had HER believing SHE broke the rules (you can have lovers, but can't fall in love! In some ways, his psychological game was tight). Once he realized she'd fallen for someone, he felt like his family was threatened, so he stopped fucking around. Who knows what will happen ultimately. I could see them staying together until their youngest kid is out of high school, then separating.
Just curious... how good looking are they?
Quote: (12-20-2011 02:38 AM)Timoteo Wrote:
I think most women struggle with casual relationships, though some fight the impulse to push for more. Most chicks, no matter how independent, or cool with the arrangement they seem, will feel like they're being used only for sex if you don't occasionally do "couple" activities. The more she sees of you, and has sex with you, the stronger her attraction for you grows and the deeper her feelings get, no matter how much she may try to fight that. As men we're good at dealing with the reality of situations, and adhering to codes and rules. Women struggle with that. You've laid out your intentions, and the situation is what it is. That doesn't stop women from wishing for more, and occasionally pushing for it even if the situation, as it is, doesn't allow for that. Don't cut her off. As long as things are to your liking, let HER end it if she can no longer live with the arrangement. Don't blame her though...women can't help feeling the way they do.
I've been through this situation 3 times in the past few years or so. I banged a chick in Phoenix a couple of years ago, and she immediately thought that meant we were in a relationship. She wanted to spend hours a day on the phone, on webcam, texting, and just trying to keep tabs in general. She flat out asked me to move in with her in Phoenix - she already had this whole future planned out, and I was just trying to figure out if I'd go back to Phoenix at some point to fuck her again. I had to tell her point blank I wasn't going to move to be with her, and she wasn't coming to NY to be with me. She was hurt, but it brought her back to reality.
Another chick I fucked in London actually had the potential to be a long-term, long-distance thing, but she basically cut ME off, because I had the audacity to go to Rome for a vacation, instead of coming back to London a third time. And I told her in person that I was taking the trip, because I had a friend there (free lodging) that was moving soon, so I needed to cash in. The trip coincided with my birthday, but that wasn't the reason I was going. She got kind of quiet when I told her my plans, but when I was actually in London she acted funny when I called. She stopped responding to communication. Generally acting like a bitch. Finally, when we talked she said she felt like she was getting shortchanged because I went to Rome for a week, but was only in London for weekends. She works during the week, and is tired. She also attends school (she's Brazilian, and takes English classes), so she's busy during the week. She lives outside of central London in Surrey, and I can't stay with her, so it would be really expensive to pay for a hotel for 7 to 10 days. She can only chill with me on the weekends anyway. Again, in her mind, I was supposed to be be coming to London EVERY time I had a spare moment, when in reality she knew I wasn't moving there, and she wasn't moving here. Even though she still makes no effort to communicate ( occasionally I'll chat with her when she's online, and she always asks when I'm coming back to London), I haven't totally cut her off. I can still hit if I want to, but I don't know if I'll bother. I'm trying to pipeline NEW London shit, and she'll be a backup now. She's gained a lot of weight (I see the pics on FB), so I might not want to hit anyway. If I do, she'll be my first ever HATE FUCK..HA HA!
For years I had a GREAT thing going with a married chick in the LA area in Cali. I have friends out there, so I'm out there a couple of times a year at least. Sometimes I'd fly out and spend the weekend with her (she'd get "time off" from the family to do whatever she wanted. One time, while the family was back in Spain and she was taking courses to renew her teaching certificate, I chilled for a few days in her house, fucking in the bed her kids were conceived in. SWEET). It was one of the greatest relationships I've ever had. In fact, no chick was sweeter to me. We wrote, sent cards, emailed, chatted, talked on the phone, etc. All the things people in LTRs do, and the distance prevented things from getting too out of hand. But we were talking one day about why things worked so well between us, and I realized something. She had no plans to divorce her husband and break up her family - I didn't want that. What we had was perfect. But deep down, she was imaging a future. I told her I thought things worked so well because there wasn't going to be marriage or children in our future. All of those things were basically stripped away already, and it was just us enjoying the relationship for what it was. She got REALLY quiet. I asked what was wrong, and she said she couldn't talk anymore and hung up. Later, she said she was upset because she never looked at our relationship in terms of limitations! Even though she had no plans to divorce, she still IMAGINED that we were something more. That was part of the escape. At that time, she was really unhappy (the husband had confessed to cheating, and wasn't going to stop. In fact, she found out he was fucking another bitch back in Spain too). She actually thought he might divorce HER, which was why she wanted to get back to work just in case (they have 3 kids, but her husband wanted her to stay home with the last one). She had begun to see me as her saftety valve, while I saw the distance relationship as ideal because at a distance you're separated from drama (she acknowledged as much - she said if I were closer, it would have been difficult for her not to want to see me every day). He eventually found out what was up (he knew she was in love with someone because she was actually HAPPY...HA HA!), and decided he wanted to save his marriage and stop fucking around. So she said goodbye for a while, but reinitiated contact recently on MSN Messenger on the sneak.
Bottom line...as a man, just enjoy the relationship as it is and always make sure it suits you. For the time you're together, make her your focus and be attentive. For me, the beauty of distance relationships is that you can be all-out intense for those short periods, then get a break. If she can't handle things as they are, it's up to her to be in or out.
![[Image: smile.gif]](https://rooshvforum.network/images/smilies/smile.gif)
Quote: (12-21-2011 04:22 PM)Pilgrim37 Wrote:
Quote: (12-20-2011 02:38 AM)Timoteo Wrote:
I think most women struggle with casual relationships, though some fight the impulse to push for more. Most chicks, no matter how independent, or cool with the arrangement they seem, will feel like they're being used only for sex if you don't occasionally do "couple" activities. The more she sees of you, and has sex with you, the stronger her attraction for you grows and the deeper her feelings get, no matter how much she may try to fight that. As men we're good at dealing with the reality of situations, and adhering to codes and rules. Women struggle with that. You've laid out your intentions, and the situation is what it is. That doesn't stop women from wishing for more, and occasionally pushing for it even if the situation, as it is, doesn't allow for that. Don't cut her off. As long as things are to your liking, let HER end it if she can no longer live with the arrangement. Don't blame her though...women can't help feeling the way they do.
I've been through this situation 3 times in the past few years or so. I banged a chick in Phoenix a couple of years ago, and she immediately thought that meant we were in a relationship. She wanted to spend hours a day on the phone, on webcam, texting, and just trying to keep tabs in general. She flat out asked me to move in with her in Phoenix - she already had this whole future planned out, and I was just trying to figure out if I'd go back to Phoenix at some point to fuck her again. I had to tell her point blank I wasn't going to move to be with her, and she wasn't coming to NY to be with me. She was hurt, but it brought her back to reality.
Another chick I fucked in London actually had the potential to be a long-term, long-distance thing, but she basically cut ME off, because I had the audacity to go to Rome for a vacation, instead of coming back to London a third time. And I told her in person that I was taking the trip, because I had a friend there (free lodging) that was moving soon, so I needed to cash in. The trip coincided with my birthday, but that wasn't the reason I was going. She got kind of quiet when I told her my plans, but when I was actually in London she acted funny when I called. She stopped responding to communication. Generally acting like a bitch. Finally, when we talked she said she felt like she was getting shortchanged because I went to Rome for a week, but was only in London for weekends. She works during the week, and is tired. She also attends school (she's Brazilian, and takes English classes), so she's busy during the week. She lives outside of central London in Surrey, and I can't stay with her, so it would be really expensive to pay for a hotel for 7 to 10 days. She can only chill with me on the weekends anyway. Again, in her mind, I was supposed to be be coming to London EVERY time I had a spare moment, when in reality she knew I wasn't moving there, and she wasn't moving here. Even though she still makes no effort to communicate ( occasionally I'll chat with her when she's online, and she always asks when I'm coming back to London), I haven't totally cut her off. I can still hit if I want to, but I don't know if I'll bother. I'm trying to pipeline NEW London shit, and she'll be a backup now. She's gained a lot of weight (I see the pics on FB), so I might not want to hit anyway. If I do, she'll be my first ever HATE FUCK..HA HA!
For years I had a GREAT thing going with a married chick in the LA area in Cali. I have friends out there, so I'm out there a couple of times a year at least. Sometimes I'd fly out and spend the weekend with her (she'd get "time off" from the family to do whatever she wanted. One time, while the family was back in Spain and she was taking courses to renew her teaching certificate, I chilled for a few days in her house, fucking in the bed her kids were conceived in. SWEET). It was one of the greatest relationships I've ever had. In fact, no chick was sweeter to me. We wrote, sent cards, emailed, chatted, talked on the phone, etc. All the things people in LTRs do, and the distance prevented things from getting too out of hand. But we were talking one day about why things worked so well between us, and I realized something. She had no plans to divorce her husband and break up her family - I didn't want that. What we had was perfect. But deep down, she was imaging a future. I told her I thought things worked so well because there wasn't going to be marriage or children in our future. All of those things were basically stripped away already, and it was just us enjoying the relationship for what it was. She got REALLY quiet. I asked what was wrong, and she said she couldn't talk anymore and hung up. Later, she said she was upset because she never looked at our relationship in terms of limitations! Even though she had no plans to divorce, she still IMAGINED that we were something more. That was part of the escape. At that time, she was really unhappy (the husband had confessed to cheating, and wasn't going to stop. In fact, she found out he was fucking another bitch back in Spain too). She actually thought he might divorce HER, which was why she wanted to get back to work just in case (they have 3 kids, but her husband wanted her to stay home with the last one). She had begun to see me as her saftety valve, while I saw the distance relationship as ideal because at a distance you're separated from drama (she acknowledged as much - she said if I were closer, it would have been difficult for her not to want to see me every day). He eventually found out what was up (he knew she was in love with someone because she was actually HAPPY...HA HA!), and decided he wanted to save his marriage and stop fucking around. So she said goodbye for a while, but reinitiated contact recently on MSN Messenger on the sneak.
Bottom line...as a man, just enjoy the relationship as it is and always make sure it suits you. For the time you're together, make her your focus and be attentive. For me, the beauty of distance relationships is that you can be all-out intense for those short periods, then get a break. If she can't handle things as they are, it's up to her to be in or out.
"she gained alot of weight"
When foreign girls get fat living in London that's what they call the Heathrow Injection !
Quote: (12-21-2011 11:47 PM)Stitch Wrote:
In that now, though I'm moving in September and have been very honest that I'm moving and not taking her with me. She was pretty pissed for a bit; I gave her a week or so to think it over and decide if she wanted to continue anyway, and she does (which is good; I actually really like her and she has awesome attitudes about a lot of things, not to mention being outstanding in the sack). And honestly, I'm one of those guys that likes a lot of the LTR trappings, so this is presently great for me. We'll see how long it continues.
Quote: (12-20-2011 12:41 AM)Breeze Wrote:
I am banging this girl who lives on the other side of the country. She flys into the city once a month and we hook up. Lately she has been nagging me to do relationship type things (NYE, X-mas, why don't I call/txt more) etc...I have been very clear that I do not want a long distance relationship. VERY CLEAR. Do I need to cut off all contact? Anyone with this experience? What do you think the best way to handle this is?
Breeze
Quote: (12-22-2011 07:22 PM)Breeze Wrote:
Thanks bro. I like her but the pressure is coming down. Her parents know about me, she wants to talk everyday (but i've shut that down), she is now planning on moving to nyc. I have told her to not move here for me and she assures me she isnt. When I tell her I dont care if she dates someone else she gets mad and shes always trying to get me to say I'm not messing around. It's getting to be too much although the sex is pretty good. Nice girl, crazy girl tendencies. Oh well, on to the next one.
Breeze
