[Waterboy]

I am new to game and the whole nightlife thing.
Last friday I went out with a mixed group (more guys than girls in our group), none of them are my close buddies.

The first bar had live music with a small place to dance. I noticed a group of 5 girls, I asked out one of those girls, she initially said "yes" then said "not now". I did not ask the other girls for a dance.

We went to the second bar and there was a larger space for dance and it was darker as well. I spotted these 4 girls in a group. I asked each one of them to dance but each one said "no"

All the guys in my group asked only the girls in our group to dance (I did that too and danced with a couple of them). I just think, that the guys and girls in my group might think of me as a loser because they saw me get rejected. What should I do in the future? Keep asking girls that I don't know to dance with me, despite high chance of rejection?

[MrPink]

Screw the group. Go out alone. It'll help you get over the self-consciousness. And don't despair if you get rejected all night. Go home and mull over your approaches. It takes time. Today you may get 100% rejection. Tomorrow maybe 95%. That's an improvement.

[Timoteo]

I think the greater difficulty here was that you approached girlfriends dancing in a group. Generally when girls are out dancing together, it's one of those "girls night out" situations and individually they aren't open to an approach. You're essentially asking one of them to break off from the group to be with you, and girls are reluctant to do that. Asking EACH girl in the same group, one after the other to dance was the only real mistake you made. Having the balls to approach is good though...

[j r]

What kind of venue is this? Unless you're someplace like a salsa club, asking a girl to dance is usually a mistake. I imagine there are countries where it's looked down upon just to start dancing with a girl, but not in any that I've been. It's a better move just to start dancing near here and then close the space once she seems into it. Or take her by the hand, twirl here a bit, and do something playful; then, if she's going with it, start dancing for real.

[Waterboy]

Thanks guys for your feedback. I am total newbie when it comes to bars.

@ Timoteo. You are correct about the first bar, those women were all dancing together. The second bar, those women were standing just drinking. Why was it a mistake to ask each girl (in the group) in the second bar. Because the first rejection lowers my value in the other women's eyes?

@ jr The first bar was kind of a lounge. Jazz music was being played (live). good lighting. Small floor for dance. Mostly swing dance
The second venue was playing country music (DJ), 2 step dance. larger dance floor. Darker.
I live here in the US.

The first place there were some girls that were dancing by themselves. That was after I got rejected in front of my group, so I didn't have the balls to get up and dance with those lone women (the ones dancing by themselves). I stayed there for an hour, and I didn't see any other guy jump in the middle and start dancing with those lone women. That was another reason I didn't get the courage to join, because nobody else was doing it.

The second place, no one was dancing by themselves because that night was only "2 step dance" which you need partner. Because it was darker and the overall atmosphere, I gained more confidence in this place ( I was like "nobody is watching"...).

So you guys are saying that I should stop asking group of women to dance in these kind of venues. What if they are only two in the group? What if no other guy is dancing with those lone women on the dance floor, I should do it anyway?

[Timoteo]

@ Timoteo. You are correct about the first bar, those women were all dancing together. The second bar, those women were standing just drinking. Why was it a mistake to ask each girl (in the group) in the second bar. Because the first rejection lowers my value in the other women's eyes?

It isn't so much the initial rejection lowers YOUR value, but the other girls feel like they're your consolation prizes. I'm assuming you asked the girl you were most attracted to in the group to dance first. The other girls assume that too, so why would they want to dance with a guy that REALLY didn't want to dance with them in the first place? Also, it's simply a pack mentality - one says no, so the others followed. And as I mentioned before, it may also be the whole, "we came out to spend time with each other, not to meet guys" thing combined with those other factors.

If you see a lone woman dancing that you like, you should approach definitely.

[j r]

(11-01-2011 07:50 PM)Waterboy Wrote:  

So you guys are saying that I should stop asking group of women to dance in these kind of venues. What if they are only two in the group? What if no other guy is dancing with those lone women on the dance floor, I should do it anyway?

Maybe you should try opening a group of girls and building a little attraction before asking any of them to dance. I'm not all that familiar with venues like the ones that you're describing, but leading with an invitation to dance basically puts everything in her hands.

[Waterboy]

Good advice jr. Thanks. I am new to the game that's why I asked them to dance (easiest way for me to approach). I am also an introvert. But I will work on building a little attraction first, it will be hard, but I am determined to work on it.

[Wizard]

Waterboy,
The thing your going to need to accept about learning the game is that rejection is going to be a constant companion... for a while. Try to remember what it was like when you first started riding a bike, it was scary and you fell down a lot. The key is you kept getting back on the bike, and eventually you learned how to ride.

As a fellow introvert I can understand the awkwardness that comes when you first start taking steps out of your shell. Eventually though the more you go out, then your comfort zone is going to begin to expand.

Here are some quick tips I would recommend for any introvert.

1. Are You Stylish?
For some reason a lot of guys seem to think this means do you look like a male model? For someone whose first getting into the game, you should make sure the basics are covered. This means making sure your not going out dressed as a grunge rocker. You'd be amazed at how many guys don't even bother to take care of these basic tasks.

2. Keep Going Out
One crappy experience can often cause a guy to think he needs to stop, and reflect when the truth is he needs to double down. There are going to be nights when your game just isn't working, and that is something even the best of us have issues with.

3. Keep Learning
This forum is populated by some of the best guys anywhere to learn game from. Take the time to look up old threads, and read through what some of the guys like Mixx, Roosh, Athlone, Pusscrook, and dozens more have to say.

The information they provide is battle tested, and proven.

4. Learn From Rejection
Rejection can provide you with a powerful tool for analyzing the weaknesses in your game. Take some time to reflect on what you did good, and what you made a mistake on. Then use that information to modify your approach in the future.

I would also suggest in the future you consider going out with some good buddies instead of a group of people your not close to. Doing that usually gives a guy a more upbeat vibe, and chicks can sense that.