[PantyPeeler]

Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+

Ive known a few men who have decided (attempted) to "settle down" after living many years as a "player." The concept is admirable and seems logical, but is it very realistic?

The ones Ive known personally, that have married to seemingly stable "age appropriate" sexy women have all eventually spiraled out of control at some point. The exception being one much older gentleman that married a "mail ordered bride."

Does anyone here have any examples of an aging "player" settling down and living "happily ever after?"

Please do not reference movie stars or extremely wealthy moguls. They are living in a different reality than most of us. (Not hating just being realistic.)

Panty Peeler

[CaptainCup]

Quote:

The ones Ive known personally, that have married to seemingly stable "age appropriate" sexy women have all eventually spiraled out of control at some point. The exception being one much older gentleman that married a "mail ordered bride."

I’m assuming an “age appropriate” woman for a 40+ guy would be a women in her late 30’s/early 40’s. In my experience, these women are scared shit of being alone and/or hitting the wall. It would be the younger women, say 30 or younger, that I would think are high risk of going off the rails.

[fktax]

(05-07-2019 09:36 AM)CaptainCup Wrote:  

In my experience, these women are scared shit of being alone and/or hitting the wall.

Yep I have seen this a lot - plenty of women who go from "having the time of their lives" at 33 to "oh shit none of my friends are doing this anymore" at 36 to flat out panic at 39.

[NoMoreTO]

If a player settles down to have a family I Think he could switch gears.

If a player settles down to travel around and wants to continue to live a player lifestyle just with a chick around all the time, he will get bored.

No personal experience here, just my thoughts.

[PantyPeeler]

(05-07-2019 09:36 AM)CaptainCup Wrote:  

I’m assuming an “age appropriate” woman for a 40+ guy would be a women in her late 30’s/early 40’s. In my experience, these women are scared shit of being alone and/or hitting the wall. It would be the younger women, say 30 or younger, that I would think are high risk of going off the rails.

For settling down, lets say within 10 years age difference.

(05-07-2019 09:49 AM)fktax Wrote:  

Yep I have seen this a lot - plenty of women who go from "having the time of their lives" at 33 to "oh shit none of my friends are doing this anymore" at 36 to flat out panic at 39.

I dont believe a female with high notch count (20+) will ever be wife material. So that leaves serial daters or women fresh out of LTR or divorce.

[Jungle]

Wow there's lots of threads recently about transitioning into fatherhood. I guess the recent life epiphanies of public figures like Roosh & Krauser are happening at a larger scale en masse all across the manosphere. Player burn-out is real. Older players and seasoned veterans are starting to retire from sport of sex, the red pill kicks in and they starts to see the bigger picture / meaning of life.

I'll assume you mean "settling down" = having babymama & kids.

Having kids after 40 is not the ideal age. But it's better than never doing it at all...

This topic has already been discussed at great length many times so let's keep it short.

Yes men have a bit more "shelf-life" than women - But men have a biological clock too.

In developing countries age gaps (as a generalisation) max-out around 10 years, and even 10 year age gaps are certainly not the norm.

Let's use some hypotheticals - best case scenario: a 40 year old man goes fishing for a 30 year old woman. He would need a certain amount of time to filter/vet her to ensure her suitability, and during this time her ovaries are drying up. Best case scenario he can have 1-3 children with her, but bear in mind all of those children face a higher risk of physical or mental defects because of the parent's age.

So in conclusion - I think 30 is the ideal age for a man who cannot get a big age gap (25 year old woman) and 35 is the ideal age for a man that can get a big age gap (20-25 year old woman).

Nature & biology always wins.

I hope to settle down by 35, I'm pretty determined... I'll keep the forum updated as the years progress

[MrLemon]

If a woman waits until she's 32 to think about marriage and kids, then she has just demonstrated beyond a shadow of a doubt that she doesn't place a high value on marriage and kids, and that's not listening to her biological instincts. Oh sure she might SAY she does, because she's panicking, but if she really wanted to be married she would have done it at 25.

Why should you care? Because having a family is brutally difficult. It will tear her down and crush her. The single biggest danger you wlll face is that she will bail. Half of women bail, so no, it's not insignficant.

If it's not her highest priority, what do you think the odds are that she'll bail?

Finally, just getting pregnant and bearing a child at 35 is amazingly dangerous. They are.lying to the public about this; the numbers are horrible. Women need to start pregnancies no later than 30 for safety of child. A damaged baby is a life sentence of misery for you, the father.

[travolta]

(05-07-2019 10:23 AM)Jungle Wrote:  

So in conclusion - I think 30 is the ideal age for a man who cannot get a big age gap (25 year old woman) and 35 is the ideal age for a man that can get a big age gap (20-25 year old woman).

Why would 1 man be able to get a big age gap and another man not? Is it because some men are better looking/more fit than others?

Interesting thread topic (even though it seems to be popping up very frequently on this forum). It's something I've been thinking about now that I'm in my 30's. My parents had a 20 year age age gap, my mother was 35 and my father was 55 when they started having kids. Incredibly risky on their part, and I came out healthy with no retardation, so they got extremely lucky. I (think) I'd like to settle down by the time I'm 35, but as I get older it seems less and less likely to happen.

[RawGod]

(05-07-2019 10:58 AM)travolta Wrote:  

Incredibly risky on their part, and I came out healthy with no retardation, so they got extremely lucky.

I think this is a bit of a statistical misconception. Having older parents increases the risk of abnormalities substantially, but it's not like you have to be "extremely lucky" to come out OK. Most still come out OK. It's just that instead of 1 in 500 having certain conditions, it's now 1 in 50. A ten times increase, but 1 in 50 means 98% will be fine. I'm pulling those numbers out of the air, but I think if you look up the stats on autism and so on, this is about the magnitude of the effect, not the inevitable production of retarded babies.

[Montrose]

My parents married when my dad was 43 and my mother 23. Western Europe, (upper-)middle class, they had 4 kids and a successful marriage which lasted until his death. Admittedly that was half a century ago, but our species hasn’t mutated that much.

[Prince Charming]

what do you mean by "spiraled out of control"?

[felix_vagabondo]

(05-07-2019 10:45 AM)MrLemon Wrote:  

If a woman waits until she's 32 to think about marriage and kids, then she has just demonstrated beyond a shadow of a doubt that she doesn't place a high value on marriage and kids

Can attest to this.

My birth was a buzzer-beater (40 y/o mother with a professional career).

She loved my father nominally but her anti-marriage disposition undermined any prospect of their forming a functional, permanent union.

Her disposition was feminist, insubordinate, willful, and accustomed to living on her own terms, and my father didn't want to get involved in that shit-show.

"I'm not interested in cooking and cleaning up for some man," she once said, in a tone of voice that I would years later hear emitted from the likes of an empowered buzz-cut dyke at a pride parade.

She wasn't a supremely conscientious mother, and often my needs fell by the wayside.

This is typical for the post-modern professional female.

She wants to have a career, and play the dating field, and that's her foremost priority.

[Laner]

Not 40+ but I fall into the category in all other aspects. I "settled" at 34.

I agree that it is risky. There is so much of your image wrapped up in being with new women and multiple women. Your libido and testosterone are extremely high. You have sex almost every night for nearly two decades. Often with 3 or 4 women in a week as you learn to confidently navigate openly dating multiple women. You have your own time whenever you want it, for as you age through your 30's you no longer feel the need to make women happy as you have learnt the true ingredient for making women happy. Your time alone becomes a blissful morning of coffee and reading on your sunny terrace with no one to ask you things. You work out, you eat simple and clean, you work like a man who wants to work.

These are all the things that you think you have to let go of, and for some its necessary. But not all. If you want to build a stable family, all those things are necessary to ensuring the fitness of your children. They need to know that their dad bangs their mom relentlessly. They need to eat good food. They need to see their father work hard and be strong. All those things built as a player are honed in fatherhood and being a husband. A wife knowing that her husband has options is a wife less likely to withhold sex or mope around.

I am not sure how things progress over 40, but I am sure it gets harder. But as men not on TRT can attest, the energy levels begin to decline in the late 30's just as you might be wanting to start a family. There is a magic number in there for sure, but for those who want multiple kids, after 40 is going to be much harder.

[MikeS]

(05-07-2019 01:23 PM)Laner Wrote:  

Not 40+ but I fall into the category in all other aspects. I "settled" at 34.

I agree that it is risky. There is so much of your image wrapped up in being with new women and multiple women. Your libido and testosterone are extremely high. You have sex almost every night for nearly two decades. Often with 3 or 4 women in a week as you learn to confidently navigate openly dating multiple women...

I'm not entirely sure you're describing even the average redpilled "player" there. This sounds more like rockstar life. Possibly a rockstar on TRT or steroids if testosterone is extremely high and not merely somewhere in the wide normal range.

As for my own opinion on the matter at settling down after 40 - I'm 42 now, never married, no kids - I'm still very torn on how I feel about it.
My late teens and 20s consisted of a lot of one-night stands from clubs, with the occasional short (weeks, months, not years) relationships. 30 to mid 30s pretty much more of the same just from bars. 36 I moved abroad and tried dating instead (Tinder etc., a bit of daygame, sick and tired of nightgame by that point, even if I did it still on occasion for another year).

Ended up in a three years relationship with only the second woman in my life I've loved.
Back to dating and short relationships again since last year, and not finding that casual sex satisfies me as much as it used to, but also finding it as difficult as through most of my life to actually feel much for even the women I date and sleep with for more than just a few weeks.
And that's despite being very far from negative MGOTW attitudes towards women - I frequently greatly enjoy their company and the conversation, but just not feeling the stronger emotions that from my perspective are required for me to consider them long term material and potential mother of my children.

[asdfk]

^I think that considering someone long term material shouldn't at all be an emotional decision.

Look at her rationally. Is she an asset? Does she support you and is she able to receive yours? Do you look at life and marriage in a similar way? Is she intelligent but not rebellious? Pretty but not vain? Healthy but not health-obsessed?

You cant have it all but you can make an effort to marry someone that is a good fit and that you respect.

Romantic love is beautiful but very few people are so lucky that they fall in love with someone that fits the above criteria.

I fell in love with crazy bitches a few times. I'd pick a relationship with a stable and healthy girl that will make a good mother and wife over any of them, despite that I still feel love for one of them to this day.

[Geomann180]

(05-07-2019 11:57 AM)RawGod Wrote:  

(05-07-2019 10:58 AM)travolta Wrote:  

Incredibly risky on their part, and I came out healthy with no retardation, so they got extremely lucky.

I think this is a bit of a statistical misconception. Having older parents increases the risk of abnormalities substantially, but it's not like you have to be "extremely lucky" to come out OK. Most still come out OK. It's just that instead of 1 in 500 having certain conditions, it's now 1 in 50. A ten times increase, but 1 in 50 means 98% will be fine. I'm pulling those numbers out of the air, but I think if you look up the stats on autism and so on, this is about the magnitude of the effect, not the inevitable production of retarded babies.

Just for extra context around this topic - my Mother had me at 42 and I was born 3 months pre-mature. I only surived because of modern medicine and my Father's decision making skills. Technology may be better than it was in the 90s, but the staff aren't. And there's more lies than ever to contend with these days.

I'm lucky that I made off with a scar on my stomach, bad eye sight, and maybe less height than being damaged mentally or physically.

Secondly, consider this. Below 30s women have a way better chance of bouncing back from a pregnancy to the hot little thing you wanted to impregnate in the first place.

My Mother began a slow decline she was never able to reverse after me.

G

[ChefAllDay]

(05-07-2019 10:23 AM)PantyPeeler Wrote:  

I dont believe a female with high notch count (20+) will ever be wife material. So that leaves serial daters or women fresh out of LTR or divorce.

That pretty much cuts out 90% of the female population.

(05-07-2019 10:23 AM)Jungle Wrote:  

Wow there's lots of threads recently about transitioning into fatherhood. I guess the recent life epiphanies of public figures like Roosh & Krauser are happening at a larger scale en masse all across the manosphere. Player burn-out is real. Older players and seasoned veterans are starting to retire from sport of sex, the red pill kicks in and they starts to see the bigger picture / meaning of life.

I think the bigger issue here is that men/boys are getting too lazy and blue pilled to get out and game. They think personal improvement is winning fortnight or whatever the big new game is. I would bet that in the 50's-70's the majority of men were red pilled players (even the married ones), fit and driven. Now I bet less than 5% of 18-35 year olds are even the slightest bit red pilled.

So, all the players from the past 20 or so years (since the emergence of the internet because we wouldn't have really known about them before) are getting older and changing priorities, it's just the evolution of game. Maybe even a good thing if you value strong nuclear families. What better role model could a boy have?

[RawGod]

(05-08-2019 06:03 AM)ChefAllDay Wrote:  

I would bet that in the 50's-70's the majority of men were red pilled players (even the married ones), fit and driven.

No. Because they didn't have to be.

[Leonard D Neubache]

If you're settling down at 40 do no-fap no-fuck for 6 months then find an 18 y/o with a good body and a face like a bashed in crab. Turn down the lights and make strong sons and plain daughters.

That 30-something chick who looks passable now is going to be wrecked in 10 years or just one year if she starts having kids and that's if her lifetime of being fucked and chucked doesn't lead her to destroy your world, which it almost certainly will.

Sounds rough? That's the price for 20 years of casual sex and zero responsibilities. Count yourself lucky that you have options. Women who have lived your life have none.

[Going strong]

I don't think there is any realistic option for a (motivated and strong) Western man at 40+, to start a family, other than traveling to a few third-world countries (which I won't list, but you might guess a couple of them, and yes, one is the Phils) and finding young wife material there.

It also means, such a man would have to settle in said 3-d world countries, or at least, travel there regularly, to see and support his family. Bringing young wifey to the 1st-world being out of the question, at least for the first years of the marriage.

It means if you are 40 and not a rockstar billionaire, you won't have the comfort to start a family in your comfy wealthy city. You have to go 3d-world, and it's logic, Keynesian law of offer and demand. Good wife material in your first-world city won't want you, so go where you still have value.

This will require a set of qualities though, essentially the ability to renounce the relatively-comfy way of life of the first-world cities - which gets harder with time as one gets older. So, determination is required, and sacrifice, and strength both of body and mind.

[Laner]

(05-07-2019 04:43 PM)MikeS Wrote:  

(05-07-2019 01:23 PM)Laner Wrote:  

Not 40+ but I fall into the category in all other aspects. I "settled" at 34.

I agree that it is risky. There is so much of your image wrapped up in being with new women and multiple women. Your libido and testosterone are extremely high. You have sex almost every night for nearly two decades. Often with 3 or 4 women in a week as you learn to confidently navigate openly dating multiple women...

I'm not entirely sure you're describing even the average redpilled "player" there. This sounds more like rockstar life. Possibly a rockstar on TRT or steroids if testosterone is extremely high and not merely somewhere in the wide normal range.

As for my own opinion on the matter at settling down after 40 - I'm 42 now, never married, no kids - I'm still very torn on how I feel about it.
My late teens and 20s consisted of a lot of one-night stands from clubs, with the occasional short (weeks, months, not years) relationships. 30 to mid 30s pretty much more of the same just from bars. 36 I moved abroad and tried dating instead (Tinder etc., a bit of daygame, sick and tired of nightgame by that point, even if I did it still on occasion for another year).

Ended up in a three years relationship with only the second woman in my life I've loved.
Back to dating and short relationships again since last year, and not finding that casual sex satisfies me as much as it used to, but also finding it as difficult as through most of my life to actually feel much for even the women I date and sleep with for more than just a few weeks.
And that's despite being very far from negative MGOTW attitudes towards women - I frequently greatly enjoy their company and the conversation, but just not feeling the stronger emotions that from my perspective are required for me to consider them long term material and potential mother of my children.

Remember, what keeps us guys as players longer than we want, is that our memories are skewed. We only remember the highlights and not the down times.

My post addressed the highlights only, as its a thread to mention the dangers of older players settling down. And this selective memory of good streaks with great women is certainly a danger to me.

[travolta]

Seems like one of the newer common themes on this forum is that guys should settle down in their 20's. It makes sense that if you're in your 20's it's way easier to get girls in their teens/early 20's. My question is, for those saying that guys in their 30's and 40's have waited too long and have essentially wasted their "prime" years and are now left with scraps, what do you consider scraps, girls 25+? Is it really that outrageous of an idea for a guy in his late 30's/early 40's who has suddenly decided he wants to settle down and start a family to find a quality girl in her late 20's?

I don't think it's too outrageous even in the US for a guy in his late 30's to find a quality girl 27-28 years old to settle down with.

[Jungle]

(05-08-2019 06:58 PM)travolta Wrote:  

Seems like one of the newer common themes on this forum is that guys should settle down in their 20's. It makes sense that if you're in your 20's it's way easier to get girls in their teens/early 20's. My question is, for those saying that guys in their 30's and 40's have waited too long and have essentially wasted their "prime" years and are now left with scraps, what do you consider scraps, girls 25+? Is it really that outrageous of an idea for a guy in his late 30's/early 40's who has suddenly decided he wants to settle down and start a family to find a quality girl in her late 20's?

I don't think it's too outrageous even in the US for a guy in his late 30's to find a quality girl 27-28 years old to settle down with.

I agree, it's possible for a Western guy in his late 30s or early 40s to find a Western girl in her late 20s, but she may not be "quality"... it's a little bit of unicorn hunting and finding a needle in a haystack... due to toxic western culture a lot of girls that age already have heavy decade of carousel use and a build up of other neuroses. Every man has different standards, personally I wouldn't choose a western girl unless she had some strong religious upbringing For a white man I see only Eastern Europe as the last source of feminine white women... and even that water well is drying up fast Perhaps the artificial womb will come and save the day for the west hahah

The late 20s quality girls in the west do exist, there are anomalies and outliers out there, but the supply and demand is heavily skewed, and it probably depends on each man's definition of "quality".

[travolta]

(05-08-2019 07:48 PM)Jungle Wrote:  

I agree, it's possible for a Western guy in his late 30s or early 40s to find a Western girl in her late 20s, but she may not be "quality"... it's a little bit of unicorn hunting and finding a needle in a haystack... due to toxic western culture a lot of girls that age already have heavy decade of carousel use and a build up of other neuroses. Every man has different standards, personally I wouldn't choose a western girl unless she had some strong religious upbringing For a white man I see only Eastern Europe as the last source of feminine white women... and even that water well is drying up fast Perhaps the artificial womb will come and save the day for the west hahah

The late 20s quality girls in the west do exist, there are anomalies and outliers out there, but the supply and demand is heavily skewed, and it probably depends on each man's definition of "quality".

Good points. Personally I've never been with a late 20's western girl I'd consider high quality. I've been with several late 20's Asian girls who were very nice/sweet girls. I was definitely not ready to settle down when I was with them so I cut them all loose (one of the major reasons being that they were old). I imagine though that if I were in my 40's, single and met these girls when they were 28 or 29, I'd probably be pretty happy to settle down with them. Obviously a 29 year old is far from a 20 year old girl in her prime, but if you're 40 and meet a hot 29 year old, I think you can still be very happy with her.

From reading many of the recent posts on this forum, it makes it seems like I'm fucking up by not trying to settle down in my early 30's. I get the point of these posts, but it all seems pretty idealistic. How many guys in their early-mid 20's are even capable of getting some high quality girl in their early 20's? When I was 25 I was going out and meeting girls, but my game was horrendous.. I wasn't capable of getting and actually keeping some early 20's hottie for more than 1 night. I guess I'm just sitting here trying to justify decisions I made in my 20's. At the same time, some friends I have who married and had kids young tell me they wish they were able to do what I've done (travel, bang lots of girls, extreme sports experiences). I'm feeling a bit torn right now. Either way, it's good food for thought to read these types of threads. At 31 I'm definitely getting tired of the player lifestyle, but still feel too young to start having kids.

[gework]

I think a lot of problems with finding the right one is our own fault, or rather a certain part of our anatomies' fault. If you have a fairly-good looking girl who has all the right ideas about marriage and another girl who is extremely naturally beautiful and has fairly decent (EE) ideas on marriage, which will you choose?

Then there is the other thirst. The thirst of just one more girl, maybe one from another ethnicity, a super-petite baby, one with a coco-bongo behind...

Or thinking just a few more years. Given my situation I know I could wait 10-20 years and still pick up a fertile young girl. But at that point the market has narrowed. I'd mainly be looking at Asia, Africa or LatAm as possibles. EE would be much tougher at that point. And then you're looking at 20-30 year age gaps. It has it's strong appeal, but you know it's going to cause problems and be a bit weird; having your wife's teenage friends over when you're in your 40s or 50s.

I think a 10-15 year age gap is best. It's a manageable and satisfying seniority that shouldn't kill your social life as a couple.