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Dates with chatty girls
04-04-2019, 11:46 AM
Went on a date recently with a girl and found it hard to steer conversation or make an emotional impact. I though I entered the date on a good frame because of previously sexualising and her qualifying herself on text prior to the date. However, on the date itself, it was basically her telling me lots of long stories without much emotional depth. It was half an hour in before I could even suggest getting our first drink.
At the end of the date, I tried to bring her back to mine anyway but she made up an excuse, said another time. The next day she texted me typical didn't make a connection text.
I can identify lots of areas I could have done better on the date, but the major one is that I couldn't make any emotional impact on her. I just didn't know how to because I would have to interrupt her stories. I could feel how dry the conversation was but didn't have the guts or knowledge to do anything about it.
As I've had this happen a few times, there must be something I'm doing wrong when a girl is very chatty. I want to have the ability to attract girls even if I'm not attracted to them and in theory it should be easier.
Any advice on how to maintain control of conversation and naturally lead to topics that can make a bigger emotional impact?
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Dates with chatty girls
04-04-2019, 12:01 PM
I'm not a great conversationalist, so I try to avoid very long conversations in dates. If I don't make a move in 1-2h (either by physically escalating or by inviting them to my place), it's either because I'm not interested or because I'm convinced they're not interested. In which case I try to wrap things up.
Now as for the move itself, I don't really wait for a magic moment, nor do I make a lot of effort in setting one up. Obviously I wait for a convenient moment, but if one never comes up, I just make a move anyway. I've interrupted girls mid-conversation with a kiss, and it worked.
So if I were in your shoes I'd try to be more assertive (go ahead and interrupt them if you have something to share) and bolder (escalate). But that's the advice from a guy who usually doesn't talk much. I do wish I was more of a smooth talker.
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Dates with chatty girls
04-04-2019, 01:26 PM
Next time try to use her material and interrupt with a very wild re-frame / question / comment / joke, that keeps the subject matter still in "her land", but basically uses her stories as a theatre for your wit.
A few times of that, and she might start asking you stuff and segueing into your turn.
Also once you get farther along with a girl like that, the Move is always "interrupt them with a move while they are blabbing"... (once you've already crossed that boundary). So if she's back at yours, and you are trying to get physical but she's talking, etc... the slow Shhh while looking at her, or put your finger to her lips... bam...
Overall though it's an annoying trait for them to be too one-sided in conversation.
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Dates with chatty girls
04-04-2019, 03:12 PM
Sometimes a blabber mouth woman is just really nervous - just lean in and kiss her and take over the conversation, steering it into comfort building with lots of eye contact.
Sometimes women go on dates to listen to the sound of their own voice and for validation - bail out of these if she clearly isn't interested. These test your patience and you have to calculate bang for buck.
Some women need "an emotional connection" through hours of inane babble before they turn into good girlfriends - These test your patience and you have to calculate bang for buck.
Gotta love dating and women, they be like a 'box' of chocolates....
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Dates with chatty girls
04-05-2019, 05:29 PM
Here in Brazil, in the lower social classes, ugly teenage men get to date pretty teenage women through 'chatting'!
Honestly, I do not know how these ugly teenage men can get horny for a woman that requires intense conversation from him.
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Dates with chatty girls
04-06-2019, 05:51 PM
I've got a mate who loves talking to hours with women he hasn't banged yet.
It just meets his social or romantic needs, like a woman. Fucked it I understand it.
I see him hours on the phone, chatting to them about shit, no hope of banging them.
Some dudes are into it.
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Dates with chatty girls
04-06-2019, 06:37 PM
Usually when a woman gets to talk about herself it makes her feel bonded to you. But you need to listen actively, kino, interrupt, ask open ended questions.
Another trick is to do a triangle. Stare intently at her right eye for 2 seconds, then her left eye, then her lips for a little longer. Keep doing this and she will want to kiss you
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Dates with chatty girls
04-07-2019, 09:02 AM
I slept on it and have a few more thoughts.
Its the man's job to lead the interaction. That includes the venue, a bounce, what you are eating or drinking, the topic of conversation. Ultimately, you failed to control the interraction and your thread title implies that you want to place blame elsewhere.
This girl was talking and enjoying herself, that is a lot more to work with than a girl who is boring, not into you, doesn't talk. Yes, her behavior was rude, but she is too unsophisticated to realize it. Think of women as children who need to be guided and led, and you will have more successful interactions.
If she is droning on, interreupt her. Excuse me, can I ask you a very important question. If you could travel anywhere in the world, cost was no object, where would you go?
then ask the same question about the U.S., then about your city, keep boiling it down to things that are adventurous but also practical. Maybe going for a hike at a nearby park, a weekend trip to a hotel, banging on the roof of a building, maybe something 50 shades of grey. You never hear her interests or desires unless you steer the conversation in those directions.
Kino - brush the hair out of her face, stroke the back of her neck, place your hand on her thigh - done right helps her feel safe and lets her show herself to you. Also, everytime she reciprocates with the kino, its an invite to escalate slightly. Wait a moment, don't act like Pavov's dog, but read it for the signal that it is. The more you escalate, the more she will want to kiss you somewhere private, like your house.
When I meet dates out, I like to meet at a restaurant. I get a big booth and sit on the same side as her. Usually just order drinks, sometimes an app. The nearest restauant to me is a mexican place so they bring free chips. They do a tableside guacamole production for 8 or 9 bucks. Feels like a splurge. Also, the booth offers more privacy for my wandering hands. Its much more diffucult to kino when you are propped up on a bar stool - some women will feel like everyone is looking at them.
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04-08-2019, 05:37 AM
With experience, you'll come up with a set of questions that dove tails into things where you can DHV, where you can display your value. I'm well traveled so that is a good one for me, it also dovetails with women saying they are adventurous. There is a chapter in Cialdinia about the consistency principle. If you get a woman to say she is adventurous, later she won't want to contraditct herself. So you might be talking about exploriing new cuisines, and she says she is adventurous, and then when you say lets come back to my house and watch this cool documentary on netflix, when she balks say, I thought you were adventurous? Its not guaranteed to work, but it tends to work because her brain has to resolve the contradiction. She will self rationalize, yes, I'm adventurous, and its only netflix.
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Dates with chatty girls
05-03-2019, 07:34 PM
A question for you who are from '1st world' countries... ugly and poor men (when I say poor, I say when the man does not give any money to the woman) get acceptance of beautiful women?