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Having a kid/not financially ready
02-12-2019, 09:19 PM
So I was living in South America (Peru) with my girlfriend (who I intend to marry eventually). We are both not financially stable and her birth control failed her. She is scared to leave her country but open to come to the US, although she would prefer not to.
Should I try to convince her to come over to the US and have the child there and try and make it work? I know it's much cheaper in South America but I don't see myself having much opportunity there. She has a great job and I don't want to end up teaching ESL/working in colegios. I don't have any jobs set up in the USA and no real marketable skills.. so to say.. as I have spent most of my 20's abroad.
I'm thinking about doing an alternative teaching certificate/school counselor masters and possibly going back to her country to teach a subject I like or be a school counselor, but I know I need to make moves quickly. I also have a lot of experience in the restaurant industry so I believe I could become a manager.
It seems like a bad idea, but we are going to go through with it. By not financially stable, we don't have any real savings. Any advice?
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Having a kid/not financially ready
02-12-2019, 10:06 PM
I'm with a Peruana too who I'm open to having a family with. If it works out, my plan is to keep her here and just continue my work in the states. I only work part of the year and would just keep bouncing between Peru and the US. It's not an ideal situation, but tons of Latinos already do this anyway and I refuse to raise kids in the USA. Especially daughters. If I have kids I'd like them to have the option of taking advantage of opportunities in my country if they so choose when they are adults. But to raise children in the USA; hell with that. But my advice to you is keep her in Peru. She needs her friends, family, her music, and food. She needs a support network of family for your infant kid. If she comes to the USA with a baby and no real network (or an unfamiliar one) if you have family can be pretty fricken scary for girls with a newborn. That can put a lot of unwanted stress on you, your wife and of course your kid.
If you can work something out in Peru one day for work and just stay here that'd be good. But it I were you I'd work in the usa, send money, save and set up a portion of the year where you can spend time with your kid. She'll need you during her pregnancy too as someone to lean on when her emotions and hormones are fucking with her. So do what you gotta do to be there. And yes, if you can save and send a good amount of dead presidents down to Peru where you can convert to soles you can offer a much higher quality of life than you can if you had them in the states. And for me the whole distance thing don't bother me. Maybe it might if I have kids one day, but it's sure nice to get away from your girl for awhile and miss each other. Call me a romantic.
You don't have any marketable skills, but shits about to get seriously real and you're gonna need some. You might not like it, but you're gonna have to bite the bullet. Quickest way to make an honest buck is looking for work in agriculture or construction. That works good for the soul anyway.
If you ever wanna reach out or you're in Peru sometime when I'm there; send me a pm.
Dreams are like horses; they run wild on the earth. Catch one and ride it. Throw a leg over and ride it for all its worth.
Psalm 25:7
https://youtu.be/vHVoMCH10Wk
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Having a kid/not financially ready
02-12-2019, 10:19 PM
Dont worry, its a myth that kids take a lot of money to raise. The ol' "wait till youre financially stable" trope is just a way to stop whitey reproducing. Dont fall for it.
Have child.
Work as usual and take any advancement/hustle opportunities that arise.
It's that easy.
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Having a kid/not financially ready
02-12-2019, 10:28 PM
nothinG really serious...its what anyone serious can handle...just have to find keep it this way for now till yopu are able to settle down properly with a job...then you can talk of bringing her over to US....
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Having a kid/not financially ready
02-12-2019, 10:28 PM
It is too late for her to come to the states and have the kid unless she was blessed with a tourist visa, which not many Peruvians get.
The K1 or CR1 visa will take at least 9-11 months. Then she will have to apply for SSN before she can get medical insurance, you'll also need to make 125% of poverty rate in order to sponsor her.
So count on her having the baby in peru and figuring out in the meantime if you want to have something more with her. If you want to bring her and your kid to the states, you'll need to make at least 21k a year for the K1 visa and you should get the process started soon because if you change your mind you can always back out of it, up until you hand in the I-134 form on the day she goes for the appointment.
Some guys don't mind living in a third world country. If I had a family, I would live in the states, your child will have more opportunity in the states. But that's your choice.
Congrats to both of you on the kid. I hope it changes your life for the best.
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Having a kid/not financially ready
02-13-2019, 12:07 AM
Thanks for the input. It's going to be something I'll have to dig deep and figure out for myself. I've got some time on my side.
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Having a kid/not financially ready
02-13-2019, 12:16 AM
Yes, that's what I figured. No sense in going back and forth. I'm going to basically just save up as much as I can here in the US, and then go back to be with her and work down there while I figure out what's going on. I've got some ideas so I'm not too worried about it. I've got roughly 8 months. Plus it's someone I actually want to be with. Not a tinder/desperation bang.
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Having a kid/not financially ready
02-13-2019, 04:20 AM
My daughter lives in Cuba as does my wife. I have a bit of the opposite situation in that I had a good business in the West but decided to give it up to move abroad. (I'll be abroad as of March) I should note while I call her my wife we are not married.
I'd leave them in their country regardless. They need their friends and families. It's not easy for a woman who is passed college age and doesn't speak the native tongue to move to a new country and make sufficient connections that it will replace what she has back home. Men cope better with distance in my opinion.
I wouldn't worry too much about the finances unless you are really really tight. (I.e. you can only afford to live on like $15 or $20 a day) If you are at that point then yes you'll notice the cost of the kid. If you have a more normal income for a foreigner in the developing world. If you are making net say $1000+ a month you won't notice the cost really. If it does affect you cut out something from your lifestyle where you are bleeding money. How many guys you know go and get a pop and snickers or whatever and spend $3 a day on that or smoke a half pack a day. Drop that and you basically pay for your kid. Other simple solutions are things like renting a slightly cheaper place. In your case you also have to remember the mom works and day care / child care services are probably very economical there so your wifes income probably can cover the cost of the kid with ease.
My daughter probably will all in cost me $1200-$2400 this year. That covers everything from food, clothes, birthday parties etc. Very rough estimate but practical. Its hard for me to give an exact because I support both her and her mother and I don't know exactly what is spent on my daughter but I'd guess its around that.
Where kids get costly is in the West with the notion that you need to send them to private schools, private tutors out of country educational trips etc. The reality is most of that stuff is just waste and provides limited improvement if any on your child and your families life. I'm not trying to generalise but I would rate private school as a hugely shit investment unless by some off chance your kid happens to be the elite of the elite. If your kid is destined to be the next fortune 500 CEO then sure by all means. But for the vast majority they would've in my opinion been a hell of a lot better investing all of the money they spent on private school in an index fund and give it to their kid at 35.
I see that you are considering as well bringing her to US and both of you working there. Heres the thing. While in a pure $ number you will make significantly more how will your lifestyle compare. I asked myself that when I decided to close my business in the West. In my case I figured out how much cheaper Cuba was in terms of cost for things I like verse where I am and figured the number is easily 5-10x cheaper. The amount of after tax money I'd have to make in the West would require stupid amounts of hours compared to what I can get in Cuba. I'd also have to work verse not work or just work for fun money just to be able to provide a similar lifestyle.
You run other risks in bringing her to the West. Including future alimony / child support payments. I suspect these would be significantly higher and more burdensome in the US. Another factor you would also face is she will certainly want to go back home for vacations and people back home unless shes rich she will want to help out. This means mommy gets a new flat screen, hermano gets his first motorcycle, monthly remittances etc. This can quickly get very silly.
Given what you've said about yourself and I'm assuming you have taught ESL to fund your travels perhaps you might want to look into the requirements to become an international school teacher. That may be a worthwhile endeavor and allow you to significantly boost your lifestyle quality in Peru.
One thing that I will say is making a ton of money doesn't bring happiness. I watch friends and family who make absolutely great incomes but their life consists of work, tv, wife, overpriced shoe box, ridiculous car payments etc. They are no happier in my opinion than someone making a fraction of their income but with some freedom. I personally went and got the high paying career and quickly realized the money doesn't make me happy. What does are being with friends, family, meeting new people, enjoying new experiences and travelling. I had a hell of a lot more fun in college then I did making money.
This goes to say while you say you have no marketable skills and are almost suggesting you wasted your 20s I'd bet you were 10x as happy as your buddies pouring their souls into a cubicle so instead of the reasonable 1500 square foot house in a decent neighbourhood they could buy their wife a 4000 square foot house in a more classy neighbourhood and then take on truly stupid endeavours to make their wifes happy like putting in a new $50,000 kitchen because I guess the old one which didn't have marble countertops just isn't up to the Jones standard. My house in Cuba is worth about 1/40th-1/50th the house I live in the West. Guess which house I enjoy myself more in. It certainly isn't the one here in the West.
I think your kid will have far better value growing up in South America than in the US. How far the degradation has come is made clear to me by the fact that the This Is America song which seemed to demonstrate mass shootings managed to win the song of the year at the grammys the other night. I wouldn't have even classified it as music nevermind giving it awards.
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Having a kid/not financially ready
02-13-2019, 11:36 AM
O/T, but how does someone with no skills and no job afford to do anything, let alone travel constantly? OP, how do you put food in your own mouth, clothes on your back, and airplane seats under your butt?
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Having a kid/not financially ready
02-13-2019, 12:44 PM
Whatever you were doing for $20 an hour online, think of it this way. All of us start somewhere. Not many guys in their 20s who don't leave the states in their 20s spend that time back home killing it financially in that time either. Instead, they were working their way up, if even, and blowing money on school, etc. And on top of that, most people work various "careers" in their lifetime.
Given those observations, what avenues could you possibly go down from where you've already started that might leave what you did before looking like an uncertain start of a larger career track? What avenue or different approaches might be open to you now that aren't to others - at least not in a way they're cognizant of?
I think too many people confuse themselves that an online career has to look like traditional careers do. Not to mention what do traditional careers even look like anymore?
I wouldn't suggest working for $20/hour for the rest of your life, especially if you're going to be a family man. But starting out there while you build skills and a network elsewhere? And that while living in South America with a solid girl you're into? Why not?
Stranger things have worked out, my friend.
Beyond All Seas
"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling