[Rang off the Pipe]

I almost considered putting this into the fitness section, but I didn't think the spirit of this post would really be suitable for that part of the forum. This post may come off as venting, but I do think there may be some validity to what I'm going to discuss.

tldr; The social benefits of co-ed sports are vastly overrated and they aren't the greatest way to meet girls



For about 5 months now I've been playing a certain team sport as way to do an activity that I (generally) like to partake in. It's a "recreational" co-ed league that runs pretty much the whole year. When I joined the league, my main focus initially was not to meet people, but rather playing a sport that I've liked and enjoy some degree of success. But since the beginning of the calendar year, I've made some significant changes to my lifestyle (see this thread) and have focused more on the potential social circle aspect as a part of targeting the improvement of my well-being and reducing social isolation. The league has turned out to be a failure on the social aspect and absolutely devoid of any competitive success (for me anyway).

The sport of this league is not one in which there is a massive following, so the pool of players is limited. In any given season there are no more than 6 teams of 10 people (and 10 people is the best-case scenario). This results in a few teams composed of people familiar with each other who have been playing the sport for years...and then everybody else. Therefore, true competition doesn't exist in the league. I myself am not terrible and know some fundamentals of the sport but I'm not very skilled and my mind doesn't do well with the chaos of team sports. I know more and more why that is now, but I digress.

Ever since joining the league I've had the misfortune of being on free-agent teams that are composed of a few guys with any semblance of ability. The girls have no clue what they're doing and by the time we're done getting blown out, nobody is in the mood to stick around, talk, or head out to a bar to socialize. Hell, on just about every other team, there are girls that are either butch and clearly play the sport, or are somewhat aware enough to not screw up things for their teams. This is especially true with the few dominant teams in the league. Now I'm basically at a point where I'm fed up and visibly angry in the middle of games, and while I'll show up to the remaining games out of loyalty and respect, I'm probably done after the current (my third) season. I'll feel some withdrawal from abandoning an activity that I've done for so long, but I think I'll be better off.

[Blunt]

(02-10-2019 09:13 PM)Rang off the Pipe Wrote:  

I almost considered putting this into the fitness section, but I didn't think the spirit of this post would really be suitable for that part of the forum. This post may come off as venting, but I do think there may be some validity to what I'm going to discuss.

tldr; The social benefits of co-ed sports are vastly overrated and they aren't the greatest way to meet girls



For about 5 months now I've been playing a certain team sport as way to do an activity that I (generally) like to partake in. It's a "recreational" co-ed league that runs pretty much the whole year. When I joined the league, my main focus initially was not to meet people, but rather playing a sport that I've liked and enjoy some degree of success. But since the beginning of the calendar year, I've made some significant changes to my lifestyle (see this thread) and have focused more on the potential social circle aspect as a part of targeting the improvement of my well-being and reducing social isolation. The league has turned out to be a failure on the social aspect and absolutely devoid of any competitive success (for me anyway).

The sport of this league is not one in which there is a massive following, so the pool of players is limited. In any given season there are no more than 6 teams of 10 people (and 10 people is the best-case scenario). This results in a few teams composed of people familiar with each other who have been playing the sport for years...and then everybody else. Therefore, true competition doesn't exist in the league. I myself am not terrible and know some fundamentals of the sport but I'm not very skilled and my mind doesn't do well with the chaos of team sports. I know more and more why that is now, but I digress.

Ever since joining the league I've had the misfortune of being on free-agent teams that are composed of a few guys with any semblance of ability. The girls have no clue what they're doing and by the time we're done getting blown out, nobody is in the mood to stick around, talk, or head out to a bar to socialize. Hell, on just about every other team, there are girls that are either butch and clearly play the sport, or are somewhat aware enough to not screw up things for their teams. This is especially true with the few dominant teams in the league. Now I'm basically at a point where I'm fed up and visibly angry in the middle of games, and while I'll show up to the remaining games out of loyalty and respect, I'm probably done after the current (my third) season. I'll feel some withdrawal from abandoning an activity that I've done for so long, but I think I'll be better off.

Is it hockey? Without knowing which sport you're talking about it's going to be hard for people to put your post in context.

I wouldn't give up on sports as a way to make friends or a social circle though. For instance, I've met friends at a boxing gym before. Even dated a pretty hot girl from there which was surprising given the nature of the sport. My strategy was to make a gregarious first impression and then play it cool until the time seemed right to invite people out for a drink.

Have you read How to Win Friends and Influence People? It is a great book to read that will put you in the right mindset to make friends.

Or maybe you already have the necessary social skills and just need to try a different sport/activity.

[66Scorpio]

Ultimate Frisbee is coed and seems to draw a reasonable number of good looking women. I only know second hand from friends and girlfriends who played.

Olympic fencing is not technically coed nor a team sport but a good private club will have a good mix of the sexes, the women tend to have good bodies, training and sparring is coed, and in competition you can compete as a team with both men's and women's divisions. So it can have the feel of being part of a coed team and you have the opportunity to approach members of other teams.

[wi30]

If you want to play co-ed sports for the social aspect, pick one that's easy for women to play.

You won't find any talent playing hockey or lacrosse. Pick sports that are easy and fun in a mixed setting. Kickball, softball, volleyball, flag football, soccer, etc. If there is beer on the sidelines and no one is overly competitive, you're good. Even pool or dart leagues are good ways to meet people and build your social circle.

Keep your main sports competitive and fun sports fun. I still play hockey at a pretty high level in men's league. No girls and most guys played at the junior and college level. I don't play for the social aspect, even though I've made friends by grabbing beers and shooting the shit after games.

But I've played kickball, volleyball, softball, and bean bag toss at the recreational co-ed level. I'm not very good but it's fun and you get to meet people. Depending on your city, there are probably a lot of opportunities to find these. Most cities have links on their website to join rec leagues.

[Rang off the Pipe]

Yeah, it's hockey but it's a bastardized version that's 4-on-4 and played on a basketball court with a small, bouncy ball. All of the decent or really good players regularly play ice hockey (or at least have been trained in the sport). And while I have played ice hockey, I have no formal training/coaching and am nowhere near a high level. I don't even get on the ice often since all the rinks that offer ice time for hockey are in the outer neighborhoods of my city or out of the city totally.

But yes, I think trying a different sport (preferably not a team sport), or just finding another league, is a good idea. Whenever there's competition involved my mindset is one that can become too focused on the game and less focused on just "having fun" and interacting with people.

[Belgrano]

Beach volleyball.
Never met an attractive girl who didn't like it.
Problem is that you need a beach and somewhat warm climate.

In general, co-ed team sports are pretty useless to meet women and also in general.

You are a man.
That means you play to compete and you want to win.

However, it's not a real competition if there's girls involved, and winning doesn't feel as rewarding if your opponents are women.

That's a simple fact of life and every man instinctively knows this.

So find a real sport with real opponents, you will enjoy it much more.
Then go find girls somewhere else.

You will be happier and more balanced.

[Barron]

Co-ed Sports are a No-Go in my opinion - being physically competitive with women is an oxymoron.

Co-ed games are fine. This can be anything from billiards to bowling, golf, darts, chess, anything that involves the two of you touching or being in close physical proximity. Video games are Ok if you're sitting next to each other or she's on your lap playing PC. DO NOT play video games with girls over the net, it's a firm DLV.

[glugger]

I treat any co-ed sports I play as a light-hearted way to have some fun and get out of the house.

If you try to have this mindset and still get stomped every game, then that shows that either the skill levels of the other teams aren't equal enough, or the other teams are trying too hard for you to have fun casually. I would suggest finding a less competitive league, or picking a sport that's easier to enjoy casually.

I assume that ice hockey inherently requires more skill than other sports, which makes it harder to enjoy casually. Some easier sports mentioned above like soccer and volleyball are great.

One great coed sport to try is touch or flag football. You're outside in the sun and fresh air, and you are literally chasing after girls and trying to grab them.

Another one is basketball - just try to get a girl on you in the post and give her some hard D(efense).

[Eddie Winslow]

I think this is another activity that has been over-saturated with thirsty guys looking for a way to meet women without having to put their ego on the line whatsoever. Any activity that forces females to interact with strangers will undoubtedly be overrun with lame dudes very quickly. Other things in the same category:

-Speed Dating
-"Social" or "Singles" Meetup.com events
-Salsa/Ballroom Dance Lessons
-Tinder
-etc.

The only way around this is to focus on the uncharted, gayer female activities ("sip and paint" night, sex toy sales parties??) or activities that lames are too scared to do (stand up comedy at open mic night). Or as another poster suggested, just keep approaches and dates separate from your hobbies.

I did a co-ed social kickball league 6 or so years ago which was a lot of fun, with normal people who were actually interested in having fun and socializing. In recent years, the lames found out that if you sign up and pay the $100-$150, girls will be forced to interact with them for at least 45 minutes a week. I've tried to a couple more leagues since the first one and every one has been a big disappointment.

[Savonarola]

Buddy of mine met his fiancee when both were playing in an adult coed kickball league.
She's a horrific bitch, but that's beside the point...

[jbkunt2]

I get the good intentions with these sort of ideas but they rarely deliver.

I think there is one guaranteed way to meet good looking single women...

A bar in a good city on a popular night (e.g. Saturday).

Nothing else compares.

[doc holliday]

(02-10-2019 09:13 PM)Rang off the Pipe Wrote:  

I almost considered putting this into the fitness section, but I didn't think the spirit of this post would really be suitable for that part of the forum. This post may come off as venting, but I do think there may be some validity to what I'm going to discuss.

tldr; The social benefits of co-ed sports are vastly overrated and they aren't the greatest way to meet girls



For about 5 months now I've been playing a certain team sport as way to do an activity that I (generally) like to partake in. It's a "recreational" co-ed league that runs pretty much the whole year. When I joined the league, my main focus initially was not to meet people, but rather playing a sport that I've liked and enjoy some degree of success. But since the beginning of the calendar year, I've made some significant changes to my lifestyle (see this thread) and have focused more on the potential social circle aspect as a part of targeting the improvement of my well-being and reducing social isolation. The league has turned out to be a failure on the social aspect and absolutely devoid of any competitive success (for me anyway).

The sport of this league is not one in which there is a massive following, so the pool of players is limited. In any given season there are no more than 6 teams of 10 people (and 10 people is the best-case scenario). This results in a few teams composed of people familiar with each other who have been playing the sport for years...and then everybody else. Therefore, true competition doesn't exist in the league. I myself am not terrible and know some fundamentals of the sport but I'm not very skilled and my mind doesn't do well with the chaos of team sports. I know more and more why that is now, but I digress.

Ever since joining the league I've had the misfortune of being on free-agent teams that are composed of a few guys with any semblance of ability. The girls have no clue what they're doing and by the time we're done getting blown out, nobody is in the mood to stick around, talk, or head out to a bar to socialize. Hell, on just about every other team, there are girls that are either butch and clearly play the sport, or are somewhat aware enough to not screw up things for their teams. This is especially true with the few dominant teams in the league. Now I'm basically at a point where I'm fed up and visibly angry in the middle of games, and while I'll show up to the remaining games out of loyalty and respect, I'm probably done after the current (my third) season. I'll feel some withdrawal from abandoning an activity that I've done for so long, but I think I'll be better off.

A few years ago, I played on a hockey team almost identical to what you are doing here, co ed, on an indoor court. I was asked to be a part of a team with a bunch of architects so we actually had some decent looking chicks on our team and the league too had some nice looking chicks playing on other teams. Now it turns out that our team wasn't very good and I ended up being one of the best players (I played hockey for years). We lost a lot but won a few and I actually enjoyed it a lot. Dude, honestly it's just a rec league, I wouldn't take it that seriously. If you like hockey, keep playing and then do another sport with more chicks playing like beach vball in the summer. I did that too one year but I sucked so bad at it that I stopped after one summer lol.

You could try and hook up with a better team in the years to come but I wouldn't give it up. There's no feeling like being good at hockey ( chicks eyes light up when I tell them I play hockey) and soccer, volleyball etc just don't compare, I'm sorry. Anyone can play those sports but hockey is so unique and requires stupid amounts of skill that few people can get good at it. Why give up something you really like doing?

[The Beast1]

I always wanted to do a fee cycles of steroids and then join a coed sports team like football or softball. Then just blow the competition out of the water.

I mean seriously, are they going to do a drug test you after you've hit your like 15th home run?

[doc holliday]

Beast, you can take all the steroids you want but it still won't turn you into a hockey player

[The Beast1]

@Doc, no but a legendary softball player ? Totally within my reach

[Pangloss]

(02-10-2019 09:13 PM)Rang off the Pipe Wrote:  

I almost considered putting this into the fitness section, but I didn't think the spirit of this post would really be suitable for that part of the forum. This post may come off as venting, but I do think there may be some validity to what I'm going to discuss.

tldr; The social benefits of co-ed sports are vastly overrated and they aren't the greatest way to meet girls



For about 5 months now I've been playing a certain team sport as way to do an activity that I (generally) like to partake in. It's a "recreational" co-ed league that runs pretty much the whole year. When I joined the league, my main focus initially was not to meet people, but rather playing a sport that I've liked and enjoy some degree of success. But since the beginning of the calendar year, I've made some significant changes to my lifestyle (see this thread) and have focused more on the potential social circle aspect as a part of targeting the improvement of my well-being and reducing social isolation. The league has turned out to be a failure on the social aspect and absolutely devoid of any competitive success (for me anyway).

The sport of this league is not one in which there is a massive following, so the pool of players is limited. In any given season there are no more than 6 teams of 10 people (and 10 people is the best-case scenario). This results in a few teams composed of people familiar with each other who have been playing the sport for years...and then everybody else. Therefore, true competition doesn't exist in the league. I myself am not terrible and know some fundamentals of the sport but I'm not very skilled and my mind doesn't do well with the chaos of team sports. I know more and more why that is now, but I digress.

Ever since joining the league I've had the misfortune of being on free-agent teams that are composed of a few guys with any semblance of ability. The girls have no clue what they're doing and by the time we're done getting blown out, nobody is in the mood to stick around, talk, or head out to a bar to socialize. Hell, on just about every other team, there are girls that are either butch and clearly play the sport, or are somewhat aware enough to not screw up things for their teams. This is especially true with the few dominant teams in the league. Now I'm basically at a point where I'm fed up and visibly angry in the middle of games, and while I'll show up to the remaining games out of loyalty and respect, I'm probably done after the current (my third) season. I'll feel some withdrawal from abandoning an activity that I've done for so long, but I think I'll be better off.

I've recently tried a few sports for social reasons and partly on the recommendation of some on this forum (basketball, martial arts, boxing, volleyball, badminton) and quit all of them after a few games. You know what I found out about myself?

Well, firstly, I have almost no resilience.

Also, I found that the 'social sports' were full of people I mostly didn't want to be friends with and that I was better than the most of the other players even having not played for years (e.g. mixed volleyball).

I tried 'social' basketball with men only to make new friends and found it mostly full of overly-competitive social retards (even compared to me).

Grappling martial arts meant rolling around with sweaty, middle-aged men who took themselves too seriously, even though there were some decent guys there too, but not around my age. Almost got into a fight at another 'social' sport, because there's always one idiot in the crowd.

I like sports, but would prefer to just have a good conversation with a non-NPC who has something interesting to say...very difficult to find though.

[glugger]

So you quit your first sports because it wasn't competitive, then you quit your other sports because they were too competitive?

Your last sentence seems to confirm that you were looking for something that you were never going to find.

[Pangloss]

(02-19-2019 09:36 AM)glugger Wrote:  

So you quit your first sports because it wasn't competitive, then you quit your other sports because they were too competitive?

Yes, that's right. My aim is to find a sport that is challenging without being difficult.

(02-19-2019 09:36 AM)glugger Wrote:  

Your last sentence seems to confirm that you were looking for something that you were never going to find.

If someone ends up making a film of my life, I hope that this is the tag-line for the trailer.

"This summer, Pangloss is going on an adventure...looking in all the wrong places for something he was never going to find...and along the way, finds something unexpected...a good conversation without having to mount a sweaty man on the mat of a gym and contract ringworm, or make small talk with retards..."

[Delta]

I've done a ton of these rec sports, both men's only and coed. I don't know where people get the idea that they're essentially a singles mingle with a game on the side for shits and giggles. First of all the ratios would be atrocious in that case, usually it's 2-3 men per woman (I know, no worse than bars or apps, but still). And from my experience, very few people treat them that way. I'd say a majority of people who play these things are married or in a relationship. And I've never been on a team that regularly went out for drinks before or after the game.

Most people are there because they enjoy the sport and want to get their ass out of the house. That's it. I've gotten a lot of enjoyment out of doing these leagues because I love sports, I have friends that do them, I've made a few new casual friends doing them, and I don't realistically expect anything more.

I've seen the horrifically unathletic dudes who clearly signed up as free agents to "meet people," and they are invariably lame and socially inept. It can be smelled from a mile away. For god's sake don't do these things for any reason other than wanting to get out and play. And more generally, choose your hobbies based on what you enjoy, not based on 'meeting people.'