[RWIsrael]

(01-05-2019 12:24 PM)Avoy Wrote:  

(01-03-2019 07:06 AM)RWIsrael Wrote:  

She wants bars, movies, holidays abroad just like all her girlfriends, new shit on Amazon etc.

This is the other the angle of this topic I find interesting. What to do about your wife wanting to keep up the Joneses? Women are very easily influenced by their social circle, the shows they watch, and the media they read. Women love comparing what they've got with their group of friends. If anyone is telling them to leave their husband, it's usually her girlfriends encouraging her to trade up. It's a bit hard in this day and age to keep women sheltered from what we would consider negative influences (though I'm pretty vocal and strict about behavior I don't like). I'm genuinely curious what the married guys think and how they've dealt with this.

Ha! Tell me about it! Her single friends mentioned going to Dubai

Not on my watch!

Some great responses here, a lot to think about.

I'm less partial to having "talks" as some suggested, as that kills attraction and is in conflict with being the leader.

I am following a plan of frugality precisely because I know it's hard for her (and me sometimes) to manage expenses and give up simple pleasures for long-term savings for a house, car etc.

I totally agree with the point about making more money rather than being a stingy bastard - I'm working on that as well, so far within the confines of a corporate job, no side hustles yet.

[StrikeBack]

(01-05-2019 12:24 PM)Avoy Wrote:  

(01-03-2019 07:06 AM)RWIsrael Wrote:  

She wants bars, movies, holidays abroad just like all her girlfriends, new shit on Amazon etc.

This is the other the angle of this topic I find interesting. What to do about your wife wanting to keep up the Joneses? Women are very easily influenced by their social circle, the shows they watch, and the media they read. Women love comparing what they've got with their group of friends. If anyone is telling them to leave their husband, it's usually her girlfriends encouraging her to trade up. It's a bit hard in this day and age to keep women sheltered from what we would consider negative influences (though I'm pretty vocal and strict about behavior I don't like). I'm genuinely curious what the married guys think and how they've dealt with this.

Personally I think this is something you must select at the start i.e like the spender vs the saver. If your woman likes to status signal, you are not going to be able to change it, but more incredible feats have been done by mankind... My wife doesn't status-signal at all, she prefers showing off her cooking, cleaning, sewing etc. and how happy she is as my wife and homemaker. We have some very wealthy friends who live in mansions with gorgeous gardens and pools, but she's not at all jealous of them, she's happy in our modest apartment.

Having said that, she used to have toxic friends of a different type (Churchians). I guided her to drop negative people from our life and make friends with much more positive and supportive ones. I don't keep my wife sheltered from negative influences, I explain to her exactly what those negative ones are, how they will try to bring us down, and how to keep us safe from them.

I'm not sure what I would do with a wife who's into keeping up with the Jones, but I'd definitely start by getting her into minimalism. It's reasonably popular these days so you could easily find a like-minded community to help her shift her mindset. After all, women are herd creatures, you just need to find her the right herd. There is much more happiness in living a minimalist (within reasons of course) lifestyle than an obsessed consumerist one, and hopefully she can start to get into it.

(01-05-2019 12:54 PM)RWIsrael Wrote:  

Ha! Tell me about it! Her single friends mentioned going to Dubai

Not on my watch!

Some great responses here, a lot to think about.

I'm less partial to having "talks" as some suggested, as that kills attraction and is in conflict with being the leader.

Why would it be in conflict with being the leader? If you perform poorly at work, your boss is going to get you in his office for a performance review.

You should do everything in your power to get rid of those negative single friends. Laugh at them, subtly point out how ridiculous and lame they are (this forum has threads starting every day literally to make fun of said basic bitches if you need tips) and shame them. At the same time, help her make better friends, so she can see the contrast between the life energy sucking vampires (her current friends) and the supportive, even inspiring ones.

Ultimately you should develop yourself into the mighty patriarch of your family where the one thing your wife is scared of the most is your disapproval, and the one thing she most desires is your being proud of her.

Quote:

I totally agree with the point about making more money rather than being a stingy bastard - I'm working on that as well, so far within the confines of a corporate job, no side hustles yet.

Being frugal wins over making money any day, because that's what allows you to invest and make more. Offense (making more money) wins matches but defense (saving money) wins championships. A dollar saved is a full dollar, but a dollar earned is only 70c or whatever your tax rate is. Not only that, your saved dollars will make you a lot more via investments. You should read The Millionaire Next Door where they profile many millionaire households. The ones where the husband makes lots of money (excellent offense) but the wife spends just as well (super leaky defense) are always on track to losing all of their wealth, if not in their generation then certainly in their children's. The only stable and self-made millionaire households are the ones led by a long-termed married couple where the husband plays excellent offense and the wife is incredible at defense. Often, the wife is even more frugal than the husband, some would even be quoted saying "man, I can't get my wife to spend any money!"

[CleanSlate]

I agree with StrikeBack on this one. Here is a simple solution:

Be with a girl who is even more frugal than you. The end.

Disclaimer: this is almost impossible to do in the materialistic West particularly in the US, where people are focused on keeping up with the Joneses. Your options will likely be to either a) never marry or 2) go abroad.

Me? I’m even more of a spendthrift than my own girl, and I’m pretty frugal myself by Western standards.

[Avoy]

The culture and her social circle has a way to creep into her mindset as the years pass, even if you've found yourself a "good girl". Sounds like we need to be on active duty monitoring the situation and encouraging them to play an active role to combat any negative influences that would tear us apart. Agree 100% that this course of action must be instilled in the early stages of any serious relationship, as trying to pull this off is nearly impossible once she becomes too far gone like "Man marries virgin cutie... she morphs into tattooed slut" thread-71820.html

Liked the following points... keeping them for later reference.

(01-05-2019 07:01 PM)StrikeBack Wrote:  

I don't keep my wife sheltered from negative influences, I explain to her exactly what those negative ones are, how they will try to bring us down, and how to keep us safe from them.

[...]

It's reasonably popular these days so you could easily find a like-minded community to help her shift her mindset. After all, women are herd creatures, you just need to find her the right herd.

[...]

You should do everything in your power to get rid of those negative single friends. Laugh at them, subtly point out how ridiculous and lame they are (this forum has threads starting every day literally to make fun of said basic bitches if you need tips) and shame them. At the same time, help her make better friends, so she can see the contrast between the life energy sucking vampires (her current friends) and the supportive, even inspiring ones.

[...]

Ultimately you should develop yourself into the mighty patriarch of your family where the one thing your wife is scared of the most is your disapproval, and the one thing she most desires is your being proud of her.

[...]

The only stable and self-made millionaire households are the ones led by a long-termed married couple where the husband plays excellent offense and the wife is incredible at defense.