[d619rq]

My wife is due to give birth any day now. Thought a page for some of us to share our baby/child rearing worries/queries/tips. I'm finding it hard to find role models out there, anybody I should be reading/following for a father's perspective?

Anybody else here in or soon-to-be in the parenting bandwagon?

[musashi]

(01-02-2019 01:33 PM)d619rq Wrote:  

My wife is due to give birth any day now. Thought a page for some of us to share our baby/child rearing worries/queries/tips. I'm finding it hard to find role models out there, anybody I should be reading/following for a father's perspective?

Anybody else here in or soon-to-be in the parenting bandwagon?

Balckdragon's blog. He is a dad and his advice has been greater for me than anyone elses. Also check out Brian Tracy books, they're not specific to being a dad but can improve your life drastically if you employ some of his principles in your life

[Hypno]

One thing I did with my son was read to him every night. Reading develops an interest in books, learning, etc and improves their mind. He was probably 6 or 7 and I bought a set of The Hardy Boys off of eBay.

[Polniy_Sostav]

Hi ,
the first thing I would say is that it is normal to be nervous before becoming a dad. This is a common thing and you should not feel too stressed about it.
I have always thought myself being an awful dad if i had kids one day and now there is a consensus saying that I am an awesome dad ( even from people who dislike me) . Now I have 3 kids and I love it.

The most important is to understand that dad/kids relations are natural. If you give them love , and if you do everything with love , things will go very well.
It is difficult to sum up things but this is why I would do if I was you :

1) Do not show this stress to your wife. Tell her that you are excited to become a father, don't say that you are stressed because women don't understand it.
2) Always be one voice with your wife . The worst thing to do is to tell a kid one thing and your wife tells the kid another thing. Even at very young age.
3) Use your kid as a shield against bad days. if you had a bad day at work , come back home , and focus 20 minutes on smiling to your baby or helping your wife. Do not bring negativity and use the baby to make your day a beautiful day.
4) Don't be upset on the first weeks and especially the first 2/3 months. The baby will mostly stay with mum and will be like a little package .It s not like you can play with him/her. These nice times will come later. around 6 monhts/1 year old.
5) There is no role model to follow. Just put your life principles onto the baby. Be aware that they are sponges , they will copy you , mimic you and see you as the ultimate role model. Do not swear , curse , drink , smoke etc in front of babies.
6) Do not live through them. Don't think that "my kid will have everything i didnt have when i was young" / Dont give them millions of toys , perfect beds etc... they just need one or two new cheap toys a month . Invest in a good pram , this is the most important investment.
7) Make the baby sleep outside as much as possible
8) Give the baby massages until he/she can hold the head
9) Dont let the parents of your wife or your parents dictate how to raise the kid. Tell them if they spoil the kid , and use their experience instead of listening to their orders.
10) Make an effort on yourself and your wife to abandon 90% of your freedom and your superficial activities. Allow yourself and your wife 30 minutes for your personal hobbies and 14 hour to be together. Forget about lets take a coffee or let's go out.
11) Be patient. Small kids bring a lot of tensions , even within strong couples. It will be normal to see a change in your wife s behaviour , or to have little tensions about everything. Most of people having kids are not ready to give up their habits of "teenage" life
12) Always give 2D toys to your kid and your baby. it s ok 1 hour of screen here and there every two days for cartoons when kid is 3 yo but not before. Let him invent his own games with old school toys . The brain always develops better in 2d than in 3d. Monitor strongly what type of cartoons he is watching , it is better to watch old time cartoons than modern shit with a lot of hidden violence/sex.
13) Dont be afraid to shout at him and/or to slap him in the ass when he goes too far. YOU have to get respect from your kid , without of course being tyrannical. Be fair but firm. It always feel bad to do it , but he will thank you later.
14) Watch other kids he is hanging around with. They can be good or bad models for him.
15) Read him a lot of books. He has to see you more reading books than stuck on your phoen screen and he will copy you.
16) the first 3 years of his life are the most important. This will give him the structure he needs to be fine with himself.
17) Develop some routines with him . Be creative. Try some games with him and see what he likes. Then remember all of them. Kids often lose their focus and need to do a new thing every 5/10 minutes. Have a list in your head of 20/25 games not involving screen and change when he gets bored.

Also get ready that your wife will give you less attention and/or blame you for everything. Be strict with her and always justify your actions by mentioning that this is for the baby's good.

I could go on for hours. Just be self-confident ,do things with heart , and do not hesitate to put your own lifestyle and hobbies into brackets for 2/3 years. If you have any question , should it be metaphysical or simple one i will always be happy to help.

[Jagnum]

[RatInTheWoods]

Spanking should be done out of love, not anger.