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My Filipina Girlfriend/Wife Experience (reposted and updated)
#1

My Filipina Girlfriend/Wife Experience (reposted and updated)

I wrote this experience up a few months ago and got some excellent responses and I hope it was helpful to a few people. The thread got wiped out by a glitch somewhere along the way, so I'm reposting in case it's of interest to others.

(original)
I’m posting this at the behest of asdfk and Drix, two fine gentlemen I met up with in Lima and we shared excellent food and conversation. I told them about my Filipina experience and they encouraged me to share it here.

A few months after 9-11 I was new to the airline industry and still part of an air force reserve squadron. I took a leave of absence from the airline as the squadron was activated and sent to Turkey. After the initial excitement of the deployment wore off a lot of my squadron mates began playing around on match.com in their spare time. I had experimented with online dating in the mid 90s (aol) and was thoroughly unimpressed. One of my friends asked me if I liked asian girls. I said, sure but all these bitches lie in their profiles. He told me to check out “foreign ladies dot com” so I did. Holy shit! Beautiful 19 year old virgins looking for guys in their 30s, 40s, 50s. What could go wrong? I was skeptical but I wrote a few letters and waited. The responses varied from obvious scams to actual 19 year old virgins, but definitely a plethora of slender, feminine, conservative women who wanted to please a man and have babies. A few of them wrote me off because I was divorced (from a controlling bitch of an American woman, also the mother of my 3 children), and the fact that I had initiated the divorce was significant.

I narrowed my choices down to 4 or 5 and started planning a trip. I landed in Cebu in April 2002. I can’t remember why, but I didn’t end up meeting the girl(s) I had pipelined in Cebu, and I think my 3 favorites were all in Mindanao. One of those had politely asked to postpone my visit due to finals just prior to her graduation. I’ll never know for sure if it was just an excuse for a gentle rejection, but no matter. So we were down to 2. I took a ferry to Cagayan de Oro and met “Clarise.” To make a long story short, after a few days with her I liked her so much I forgot about all the others. I couldn’t stay for long but we courted by daily emails and online chats and infrequent phone calls. I was only able to see her 2 times over the next 2 years but we fully enjoyed our time together. I began the fiance visa process.

In Feb 2004 I snagged a temporary assignment to work in Manila for 5 months. I was given an apartment in Makati and Clare flew up from Mindanao to stay with me. Everything was great. She greeted me with excitement every time I came home from work. She’s a good cook, and would always have something nice prepared for me. During my time there her visa was approved, and in July we flew together to the states.

It was almost immediately apparent that she wasn’t going to adjust easily to life in the US. She was suspicious of everyone, complained if she didn’t have rice everyday, and occasionally would even act hostile towards me. My 16 year old daughter (D1) lived with us and she was being a typically bitchy american teenage girl. Clare couldn’t understand why I wasn’t beating my daughter on a regular basis for her poor behavior. Over the next few months, Clare would go for 2 or more weeks at a time when everything seemed fine, then she would have a breakdown and start screaming and crying about some ridiculous thing. I had to be on the road 2 or 3 nights a week, and Clare hated being there with my daughter during those times. She’d stay in our room almost the whole time.

All of this was of course unacceptable, and after a couple months I told her she had to go back to the Philippines. She initially agreed and I bought a ticket for her for the following week, but when the time came she refused to go, promising that she would get her emotions under control. I gritted my teeth and life went on as before with peaceful weeks punctuated by an eruption every 2 to 4 weeks.

Things finally came to a head in Apr 2005 when she took some sleeping pills and told me she wanted to die and was going to take some more. I took her seriously and called the paramedics. EMTs and cops arrived around 10pm, looked at me with suspicion, and interviewed her in another room. They decided to transport her to the hospital for observation. I followed in my car and waited in the ER for the next several hours.

A “mental health professional” was called; she probably arrived around 2am. Her body language and attire screamed angry lesbian. She talked to Clare who later relayed the conversation to me. “Does your husband hit you?” No. “Does he threaten to hit you?” No. A confused look on the face of angry lesbian. “Does he ever raise his voice with you?” Yes, of course. “That’s abuse! you should go to a women’s shelter for your safety.” Welcome to western feminism Clare. To her credit she had nothing but contempt for this woman and her man-hating philosophy, but I was beyond angry for her placing me in that kind of jeopardy.

They released her around 4 am having made sure that I was not a threat. On the drive home she softly said, “you’re done with me, aren’t you?” Yes. “I understand, I’ll go back to the Philippines if you want me to.” That’s what I want.

During the following week or so, Clare was the kind, sweet girl I knew in the Philippines; probably somewhat of an act, but I believe that was more authentically who she was than the raging psychopath she’d become during her time in the states. When we explained to my daughters (D2 was visiting) that she was going back to the Philippines, they expressed disappointment. They liked her a lot and had no idea about the problems she was causing me. Clare said, “you should come and visit me.” The girls looked at me, “dad, can we?” Sure. I didn’t want to upset the applecart so close to her departure date. I didn’t intend to maintain a relationship with Clare, but I wasn’t going to verbalize that, so a trip was planned.

She departed with no further drama. We stayed in contact mostly by email. I maintained a facade of continuing our relationship, but in my mind, once I fulfilled my promise to my daughters, contact would be cut off.

In June, the girls and I were off to the Phils to visit Clare. We met up with her in Cebu and stayed there a couple nights, then it was off on a ferry trip to a nearby island for a beach vacation. We ended the trip with a few days in Manila. The girls loved every minute of it, and Clare and I enjoyed getting reacquainted. Clare and I said our goodbyes and she headed back to Mindanao.

Fast forward a couple months later. I was working my normal schedule, my daughter who was living with me was doing pretty well, other than being a snotty know it all teenager, and my social life was non existent. I’ve never been good at approaching, and since I’d been introduced to the Philippines, I had no real desire to approach western bitches anyway. I was still communicating with Clare and one day I noticed a gap of several days in my schedule. The next thing I knew I was online buying a ticket for a whirlwind trip to the Phils.

One of the great things about my company is that I can adjust my schedule pretty easily by trading trips with other pilots or directly with the company. And for the next 2 years I probably went to the Philippines every other month or so. Sometimes for 2 weeks, and one time it was literally a long weekend (4 days, which is insane). We were getting along great, but of course I was very leery of bringing her back to the US.

One fine day, my older daughter came to me and said, “dad, I have something to tell you. I’m pregnant.” She was 18 and I was in shock, but not really shocked, if that makes any sense. Over the next few days, talking to Clare she was very excited about the baby. Anyone who knows filipinas will not be surprised by this. Filipinas love babies, especially white ones. We concocted a plan to have Clare apply for a tourist visa. My thought process was, she could come over for six months and if things didn’t work out she’d have to return to the phils. Otherwise we could work on getting a spouse visa. So I felt I had at least some control of the situation.

Clare arrived in the states the day after the baby boy was born. It was love at first sight. D1 never had the chance to experience the lifestyle of a struggling single mom. Clare would do anything for the baby, and D1 never had to lift a finger unless she wanted to. For the first time in a long time I felt real happinesss or at least contentment. My small house was now jam packed with Clare and me, the baby, both Ds and the baby daddy (for a short time). It quickly became apparent that everyone would be better off if Clare stayed in the US. We jumped through the hoops to get her green card and 5 years later she became a US citizen.

After a few years of domestic bliss, I began to feel restless. I had an amazing job, a beautiful, feminine wife, I had designed and built a home that I loved, and my grandson was happy and content. I was torn between keeping all that intact and the simmering resentment for Clare’s earlier misdeeds, as well as the natural desire to be unencumbered by marital contracts. When I told Clare how I felt, she was hurt and after a few days of silence, she told me she’d give me a divorce and not try to take me to the cleaners. We went to a mediator instead of hiring lawyers and I basically negotiated against myself to come up with a number for alimony and the division of assets. The mediator took Clare aside at one point to make sure she was really okay with the settlement, and she was, so in short order we were amicably divorced.

We stayed together until the house was sold a year later and everyone was surprised at that point when we both moved to separate rentals (we hadn’t made our divorce public).

If any or all of this has sounded stupid to you up to this point, wait til you hear this. I want her back.

After being away from her a few weeks, I missed her way more than I thought I would. My first thought is, I want what I can’t have. Maybe there’s some of that dynamic in play, but I’ve thought a lot about that, and what I should do, and the fact is, we bonded deeply over the years and I honestly believe I’m better off with than without her. We’re both far from perfect, and I know we’ll both be fine one way or the other.

I welcome feedback. I think I know what most will think and I’m interested to hear it, but I’m especially interested to hear if anyone thinks I’m not crazy for having “oneitis.” Also, men over 50 might be better able to understand my situation, but I’ll listen to everyone who cares to comment.

I’m not sure if I left any gaping holes in the narrative and I didn’t proof read very thoroughly, so I’ll be happy to answer questions and have some back and forth. I hope this was useful or interesting to read for some of you.

Notes:

I don’t know why the transition to the US was so difficult for Clare. At first I thought she must be bipolar, but I’ve never heard of anyone curing themselves unaided by drugs or therapy. I’m sure it was a combination of reasons, possibly including:
Culture shock, magnified by my delightful teenagers. Some of the behaviors she witnessed were, drug and alcohol abuse and addiction, shoplifting, wrecked cars and moving violations, truancy, and it almost seems quaint to add disrespect and a know it all attitude.
Deep seated anger from her childhood (her mom was physically and emotionally abusive and her dad’s an alcoholic) that came out directed at me.
My first ex-wife called her a few times to stir the pot.
Immaturity. She was 23 when we met and 25 when she moved to the states.

During the 2 years she was back in the Phils, she matured and gained control over her emotions. She showed great appreciation for me and the value I added to her life. And she was so happy and in love with the baby, that probably outweighed a lot of negativity she might have felt.
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#2

My Filipina Girlfriend/Wife Experience (reposted and updated)

Update: I no longer want her back. I still miss her, but the window has closed. I'm sure I should have considered it closed much sooner, but call me weak if you must. She's spent way too much time being surrounded by thirsty admirers and I'm sure she's damaged beyond repair.

I'm in the Philippines right now, wrapping up a 3 week trip. I hopped around from Manila to Davao to Cagayan de Oro to Cebu to Catarman (another interesting story there) and finally back to Manila getting ready to fly home. This is still a great place for an older guy with mediocre game to get bangs. I used online (mostly dateinasia, one tinder match) and met 5 ladies. I could have met a lot more, but I'm lazy. I had full carnal knowlege with 2 and everything but with 1 and I'm positive I could have done it with all of them within 2 or 3 dates.

I eventually want an LTR, but I doubt I'll find that with online. Anyway, fire away with any questions or comments
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#3

My Filipina Girlfriend/Wife Experience (reposted and updated)

Dude, she sounds like a perfectly normal Asian girl to me. They can manage to hide this behaviour when they aren't living with you.
But about 6 weeks after you've been living together, they can let their real self out and they shout, scream and hit when they get angry, normally once a week.
You won't find one any different, especially if you want your teenage daughter in the same house.

Asian girls love a bit of drama, and the makeup sex is always great.
It's really on you to learn how to manage their moods and anger.
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#4

My Filipina Girlfriend/Wife Experience (reposted and updated)

Quote: (11-05-2018 11:08 PM)Duke Main Wrote:  

Update: I no longer want her back. I still miss her, but the window has closed. I'm sure I should have considered it closed much sooner, but call me weak if you must. She's spent way too much time being surrounded by thirsty admirers and I'm sure she's damaged beyond repair.

I'm in the Philippines right now, wrapping up a 3 week trip. I hopped around from Manila to Davao to Cagayan de Oro to Cebu to Catarman (another interesting story there) and finally back to Manila getting ready to fly home. This is still a great place for an older guy with mediocre game to get bangs. I used online (mostly dateinasia, one tinder match) and met 5 ladies. I could have met a lot more, but I'm lazy. I had full carnal knowlege with 2 and everything but with 1 and I'm positive I could have done it with all of them within 2 or 3 dates.

I eventually want an LTR, but I doubt I'll find that with online. Anyway, fire away with any questions or comments

Hi I'm also in Manila and tomorrow I'm taking a trip but I have not set up specific plans yet. if you're around in manila I could meet up with you today or tomorrow I would love to hear about your trip in person.

Cheers!
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#5

My Filipina Girlfriend/Wife Experience (reposted and updated)

Quote: (11-06-2018 12:50 AM)John Dodds Wrote:  

Dude, she sounds like a perfectly normal Asian girl to me. They can manage to hide this behaviour when they aren't living with you.
But about 6 weeks after you've been living together, they can let their real self out and they shout, scream and hit when they get angry, normally once a week.
You won't find one any different, especially if you want your teenage daughter in the same house.

AWALT. Why give the Asian ones a special pass? Because they're cute and tiny?
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#6

My Filipina Girlfriend/Wife Experience (reposted and updated)

Quote: (11-05-2018 11:08 PM)Duke Main Wrote:  

Anyway, fire away with any questions or comments

What places were easiest for online game?

Did you get any WGF (white god factor) at any of the places when u were traveling?

I assumed you didn't day game. Yes I think you should learn day game and combine it with the online game if you want to find an LTR.

I don't see why you can't meet a quality girl online. I think the key thing to screen for is that she's not dating online a lot of people before she met you and that she's not the type of girl to go for One night stands. That she's trustworthy.

If you can find a girl new to online dating, she might be the kind of girl who is going to try it one time. I've had good luck in the past meeting quality girls online, so I'm just relaying my experience. But I screen out a lot of girls of course. That's also my day game style.
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#7

My Filipina Girlfriend/Wife Experience (reposted and updated)

Quote: (11-06-2018 03:25 AM)Freebird Flying Wrote:  

Quote: (11-05-2018 11:08 PM)Duke Main Wrote:  

Anyway, fire away with any questions or comments

What places were easiest for online game?

Did you get any WGF (white god factor) at any of the places when u were traveling?

I assumed you didn't day game. Yes I think you should learn day game and combine it with the online game if you want to find an LTR.

I don't see why you can't meet a quality girl online. I think the key thing to screen for is that she's not dating online a lot of people before she met you and that she's not the type of girl to go for One night stands. That she's trustworthy.

If you can find a girl new to online dating, she might be the kind of girl who is going to try it one time. I've had good luck in the past meeting quality girls online, so I'm just relaying my experience. But I screen out a lot of girls of course. That's also my day game style.
Hey FF, I'll PM you and try to meetup with you today.

My biggest success was from dateinasia. Filipinocupid has the best reputation it seems, but for me it was no bueno. Tinder seems promising as well. Cebu and Manila are unsurprisingly the most target rich environments.

As far as WGF, yes. Although it's probably more accurate to call it RGF (rich guy factor). Especially in Catarman, which is a small city with very few foreigners. Anyone who's been to the "province" or a small town or village here will tell you that it can be a surreal experience.

I definitely think it's possible to find a quality girl online, especially in SE Asia. I just don't see it as my best option as I prefer a down to earth lady who hasn't received a ton of attention. If and when I eventually move to this part of the world, I believe I can personally find and screen better candidates for the position I'm trying to fill.
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#8

My Filipina Girlfriend/Wife Experience (reposted and updated)

Quote: (11-05-2018 10:49 PM)Duke Main Wrote:  

I wrote this experience up a few months ago and got some excellent responses and I hope it was helpful to a few people. The thread got wiped out by a glitch somewhere along the way, so I'm reposting in case it's of interest to others.

(original)
I’m posting this at the behest of asdfk and Drix, two fine gentlemen I met up with in Lima and we shared excellent food and conversation. I told them about my Filipina experience and they encouraged me to share it here.

A few months after 9-11 I was new to the airline industry and still part of an air force reserve squadron. I took a leave of absence from the airline as the squadron was activated and sent to Turkey. After the initial excitement of the deployment wore off a lot of my squadron mates began playing around on match.com in their spare time. I had experimented with online dating in the mid 90s (aol) and was thoroughly unimpressed. One of my friends asked me if I liked asian girls. I said, sure but all these bitches lie in their profiles. He told me to check out “foreign ladies dot com” so I did. Holy shit! Beautiful 19 year old virgins looking for guys in their 30s, 40s, 50s. What could go wrong? I was skeptical but I wrote a few letters and waited. The responses varied from obvious scams to actual 19 year old virgins, but definitely a plethora of slender, feminine, conservative women who wanted to please a man and have babies. A few of them wrote me off because I was divorced (from a controlling bitch of an American woman, also the mother of my 3 children), and the fact that I had initiated the divorce was significant.

I narrowed my choices down to 4 or 5 and started planning a trip. I landed in Cebu in April 2002. I can’t remember why, but I didn’t end up meeting the girl(s) I had pipelined in Cebu, and I think my 3 favorites were all in Mindanao. One of those had politely asked to postpone my visit due to finals just prior to her graduation. I’ll never know for sure if it was just an excuse for a gentle rejection, but no matter. So we were down to 2. I took a ferry to Cagayan de Oro and met “Clarise.” To make a long story short, after a few days with her I liked her so much I forgot about all the others. I couldn’t stay for long but we courted by daily emails and online chats and infrequent phone calls. I was only able to see her 2 times over the next 2 years but we fully enjoyed our time together. I began the fiance visa process.

In Feb 2004 I snagged a temporary assignment to work in Manila for 5 months. I was given an apartment in Makati and Clare flew up from Mindanao to stay with me. Everything was great. She greeted me with excitement every time I came home from work. She’s a good cook, and would always have something nice prepared for me. During my time there her visa was approved, and in July we flew together to the states.

It was almost immediately apparent that she wasn’t going to adjust easily to life in the US. She was suspicious of everyone, complained if she didn’t have rice everyday, and occasionally would even act hostile towards me. My 16 year old daughter (D1) lived with us and she was being a typically bitchy american teenage girl. Clare couldn’t understand why I wasn’t beating my daughter on a regular basis for her poor behavior. Over the next few months, Clare would go for 2 or more weeks at a time when everything seemed fine, then she would have a breakdown and start screaming and crying about some ridiculous thing. I had to be on the road 2 or 3 nights a week, and Clare hated being there with my daughter during those times. She’d stay in our room almost the whole time.

All of this was of course unacceptable, and after a couple months I told her she had to go back to the Philippines. She initially agreed and I bought a ticket for her for the following week, but when the time came she refused to go, promising that she would get her emotions under control. I gritted my teeth and life went on as before with peaceful weeks punctuated by an eruption every 2 to 4 weeks.

Things finally came to a head in Apr 2005 when she took some sleeping pills and told me she wanted to die and was going to take some more. I took her seriously and called the paramedics. EMTs and cops arrived around 10pm, looked at me with suspicion, and interviewed her in another room. They decided to transport her to the hospital for observation. I followed in my car and waited in the ER for the next several hours.

A “mental health professional” was called; she probably arrived around 2am. Her body language and attire screamed angry lesbian. She talked to Clare who later relayed the conversation to me. “Does your husband hit you?” No. “Does he threaten to hit you?” No. A confused look on the face of angry lesbian. “Does he ever raise his voice with you?” Yes, of course. “That’s abuse! you should go to a women’s shelter for your safety.” Welcome to western feminism Clare. To her credit she had nothing but contempt for this woman and her man-hating philosophy, but I was beyond angry for her placing me in that kind of jeopardy.

They released her around 4 am having made sure that I was not a threat. On the drive home she softly said, “you’re done with me, aren’t you?” Yes. “I understand, I’ll go back to the Philippines if you want me to.” That’s what I want.

During the following week or so, Clare was the kind, sweet girl I knew in the Philippines; probably somewhat of an act, but I believe that was more authentically who she was than the raging psychopath she’d become during her time in the states. When we explained to my daughters (D2 was visiting) that she was going back to the Philippines, they expressed disappointment. They liked her a lot and had no idea about the problems she was causing me. Clare said, “you should come and visit me.” The girls looked at me, “dad, can we?” Sure. I didn’t want to upset the applecart so close to her departure date. I didn’t intend to maintain a relationship with Clare, but I wasn’t going to verbalize that, so a trip was planned.

She departed with no further drama. We stayed in contact mostly by email. I maintained a facade of continuing our relationship, but in my mind, once I fulfilled my promise to my daughters, contact would be cut off.

In June, the girls and I were off to the Phils to visit Clare. We met up with her in Cebu and stayed there a couple nights, then it was off on a ferry trip to a nearby island for a beach vacation. We ended the trip with a few days in Manila. The girls loved every minute of it, and Clare and I enjoyed getting reacquainted. Clare and I said our goodbyes and she headed back to Mindanao.

Fast forward a couple months later. I was working my normal schedule, my daughter who was living with me was doing pretty well, other than being a snotty know it all teenager, and my social life was non existent. I’ve never been good at approaching, and since I’d been introduced to the Philippines, I had no real desire to approach western bitches anyway. I was still communicating with Clare and one day I noticed a gap of several days in my schedule. The next thing I knew I was online buying a ticket for a whirlwind trip to the Phils.

One of the great things about my company is that I can adjust my schedule pretty easily by trading trips with other pilots or directly with the company. And for the next 2 years I probably went to the Philippines every other month or so. Sometimes for 2 weeks, and one time it was literally a long weekend (4 days, which is insane). We were getting along great, but of course I was very leery of bringing her back to the US.

One fine day, my older daughter came to me and said, “dad, I have something to tell you. I’m pregnant.” She was 18 and I was in shock, but not really shocked, if that makes any sense. Over the next few days, talking to Clare she was very excited about the baby. Anyone who knows filipinas will not be surprised by this. Filipinas love babies, especially white ones. We concocted a plan to have Clare apply for a tourist visa. My thought process was, she could come over for six months and if things didn’t work out she’d have to return to the phils. Otherwise we could work on getting a spouse visa. So I felt I had at least some control of the situation.

Clare arrived in the states the day after the baby boy was born. It was love at first sight. D1 never had the chance to experience the lifestyle of a struggling single mom. Clare would do anything for the baby, and D1 never had to lift a finger unless she wanted to. For the first time in a long time I felt real happinesss or at least contentment. My small house was now jam packed with Clare and me, the baby, both Ds and the baby daddy (for a short time). It quickly became apparent that everyone would be better off if Clare stayed in the US. We jumped through the hoops to get her green card and 5 years later she became a US citizen.

After a few years of domestic bliss, I began to feel restless. I had an amazing job, a beautiful, feminine wife, I had designed and built a home that I loved, and my grandson was happy and content. I was torn between keeping all that intact and the simmering resentment for Clare’s earlier misdeeds, as well as the natural desire to be unencumbered by marital contracts. When I told Clare how I felt, she was hurt and after a few days of silence, she told me she’d give me a divorce and not try to take me to the cleaners. We went to a mediator instead of hiring lawyers and I basically negotiated against myself to come up with a number for alimony and the division of assets. The mediator took Clare aside at one point to make sure she was really okay with the settlement, and she was, so in short order we were amicably divorced.

We stayed together until the house was sold a year later and everyone was surprised at that point when we both moved to separate rentals (we hadn’t made our divorce public).

If any or all of this has sounded stupid to you up to this point, wait til you hear this. I want her back.

After being away from her a few weeks, I missed her way more than I thought I would. My first thought is, I want what I can’t have. Maybe there’s some of that dynamic in play, but I’ve thought a lot about that, and what I should do, and the fact is, we bonded deeply over the years and I honestly believe I’m better off with than without her. We’re both far from perfect, and I know we’ll both be fine one way or the other.

I welcome feedback. I think I know what most will think and I’m interested to hear it, but I’m especially interested to hear if anyone thinks I’m not crazy for having “oneitis.” Also, men over 50 might be better able to understand my situation, but I’ll listen to everyone who cares to comment.

I’m not sure if I left any gaping holes in the narrative and I didn’t proof read very thoroughly, so I’ll be happy to answer questions and have some back and forth. I hope this was useful or interesting to read for some of you.

Notes:

I don’t know why the transition to the US was so difficult for Clare. At first I thought she must be bipolar, but I’ve never heard of anyone curing themselves unaided by drugs or therapy. I’m sure it was a combination of reasons, possibly including:
Culture shock, magnified by my delightful teenagers. Some of the behaviors she witnessed were, drug and alcohol abuse and addiction, shoplifting, wrecked cars and moving violations, truancy, and it almost seems quaint to add disrespect and a know it all attitude.
Deep seated anger from her childhood (her mom was physically and emotionally abusive and her dad’s an alcoholic) that came out directed at me.
My first ex-wife called her a few times to stir the pot.
Immaturity. She was 23 when we met and 25 when she moved to the states.

During the 2 years she was back in the Phils, she matured and gained control over her emotions. She showed great appreciation for me and the value I added to her life. And she was so happy and in love with the baby, that probably outweighed a lot of negativity she might have felt.

Man I dont even think I am at a level in my life where I should put my two cents in since you clearly seem more mature than me, and someone who has more life experience than me.

But from a cultural standpoint, as a ethnic minority myself, i think you have a form of Oneitis, not for her, but for the way she was behaving. You went through the divorce because your gut feeling despite all was probably telling you that you don't like this person, but despite all of that, you miss her behavior. And that feeling might be strong, especially when you live in a western country with toxic femininity.

I think the best thing would be move to Philipines and get a job there, or start your own freelance business.
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#9

My Filipina Girlfriend/Wife Experience (reposted and updated)

Your retrospection should be directed at yourself and not at her. Nobody should expect an easy transition in that situation from a girl half your age and halfway around the world. Secondly you don’t know what you want and are yoyoing lives of others because of that. I’m not attacking you, I’m just as guilty of that as you and that’s why I know it. modern man is just as much fucked as the modern woman. We can talk about Instagram whores and how they expect this and that but how are our expectations any more realistic or better? Back in the days of successful marriages do you think anyone would have divorced because they resented an outburst from 3 years ago and divorce a good caring wife who doesn’t even go after their money because of that? Nope, you just suck your feelings up.

My parents stayed together 50 years and they had hundred more reasons to separate but nobody cheated or hurt the other one and they had a good family so they stuck it out.

Are you clear in your head about what it is you’re expecting from a marriage at this point? And is it rationally realistic?
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#10

My Filipina Girlfriend/Wife Experience (reposted and updated)


Man I dont even think I am at a level in my life where I should put my two cents in since you clearly seem more mature than me, and someone who has more life experience than me.

But from a cultural standpoint, as a ethnic minority myself, i think you have a form of Oneitis, not for her, but for the way she was behaving. You went through the divorce because your gut feeling despite all was probably telling you that you don't like this person, but despite all of that, you miss her behavior. And that feeling might be strong, especially when you live in a western country with toxic femininity.

I think the best thing would be move to Philipines and get a job there, or start your own freelance business.
[/quote]

It would probably take years of therapy to unravel why I went through all that and felt the way I did. I would say her overall behavior over the last 7 years of our marriage was moderately acceptable by Philippines standards and damn good by American/western standards, but the psychotic episodes upon her arrival in the US poisoned the well and I never really got over it, until we were truly broken up and I had a different perspective.

I'll be retiring in a couple years and I'll most likely be moving to SE Asia or S America.
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#11

My Filipina Girlfriend/Wife Experience (reposted and updated)

It just feels as though you put up with her behavior due to a lack of options and women in your life. Maybe even due to a lack of drama and attention, which clare, of course, provided you with.
Almost all men behave like this at some point. Most important thing: keep it as short as possible, no legal ramifications etc. and you'll be fine
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#12

My Filipina Girlfriend/Wife Experience (reposted and updated)

Quote: (11-06-2018 04:10 AM)Beirut Wrote:  

Your retrospection should be directed at yourself and not at her. Nobody should expect an easy transition in that situation from a girl half your age and halfway around the world. Secondly you don’t know what you want and are yoyoing lives of others because of that. I’m not attacking you, I’m just as guilty of that as you and that’s why I know it. modern man is just as much fucked as the modern woman. We can talk about Instagram whores and how they expect this and that but how are our expectations any more realistic or better? Back in the days of successful marriages do you think anyone would have divorced because they resented an outburst from 3 years ago and divorce a good caring wife who doesn’t even go after their money because of that? Nope, you just suck your feelings up.

My parents stayed together 50 years and they had hundred more reasons to separate but nobody cheated or hurt the other one and they had a good family so they stuck it out.

Are you clear in your head about what it is you’re expecting from a marriage at this point? And is it rationally realistic?
I hear you. This was all hashed over pretty well in the original thread that got deleted. There were many pearls of wisdom dropped, some of which were hard to hear, but all of which are greatly appreciated. As far as retrospection and introspection, it's good for guys to know that if they drag a woman half way around the world, there may be unintended consequences, so both kinds of 'spection' are good.
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#13

My Filipina Girlfriend/Wife Experience (reposted and updated)

@OP I understand where you are coming from, but don't you think you should 'forget' the idea of a LTR for a few months or even a year?
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#14

My Filipina Girlfriend/Wife Experience (reposted and updated)

Quote: (11-06-2018 04:11 AM)Duke Main Wrote:  

Quote: (11-06-2018 03:46 AM)1RationalDoc Wrote:  

Man I dont even think I am at a level in my life where I should put my two cents in since you clearly seem more mature than me, and someone who has more life experience than me.

But from a cultural standpoint, as a ethnic minority myself, i think you have a form of Oneitis, not for her, but for the way she was behaving. You went through the divorce because your gut feeling despite all was probably telling you that you don't like this person, but despite all of that, you miss her behavior. And that feeling might be strong, especially when you live in a western country with toxic femininity.

I think the best thing would be move to Philipines and get a job there, or start your own freelance business.

It would probably take years of therapy to unravel why I went through all that and felt the way I did. I would say her overall behavior over the last 7 years of our marriage was moderately acceptable by Philippines standards and damn good by American/western standards, but the psychotic episodes upon her arrival in the US poisoned the well and I never really got over it, until we were truly broken up and I had a different perspective.

I'll be retiring in a couple years and I'll most likely be moving to SE Asia or S America.
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That psychotic incident could be culture shock mixed with lack of being away from the family. Asian and African cultures are very much family oriented, and if you bring someone from those cultures, to a toxic feminist culture that encourages the destruction of the notion of " Nuclear Family" then that itself could be a culture shock.

I mean take for instance the episode at the hospital when the "mental health professional" came through. Not even once did she even bother asking what was wrong, and what was causing her to feel like that. She straight went to ask if you hit her. I hate to say it, but we are living in a toxic environment, and when someone from outside comes into it, they corrupted.
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#15

My Filipina Girlfriend/Wife Experience (reposted and updated)

Quote: (11-06-2018 04:58 AM)Obermarschall Wrote:  

@OP I understand where you are coming from, but don't you think you should 'forget' the idea of a LTR for a few months or even a year?
Possibly forever, but don't worry, this all transpired over the last several years and we've been completely broken up since June 2017.
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#16

My Filipina Girlfriend/Wife Experience (reposted and updated)

Duke, what were the ages of the five women you met?
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#17

My Filipina Girlfriend/Wife Experience (reposted and updated)

Quote: (11-06-2018 09:25 AM)Jefferson Wrote:  

Duke, what were the ages of the five women you met?
34, 32, 30, 29, 27
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#18

My Filipina Girlfriend/Wife Experience (reposted and updated)

Thanks Duke, and in terms of looks were you happy with them, slim and pretty?

How old are you again, btw?
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#19

My Filipina Girlfriend/Wife Experience (reposted and updated)

Quote: (11-06-2018 10:15 AM)Jefferson Wrote:  

Thanks Duke, and in terms of looks were you happy with them, slim and pretty?

How old are you again, btw?
I'm 57. They all looked as good as their profiles, which is to say slim and pretty, except Miss Davao, who was a little bit chunky, but not too bad.
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#20

My Filipina Girlfriend/Wife Experience (reposted and updated)

Thanks, Duke, so age continues to be no issue in Phil. That's great news for those of us about to hit 50.
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#21

My Filipina Girlfriend/Wife Experience (reposted and updated)

Duke, I can't believe I've just read this. Is this the type of conversations I have to look forward to if I work as an FO at a US Major? I didn't think it was true but I've heard about a lot of pilots flocking to Thailand/Philippines. How can you resist anyway with those travel benefits? Might I suggest a position in a Cessna Caravan if you need to cool your jets? Honestly I'm wondering if this is a pilot thing, you and I both know this industry is very hard on relationships and most senior captains and FOs have had a divorce. I'm sure her initial crazy behavior was partly influenced by whatever schedule you had and her transition. If you for whatever reason want to try something like this again, I'd suggest looking for some sort of check airman or instructor job in the Philippines if you can accord to lose the seniority at your current place and you plan on retiring there.
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