[tugofpeace]

(11-03-2018 07:08 PM)Salesian Wrote:  

You gave her a Lexus. If she's turning into a brat/THOT, you're part of that pedestal propping her up. You're part of the problem.

Take back the Lexus. Let her buy herself a Tercel off craigslist -- one that's held together with Gorilla Tape and Elmer's Glue.

No THOT can get big ideas about herself in a Tercel.

To be fair, it was a used 2009 base model lexus that I owned. Honestly, I gave her everything before she turned into a brat. Specifically because she was good, we gave stuff to her. I had no idea it could potentially backfire.

In her first year when she was in a box sized dorm room she was normal.. it's only after moving to a condo and getting a car that all this bs started happening. There was no other change on my or her end.

[Flux]

Maybe she lost her virginity, and is now getting regularly banged out.

Sex changes a woman, makes her realize her power.

Or maybe it's the opposite, she's not getting any male attention, and is sexually frustrated.

You know her; figure it out.

The pill is also known to turn women into bitches...

[LowerCaseG]

How about telling her the truth. That for whatever reason her personality is becoming increasingly unattractive to you and if she wants you to be part of her life, she needs to stop being nasty to you or around you. I highly recommend listening to Dr. Laura as to how to deal with nasty people in your family, that's what every other person calls in about. But most likely you just need to accept that you will not have a positive relationship with her anymore. So you can choose either a toxic relationship or no relationship.


Oh, and stop giving her lexuses.

[tugofpeace]

(11-03-2018 10:35 PM)LowerCaseG Wrote:  

How about telling her the truth. That for whatever reason her personality is becoming increasingly unattractive to you and if she wants you to be part of her life, she needs to stop being nasty to you or around you. I highly recommend listening to Dr. Laura as to how to deal with nasty people in your family, that's what every other person calls in about. But most likely you just need to accept that you will not have a positive relationship with her anymore. So you can choose either a toxic relationship or no relationship.


Oh, and stop giving her lexuses.

I cut her off a week back, and shortly after she tried to reconcile. I said to her in as nice of a way as possible for her to please do what makes her/happy comfortable and keep in touch (basically an immediate apology on my behalf and a willingness to forgive). She then came back with a low key insult saying I'm the one who wanted to stop talking in the first place. So I roasted the hell out of her for that and hit her where it hurts, and I'm pretty sure she cried like hell afterwards - I never said anything that mean to her. She said it wasn't an insult and said sorry I was upset and thought so low of her.

Couple days later, I asked if she had any desire to come to a mutual understanding and make things right. 24 hours later, no response - she's never done that before. So I said nevermind, and made up my mind to only speak with her during vacations. She's ghosting me on an iphone that I helped to pay for, using a macbook pro I paid for, using high end IEMs that I bought for her, driving my lexus, etc. She's forgotten all that I did for her. That's how women are I guess. Big lesson learned on my part for my future relationships.

The way I see it now, the sweet little girl she was is dead. I don't really recognize her anymore save for when I see pictures of her youth and remember all the good times, when she was affectionate. Nowadays, there are no good times. Guess it's a good lesson for when I have kids of my own. Just going to let go of her and hope she blossoms into a better person as she gets older, otherwise it'll be vacation meetups forever. I'll soon have a wife and kids of my own so this is the natural way, IMO.

Human behavior is tragic on so many levels.

[Deepdiver]

I tell people that I try not to break any of the 11 Commandments as much as possible.

The 11th Commandment comes from the Culture I was raised in that you always want to be respectful of other people because if you ever disrespect or humiliate another man if it takes him a lifetime to get even with you he will when you least expect or need it.

11th Commandment: Make no mortal enemies and allow no one to make a mortal enemy out of you.

Point is I have had stepbrothers and a stepsister say and do disrespectful things and learned to immediately call them out as in "That was an incredibly condescending, arrogant and or disrespectful thing to say". I have even gotten up during the holidays and say that I have to leave now before I say something that I may regret.

Some of the best advice I have ever received is that Losing your kool is a sign of weakness - keeping your kool is a sign of strength.

I have learned to take various corrective action with anyone who ever disrespects me and now it is two strikes you are out.

1st I tell them in a calm but firm and matter of fact way that they were just very disrespectful and they will be rather startled and realize that they were being a phuck wit. 2nd If it happens again I simply cut them out of my life. Normally if another man they will think twice about provoking you. However, family especially sisters for some reason get some perverse joy out of playing the mean girl pushing your buttons. I have had to cut my step-sister out of my life completely - no social media, email, holiday or phone contact whatsoever. Unfortunate as that maybe I have not had so much inner peace and satisfaction with the peaceful routine of my life since.

Bottom line sometimes you have to cut negative personalities and influencers out of your life for your own peace of mind if nothing else.

[ìlikegirls]

(11-03-2018 11:07 PM)tugofpeace Wrote:  

Human behavior is tragic on so many levels.

Life is not fair drive on! Or you want to waste any energies on her?

The problem is not you, you did all right, you took care of your younger sister. Problem is her that she has issues. I would suggest to pay her a doctor/psychologist and a nutritionist this would be a good present since it will help her with self esteem and life. Loosing weight is easy, BUT if she doesn't want is her choice to be fat. We all have stress, even you but do we are all chubby?

Treating other people badly is a clear sign of low self esteem/personality disorder. IS NOT NORMAL. I have friends with sisters that for sure lost their virginity they are pretty and over 23-25 years old but they do not do act like that with their brothers! So unfortunately your is not the standard reality.


A thing you may do with her that may work is mirroring her same behavior, it is explained in the book 48 rules of power by Robert Green:

This is a short summary taken from Google:

Law 44: Disarm and Infuriate with the Mirror Effect
The mirror reflects reality, but it is also the perfect tool for deception: When you mirror your enemies, doing exactly as they do, they cannot figure out your strategy. The Mirror Effect mocks and humiliates them, making them overreact. By holding up a mirror to their psyches, you seduce them with the illusion that you share their values; by holding up a mirror to their actions, you teach them a lesson. Few can resist the power of Mirror Effect.

The Neutralizing Effect.
Do what your enemies do, following their actions as best you can, and they cannot see what you are up to – they are blinded by your mirror.

The Narcissus Effect.
If you can show you understand another person by reflecting their inmost feelings, they will be entranced and disared, all the more so because it happens so rarely.

The Moral Effect.
Mirror what people have done to you, and do so in a way that makes them realize you are doing to them exactly what they did to you.


Is the same of what psychiatrists and psychologists do. It may work but it would make you spend other energies on her.

[GT777733]

(11-03-2018 11:07 PM)tugofpeace Wrote:  

(11-03-2018 10:35 PM)LowerCaseG Wrote:  

How about telling her the truth. That for whatever reason her personality is becoming increasingly unattractive to you and if she wants you to be part of her life, she needs to stop being nasty to you or around you. I highly recommend listening to Dr. Laura as to how to deal with nasty people in your family, that's what every other person calls in about. But most likely you just need to accept that you will not have a positive relationship with her anymore. So you can choose either a toxic relationship or no relationship.


Oh, and stop giving her lexuses.

I cut her off a week back, and shortly after she tried to reconcile. I said to her in as nice of a way as possible for her to please do what makes her/happy comfortable and keep in touch (basically an immediate apology on my behalf and a willingness to forgive). She then came back with a low key insult saying I'm the one who wanted to stop talking in the first place. So I roasted the hell out of her for that and hit her where it hurts, and I'm pretty sure she cried like hell afterwards - I never said anything that mean to her. She said it wasn't an insult and said sorry I was upset and thought so low of her.

Couple days later, I asked if she had any desire to come to a mutual understanding and make things right. 24 hours later, no response - she's never done that before. So I said nevermind, and made up my mind to only speak with her during vacations. She's ghosting me on an iphone that I helped to pay for, using a macbook pro I paid for, using high end IEMs that I bought for her, driving my lexus, etc. She's forgotten all that I did for her. That's how women are I guess. Big lesson learned on my part for my future relationships.

The way I see it now, the sweet little girl she was is dead. I don't really recognize her anymore save for when I see pictures of her youth and remember all the good times, when she was affectionate. Nowadays, there are no good times. Guess it's a good lesson for when I have kids of my own. Just going to let go of her and hope she blossoms into a better person as she gets older, otherwise it'll be vacation meetups forever. I'll soon have a wife and kids of my own so this is the natural way, IMO.

Human behavior is tragic on so many levels.

Like you said - look at it as a good lesson.

Figure out where you went wrong with your beliefs, thoughts and actions with her - and don't repeat those mistakes with people in your life in the future.

The way you described it sounds like the behavior of a toxic ex girlfriend or a divorced wife.

I learnt a while ago from both my first major friend I had to cut out of my life, and the first major breakup I had - once a relationship goes sour/unhealthy - it's essentially impossible to reset and get things back to the way they were.

It's like dropping a slice of bread in a dirty puddle of water - you can do absolutely everything to try and clean it to get it back to be clean again, but once the dirty water has sunk into the bread, it's impossible to get all of it out.

Humans are creatures of habit, and it's very hard for people to change the way they think and act.

If it does happen - it usually happens after a major event in someones life, and even then, it still takes time.

The best thing you can do for both of you is to cut off regular contact, and limit it to perhaps saying happy birthday or seeing each other at family gatherings or special events.

If she ever does come back to reconciliate, don't accept anything less than a full apology, a clear explanation of why her past behavior was wrong, and how she has fixed her behavior so your relationship doesn't go unhealthy again.

Even then - you would have to slowly let her back into your life so you can monitor her actions to see if she has genuinely changed or whether it's just all talk.

This is life though - seemingly unfair and illogical things happen not once, but multiple times throughout your life. All you can do is go into the future with lessons, have positivity, and try to be better and perform better than you did the day before.

Just do your best with what you have.

[ìlikegirls]

Good lesson for what? His sister has clear signs of mental issues: eating disorders, lack of selfceare, low self esteem, manipulates and psychologically abusive with him and with her friends. So she s not 100% all right. Probably depressed or more so that's why the reason of stress with dealing with her. Why he made a mistake??

[Robert High Hawk]

If you ever wanted to re-engage, you could do something healthy together, something that will maybe get her a little bit more positive confidence. Maybe if you change the setting of your interaction to like a hiking trip or something, it could help you both take your mind off of the negative dynamic.

Also remember that people change a lot over time. There could easily be a spark somewhere that sets the trend in a positive direction. It may not seem likely, but life is a wild and unpredictable ride.

Family trouble is always easier said than done. It's hard. I think there is a lot of good commentary here saying to remember to focus on personal self improvement. Also be humble about your weak areas of character where necessary. Very interesting and sober topic of discussion and thanks for bringing it up.

[Syberpunk]

(11-04-2018 05:18 AM)ìlikegirls Wrote:  

Good lesson for what? His sister has clear signs of mental issues: eating disorders, lack of selfceare, low self esteem, manipulates and psychologically abusive with him and with her friends. So she s not 100% all right. Probably depressed or more so that's why the reason of stress with dealing with her. Why he made a mistake??

A lesson to watch for in his future kids. Nip in the bud if possible any problems.

[JackinMelbourne]

(11-02-2018 11:12 AM)tugofpeace Wrote:  

Lately, I've been cutting her off and told her that I'd only see her during vacations. I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing. She's pretty much become a toxic person, and I cut her off to save my own emotional energy.

This. You answered your own question and this is all you can and should do. Don't even bother explaining yourself either, just have your own shit going on that leaves no time for her.

The fact of the matter is that you and her, as adults, are completely separate people with different lives and if it wasn't for genetic ties and some childhood experiences, she may as well be a complete (cunty) stranger.

[ìlikegirls]

I noticed few more details:

(11-03-2018 01:10 PM)tugofpeace Wrote:  

Her lack of self care goes all the way back to her childhood- she never liked to take baths when she was growing up

This is very strange, she didn't have the habit to take bath when she was in high school? Usually girls start to make up and play with seduction when they are 12-13 years old. At that age she didn't even take bath?

(11-03-2018 01:10 PM)tugofpeace Wrote:  

My parents let her get away with it. It's not a habit she recently picked up.

Did your parents let her not to wash herself without doing/say nothing to her?

(11-03-2018 01:10 PM)tugofpeace Wrote:  

Her aggressiveness was also there since she was born.

This is very strange, I don't know you but I don't consider normal aggressive kids. And usually girls/women during all their entire life have a feminine personality, that means being gentle, submissive playing with dolls, make up etc. While boys on the other side get in fight play with toy guns. Aggressive for kids even for boys is a little too much.

(11-03-2018 01:10 PM)tugofpeace Wrote:  

But I think nowadays she's been conditioned that she's amazing or something and she behaves that way

This is a narcissistic personality sign.

(11-03-2018 01:10 PM)tugofpeace Wrote:  

although she has told me that she has very low self esteem.

This is a positive sign seems she understood that something is going wrong.

As I wrote I would try to bring her to see a doctor or psychologist and a nutritionist. I think she is not fine and needs help. Do not try to convince her just try to make an appointment. Maybe this will help both her and your interaction with her. I think if she was high self esteem (I mean also healthy and in peace with her soul) you wound't have so much troubles with dealing with her, she would also enjoy better life and social relationships.

[tugofpeace]

(11-05-2018 11:27 AM)ìlikegirls Wrote:  

I noticed few more details:

(11-03-2018 01:10 PM)tugofpeace Wrote:  

Her lack of self care goes all the way back to her childhood- she never liked to take baths when she was growing up

This is very strange, she didn't have the habit to take bath when she was in high school? Usually girls start to make up and play with seduction when they are 12-13 years old. At that age she didn't even take bath?

(11-03-2018 01:10 PM)tugofpeace Wrote:  

My parents let her get away with it. It's not a habit she recently picked up.

Did your parents let her not to wash herself without doing/say nothing to her?

(11-03-2018 01:10 PM)tugofpeace Wrote:  

Her aggressiveness was also there since she was born.

This is very strange, I don't know you but I don't consider normal aggressive kids. And usually girls/women during all their entire life have a feminine personality, that means being gentle, submissive playing with dolls, make up etc. While boys on the other side get in fight play with toy guns. Aggressive for kids even for boys is a little too much.

(11-03-2018 01:10 PM)tugofpeace Wrote:  

But I think nowadays she's been conditioned that she's amazing or something and she behaves that way

This is a narcissistic personality sign.

(11-03-2018 01:10 PM)tugofpeace Wrote:  

although she has told me that she has very low self esteem.

This is a positive sign seems she understood that something is going wrong.

As I wrote I would try to bring her to see a doctor or psychologist and a nutritionist. I think she is not fine and needs help. Do not try to convince her just try to make an appointment. Maybe this will help both her and your interaction with her. I think if she was high self esteem (I mean also healthy and in peace with her soul) you wound't have so much troubles with dealing with her, she would also enjoy better life and social relationships.

Yea she would take baths in high school, but I don't know if it was every day. I was in college during her high school. But basically she had terrible sleeping habits and used to get up late, and come down to have breakfast. I used to yell at her since she was little to go clean up before eating, but she never listened, and my parents let her get away with it. As far as I know, she never wore makeup in high school. Part of it was my mom being old fashioned and not letting her do things other girls did because she didn't want her to get involved with boys. The only thing she really did in terms of her appearance was straightening her hair and making sure her eyebrows were trimmed.

I may have overstated her aggressiveness - she was typically submissive and looked up to me. It's only when she got older, around mid to late high school, that she started becoming argumentative and rude. But I ticked it off as her just growing up and becoming more self respecting. Nowadays it's just her being a cunt. She doesn't even realize her behavior, it's like second nature to her. Her submissiveness was greater than her aggressiveness before she moved into that condo, but now it's the complete opposite.

She is dismissive in the sense that her roommate, for example, is an 8/10 with tons of friends, and just as smart as her, if not more. She doesn't like the fact that her roommate changes outfits 3x a day, has a lot of expensive clothes, and one time even told me that she thought her roommate was dumb because she showed some lotion to my sister that she thought was nice. My sister said to me it was dumb because who cares about nice lotion? During my latest visit to her, she didn't talk much so I tried making conversation over lunch and talked about posture/anterior pelvic tilt since it was bothering me, and she just gave a condescending response, like "why do you think about this stuff". She does that a lot.

[ìlikegirls]

I think is CLEAR she has showed and she is showing every signals of psychological suffering. So what you want to do? You gave her a car, a computer a phone, paying a doctor or a psychologist?

You still don't answer, did your parents notice all of that?

I would bang her room mate.

[Longshanks]

My sister initially did this noticeably when she was 17 and was heavily disrespecting my father. One time she stole my food and I poured a full carton of Chinese food on her examined art project. She was well behaved for months after.

[christpuncher]

I would just give her some breathing room and keep contact to home for the holidays for now, as you said. No point in blowing up your relationship over hormonal teenage girl cuntyness. She'll grow out of it, hopefully, and your relationship can improve when she does.

This is a sibling afterall, not a friend or a bang. You are stuck together for another 60 years, and her children will be the next most important decendents in your family after your own children. Make sure you're thinking about the big picture and working to find common ground with her over the coming years.

[lampshade]

Imagine you were a female 4 living with a female 8 roommate. Getting a backstage pass to witnessing this 8's seemingly charmed life (compared to your own sad 4 life) would probably not help with raising your low self-esteem. Imagine that any guy she brings back to her pad is going to immediately want the roommate instead as soon as they see her. You mentioned that this started when your sister moved into the condo (with the roommate). I believe this is probably what's affecting her now much more so than before. You could try talking to her about this...she might be dismissive at first because youre hitting a nerve, but she might open up a little bit if you give her time. (I'm not sure what you'd say to her about it though)

[ìlikegirls]

Problem is not the teen age or her roommate, that makes no sense. Everyone has adolescence and better looking roommates and friends but do not all develop eating and relationships disorders.

And your self esteem does not depend on your college roommate, depends on your beliefs, on your perception of yourself and the world around you. It takes years to develop. It affects your life both in a good (high self esteem) and bad way (low).

This girl has showed a lot of signals of psychological suffering during and before going to college: eating disorder, manipulation, psychologically abusive with her brother and friends, rudeness, lack of selfceare. How you can even think all of these depends on her roommate or hormonal changes?

[tugofpeace]

From a family perspective we always took very good care of her. Very affectionate, always brought her nice things, took her to cultural/religious events, her friends were all type A smart kids, family friends were all blue pill people, etc. there were never really any bad influences in her life. Only thing I can think of is that I used to be a little mean to her when she was younger (when she wouldn’t listen), but that stopped before highschool.

All I know is, these problems went way out of proportion after she moved into that condo. In regards to her roommate, they roomed together in a dorm the first year and everything was cool, the only thing that changed after they moved into a condo is that her roommate made new friends (popular crowd) and excluded my sister. They literally just don’t talk to each other anymore, but it’s not like they hate each other.

[lampshade]

I'm not saying the guy's sister's behavior isn't within her own control. Constantly being around someone who is better than you could be an additional stress factor that wasn't present before though. She clearly has issues, regardless.

Losing a bunch of friends and feeling excluded is definitely a stress factor that can push someone over the edge. As for what to do about it, you can't really force her to do anything, but maybe encourage her to start a new hobby/join a meetup group for that hobby. Meeting new people and broadening ones horizons can often lift you out of a depression. That being said, without psychological help, she might wind up in a similar situation.

[Not a Second Hander]

OP you seem like a good man.

God bless you.

[ìlikegirls]

I can't understand why you don't try to bring her to a psychologist or a doctor. And eventually a nutritionist for eating disorder habits.

[chrisblackbeard]

Distance.

Really not much you can do. My sister was one of the biggest black pills on women in my life.

It doesn't help that in today's culture, you are "controlling" or "abusive" if you attempt to save women from themselves.

[MarsBlacc]

(11-02-2018 11:12 AM)tugofpeace Wrote:  

I ask because it seems like she's turning into a feminist, and/or her personality is becoming messed up, and I don't know what to do.

Some background: I'm 30, she's 19. She studied her ass off in high school and got into a competitive 6 year med program. I consult for oil/gas.

Throughout her entire life, I tried to be a strong influence because I didn't want her to turn out to be a slut. I didn't want her to seek validation from other dudes by putting out. She was cute when she was younger, but she's one of those girls that doesn't really take care of herself - my honest opinion is that at this point in life, she's not attractive (maybe a 3-4), but that's because she doesn't eat healthy (she's chubby), she doesn't work out, and she doesn't wear makeup. If she did all that she'd be a solid 7. I only say all of this to lend you some perspective.

I don't think any guys have hit on her yet, but IDK. I always bought her nice things, tried to be overly affectionate, and tried to guide her to make the right choices in life. For the first 18 years, including her first year of college, she was sweet and level headed, and we had minimal arguments. There was always the brother/sister arguments we had growing up, but it was never serious.

Anyways, ever since she moved into an upscale condo with her roommate, and I gave her my lexus, she's been acting aggressive and being disrespectful/dismissive. As if she knows everything and that she's equal to me. I highly doubt it's because she's sleeping around or anything, I'm thinking it may just be stress/hormones, but she's very insulting. She has relationships with her friends where they just completely rip on each other, and she treats me the same way and it pisses me off.

Lately, I've been cutting her off and told her that I'd only see her during vacations. I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing. She's pretty much become a toxic person, and I cut her off to save my own emotional energy.

She has strong family values so I'm not worried that she'll turn out to be a slut, but everything about her points to being a feminist. She's very stubborn, told me that I can't give her any advice on personal stuff, and basically has killed that part of me which is a brother to her. She claims that I messed up her self esteem when she was younger and that I hurt her a lot, but that's the exact opposite of what I tried to do. For example, I would take her out to eat when I visited, pretty much all the time. It was my way of treating/ being good to her - but now she's claiming that she developed a binge eating disorder because of me.

Is this just how it goes for 19 year olds? Should I be keeping my distance from her until she grows older? It's not difficult for me, but I've said some things that hurt her feelings. No idea what to do here.

The best thing you can do is cut her off and make her suffer and die. People like this need to "die" first before they can "live". Only when a person has seen the outcome to their actions will they finally come reality. Cut contact and make her suffer. Continuing a relationship with her will only feed the darkness in her soul. You can't save her, she can only save herself.

[tugofpeace]

She has just come home for Thanksgiving (I'm not home yet) and told my parents about my texts to her. My mom mentioned that my sister wants an apology.. are you fucking kidding me?

So not only do I get dragged down by her bullshit, she doesn't have the decency to handle it on her own so she reads our entire text exchange to our parents and drags them into it. Now their mood is also messed up.