[TIOT12]

How do you go about managing contact with the women you meet abroad after you return home? Obviously, you aren't going to keep in touch will all the women you met for various reasons. But there are others that I would think you would want to keep up with.

1. What is your strategy for keeping ties with these women?
2. What is your goal typically with these women? More sex or even ltr, building a social circle, social proof, fall back option, friends, etc.?
3. How do you balance your time here without negatively impacting the women in your life at home?
4. How does your communication go in these things? When do you start trying to turn up the fires before your next trip and how do you communicate with them?
5. How often do these women contact you after your trips or even come visit you?

[Jefferson]

This all depends on what YOUR goals are and what HER goals are.

IF you want an LTR you have to give her a firm return date. If you don't she'll assume you're never coming back and will be quick to ride the carousel. She'll most likely do that anyway if she's under 28. Women exercise their options.

Obviously you communicate by text and phone. Ideal is if you have two phones, one for normal use and one for fun.

If you notice she does not contact you a lot she is most likely fucking someone else. If she's decided you are the one she will contact you every day.

Do they know you have a wife/GF?

[TIOT12]

(10-30-2018 02:55 PM)Jefferson Wrote:  

This all depends on what YOUR goals are and what HER goals are.

IF you want an LTR you have to give her a firm return date. If you don't she'll assume you're never coming back and will be quick to ride the carousel. She'll most likely do that anyway if she's under 28. Women exercise their options.

Obviously you communicate by text and phone. Ideal is if you have two phones, one for normal use and one for fun.

If you notice she does not contact you a lot she is most likely fucking someone else. If she's decided you are the one she will contact you every day.

Do they know you have a wife/GF?

I don't have a lot of experience with this as this was only my second trip abroad but I have been keeping in touch with 3 women from my trip. One girl is because she lives in the US and knew I will likely see her in the next couple months. The second girl (has a boyfriend from traditional culture) and thought we left things as just a vacation fling but I started chatting her up again and she wants me to visit again. The third girl is one who had been contacting me almost every day since I returned from my trip and now that has tapered off to where we talk once or twice a week or so. It is still lovey dovey but I wouldn't be surprised if she was playing the field like you are saying.

Since I don't have the experience with this, I was curious what other guys do with these situations and what my goals should be?

For example, you posted if the girl has contacted you less, she is with someone else potentially but does that really matter if I am not seeing her as an ltr because who knows what her situation might be in 6 months or a year? Even if she still jumps to another guy, might it still be worth my while for social circle purposes or other things?

They know I have been seeing girls back home. In fact, they all knew I was seeing other girls on the trip as well.

[pancakemouse]

Add on Instagram, message maybe once or twice a year. Don't plan on seeing them again ever.

[Jefferson]

Your goals should be what you want them to be.

It looks like you are not after an LTR, is that correct?

If that applies to two of the other girls as well, ie one has a boyfriend and they are all aware you are seeing other girls, isn't it just a case of keeping the right degree of contact? Enough to not appear over-interested but at the same time on their radar?

If you are not after an LTR, no it would not matter if she jumps on other guys while you are away, you'd just want to make sure she is available when you want her to be. For her to be available in that way she has to believe there is some benefit to her. You would need to game them now and then to convince them it is worth their while to be available for you.

[kaotic]

(10-30-2018 03:42 PM)corsega Wrote:  

Add on Instagram, message maybe once or twice a year. Don't plan on seeing them again ever.

This! Proves social worth, keeps things friendly, and in they're in your social media stream.

I also agree on not expecting seeing girls you banged overseas ever again, 99% of travel flings are a one off.

Stay focused on local girls, girls overseas are just an afterthought and a very low and slow burner.

[TIOT12]

(10-30-2018 03:45 PM)Jefferson Wrote:  

It looks like you are not after an LTR, is that correct?

I think so.

(10-30-2018 03:45 PM)Jefferson Wrote:  

If that applies to two of the other girls as well, ie one has a boyfriend and they are all aware you are seeing other girls, isn't it just a case of keeping the right degree of contact? Enough to not appear over-interested but at the same time on their radar?

That is what I am thinking. But don't know if that means once a month, once a week or what not.

(10-30-2018 03:45 PM)Jefferson Wrote:  

If you are not after an LTR, no it would not matter if she jumps on other guys while you are away, you'd just want to make sure she is available when you want her to be. For her to be available in that way she has to believe there is some benefit to her. You would need to game them now and then to convince them it is worth their while to be available for you.

Ok, I follow you. but how would you go about convincing them it is worth their while to be available for you? What things are you promising?

[Jefferson]

It depends on the nature of the connection you have with each girl, your history with them, and their particular situation (eg a girl that has a busy career/studies, is not going to be texting as much as a girl that lives with her parents and has tons of times, she'd be more disappointed if she hears very little from you, the former may be turned off if you write too much).

Either way, I think a girl overseas is only going to be available for so long, if she does not have a firm commitment from you that you will come see her again. This is not a problem with one girl, but if you will be able to see one of the others again on a firm date I do not know.

If you are firmly intending to see them again in a short space of time you may have a chance to hook up again. Maybe. Depending on their interest level.

I actually had one girl wait 5 months for me, once 8 months, but it was a lot of painful hard work. Only consider doing it if it is really worth the effort. In terms of what I promise, it's that I will return and whatever else I get a sense the girl would value. But that is really a lot of effort, only really for LTR.

For plates, as Kaotic and Corsega say you are most likely better off to invest the time into girls that are closer to you.

[TIOT12]

(10-30-2018 04:24 PM)Jefferson Wrote:  

It depends on the nature of the connection you have with each girl, your history with them, and their particular situation (eg a girl that has a busy career/studies, is not going to be texting as much as a girl that lives with her parents and has tons of times, she'd be more disappointed if she hears very little from you, the former may be turned off if you write too much).

Either way, I think a girl overseas is only going to be available for so long, if she does not have a firm commitment from you that you will come see her again. This is not a problem with one girl, but if you will be able to see one of the others again on a firm date I do not know.

If you are firmly intending to see them again in a short space of time you may have a chance to hook up again. Maybe. Depending on their interest level.

I actually had one girl wait 5 months for me, once 8 months, but it was a lot of painful hard work. Only consider doing it if it is really worth the effort. In terms of what I promise, it's that I will return and whatever else I get a sense the girl would value. But that is really a lot of effort, only really for LTR.

For plates, as Kaotic and Corsega say you are most likely better off to invest the time into girls that are closer to you.

Thank you.

[yankeetravels]

OP I feel like I should chime in as a guy that has tried to do this a couple times. I know you're saying you're not after a LTR but I'm calling bullshit. There's really only two reasons why you keep in touch consistently with travel flings. The first is to build a global harem and have a chick or two you know is down in multiple cities. Even with that route, you probably need to go back to see them within a couple years to keep yourself on their radar.

The second is if you have feelings for them. This is natural if you meet a decent girl you spend multiple days with. For me personally, I can think of at least two chicks abroad I had difficulty letting go of. I think part of it is they're so much different than western girls and that one girl may be the main face of your memories of the country, but it could also be remembering the overall trip. One girl I had to be talked out of doing a LDR with by guys on this forum. Truthfully, you may find a girl that'll call or text you almost every day that you could still suspect is messing around because you're just not there to know yourself. It's easier to do it behind your back or hide their flaws.

I'm not saying don't do one, I'm just saying you have to be really firm with your decision and plan if you do while giving yourself an exit strategy. You can't do a two week per year relationship. If you want more from this girl, you have to spend some decent time with her in person. If I wanted to, I could have a girl that's waited a year and a half for me see me in her country as soon as I landed. But, it doesn't mean she's 100% the best girlfriend or worth keeping around just for a possible re-boot fling one more time. It's a lot of work to keep certain girls as contacts. I find you have to at least somewhat care for them to make it worth it.

[Obermarschall]

Keep light contact with them in case I want or need to return. They might be helpful for translation or finding cheap places to stay.

[alexanderjack]

Just bask in the memory of that F-close, not point trying to move it forward if you live in different countries. Plus if she's really hot then even more so just move on as you will be become needy !

[Vincent Chase]

I block them.

[lunchmoney]

Most women I meet when I travel (regardless of location) I honestly don't wanna stay in contact with. Pump and dump. It makes for good memories.

[RespectivePerspective]

"1. What is your strategy for keeping ties with these women? "

- I always sort this out ahead of time, especially since I established early and often what the endgame was for me; yet unfortunately, my legitimate intentions of seeking a LTR did not always return home giving me the needed motivated resolve for pursuing it to that end, and the women i've dealt with have always been very good at sensing even the slightest hint of doubt I may have picked up, even if I deny it and insist she's just being over analytical over mundane details. Why this happens to me, i'm not completely sure, but it's not quite because of my voracious appetite for the company of lovely women, and it's not me getting buyer's remorse and only valuing her for sex, either. What really turns me off on the girls I meet abroad is how I sense her awareness of what a relationship with me would be like. I will realise that even if she's intelligent, she won't consider potential challenges in the not so distant future and what it could mean with respects to a possible union between us. I'm very much aware of smaller details, how this woman will make me appear if I bring her around my friends, family, and colleagues. Most of them have never driven in their life, and when I tell them that if we live in the US where the bulk of my income is made, that they will need to learn how to drive. It's just how it is in most of this country, and being without a car is an emasculating mark of inadequacy in this country in a lot of respects. Nearly every time, that will be the first time the thought ever popped in their mind, which kills much of my confidence in investing in them further. I'm already way ahead thinking about what could go wrong if i'm negligent of her needs, because most are susceptible to home sickness, depression, and a host of other issues once things get real and all that "talk" becomes official.

Whether we like it or not, we're going to be held accountable to considerations simply because we're the only ones competent and aware enough to prepare for such things. Since the courts are almost assured to NOT be on our side if things go bad and end up having lawyers, assets, and kids involved, it seems like any plan for these contingencies is something we can only count on ourselves to care about.