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How do you make friends?
#1

How do you make friends?

This is a serious question. I've been a lone wolf all my life and I've only recently been letting people get closer to me. I have just started up in college again and I notice that I am having a lot of trouble connecting with anyone. I think this is best asked in this subforum as my eventual goal is to establish a social circle to augment my dating life.

When I step back and look at my friends and how those friendships came about, I notice that it was always them coming to me. I was just doing my own thing and these people took interest in me. Because of that I tend to be the one that needs to put things in motion and "lead." It seems like if I'm not the one driving events, they don't really give me a second thought.

This is true of everyone except one of my closest friends who is is much of a loner as me, so we basically just spend time doing nothing. While I thoroughly enjoy it, it is not really conducive to my end goal.

So, now I'm wondering what you do to be more proactive about establishing connections. I often try to make small talk with both men and women, but find that I am bored very easily. I'm not really sure how to connect with people on a deeper level if they're not coming to me. Can anyone provide me some advice or direction on this topic?
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#2

How do you make friends?

This is an interesting question and I'm sure you'll get some great advise here. How old are you? What are you studying in school? If you're studying something that's a true passion I'm sure you'll connect with like minded students in time. I wish you well.
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#3

How do you make friends?

I don't know anymore. America and western society has changed so much that I just don't know. On my last trip to Ukraine it was much easier to make connections than here. I'm likable and a lot of people know me, but I have very few connections at all. I don't know how to change this.
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#4

How do you make friends?

Important to remember is that while putting forth effort and having a certain gracefulness (non-judgemental attitude) and flexibility matters when trying to establish friends, trying too hard is also very non-productive.
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#5

How do you make friends?

Having common interests. When I was in my 20s I made most of my friends being into rock music and playing guitar.
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#6

How do you make friends?

I made a couple friends off my game whatsapp group, we do meetups locally and there awesome. Didn't do much pickup, just chilled and drank beer. Generally fellow guys into PUA are some of the nicest people you'll ever meet. If your in a major city I heavily suggest that you see if there's an online PUA group.

PS: I'm assuming this, but can someone private msg me and let me know if I can post new threads once my post count goes up?
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#7

How do you make friends?

From my experience, real friendships only result from situations where you're forced to see the same people over and over.

I've tried going out and making friends via meetup groups and what not. I find it very easy to make conversation with some guys there, exchange numbers, yada yada. But then what? Invite this dude you talked to for like 20 minutes out for a drink some time? No one does that. To be honest, nothing ever comes of it when you exchange numbers with some guy you met once. Compare that to going out and gaming girls: Girls are much less friendly, much harder to talk to, much more critical/judgmental, much more likely to eject from the conversation, etc. But when you do hold an engaging convo with a girl and get her number, you know exactly what to do; text her in the next couple days and just run your standard first date game. Totally straight-forward. So even though other men are far more friendly and open than women, that doesn't mean they're easier to become close with out of the blue.

I've thought about this a lot and realized true friends almost always come from the following categories:
1. Grew up together
2. Went to college together
3. Work(ed) together
4. Were in some close-knit club or organization
5. Hung out repeatedly via mutual friends

Again, notice the theme of places where you'd see the same people over and over.

I assume stages 1 and 2 are behind you, but 3-5 are likely accessible. Focus on those. You can try, as I have, meeting dudes for platonic friendship in the same way that you meet chicks, but I don't know of anyone who does that successfully.
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#8

How do you make friends?

Like Quays2 said, meetup groups are one way to make new friends.

I've been a member of several friend groups simply by virtue of daygame, too.

Do your normal approaches and for any that don't work out due to incompatibility, tell her LJBF and sometimes she will even be a connector who is member of a large friend group.

Depending on the group it will be easy or hard to break into. More difficult if the group is based on some common criterion that you don't have.
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#9

How do you make friends?

Quote: (10-10-2018 11:43 AM)Duke Main Wrote:  

This is an interesting question and I'm sure you'll get some great advise here. How old are you? What are you studying in school? If you're studying something that's a true passion I'm sure you'll connect with like minded students in time. I wish you well.

I'm 28, so I'm sure the age difference does play into it a bit. Although my closest friend right now is 35. I'm a molecular biology major working toward an accelerated masters in nursing. I have just noticed that people chat with me in class, but seems to shut off as soon as we're out the door. I honestly can't tell if it's me or them anymore.

Quote: (10-10-2018 06:59 PM)Delta Wrote:  

From my experience, real friendships only result from situations where you're forced to see the same people over and over.

I've tried going out and making friends via meetup groups and what not. I find it very easy to make conversation with some guys there, exchange numbers, yada yada. But then what? Invite this dude you talked to for like 20 minutes out for a drink some time? No one does that. To be honest, nothing ever comes of it when you exchange numbers with some guy you met once. Compare that to going out and gaming girls: Girls are much less friendly, much harder to talk to, much more critical/judgmental, much more likely to eject from the conversation, etc. But when you do hold an engaging convo with a girl and get her number, you know exactly what to do; text her in the next couple days and just run your standard first date game. Totally straight-forward. So even though other men are far more friendly and open than women, that doesn't mean they're easier to become close with out of the blue.

I've thought about this a lot and realized true friends almost always come from the following categories:
1. Grew up together
2. Went to college together
3. Work(ed) together
4. Were in some close-knit club or organization
5. Hung out repeatedly via mutual friends

Again, notice the theme of places where you'd see the same people over and over.

I assume stages 1 and 2 are behind you, but 3-5 are likely accessible. Focus on those. You can try, as I have, meeting dudes for platonic friendship in the same way that you meet chicks, but I don't know of anyone who does that successfully.

I guess it has only been a few months. But my bigger problem is the people that I am friends with seem to forget I exist unless I'm right under their nose. They don't actively exclude me, but there's never an invite to go out and do something unless I'm around when they're getting their shit together. They always seem to enjoy themselves when I organize something and I'm reasonably sure they're not just putting up with me as a necessary evil.

It's this general idea that is making me question my normal dynamic of making friends. I am attempting to explore whether there is something about me that makes people reluctant to bring me into their groups. I always feel like I have to be the nucleus if I want to have social interaction.

As I have mentioned before, the majority of my friends (and dates) have come from people entering into my sphere. For example, in one of my lab sessions I was talking to my partner about my tabletop gaming hobbies, and that eventually ended up with 6 people giving me their numbers and I organized a few meetings for us to play board games together. I had them over to my place a few times, but over the course of about 2 months we basically all broke contact with each other. Things like this happen a lot to me and nothing ever seems to stick.
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#10

How do you make friends?

Quote: (10-10-2018 06:31 PM)Quays2 Wrote:  

I made a couple friends off my game whatsapp group, we do meetups locally and there awesome. Didn't do much pickup, just chilled and drank beer. Generally fellow guys into PUA are some of the nicest people you'll ever meet. If your in a major city I heavily suggest that you see if there's an online PUA group.

PS: I'm assuming this, but can someone private msg me and let me know if I can post new threads once my post count goes up?

Now there's an idea!

With regards to starting new threads:

thread-13005.html

Quote:Quote:

Rules Of The Forum

(Updated 8/24/18)

[...]

8. You cannot create new threads or send private messages until you have made 5 posts and been a member for at least 1 week. Use that time to understand forum best practices.

Best to search the forum before making a new thread. Whatever you need to know, it's almost certainly already been discussed.


OP:

You say that people drift in and out of your life. Are they blanking you or do they just stop getting in touch?

If the latter then it might be worth dropping them a line. If they don't want to keep in touch, their loss.
In any case, I wouldn't take it to heart if people come and go.

I can only speak from my own experience. Genuine friends are few and far between in my case (but they're generally bloody good ones), but there are loads of casual acquaintances.

I'm a loner and value my own company above everything else, but I know every time I step out the front door I'll meet a familiar face.

No secret to it; I've just always put myself in social situations (bars, pubs, sporting events, etc).

There's no substitute for just getting out there. It's not easy but, sooner or later, you should find yourself interacting with others, whether they initiate it or you do.

Good luck.

Men are not creepy. Do you know what’s creepy? Spiders, because we don’t know how they move.
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#11

How do you make friends?

PW, I don't know where you live or if you have the ability to travel a bit but it might benefit you to meet some repped RVF members. There's probably a lot about you that you aren't aware of or that would be difficult to explain to others in a few paragraphs. Generalities are fine, but you might need advise that's specific to you.
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#12

How do you make friends?

Quote: (10-11-2018 12:07 PM)Professor When Wrote:  

I guess it has only been a few months. But my bigger problem is the people that I am friends with seem to forget I exist unless I'm right under their nose. They don't actively exclude me, but there's never an invite to go out and do something unless I'm around when they're getting their shit together. They always seem to enjoy themselves when I organize something and I'm reasonably sure they're not just putting up with me as a necessary evil.

It's this general idea that is making me question my normal dynamic of making friends. I am attempting to explore whether there is something about me that makes people reluctant to bring me into their groups. I always feel like I have to be the nucleus if I want to have social interaction.

I've had situations like this where sometimes I get invited out, but a lot of times I don't by the same group. I think it's pretty normal. When you're planning something, chances are you don't blast invites to everyone you consider your friend, for a myriad of reasons that have nothing to do with disliking anyone. If this keeps happening with the same group, it's probably because they just don't consider you a 'core member' so to speak. But it also happens for stupider reasons, i.e. the outing was planned super last-minute. It's nothing out of the ordinary.

Quote:Quote:

As I have mentioned before, the majority of my friends (and dates) have come from people entering into my sphere. For example, in one of my lab sessions I was talking to my partner about my tabletop gaming hobbies, and that eventually ended up with 6 people giving me their numbers and I organized a few meetings for us to play board games together. I had them over to my place a few times, but over the course of about 2 months we basically all broke contact with each other. Things like this happen a lot to me and nothing ever seems to stick.

Again this is normal. Friends come and go, groups form and drift apart. That's how it is.

Except for the rare guy who's really annoying and people actively exclude, most people who don't have many friends are that way because they don't try to get close with people. It's not like trying to get laid. Potential friends are not scrutinizing everything about you to make sure you're good enough. Have you noticed how many dumb, awkward fuckups have tons of friends, and how many smart, clever, successful people don't? It's because making friends isn't so much about that stuff. The biggest predictors of someone's success with friendships are how outgoing they are and how much they genuinely like people. The people I know who have few friends tend to be either very introverted or have very little affection for people. If you're struggling with friendships, it's not so much about who you are as how view others.
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#13

How do you make friends?

Quote: (10-10-2018 11:29 AM)Professor When Wrote:  

This is a serious question. I've been a lone wolf all my life and I've only recently been letting people get closer to me. I have just started up in college again and I notice that I am having a lot of trouble connecting with anyone. I think this is best asked in this subforum as my eventual goal is to establish a social circle to augment my dating life.

So, now I'm wondering what you do to be more proactive about establishing connections. I often try to make small talk with both men and women, but find that I am bored very easily. I'm not really sure how to connect with people on a deeper level if they're not coming to me. Can anyone provide me some advice or direction on this topic?

Definitely going out to these organized group meetups is a great way to meet new people that will have the potential to be true, lifelong friends.

Personally, I think you'll have to dig deep and tap into the 'outgoing' side of you. Force yourself into these situations. Talk with everyone, and make sure to smile often.

The way I've made new friends with people is with joking about what's going on around you or wherever you're at, at that moment. It's also how I start many of my approaches with new girls.

- Take an improv class (not for everyone), it'll help you talk about random topics with random people.

- Getting involved in your community. I'm not necessarily saying you run for mayor but taking up voluntary work at the homeless shelter, animal shelter, boys and girls club, church events (if you're religious), community events/gatherings that need volunteers. The people you'll meet at these places are generally down to earth and they love talking to just about everyone, and you'll find that they'll want to hang out with you and will invite you to hang out with them quite quickly. Bonus: you very well might run into some cuties while attending these social functions, and build connections with some very influential and affluent people.

- When meeting new people start conversations on a fun, light note then find out what their interests are, slowly you can begin drop in things you find worthy/relatable about their interests and move the conversation toward your interests. You'd be surprised about the things you'll find out about new acquaintances that you'll end up taking an interest in their passions.

- Be genuine when you meet new people. Even if the things they're talking about or interested in are completely alien to you, it makes you a better, socially adjusted person when you hear what others have to say. People will thank you and appreciate you more when you show that you care about the things they're into it, even if underneath, you don't give two shits about them.

- When responding to people about their interests or dreams: make your responses thoughtful and as with as much depth as possible.

"How does one get off this thing?." ~ Marcus Brody

Fitness Thread: thread-69404.html
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#14

How do you make friends?

Quote: (10-11-2018 04:05 PM)Duke Main Wrote:  

PW, I don't know where you live or if you have the ability to travel a bit but it might benefit you to meet some repped RVF members. There's probably a lot about you that you aren't aware of or that would be difficult to explain to others in a few paragraphs. Generalities are fine, but you might need advise that's specific to you.

That's an idea. I live in the upstate New York area. Do people here often organize meetups?

To be honest, I wish I could find someone to tell me what the fuck is wrong with me. I can never seem to get into confrontations or anything. Others just back down or assure me how great I am.

Quote: (10-12-2018 08:52 PM)Delta Wrote:  

Quote: (10-11-2018 12:07 PM)Professor When Wrote:  

I guess it has only been a few months. But my bigger problem is the people that I am friends with seem to forget I exist unless I'm right under their nose. They don't actively exclude me, but there's never an invite to go out and do something unless I'm around when they're getting their shit together. They always seem to enjoy themselves when I organize something and I'm reasonably sure they're not just putting up with me as a necessary evil.

It's this general idea that is making me question my normal dynamic of making friends. I am attempting to explore whether there is something about me that makes people reluctant to bring me into their groups. I always feel like I have to be the nucleus if I want to have social interaction.

I've had situations like this where sometimes I get invited out, but a lot of times I don't by the same group. I think it's pretty normal. When you're planning something, chances are you don't blast invites to everyone you consider your friend, for a myriad of reasons that have nothing to do with disliking anyone. If this keeps happening with the same group, it's probably because they just don't consider you a 'core member' so to speak. But it also happens for stupider reasons, i.e. the outing was planned super last-minute. It's nothing out of the ordinary.

Quote:Quote:

As I have mentioned before, the majority of my friends (and dates) have come from people entering into my sphere. For example, in one of my lab sessions I was talking to my partner about my tabletop gaming hobbies, and that eventually ended up with 6 people giving me their numbers and I organized a few meetings for us to play board games together. I had them over to my place a few times, but over the course of about 2 months we basically all broke contact with each other. Things like this happen a lot to me and nothing ever seems to stick.

Again this is normal. Friends come and go, groups form and drift apart. That's how it is.

Except for the rare guy who's really annoying and people actively exclude, most people who don't have many friends are that way because they don't try to get close with people. It's not like trying to get laid. Potential friends are not scrutinizing everything about you to make sure you're good enough. Have you noticed how many dumb, awkward fuckups have tons of friends, and how many smart, clever, successful people don't? It's because making friends isn't so much about that stuff. The biggest predictors of someone's success with friendships are how outgoing they are and how much they genuinely like people. The people I know who have few friends tend to be either very introverted or have very little affection for people. If you're struggling with friendships, it's not so much about who you are as how view others.

Ah, you see, I have no actual point of reference for this. I just see other people from within this friend group doing things with each other and wonder. I am very introverted and I tend to enjoy my alone time, but I've just been trying to mix things up lately and see what sticks. Being less of a hermit is one of the things I'm doing.

Quote: (10-13-2018 02:21 PM)UniversalMen Wrote:  

Quote: (10-10-2018 11:29 AM)Professor When Wrote:  

This is a serious question. I've been a lone wolf all my life and I've only recently been letting people get closer to me. I have just started up in college again and I notice that I am having a lot of trouble connecting with anyone. I think this is best asked in this subforum as my eventual goal is to establish a social circle to augment my dating life.

So, now I'm wondering what you do to be more proactive about establishing connections. I often try to make small talk with both men and women, but find that I am bored very easily. I'm not really sure how to connect with people on a deeper level if they're not coming to me. Can anyone provide me some advice or direction on this topic?

Definitely going out to these organized group meetups is a great way to meet new people that will have the potential to be true, lifelong friends.

Personally, I think you'll have to dig deep and tap into the 'outgoing' side of you. Force yourself into these situations. Talk with everyone, and make sure to smile often.

The way I've made new friends with people is with joking about what's going on around you or wherever you're at, at that moment. It's also how I start many of my approaches with new girls.

- Take an improv class (not for everyone), it'll help you talk about random topics with random people.

- Getting involved in your community. I'm not necessarily saying you run for mayor but taking up voluntary work at the homeless shelter, animal shelter, boys and girls club, church events (if you're religious), community events/gatherings that need volunteers. The people you'll meet at these places are generally down to earth and they love talking to just about everyone, and you'll find that they'll want to hang out with you and will invite you to hang out with them quite quickly. Bonus: you very well might run into some cuties while attending these social functions, and build connections with some very influential and affluent people.

- When meeting new people start conversations on a fun, light note then find out what their interests are, slowly you can begin drop in things you find worthy/relatable about their interests and move the conversation toward your interests. You'd be surprised about the things you'll find out about new acquaintances that you'll end up taking an interest in their passions.

- Be genuine when you meet new people. Even if the things they're talking about or interested in are completely alien to you, it makes you a better, socially adjusted person when you hear what others have to say. People will thank you and appreciate you more when you show that you care about the things they're into it, even if underneath, you don't give two shits about them.

- When responding to people about their interests or dreams: make your responses thoughtful and as with as much depth as possible.

I'll keep these ideas in mind. Thanks.
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#15

How do you make friends?

Making friends in the west is very difficult and it is even more difficult to keep friends. From a personal experience I can tell you that friends will leave you for minor stupid things.
While I was unemployed, looking for a job like crazy, having financial problems, debts etc I was of course busy to get my life fixed and I didn't want to bother my 'friends' with it. After some time I just re-initiated contact with them, when I finally got a job. The reaction: 'Oh you didn't talk to us' 'oh you are so different' 'oh we could have helped you'...
The thing is, I always try to get things done by myself, I dislike owing stuff to others. I also don't want to make people feel used, especially if they are 'friends'... long story short: They just told me to get away. Two of them refused to talk at all about the 'issue' (which I still don't get until today), the others were mumbling stuff that had no head and no foot and I just said fuck it and let them in peace.

However going to Eastern Europe and South America, I found out that there is still some different mentality. People understand me better and where I am coming from, they are not spoilt brats, unlike most Westerners. Even a stingy person as me, was happy to buy a few slavic or latino friends a beer, because they were just easier to be with and less feminine as many Westerners are... I can't relate with soyboys and the like...
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#16

How do you make friends?

Quote: (10-18-2018 04:52 AM)Obermarschall Wrote:  

Making friends in the west is very difficult and it is even more difficult to keep friends. From a personal experience I can tell you that friends will leave you for minor stupid things.

Sorry to hear you've had such terrible friends but you're an anomaly in the vastness of people on the planet. You should follow the advice I gave Prof. When and go to gatherings where the people are more down to earth.

Quote: (10-18-2018 04:52 AM)Obermarschall Wrote:  

While I was unemployed, looking for a job like crazy, having financial problems, debts etc I was of course busy to get my life fixed and I didn't want to bother my 'friends' with it. After some time I just re-initiated contact with them, when I finally got a job. The reaction: 'Oh you didn't talk to us' 'oh you are so different' 'oh we could have helped you'...

I'm only a third person perspective on your life but it sounds like your friends were upset (from what you've told us) because you didn't tell them of your situation and they may have felt that they could've contributed to improving your life had you told them. You have to consider yourself for partial blame because you didn't try to reach out to them or keep regular contact with them. Staying in touch with ANYONE in 2018 is VASTLY easier than it was back in 1618 where you had to wait four months (if you were on another continent across the oceans) to find out what was going on elsewhere (imagine how much could've changed even by the time you received that message!).

Quote: (10-18-2018 04:52 AM)Obermarschall Wrote:  

The thing is, I always try to get things done by myself, I dislike owing stuff to others. I also don't want to make people feel used, especially if they are 'friends'... long story short: They just told me to get away. Two of them refused to talk at all about the 'issue' (which I still don't get until today), the others were mumbling stuff that had no head and no foot and I just said fuck it and let them in peace.

Granted, I don't know what the "issue" is pertaining to but you shouldn't be ashamed in reaching out to your friends in a time of need. It also sounds like you didn't keep in touch with them during this time of paying off your debts and looking for a job. Maybe if you had regularly contacted your friends I'm sure one or two of them knew of a job opening somewhere. I get the whole, "I don't want to owe anything to anyone." But when you're in trouble, financially, it doesn't hurt to reach out to those closest to you and let them know that you might not be able to pay them back for either a long time or not at all. The reward of helping a friend in need is greater than any monetary gain, after all, is said and done.

Quote: (10-18-2018 04:52 AM)Obermarschall Wrote:  

However going to Eastern Europe and South America, I found out that there is still some different mentality. People understand me better and where I am coming from, they are not spoilt brats, unlike most Westerners. Even a stingy person as me, was happy to buy a few slavic or latino friends a beer, because they were just easier to be with and less feminine as many Westerners are... I can't relate with soyboys and the like...

We're all going to run into people we don't like or agree with. I've learned a lot from traveling all over the U.S. and the countries I've gone to around the world. In the end, we all want the same things but it helps to make a difference not only in your own thinking but the thinking of others when someone they don't know is willing to sit and listen to what they have to say, especially, today in a world where people are more isolated than ever before because people communicate less in person and would rather communicate through a screen. Did you ever ask, randomly, your friend how they were doing? What's new in their lives? How they are getting along? Having children? The list of quality questions you ask your friends about what they're dealing with or simple jokes about life will do miles more of building lifelong bonds with those you call your friends.

Lastly, I understand you were going through a difficult time in your life and maybe felt you couldn't make time for these friends but I can tell you this: I live 1200 miles from all of my friends and I've only allowed myself to visit them twice a year but more importantly, through text and social media they've been able to observe what I'm up to and comment on what's new in their life. I've even got five, male best friends that included me in a group chat where one of us is always posting something in there about ANYTHING but the reason they started the group chat was so that no matter where any of us are, we are always IN TOUCH. I found a hilarious meme off the internet, I then post it up in the group chat. They all laugh or comment on it and post a meme they found. It goes back and forth like this for hours throughout our day. Don't make an excuse for not trying to improve the quality of communication between you and those around you. What you put in is what you'll get out. Best of luck!

"How does one get off this thing?." ~ Marcus Brody

Fitness Thread: thread-69404.html
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#17

How do you make friends?

Quote: (10-10-2018 06:59 PM)Delta Wrote:  

From my experience, real friendships only result from situations where you're forced to see the same people over and over.

I've tried going out and making friends via meetup groups and what not. I find it very easy to make conversation with some guys there, exchange numbers, yada yada. But then what? Invite this dude you talked to for like 20 minutes out for a drink some time? No one does that. To be honest, nothing ever comes of it when you exchange numbers with some guy you met once. Compare that to going out and gaming girls: Girls are much less friendly, much harder to talk to, much more critical/judgmental, much more likely to eject from the conversation, etc. But when you do hold an engaging convo with a girl and get her number, you know exactly what to do; text her in the next couple days and just run your standard first date game. Totally straight-forward. So even though other men are far more friendly and open than women, that doesn't mean they're easier to become close with out of the blue.

I've thought about this a lot and realized true friends almost always come from the following categories:
1. Grew up together
2. Went to college together
3. Work(ed) together
4. Were in some close-knit club or organization
5. Hung out repeatedly via mutual friends

Again, notice the theme of places where you'd see the same people over and over.

I assume stages 1 and 2 are behind you, but 3-5 are likely accessible. Focus on those. You can try, as I have, meeting dudes for platonic friendship in the same way that you meet chicks, but I don't know of anyone who does that successfully.

Good points. I would also recommend meet other forum members, specially members of your own race and similar background. For those who haven't met any forum members you really don't have much to lose, you meet them to go chase girls or whatever, if you get on, you guys meet up again, if not, next. Funny enough, the guy from this forum that became one of my closest friends, I never liked what he posted on here, in real life he is 100 times more interesting as a person. So even if you don't necessarily like what they post on here, just go meet them.
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#18

How do you make friends?

I agree with @Delta for the most part... continual exposure where you are dealing with the same stuff together (like work, a hobby group, or going out skirt-chasing/gaming) is usually all that it takes. Really, it's the same as how you made your kindergarten and gradeschool friends.... you just naturally fall together as friends or enemies -- Bob and I like blocks! I'm gonna play with blocks with Bob! You are not going to play with dolls with Jerold and his fat girl buddy, obviously. Also, high intensity or traumatic experiences where you all have to pull together to get stuff done or survive (military, critical public service works, etc.) also creates bonds and friends. There are also proxy bonds that can become friendship material, such as if you were in the military and are out now go to your VFW or American Legion (or the equivalent if you are not in USA) and talk to your brothers and sisters in arms about the good and not so good old days. Other social scenes that you have to go in cold are much harder to break into... such as you decide to become a yacht "captain", buy a boat, then have to deal with the old boys club at the docks... tho you can work most of that out at the nearby bars if you are cool and now your stuff about boats and always defer to those more experienced than you until you get your sea legs for real.
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#19

How do you make friends?

OP I completely relate with a lot of what you have gone through which is what prompted me to post on this thread. My high school years were a depressing hell and I did not fully capitalize on my college years in terms of social life. I know it can feel a bit socially isolating as you get older and notice other people developed their social circles at a younger age whether it was due to growing up in affluent places with good parents or tightening up their social skills early. It can hurt like hell to go out to bars and see groups of people have the time of their lives as you are either out on your own or feeling like that social misfit.

In the few years where I was at the peak of my social life, here is what worked for me.

Proximity, be at and live at where the fun is.

If I was rich enough to live in the nicer apartment complexes in college with the rooftop pool, I would have ran into more people by chance and realized we go to the same class or are in the same area. I was wise enough to not make this mistake again in college and moved to a younger trendy part of NYC with two roommates. This led to me making friends in the neighborhood who were going through a lot of what I was in life, being young and in that stage of life where everyone is just out of college looking to have the prime years of life.

Mindset, be optimistic.

Right now I am not the most optimistic person on the planet but when I moved to NYC, I found how full of excitement I was and how this attracted the right kinds of people. It can be tough to keep that optimistic mindset if you spend too long of a time on internet forums so try to bring a lot more positivity into your life.

That is all I have for now, take it all with a grain of salt because outside of a few years in NYC, I have struggled like crazy with social life and have been in the same situation as you.
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