[fmman]

So I've known this girl from USA online as friends not via any dating site or anything, for a good few years - never met her. Shes decided suddenly she is going to come to see me in England to travel/tour, she is booking all the hotels etc and paying for it all all I have to do is be a guide and drive her around. And has invited me over there, but staying in her spare room!

She is single & insisted originally we share hotel rooms as friends but now she is started to flirt a little lately. As a newbie of techniques here how can I turn this into a situation where I can score here? I was going to play it by ear but was wondering if you guys could make any suggestions.

(She has South East Asian origins, but is definitely Westernised. Good job owns her own house, big spender.) I actually think she is pretty attractive and I enjoy talking to her.

[Borges]

Have a couple of drinks with her and make a move. It sounds like you're in a pretty good spot.

[fmman]

(01-23-2019 03:24 PM)Super Average Man Wrote:  

Have a couple of drinks with her and make a move. It sounds like you're in a pretty good spot.

Cheers, only trouble is she doesn't drink! I really hate being stuck in the friendzone how do I get taken out of it from the outset? I know nothing about dating south east asian women too.

[DarkVader]

I don't think you should say anything to her before she arrives but know what you want from the outset. Give yourself some rules like you're not going to spend your time driving a girl around who isn't going to fuck you. Personally I don't hang out with girls who I want to sleep with but for whatever reason that feeling isn't mutual. I don't care if I come across as a dick, it's for my own self respect. Steer things in the right direction, try holding her hand and seeing how she reacts to that. You don't want to be jumping her the moment she gets off the plane, she's here for a few days at least so get to know her for a few hours and see if you two get on.

How has she started being flirty?

[eradicator]

(01-23-2019 04:00 PM)fmman Wrote:  

(01-23-2019 03:24 PM)Super Average Man Wrote:  

Have a couple of drinks with her and make a move. It sounds like you're in a pretty good spot.

Cheers, only trouble is she doesn't drink! I really hate being stuck in the friendzone how do I get taken out of it from the outset? I know nothing about dating south east asian women too.

You can get her an iced tea at a pub. Run standard game, plenty of kino and basically treat her like you have been dating her for the past 6 months.

Basically you have to run don't fuck up game.

[fmman]

OK, 'don't fuck up game '. I admit I'm new at all this stuff. All my conquests have been me doing my own thing naturally along with all fuck ups I may have made along the way. I need to read the forum some more.

Good advice Darkvader. With the flirty stuff its just been 'call me and talk to me in your sexy British accent' and hello handsome, that kind of stuff. I have been complimenting her on her pics but she replied thanks that's sweet of me. I know enough to know chicks shouldn't think you are sweet. If they do its a bad sign. Though who knows with women.... They are so random.

No I don't like hanging out with girls where you don't get laid either.

I naturally suffer from the desire to act all friends like, in case she doesn't think of me in that way or isn't attracted to me. Play safe so I don't come across overbearing or embarrass myself. This is wrong isn't it? I need to be confident and sure of myself early on and kind make her feel like a gf even as if you say i won't be jumping her straight away....

[Waqqle]

Quote:

She is single & insisted originally we share hotel rooms as friends but now she is started to flirt a little lately.

Share a hotel room... as friends?

[fmman]

(01-24-2019 12:37 PM)Waqqle Wrote:  

Quote:

She is single & insisted originally we share hotel rooms as friends but now she is started to flirt a little lately.

Share a hotel room... as friends?

Yes, then I found out they are more like suites with 2 bedrooms well some of them

[Waqqle]

(01-24-2019 12:41 PM)fmman Wrote:  

(01-24-2019 12:37 PM)Waqqle Wrote:  

Quote:

She is single & insisted originally we share hotel rooms as friends but now she is started to flirt a little lately.

Share a hotel room... as friends?

Yes, then I found out they are more like suites with 2 bedrooms well some of them

I've got a friend dealing with something similar right now. A girl likes him and wants to share a hotel room in NYC but he doesn't like her so he was telling me about how he's trying to figure out how to save money by sharing the room but not get physical with her. I told him he should sleep on the couch.

If she is already flirting and suggesting that you two share a hotel room, especially if there is only one bed in said room, then you are pretty much good to go. Even American females will not typically suggest something like that unless they have already pre-selected you, especially if you know any of the same people who would know that she shared a hotel room with you. If you are pre-selected though, the suggestion of sharing a room to "save money" or whatever gives plausible deniability ("I just wanted to save money") should you misunderstand while also giving you the hint that she is comfortable enough with you to share a room.

Gradually escalate from first contact and continue to do so (again, gradually) leading up to the room itself, where you seal the deal. If she does not stop you at any point, you are clear. LMR and teasing is not the same as "no." You can also hint a bit that you are into her (without blatantly saying it to continue the game) before you guys meet in person to test and see if she contradicts you at any point to say that she is categorically not interested in anything physical.

Another thing I would suggest is being decisive and don't just follow her around like a puppy dog. Don't ask her to make all the decisions, guide her with your hand on her upper or lower back if she's walking the wrong way or something, etc. Women's "indecisiveness" is usually feigned because they are just waiting for you to decide and take them to where you are going.

It's good that you already have conversational rapport with her. That helps a lot with comfort building. You should be fine as long as you just hold a masculine frame, take the lead, and escalate gradually but firmly. Remember eye contact.

Songs have been written in many languages by women about how they want the process to go. Women mostly all want the same thing deep down but they don't want to have to tell you. They want you to know intuitively, act accordingly, and take the lead. Gotta pay attention to the lyrics. Art and life both imitate each other.

[DarkVader]

I find with these things, it's easy to speculate but the proof is in the pudding. Your advantage is that she's in a foreign country and probably much more open to having a fling with someone. But I would recommend not worrying about it too much because it will come across in your vibe.

For the future though, this isn't the sort of situation you want to be getting yourself into. I feel like this could go either way but it could have been made much clearer by some more online escalation on your part. Nothing too heavy but a clear signal of intent. If you want to bang a chick, you have to risk losing her.

[fmman]

Well I agreed to it all as friends so I will commit to that and I don't think I should escalate it to full on you are coming over for sex or not at all, or whatever because that would be awkward considering she has booked it all and paid.

I don't suppose there is anything wrong with a bit of flirting in the meantime. She has not really done much herself lately though she was asking me what I look for in a woman!

[DarkVader]

Well if you can lay there in a hotel suite with her knowing she doesn't want to fuck you, then go ahead. In terms of what she's saying now though, it's all irrelevant really. See how she's acting when you meet and play from there.

However, I do think in terms of the bigger picture. This situation isn't happening to a certain subgroup of guys. Looking forward, what actions are you taking to put yourself in a more advantageous position when it comes to women in general?

[fmman]

I might have do that as annoying as it may be. In general not much. Last year I had some big changes in my life without giving away too much detail. I moved country and my current living or work situation is not good, nor settled. I have been too busy worrying about all that than to go out and game or online game and there are not many social situations presenting themselves to me now. I do have a sort of gf but we argue a lot and I can't see any future in it but she keeps on calling no idea why lol. I can't even be bothered to go drive over and shag her lol.

I'm not taking this USA girl too seriously either because I think on a socia-political level we are incompatible. I've had to bite my lip so many times. But hey opposites attract in some ways. You don't have to support the same side to shag. Shes a welcome distraction in the rest of my lifes current problems

[Waqqle]

fmman Wrote:

I might have do that as annoying as it may be.

False. You've already identified at least 3 pre-selection indicators.

1. She suggested sharing a hotel room alone with you.
2. She asked you what type of girl you like.
3. She is crossing the ocean to spend at least some of her precious foreign country Eat Pray Love vacation time with you.

From the information you have provided, it sounds like the only way that that is going to happen is if you choose to let it and/or maybe if your game is off.

*Pro Tip: Escalate gradually and tactfully (meaning don't just suddenly grab one of here tits on the bus) but remember, a man who escalates too quickly can be forgiven and then continue from where he left off at a later point whereas a man who escalates too slowly or not at all will never secure intimacy.

(01-24-2019 02:24 PM)fmman Wrote:  

Well I agreed to it all as friends so I will commit to that and I don't think I should escalate it to full on you are coming over for sex or not at all, or whatever because that would be awkward considering she has booked it all and paid.

Escalating does not mean giving the game away and directly saying "you sex me or no come here." It's a gradual and subtle multi-step process. There is a verbal as well as a physical component to it. Rushing smells of desperation and women like the buildup anyway. Foreplay begins at first contact, even if first contact only consists of a greeting and exchange of pleasantries. From first contact to finish, the steps in the process and the order in which they are to be completed are the same in every scenario. The only thing that really varies is how quickly you move through each of them.

fmman Wrote:

...she was asking me what I look for in a woman!

This is a clear IOI (Indicator of Interest). Females don't care about what you want unless they think that what you want might be them.

fmman Wrote:

Last year I had some big changes in my life without giving away too much detail. I moved country and my current living or work situation is not good, nor settled. I have been too busy worrying about all that than to go out and game or online game and there are not many social situations presenting themselves to me now.

Don't waste your time and energy worrying about all the other opportunities that are not throwing themselves at you right now. Engage the opportunity that is already in front of you.

fmman Wrote:

I do have a sort of gf but we argue a lot and I can't see any future in it but she keeps on calling no idea why lol. I can't even be bothered to go drive over and shag her lol.

Doesn't sound like you have a gf. Sounds like you have a distant female who isn't doing for you what a gf does and is just waiting for one of the other guys she is communicating with to take her from you.

fmman Wrote:

I'm not taking this USA girl too seriously either because I think on a socia-political level we are incompatible. I've had to bite my lip so many times. But hey opposites attract in some ways. You don't have to support the same side to shag. Shes a welcome distraction in the rest of my lifes current problems

You don't have to marry her dude. She's American so I would recommend against that anyway. Just bang her and move on. If she wants to bang again afterward, cool. If not, whatever because you already got it at least once. It's not like you guys are going to see each other every day or hang out with the same people, yes?

(01-23-2019 04:00 PM)fmman Wrote:  

(01-23-2019 03:24 PM)Super Average Man Wrote:  

Have a couple of drinks with her and make a move. It sounds like you're in a pretty good spot.

Cheers, only trouble is she doesn't drink! I really hate being stuck in the friendzone how do I get taken out of it from the outset? I know nothing about dating south east asian women too.

She's not a SEA (Southeast Asian) girl. She's an American girl. Engage accordingly and stop psyching yourself out.

Girls don't put you in the friend zone. You put yourself there by either not escalating quickly enough (verbally and physically) or not escalating at all. Females wait for males to make the first move. If you don't do that, she has to move on and find another guy who will because making the first move is for women what being a non-working "stay at home dad" is for men: an embarrassing, uncomfortable, and very un-sexy reversal of natural roles in which both parties come out as losers.



*Side Note: The fact that you are afraid of losing her friendship suggests that you don't have enough genuine male friendship in your life. I recommend addressing that problem post haste. Also, you mention biting your tongue and all that when you talk to her. I'm getting the impression that this is someone you would not be friends with if you did not want to bend her over a coffee table. That's not a bad thing, it's just my assessment. Once you acknowledge to yourself that your primary interest in this female is carnal, everything else becomes simpler and easier.

[Waqqle]

delete

[Waqqle]

Here are some more women telling you that they want you to make a move on them. Lyrics, like novels, express the ideas and desires that their authors can't state directly. Imagine how annoyed these females must have been by some guy or multiple guys not making a move. They got so frustrated that they wrote songs about it.