Quote: (03-21-2017 10:39 AM)Dalaran1991 Wrote:
Re-reading this thread again gives me lots of great insights and a sense of clarity.
Thinking back, this is not the first time she did something like this. Except that the first time, I was in the wrong.
I can be a bit messy from time to time. A year ago when our LTR was still young, I just started my career and I was often exhausted. Last thing on my mind was cleaning the damn room.
Most of the time when she comes over, she happily helped me clean. One day, however, she was in a bad mood. She came to the room, saw the mess and had a breakdown: “I can’t stand this anymore, every time I come here this place is a slaughterhouse, I don’t want to come here anymore!” Then she stormed off into one corner.
I held the same frame then as I do now, so I told her sternly: “then leave” then I went downstair to get a coffee. Textbook freeze out.
She then came down, apologized and we clean the room together. Been 2 years and she still helps clean without asking, though I’m a lot less messy now.
This is why LTR even with a good girl might not be a good choice for guys who really value their independence and sometimes their ego.
Nevertheless, it raised a good question for many here: how would you react in a similar situation, when the girl loses it because you actually did fuck up?
It was without question that I should have kept a clean room. Shit that's the requirement to get bangs in the first place, at least with the kind of girls I like.
When I was single, before going out I do a ritual sweep of the room and the place looks 4 star. That period however I was still transiting from student to desk job so I was messy. She deserved to have a clean room to come to, she had a right to get mad. (well technically she didn't, but she was 19 at the time so I guess she is allowed to get mad)
Would you have apologized and started cleaning the room in front of her? I knew I would never have. Then again I guess I’m lucky.
Situations like this are also great in-depth screening for LTR material.
I have a decent amount of (failed) experience with LTRs.
There's a few things that I did wrong repeatedly and they were:
- Not in control of my emotions, being reactive.
- My way or the high-way even when I was wrong.
I think you got the being in control the emotions part really well. In the past, if I was in your situation, I probably would have flipped out. Even though you were "in the right", flipping out, letting your emotions dictate your actions, saying/doing things you'll later regret not only harms your relationship and the way she sees you, but harms yourself as a person.
Now in your situation, when you did screw up, the obvious choice is to not screw up. But since we're humans and we screw up all the time, I think it's necessary to acknowledge it, and take steps to not do it again. Even the most loyal girl will lose trust, and feel under appreciated it you're being unreasonable and acting like a tyrant. Good leaders foster trust by doing things that make sense. If you're wrong, then you must have the humility to admit it and correct your course of action. This of course doesn't mean you grovel and beg for forgiveness.
