[coffeedrinker]

To stop starting random threads, I'm going to start a log.

Quick summary about me: Currently 22. Lost my virginity pretty much exactly a year ago. Since then I've had a total of 4 bangs. 2 From tinder, 2 from friends of friends.
Still trying to calibrate my social skills which tend to cycle between being boring and crazy wild. Definitely much better than when I started uni at 18 and wish I had started reading relevant material back then.

One Day Two Dates

Today was a weird day.
Had a date planned from a girl I matched on bumble at 8pm. She had sent me a long first msg about some of my travelling pics and was really easy to set up a date with her.

In the mean time, I tried to set up a date with a tinder girl who I have been talking for a while (I'd put way too much effort into this one and should have left it ages ago but she kept giving just enough for me to get lured in).

Tinder girl told me she didn't want to get a drink tomorrow but would be happy for me to drive her around tonight and said she was free from 10pm.

I decided I could do both dates, if the first one went well, then I could cancel on the 2nd.

First girl from bumble was really hot, but innocent looking. I couldn't figure out if she was nervous at the start or immediately did not like me when we met for drinks. After 50 mins of okaish kino and okaish talk, I used my plausible deniability to ask her to come back to mine. She agreed but said she could only stay an hour as she has to go to work.

At mine, we both sat on my bed, I played my chill playlist. She was slightly more open and fun in the convo but still couldn't figure out if she actually wanted to be here or not.
At one point I tried to go for the kiss, but she said cheek only and then told me she has rules that she won't even kiss anyone early on. I think while she may think she has those rules, it was more a case of me not being able to attract her enough.
Anyway she did leave at 10pm on the dot but did seem accepting to a 2nd date as she told me she wasnt free the next day but could do the day after. Will msg her tomorrow to try and set it up though I'm not sure she will tbh.



2nd girl from tinder herself had suggested to meet her at 10 30pm rather than 10 so worked well. I have self breathalise kits to check my alcohol level and I was fine to drive (I bought myself just 1 weak cocktail at the bar and only had bit of wine at mine for over 2hrs).

Picked her up from hers (turns out she lives 4 mins walk away from me, or 1 min drive...) and went towards this village thats quite famous in movies etc as she does film studies.

We had great chat, like I rarely have fun speaking to a girl on the first date but I genuinely do think we both enjoyed the convo. I may have been a bit too forward with kino though. She was wearing shorts, and instead of my usual tap on the shoulder when I tease a girl, I did it on her leg as it was just easier when driving. I don't think she felt awkward but I think I may have initiated her ASD and had her set up her boundaries.

At the village, we walked around, and then sat on a bench that had a great 'romantic' view kinda thing. We spoke a bit more and I was sure she wanted to kiss me so I went for it. Nope, she got a bit shy and told me she likes to get to know people better first. (This confused me a little because on msg she told me she didn't want a relationship and was only looking for some fun).
Anyway after that I drove her back home and tried to get her to come back to mine but my plausabile deniability was a bit shit so nuff happened.

She knows I'm leaving town for summer on Sat but didn't seem open to seeing me again as she is busy with exams. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me she likes me but obv actions speak louder than words.


Two very different dates, two very different personalities came out from me but both ended the same way. It's somewhat frustrating because while they weren't my best performances, I genuinely don't know how I could have been significantly better. I wish I had someone that could tell me where I could make the most improvement in as I can't seem to figure it out myself.

I think I may have scared off the 2nd girl as she was totally suprised by how I was in real life. She thought I was very nerdy and quite from my msging while I was very open, possibly too much in person. But she had also told me that all her exes were guys that were confident and spoke a lot so I just don't know.

[coffeedrinker]

Bumble girl ignored me as expected.

Tinder girl said she had a good time but short text so will leave it until I come back to uni after summer for a ping. I realised that the only reason she still gave me a chance after all the weak msging ive done is because she must have been dumped by her bf and needs attention to get over him.

Been reading The Giant Within by Tony Robbins and I still struggle to stop overthinking it when things don't go well for at least the day after. It's like, if I want something and I don't get it, I keep blaming myself for stuff I can no longer change.

[Off The Reservation]

Go away stupid troll

(06-05-2018 08:43 AM)coffeedrinker Wrote:  

- ...

- 2 Mutual friends (Gay guy couple) from social circle arrive 1hr later and suggest we go to a house party.

- At house party I don't really know anyone but was initially speaking to few of the hosts etc just trying to be social.
- Later, me and 1 of the gay friends sat on a sofa outside in garden and 4 random girls sat around us.
- Chatted for a while and then my friend left me with them.
- Decided to go for one of the girls that seemed most responsive
- Told her I've ran out of alcohol and if she wanted to continue drinking back at mine
- She agreed and we left, though I didn't really get a chance to say goodbye to the people I was with originally but they saw me leave with her
-Got last minute resistance from the girl I left with so nothing happened ( I fucked up logistics again which didn't help but tbh I don't really understand why she agreed to leave with me, as soon as we were out of the house she turned stone cold to me and I genuinely think my chat was ok)

- The next morning, had an activity planned with the social circle including the girl I was msging and gay couple but they ignored my msgs.


...

[jcardial]

Dude, you're 22 so it's normal to lack smoothness and you have plenty of time to get more comfortable as you get experience. Just keep going on dates and you'll meet women you click better with. It's probably not the best idea to set up two dates though because it probably added unnecessary stress and maybe made you rush on the first one.

If you weren't sure if the first girl wanted to be on the date or to be in your place you probably telegraphed that insecurity pretty blatantly. Once a girl picks up on some self doubt through your conversation or body language it can be tough to recover from that. It's a lot easier to kill attraction than build it that early on. It's kind of hard to know without having been a fly on the wall.

[Going strong]

Dragan all over again, I guess? Belgrade, Hyderabad and now the UK. Dude is everywhere, relentless, posting endlessly and in details about his "progress", always with his specifically PUA lingo.

[coffeedrinker]

(06-29-2018 02:59 PM)jcardial Wrote:  

Dude, you're 22 so it's normal to lack smoothness and you have plenty of time to get more comfortable as you get experience. Just keep going on dates and you'll meet women you click better with. It's probably not the best idea to set up two dates though because it probably added unnecessary stress and maybe made you rush on the first one.

If you weren't sure if the first girl wanted to be on the date or to be in your place you probably telegraphed that insecurity pretty blatantly. Once a girl picks up on some self doubt through your conversation or body language it can be tough to recover from that. It's a lot easier to kill attraction than build it that early on. It's kind of hard to know without having been a fly on the wall.

I had the feeling immediately and I agree that it had an effect - it felt like an uphil battle within the first few minutes of meeting her. I think I tend to sub-communicate lack of confidence when I meet girls for first time and it's something I have a long way to go to improve.

Thanks for the advice


---------------------------------------

Went to a bar on Friday with a few friends. It was a small bar so I only approached 5-6 girls. Got nowhere though. I notice I communicate so much better on nights out when I don't care about the result (just before leaving, sat and spoke to a much older woman while waiting for friends) but it's hard to get in that set of mind when the girls are even remotely hot.

[coffeedrinker]

Friend who is a natural - advice appreciated

Really need the RVF opinion on this, because I don't know what to do.

One of my really good friends is a natural beast when it comes to pulling girls, particularly on nights out.

To give a few examples - I've seen him pull a 8/10 within 60s just by saying to her 'That was mean, why did you parr him off like that" as we were walking by a girl rejecting a guy chatting her up. I still don't understand how that worked as she left with him pretty much straight after and she didn't seem drunk. He pulled on 5 out of 6 nights while on a beach holiday and chances are, whenever we go out anywhere, he will bring someone back.

He's not incredible looking, tall or build up but he is smooth at talking, holds his confident don't give a fuck frame, and is good at making up silly jokes on the spot so can keep up convos for a long time if needed.

The only reason he doesn't pull even more than he already does is because he doesn't like approaching unless he has had quite a few drinks. Me on the other hand tend to be okay at approaching on nights out but can't even get anywhere near his level of attracting girls and making them feel good.

The problem is, and this has happened hundreds of times, is that I would approach a girl or group of girls, talk to them for a bit then he would come in and pretty much straight away dominate the convo. Any confidence I may have had gets destroyed because I can't speak at the level he does. He then proceeds to go for either the hottest one or the one that gives the most clues to being up for going back.

This happened 4 times just tonight before he pulled.

I know that it's my fault for not being as good but it would take me years to get even close to his natural abilities. Also he doesn't realise that a lot of the time he completely eliminates me, so that even if there are more girls in the group, they've lost respect for me.

I don't know if I'm being envious, or need to go on more nights out without him, or talk to him. He's part of my closest 5 friends though and thus not easy to decide.

[Off The Reservation]

Does anyone have a gay bot troll gif? This is getting to be a joke.

[coffeedrinker]

(07-03-2018 11:06 PM)Off The Reservation Wrote:  

Does anyone have a gay bot troll gif? This is getting to be a joke.

I read it through and knew some people would think I'm trolling. I wish I was tbh.

Whats so hard to understand that if you are trying to impove your game and social skills that are currently at a very low level, even things that seem silly to you may be difficult for me.

In my opinion, friends should help each other pull, in the situation I posted about, I think it only goes one way. For example, if he approached a group of girls and I came in later, he would get annoyed at me.

So I don't know if this is me being an idiot, or if I should find other friends to go out with.