[TheDuncan]

Pretty simple question, been with my current girl for a while and shes a good partner, has my back, loyal (as far as I know), good sex, enjoy my time with her and we click well.

Honestly I havent even cheated on her with multiple chances, every once in a while I’ll get on a dating site to test my game out and see if I still got it and I get really tempted to bang a chick here and there but I end feeling guilty.

I mean what she dont know what hurt her..right? But is that a sign of deeper issues in the relationship or me just being a man? Or am I just being a wuss overthinking shit?

[YoungBlade]

Don't overthink it. Listen to your dick. He's there to help you. If she keeps you satisfied then why bother. If she doesn't, get a side bitch.

[EndsExpect]

(05-13-2018 02:49 PM)TheDuncan Wrote:  

Pretty simple question, been with my current girl for a while and shes a good partner, has my back, loyal (as far as I know), good sex, enjoy my time with her and we click well.
Honestly I havent even cheated on her with multiple chances, every once in a while I’ll get on a dating site to test my game out and see if I still got it and I get really tempted to bang a chick here and there but I end feeling guilty.
I mean what she dont know what hurt her..right? But is that a sign of deeper issues in the relationship or me just being a man? Or am I just being a wuss overthinking shit?

I do not know, but I don't believe having a set of morals is "being a wuss".

What I can say is that for those who have experienced it... affair sex is addictive.

[lonewolf1992]

Unless you're married and have children you shouldn't feel bad about cheating. That's my standpoint.

[JackinMelbourne]

Pretty simple answer: "Yes" if you want to feel bad about it AND "No" if you have reasons not to feel bad about it.

You're looking for reasons not to feel bad about it, correct?

We can give you a list of valid reasons but it's up to you how you act on it and the consequences.

[RatInTheWoods]

This is a big divide here on ROK.

I for one don't understand how any man can look in the mirror and be proud of who he is if he is a liar, a cheat and doesn't uphold the highest moral values in himself.

[EndsExpect]

(05-13-2018 04:40 PM)RatInTheWoods Wrote:  

This is a big divide here on ROK.
I for one don't understand how any man can look in the mirror and be proud of who he is if he is a liar, a cheat and doesn't uphold the highest moral values in himself.

I understand that atheists can have morals, but.... why? What's the point? Are you just looking for moral exculpation?

[PapayaTapper]

Dupity dupe thread

[TheFinalEpic]

My take is this: I didn't feel bad, but I broke up with her afterward. Reason being is that if I'm gonna cheat and do my thing, she wasn't giving me everything that I needed at home, and as such, I had to go elsewhere to find it.

[Kentemo]

I guess nobody can answer this question for you. I would feel bad myself if I would do it.
My personal opinion is, if you want to do whatever you want and fuck whoever you want, you should stay single. A relationship is based on trust. If you don't have that, why being in one in the first place? If I decided to marry a girl later, I could never do it after I know I already cheated on her.

I have a friend who cheated on his wife after being married for a couple of years. He was thrilled that he got sex from another girl, and didn't feel any guilt or remorse. I was happy he was happy.

So to each his own. If you feel bad or not, just depends on the person you are and what you want in life I guess.

[John Gotti]

If by cheating you mean the act of simply fucking another chick, then no.

Men are capable of fucking other women and still loving their girl. Women, due to their hypergamous nature, are not able to comprehend this.

[questor70]

(05-13-2018 04:51 PM)EndsExpect Wrote:  

I understand that atheists can have morals, but.... why? What's the point? Are you just looking for moral exculpation?

This is such a loaded question. It's not necessary to feel threatened by supernatural hellfire and damnation to have a conscience. If that were the case then nobody would ever feel guilty if they felt they could get away with murder, literally or figuratively. Human nature just doesn't work that way.

In the same way you could argue that fidelity should not be dependent on formal commitments like marriage, same with morality. If you're committed to someone, a marriage vow is unnecessary. If you're not committed to someone, a marriage vow is just a small hurdle to jump, made smaller due to the lack of stigma and no-fault divorce.

Just remember it's called "cheating" for a reason. Cheating is not an honorable thing to do whether it's cheating on a test or screwing around on the side. To suggest anything else is just the hamster talking. If you want an open relationship then make it clear from the get go.

[BlackFriar]

Bury your pecker in as many sloots as you can. You will die a man with no regrets.

[PeanutoftheNight]

Depends on the kind of cheating... Women are incapable of physical-only cheating. Girls love to fuck too, but its not central to their being like it is to men. A man can have a physical relationship exclusively, and never cheat emotionally on his main woman, but not vis-versa. That said, a man can still cheat emotionally as well. So if you bang a nice piece of ass now and then, for sport, that is different than carrying on an ongoing affair with another woman, who will become emotionally attached and invested in you. In that case, either she is giving you something your main girl isn't, or you are getting that from the mistress instead because she's a better lay. I think that's a case where feeling bad is warrantable. But if you're out of town, or having a dry spell, or are just see an irresistible conquest and leave it at that, I think as long as it is kept secret you can justify not feeling bad. But if a woman, gf, fiancee, wife, has made a significant emotional investment in you and your exploits are known and public and embarrassing to her social standing, you should probably feel bad.

[HankMoody]

Here, I'll write everything...

- Do you want to be in an open relationship? If yes, tell her. But it's a two way street.
- If you do want an open relationship, great, bang away. But don't get pissed if she does the same.
- You can't be in an open relationship and expect her to be loyal and faithful to you. Is that what you want? What are you trying to accomplish? Are you trying to start a family? Just have fun? It's your life, live it however you want to. I can't answer that.

It comes down to whether you want a girlfriend. If you're banging other girls, she's banging other guys.

Is that what you want? Do you care?

[LINUX]

(05-13-2018 02:49 PM)TheDuncan Wrote:  

I mean what she dont know what hurt her..right?

Correct, what she doesn't know will not hurt her. But the real question is will it hurt you? Will you be able to brush this off or will it haunt you for the rest of your time with her.

Use that to make your decision because for some people the demons in their mind will bring them to their knees faster than anything else in this world. For some people, they wont be phased.

It's an ethics question that is dependent on each person.

[Montrose]

Ethics have nothing to do with feelings. Ethical judgements should be an intellectual process.

Whether you feel good or bad is one thing. Whether you think cheating is ethically acceptable or not is another thing. You’re not a woman; your feelings should not taint your moral judgements.

Now is cheating ethical? Can cheating be ethical? The answer depends on your moral values, on your view of the social value of matrimony and monogamy, and possibly on circumstances.

Should you feel guilty? Possibly. I don’t think a dominant male would worry about fucking one more or one less but why not. Emotions come and go.

[LINUX]

I disagree. Ethics does have a lot to do with feelings. The whole premise of ethics is that it's a collection of moral principles that govern our behavior.

[Montrose]

Your view of ethics, Linux, flies in the face of millenia of Western moral traditiin and contradicts almost every philosopher from Aristotle to St Augustine to the Stoics to Thomas Aquinas to Spinoza and Kant. Not to say that you are wrong tough

[Noir]

Only you can answer that question and that’s a litmus test of your character.

I answer this question from a perspective of LTR, not marriage and not kids. In my scenario, there’s always an exit which doesn’t have the same repurcussions as having a family and children.

You are the result of your experiences and upbringing which have formed your moral compass. If you were hurt and never felt it was justified, you will have a void which will justify such actions.

If it’s a one off, based off lust, intoxication or any other state of mind, that scratches on the surface of the matter. If you aren’t disciplined enough to uphold the respect of a person and their trust in you somehow supercedes your trust in them, then you have your answer.

This is the catch-22 of having game. If you lead an abundant life, then you don’t need to practice abundance; it comes with the territory. If you fuck other women for validation despite being in a relationship and are able to identify that, it’s a start; could go bad for the relationship but great for your self-discovery. You need to decide if it's worth doing at the expense of your partner and your self-image.

I say this as a person who cheated on my partner and went through a lot of introspection on why I did this. For me, it was an ego based, relationship edition of ‘mutually assured destruction’. If she cheats on me, well jokes on her because I did too so my ego is protected and I won’t be hurt.

It took me a while to understand that the above was projection of my own insecurities and that I needed time to grow up and be ready. None of my discretions were multiple. They were one off and some of the women felt guilty and the others were overseas.

You need to ask yourself the following questions to get to the crux of why and be realistic about the nature of sexuality, human connection and the ego itself.

- Do you make each other feel sufficiently wanted?

- If not, are you comfortable with the human dynamics at play, when you are out that other men and women will pump your egos by feeling attracted to you?

- Are you comfortable with your partner putting herself out there to harvest this attraction for her ego? (similar to you joining a dating site)

- Are you able to acknowledge that loneliness (longing for lust and companionship) and momentary lust (a scenario which fits a fantasy) can lead to cheating?

- Can you accept that you are responsible for deterring your partner from straying but ultimately, it’s their moral compass, circumstances and their perception of your value/response/respect that will determine their actions?

- Are you able to live with your actions, withholding such information from her and still looking at her in the eyes with the same amount of affection, love yet guilty about it?

- Are you aware that wanting to fuck other women and acting upon it are two completely different things yet go hand in hand? One leads to the other and it’s energy that you need to channel in to something positive.

Finally, do you acknowledge that this is a thread which will tell you more about others than yourself? The cheaters will justify their actions. The non-cheaters will condemn such actions. Define your own test and carry it out; chances are, it will be at the expense of your partner.

You don’t know us and we don’t know you so don’t invest too much in the answers here. Discover yourself, identify who you are as a man and what you stand for. Know thyself. From there, make the decision that’s balanced between rational, emotional and your definition of a good person.

A good time with another person can last one night, a year, anything you want it to be depending on your investment and ability to hide it. For some this can be crippling. For others, it’s thrilling.

A good life with another person has it’s own rewards and it’s the rosetta stone of what we aim to achieve.

I now operate on respect and back then, believed I was better than that but I have transgressed much to the disappointment of myself; said disappointment stems from the pure fact that my partner did nothing to deserve this and gave 110% to me.

Posters here will engage in a religious vs non-religious battle not realizing that this question is not mutually exclusive, nor will there be a consensus off it because each person has done different actions, had varied feelings toward it and have internalized/rationalized/justified it differently.

What she doesn’t know, won’t hurt her and the same applies for you. How comfortable are you with yourself, knowing this?


My life is determined by the first mantra of learning game, 12 years ago – leave people better off than you find them. When I broke this self-promise, I went on an introspective journey. Perhaps you need to do so too, to understand yourself going forward.

As for cheating, just remember, circumstances don’t make a man, they reveal him; this is your decision to make but be aware of the consequences on your partner, on your own self/compass/ego and any third parties that may be affected by this.

We are not the same and thus cannot answer this question for you.

Furthermore, we are just scratching the surface of a multi-faceted query and a lot of posters will be at a disagreement here.

[griffinmill]

Jealousy has evolved for very good reasons. We as men want to be certain of the paternity of the child our partner is carrying, whereas for women they want to be certain we are not dividing up our resources with other women.

This explains the biological reason why the possibility of our partner cheating is so fraught with mental anguish for us.

There's a contradiction in nature however; the size of our testicles indicates sexual monogamy was not common through evolution, and so monogamy for us guys is not biologically natural. Social conditioning wants us to believe that cheating or a non-monogamous sexual relationship is immoral and unhealthy. This maintains societal order and protects the sanctity of marriage (or long-term relationships in general).

Yes, it's wrong to hurt someone close to you who thinks you're being faithful to them. If they love you and have invested emotionally in the relationship they stand to be hurt beyond measure if they catch you our on your infidelity. But the desire to fuck other women is not something we've chosen, just like we haven't chosen to be hungry or thirsty. So, what are you going to do? There are no easy answers.

If you're going to do it, be smart. I've done it many times in many long-term relationships and have never even came close to getting caught.

[Montrose]

Nowadays, if a girl finds out you’ve been cheating she is very likely to say ‘don’t do it again’, shout a bit, threaten a bit, and leave it at that. If she makes a big fuss about it, it means that she views you as a beta. Bottom line, don’t get caught too often and everything will be fine.

[H1N1]

Girls simply don't hold themselves to these standards, or have these kinds of discussions.

A friend of mine was falsely accused of rape a while back, before I knew him. The charges were dropped before it went to trial because he had been smart and collected plenty of evidence before and after. Still, this was a gross accusation that put him through the wringer for 8 months. Of course, there were no consequences for the girl. Even now, people say 'you weren't acquitted, they just didn't have enough evidence to get you'. The girl had a boyfriend and was worried about the reaction when he found out, so concocted the whole thing. The point is, I have met some of her friends, and they all say the same thing, with the utmost sincerity: they all think that, 'She (the accuser) really believes it happened in her own mind, she really does feel that it is true'. They all believe that this makes things legitimate, despite the audio of her telling my friend in his car how excited she was to suck his dick and fuck him, and the messages, and the witnesses from their night out. This is how girls tend to think and justify their actions. Moral depth and consistency is not really for them.

I went most of my life without 'cheating'. When I ultimately did it, I felt absolutely nothing, morally. I didn't feel cheap, or guilty, or disloyal. I got some nice pussy and it meant very little to me beyond the immediate pleasure it afforded me and the enjoyable evening as a whole. I haven't looked back lamenting my moral turpitude. In fact, I feel liberated by it. It was easy to be discrete, the girl I was with at the time new nothing and was never hurt by it, it didn't change anything between us. I'm in no rush to find myself in anything 'serious' again anytime soon. However, if in the distant future I should feel inclined to tie myself to some again, I wouldn't consider some casual side pussy to be a matter requiring moral consideration at all.

[Fortis]

I'm of the opinion that you shouldn't cheat on every girl and there are some girls you should feel bad for cheating on.

I know that science suggests that we (men) can cheat and have physical-only relationships, but I do think that cheating on girls who give you no cause to cheat is not always a good move. I think being insatiable is not always a good character trait. Yes, it can push you to newer levels in your game, but if not properly managed you're just an animal led by your loins and not by the nobler, human parts of yourself.

[BigL]

You said yourself, you end up feeling guilty only by thinking about cheating. This means that you are probably not that kind of person, where you can cheat and act like nothing happens.

Will that one night stand with a side chick bring you more good or bad? Will you feel guilty when you have those "honest" aftersex talk with your girlfriend? Are you going to feel guilty for a long period of time?

I advise you to not do it on purpose. Just be open to flirting with girls when you are alone. Your dick will find a way to fuck other girls if he really wants to.