Quote: (05-13-2018 02:49 PM)TheDuncan Wrote:
Pretty simple question, been with my current girl for a while and shes a good partner, has my back, loyal (as far as I know), good sex, enjoy my time with her and we click well.
Honestly I havent even cheated on her with multiple chances, every once in a while I’ll get on a dating site to test my game out and see if I still got it and I get really tempted to bang a chick here and there but I end feeling guilty.
I mean what she dont know what hurt her..right? But is that a sign of deeper issues in the relationship or me just being a man? Or am I just being a wuss overthinking shit?
Before I try to give you a thoughtful reply, I need you to answer a question.
Is she your girlfriend? Yes or no.
If not, bang away. Like Suits said, it's not cheating if you never promised her exclusivity.
If she is, I'd caution against it. Since this opinion seems to be contra what most say here, I'll explain by telling you an abridged version of my story.
I started out in 2009/2010 (depending on how you count things) wanting to have sex with 50 or 100 girls so I could experienced as possible before getting married, if I wanted. At the time, I thought that I was a man, different from a woman, and that I could love/treat a main girlfriend the same whether I cheated on her on not. My first serious relationship I cheated on her twice and no real guilt at all. She had no way of finding out. When it ended due to my inexperience, I was devastated but moved on. Second serious girlfriend, German virgin, 18 years old. Dated for about 6 months. Cheated on her a couple of times felt little to no guilt. I came to a head where I had to either shit or get off the pot so to speak. In the end, when I made my choice, I realized that I had essentially traded variety for a chance for marriage and children with a woman I would have been comfortable doing that with
*. I decided I wasn't okay with that and not happy with the trade. Nonetheless, I moved on.
Third serious girlfriend. Dated her for about a year and a half. Virgin from Latin America. Really cared about this girl. She told me I love you first, I reciprocated a week or so after. She was #5. By the time she broke up with me I was in my 20's. With her, things had changed a bit. When I cheated on her with non-relationship material I felt nothing. But when I cheated on her with relationship quality women (about three of them), I felt pretty guilty. I still thought I treated her the same and our relationship was unaffected.
When we broke up I thought it was just the distance that killed it along with my inability to fix that and her seeming unwillingness to help me.
But after talking to her since then, I realize that was killed the relationship was her worrying about me and who I was with, constantly (dread game anyone?). Her feeling un-cared about. Feeling like I didn't trust her. Whenever she brought up issues, I usually didn't deal with them. I refused a lot of requests. Some were not important - like her wanting me to watch frozen. Some were more important than I gave them credit for - like her asking me to learn three phrases in Spanish so I could talk to her Mom and then I only learned two and one of them was dirty.
I realize that when I had cheated, she noticed. Noticed I was distant or at the very least different. She may never have known exactly why. She have may have suspected. But she knew I was different and something was wrong. And I never acknowledged it or told her what it was. I can't run the numbers and tell you exactly how cheating harmed my relationship, but I know it did. None of it was truly worth it for me in the end.
At this point, I'd avoid cheating for two primary reasons:
1) In my experience, it affects your relationship, which if it's important to you may be a price you're not willing to pay
2) In my opinion, cheating with another girl when main relationship is rocky is using a bandaid solution. You don't truly deal with the problem with the main girl, you actually just distract yourself from it hoping it will go away. Do this enough and you'll train yourself to just put the bandaid of new pussy on any problem you encounter without actually solving any of them.
*Now, the important thing to remember when you're reading all this, is that in
my heart of hearts, I want to get married and have children. I want to be the head of my own family. That's the biggest reason why I drew the lessons that I did from my own experience. I believe that not only do I need to understand women enough to be able to pick a good one to marry, but I also need to become the man that the women I'd want to have children with, would marry.
You're not me. I'm not you. So what works from you may or may not work for you. Same goes with the rest of the guys on this forum. A lot of them may or may not have different goals with women then you do, so you need to take that into account before you decide what advice to take and what to think.
You're free to do what you want. I'm not gonna tell you to man up and marry those sluts. I'm not gonna call you a scum bag if you cheat on women. I'm not gonna tell you you're the same as women and therefore can't cheat because you'll suffer the same consequences. I'm just saying, men and women are both different yes, but we're also both human. So just be aware that there's no free lunch and consider what's really important to you, because otherwise you may get what you really want but pay a price too dear for it.'
Hope I explained this somewhat lucidly.
G