[Siddartha]

What do RVF forum members do to flex their social wings?

Has anyone here managed to build up a robust social standing from nothing?

I currently have no physical friends in my social life.

I've been working on my social game the past couple years after my HS friends dispersed. I've seen this mentioned in the other threads but it seems that making good friends after 20 years of age can be difficult. It troubles me because I know I can do better than I can now, and some would say that people are one's biggest resource. Logistics are also the other issue but I'm sure we're all familiar.

I keep trying and do do basic bitch shit that anyone can read and find in things like 'how to win friends and influence people' and 'make people like you in 90 seconds or less' but my discovery has been that those books are tools to get a foot in the door for possible leverage for future actions. Sure I can strike up a rando conversation with 4 people as I run through the store for some eggs and make people smile and feel valued and have good rapport, but I won't see them again.
There are resources like charisma on command and bombards body language, but those don't replace experience and interpersonal dynamics have vastly changed in the digital age.
I do have one other goal of becoming a master communicator and have already received random compliments on my warmth and presence, but they don't mean much when the people that state those to me stay as strangers.

I currently get out on every single one of my off days which are mixes of Brazilian jiu-jitsu, dance classes, shopping, and errands.
This is the most I've ever done but it's still not enough; and I'd appreciate any advice on the matter. If you all could recc books, give parables or suggestions; or even places that are really good for farming connections and conversations; I'm all ears.
I'm practically willing to do anything including moving to a foreign land at this point.

[pitt]

Travel and stay in hostels. You can even do that in your own city (if you live in a busy metropolitan city), get a cheap room and stay there for few days. Good way to network and meet new people.

Get in touch with old friends, some of them are the best to stay in touch with. Meet forum members with similar demographics and interests to yours.

[MANic]

Details of physical description and location would assist greatly, however, I'll take an initial crack at it.

It sure does sound as if you have sound fundamentals and a good foundation to build on. You're socially active (bjj, dance etc.), relatively free of inhibitions and have the ability to build rapport quickly. All key ingredients to building a good social circle.
Also, you should remember that the perceived barrier of most other people having settled active social circles after uni is a false one. A mirage, as most here will attest to, post-uni/college people have a handful of friends who they see far less of often than they would like and who all slowly but surely drift away unless they stay in close proximity or have ties of kinship etc.

So just like you, there are loads of nice people who are looking for some sort of moderate adventure in the form of cool friendship. People want to meet someon fun, interesting and entertaining.

Formula= Project Value + build rapport + Close.

Projecting value is as simple as having an alpha presence. No one what's to waste time hanging withthe insipid byt nice beta bux. Peoplr, male or female, pursue what they aspire to.

Closing is simply arranging meet ups. Easy to do based on shared interests etc. Maybe, there's a game on and you know three individual supporters of the teams involved. Send out invites and meet up.

It's always preferal to have a group meet up (minimum three people) first up.

[wi30]

Meet up with forum dudes in your town.

I'm two years in a new city and my social circle is comprised of guys I've met through work, men's league sports, and the forum. Meet buddies at the gym when you're training. Or join a meetup.com group for hiking/bowling/swinging/whatever to meet new people. It's easy to tell if a guy is legit or soyboy. Watch the movie I Love You Man for strategies on not being autistic.

[tobehero]

meetup.com
facebook groups
forum members
language apps

[blck]

Bring value into people's life and you'll see how fast you get new friends

[Ice Man]

Who needs friends? Just get cats. Ask Suits.

[SteezeySteve]

Just keep talking to people and going out. Most people are not worth knowing. Its a matter of just running into people who are and then keeping cantact who are worth knowing.
You dont always need a lot of friends. Just take the effort to make friends with those people who know everyone so you dont always have to. Saves time and effort.
Seek to bring value,and build value for other people.

One idea is If you are in bjj and notice someone has a good double,choke,escape,etc reach out and be like "hey you have a solid ------- could you show me how you do that" and drill it for an extra 30 minutes or what ever after practice or on open mats.

[ScrapperTL]

(04-19-2018 08:47 AM)SteezeySteve Wrote:  

Just keep talking to people and going out. Most people are not worth knowing. Its a matter of just running into people who are and then keeping cantact who are worth knowing.
You dont always need a lot of friends. Just take the effort to make friends with those people who know everyone so you dont always have to. Saves time and effort.
Seek to bring value,and build value for other people.

One idea is If you are in bjj and notice someone has a good double,choke,escape,etc reach out and be like "hey you have a solid ------- could you show me how you do that" and drill it for an extra 30 minutes or what ever after practice or on open mats.

This same thread seems to pop up once a month and this is always the best response.
Join a Martial Arts group.
You'll get fitter, tougher, more masculine and make quality friends.
The reason I bold quality is because the friends you make will be other long time Martial Artists.
A lot of these men have balls of steel and they'll make you a better man by osmosis.

I've made close friends with guys in Law Enforcement, Military, 2 former UFC fighters, International and Domestic Business Owners, the list goes on and on.

Just adding even 1 of these quality Alpha Males into my tribe is worth more than a whole legion of pathetic beta males.

[zatara]

I've moved countries multiple times in my 20s, and each time had to start off socially more or less from scratch. It can be both scary and frustrating. But I still wouldn't trade the life experiences it gives you. The first thing I do in each city is always join a local rugby team - joining a team sport is by far the quickest way to make good male friends in my experience. It might sound a bit cliche but sweating and bleeding with other men in pursuit of a common goal really does build a bond extremely quickly. Rugby teams also usually have very active social sides to them, with lots of the players going for drinks every weekend. Within a month of joining you'll have a pretty decent social outlet.

The other players on the team are also likely to skew fit, educated/middle class, and socially outgoing...which is great. Obviously its not guaranteed but I can't think of a better way to find new mates who'll likely be good wingmen.

[whatitdowhatitdoes]

I moved to a new area for work in 2015 and didn't have any friends in the area at all. This didn't really bother me because I spent most of my free time chasing girls and working out. After a while that got a little boring and I wanted to try something new, so I decided to get a part time job at a restaurant. I did not do this with the intention of making friends, I just kind of wanted to try it out, make some extra money, and see what it was like.

Looking back, I can honestly say it was the best decision I made for myself as far as my social life goes. You develop a bond working with the same people all the time, inside jokes form, and the interactions are not forced because you're all there kind of working towards a common goal in a sense. I worked there for about a year and no longer work there, but I made about 5-6 good friends as a result. One guy is literally like my best friend and we hangout about 1-2 times a week to watch sports games, golf, go to bars, or do whatever. Their friendships made me other friends as well (meeting their friends). I also banged 2 of the waitresses that worked there, so that was like a little cherry on top of it all.

This never happened to me, but other coworkers made friends with their "regulars" ...I wasn't there long enough for that to happen to me, but I would imagine that's another way to make some friends.

So that's my advice, go get a weekend job at a popular restaurant and you will just naturally make new friends.

[Siddartha]

(04-19-2018 02:33 AM)MANic Wrote:  

Details of physical description and location would assist greatly, however, I'll take an initial crack at it.

Closing is simply arranging meet ups. Easy to do based on shared interests etc. Maybe, there's a game on and you know three individual supporters of the teams involved. Send out invites and meet up.

It's always preferal to have a group meet up (minimum three people) first up.

your post was one of the best so far.
For physical description: 6'4 Greek/nordic man. Have lost 70+ pounds in the past 8 months and have below 20% body fat and biceps/defined jaw line for the first time in my life.
After reading Tanner Guzy's appearance of power and following WellBuiltStyle on twitter, started dressing like I gave a damn with lots of play with dress shirts, chinos, and italian leather wingtip shoes.
I live in a tier 2 metroplex with about 7 million people in it.
One of the reasons why I asked about social events that have done well with other RVF members; feel as though I should add more in because opportunity is there.

Projecting value and warmth is a topic I see a lot, and that's fine because I can do it, but making things stick is what troubles me.
I believe it's about time for me to crack out of what I was and just ask someone at one of my regular events "Hey I'm doing xx with some others this week, you should come".

(04-19-2018 09:51 AM)ScrapperTL Wrote:  

Join a Martial Arts group.
You'll get fitter, tougher, more masculine and make quality friends.
The reason I bold quality is because the friends you make will be other long time Martial Artists.
A lot of these men have balls of steel and they'll make you a better man by osmosis.

Just adding even 1 of these quality Alpha Males into my tribe is worth more than a whole legion of pathetic beta males.

Absolute Truth, I started doing BJJ because I wanted to forge myself as a more courageous man, and it's doing work. Especially after getting knee'd in the face and bleeding all over a blue belt on my 4th day.
however I'm unsure at this point of how to form stronger connections with these people aside "see you next practice". Currently contemplating going 5 days a week instead of 3 tho.
Being in the company of true alphas is an experience that can not be replaced and it's an environment I want to soak myself in.
If you can recc better places aside a BJJ dojo, I'm all ears.

(04-19-2018 10:24 AM)whatitdowhatitdoes Wrote:  

I wanted to try something new, so I decided to get a part time job at a restaurant. I did not do this with the intention of making friends, I just kind of wanted to try it out, make some extra money, and see what it was like.

Looking back, I can honestly say it was the best decision I made for myself as far as my social life goes.
So that's my advice, go get a weekend job at a popular restaurant and you will just naturally make new friends.

I've heard this too, currently doing 12 hour days tho so that is a bit untenable. I do make it a point to meet and shill whiskey to people whenever I hit up my local spec's though, so it's been something I've been mulling as my side gig for awhile.
Currently working on getting my programming skills up in hopes of getting a mobile dev/engineer job so I can do more like that in the future.

[ScrapperTL]

(04-19-2018 03:49 PM)Siddartha Wrote:  

(04-19-2018 02:33 AM)MANic Wrote:  

Details of physical description and location would assist greatly, however, I'll take an initial crack at it.

Closing is simply arranging meet ups. Easy to do based on shared interests etc. Maybe, there's a game on and you know three individual supporters of the teams involved. Send out invites and meet up.

It's always preferal to have a group meet up (minimum three people) first up.

your post was one of the best so far.
For physical description: 6'4 Greek/nordic man. Have lost 70+ pounds in the past 8 months and have below 20% body fat and biceps/defined jaw line for the first time in my life.
After reading Tanner Guzy's appearance of power and following WellBuiltStyle on twitter, started dressing like I gave a damn with lots of play with dress shirts, chinos, and italian leather wingtip shoes.
I live in a tier 2 metroplex with about 7 million people in it.
One of the reasons why I asked about social events that have done well with other RVF members; feel as though I should add more in because opportunity is there.

Projecting value and warmth is a topic I see a lot, and that's fine because I can do it, but making things stick is what troubles me.
I believe it's about time for me to crack out of what I was and just ask someone at one of my regular events "Hey I'm doing xx with some others this week, you should come".

(04-19-2018 09:51 AM)ScrapperTL Wrote:  

Join a Martial Arts group.
You'll get fitter, tougher, more masculine and make quality friends.
The reason I bold quality is because the friends you make will be other long time Martial Artists.
A lot of these men have balls of steel and they'll make you a better man by osmosis.

Just adding even 1 of these quality Alpha Males into my tribe is worth more than a whole legion of pathetic beta males.

Absolute Truth, I started doing BJJ because I wanted to forge myself as a more courageous man, and it's doing work. Especially after getting knee'd in the face and bleeding all over a blue belt on my 4th day.
however I'm unsure at this point of how to form stronger connections with these people aside "see you next practice". Currently contemplating going 5 days a week instead of 3 tho.
Being in the company of true alphas is an experience that can not be replaced and it's an environment I want to soak myself in.
If you can recc better places aside a BJJ dojo, I'm all ears.

(04-19-2018 10:24 AM)whatitdowhatitdoes Wrote:  

I wanted to try something new, so I decided to get a part time job at a restaurant. I did not do this with the intention of making friends, I just kind of wanted to try it out, make some extra money, and see what it was like.

Looking back, I can honestly say it was the best decision I made for myself as far as my social life goes.
So that's my advice, go get a weekend job at a popular restaurant and you will just naturally make new friends.

I've heard this too, currently doing 12 hour days tho so that is a bit untenable. I do make it a point to meet and shill whiskey to people whenever I hit up my local spec's though, so it's been something I've been mulling as my side gig for awhile.
Currently working on getting my programming skills up in hopes of getting a mobile dev/engineer job so I can do more like that in the future.

If I'm in a 'gotta bro out today' kinda mood, I'll hang around after class and let everyone know I'm going to grab lunch, just to see if anyone is down to tag along.
Also sometimes I'll buy extra tickets to local Grappling Competitions and give them out for free if someone in class has a Birthday, or around Christmas time.
Easy talking points: Podcasts you listen to, from my experience almost all BJJ practitioners are also big time Podcast listeners.
Bellator/UFC: A lot of BJJ practitioners follow whats currently happening in MMA.
You could try ordering a Bellator/UFC PPV at your place and let your bro's know they are welcome to come watch it for free.

All these techniques work great for building a Tribe @ the dojo.
The real bummer comes when your bro'ing out and you find out they are a hardcore Liberal.
To me this is like the equivalent of getting hot and heavy with a chick, then finding out she's on the rag.
I have no advice for this inevitable garbage scenario.

[Atticus]

Don't laugh. Yoga studios. Make sure it's a proper studio, not gym based classes, and get to at least 2-3 classes per week at the same time slot. Keep a friendly, open attitude. Most guys who attend are glad to make friends with another male there, and the gals, well....

Just don't rush it. Get there 10 minutes before class starts, be cool yet friendly.

[Siddartha]

(04-19-2018 05:59 PM)Atticus Wrote:  

Don't laugh. Yoga studios. Make sure it's a proper studio, not gym based classes, and get to at least 2-3 classes per week at the same time slot. Keep a friendly, open attitude. Most guys who attend are glad to make friends with another male there, and the gals, well....

Just don't rush it. Get there 10 minutes before class starts, be cool yet friendly.

My first reaction is this sounds like a good idea but
1) Still working on erasing traces of 4chan induced autism in myself
and
2) I'd really need to up my AMOG tactics and my ability to have women innately comfortable around me, both of which are novice level at best, at the moment.

[Penta Sahi]

There was a thread from a while back (about a post from another forum) that addressed this topic.

thread-64128...pid1625533

It involved going out and doing social/sport/other activities to meet cool people. From each of these groups, you make some friends.

To me the key part of that post was regarding becoming "the mayor" of your group of friends from each of these different activities.

Quote:

Now this point is central, OP it's on you to be the "Mayor" of your social group. Set up activities that actually bridge these individual social groups you're building. For instance, I lead a bar trivia team. Tons of fun - lots of laughs every time we go out. But I made sure to cobble this team together from people I knew at softball, spanish class, my runners group, and a few workout partners. Basically when you have enough smaller social circles you can actually merge them into a real social network. One of the dudes on my team that I made is now engaged to one of the girls I invited onto the team. It blows my mind that any children they might have will exist because I wanted to get myself a life. Similarly, now that it's summer, I do beach volleyball on Friday nights, but if I get invited to a party that one of my photography buddies is hosting, I load up my car with my volleyball teammates and off we go.

We're all gonna make it!

[Siddartha]

Charisma on command had a video mentioning the very same thing, I find it interesting as I get older that one has to take total action and complete responsibility for having things, even with others, fall into line; only with that massive action.

p.s. BJJ guys recc'd I do yoga, any reccs on how not to be an autist around the multitude of gorgeous women?

[ElFlaco]

(04-20-2018 04:34 PM)Siddartha Wrote:  

Charisma on command had a video mentioning the very same thing

I have had a typical trajectory (lots of friends in high school and college, but decades later, far fewer). I consider my social skills reasonably strong but I'm picky/selective and most people don't get me.

[sterlingarcher]

@siddartha - yoga, yes. Place your mat at the front, so you don't come off as being there just to perv out. Play ignore 'em game for the first couple of sessions, and project that you' re there for the yoga, not just the girls. That will most probably become true anyway.

Oh, and don't get caught checking out their breastises in the mirror when they all stretch out. Takes discipline))

[zoom]

Whenever there is a big UFC pay per view, buy it and invite people over to your house. Or invite people to meet you at the bar to watch it.

[ester]

I think you're almost there; have you tried getting the phone numbers of the people you talk to and invite them out on one of your off days or the weekend?
They might hesitate to take the first few offers as a natural human behavior because they don't know how amazing person you are. Keep inviting them and one day they'll show up for a long conversation. If there's a genuine connection, there's a possibility for a great friendship. Keep things natural and don't try too hard.

[James Bond Next level]

“All friendship is desirable in itself, though it starts from the need of help” - Epicurus

I'm far from being an expert on making friends, but that part is true. Unless you meet people who share a ton of common points with you, it won't make them friends in the long run. I think people are selfish by default so to create true friendship, you have to mutually need each other (at least at first). Charisma will not get you far on its own. When I look at my friends:
-from university. Started with mutual need for help with school and mutual need to have people to go out with
-from real estate group. Started with mutual need for help in that subject
-from this forum/pua forum. Started with mutual need to meet red pill people and to help each other with game

So look for people in need (of girls, of specific advice), fill it and transform it into a friendship. And be careful for "value drainer people" : they just suck your value dry and drop you the moment they're done.

[Crash_Bandicoot]

I'm going to echo whatever has been said on this thread already, but here's what my personal experiences have been:

1) When I first moved to a big American city on the east coast, I thought making friends by going to events would be possible.

But in reality, the majority of people at an event are there to see the actual event with their own friends, not make friends.

Every once in a while, I would meet someone cool, but it didn't seem like they were looking to continue/start the friendship with me. A large part of it is due to the fact that big city folk have so much going on in their own lives and already have their own social circle. Also, many men out there think it's "gay" or "weird" to contact one another after meeting just to hangout. I don't know why the fuck that is (it's just part of society). Even when I meet a cool guy at a bar and start talking, my friends start calling me "gay". Many men out there legitimately have this fear that if a guy is connecting with you on something, that he is probably gay. That is what is fucking ruining it for us guys.

Solution: It took me a while to find out that going to one-time events was not worth it. Meeting up after just meeting once just didn't have that momentum/connection going for it. However, going to events where there was a) a common goal to be accomplished AND b)where a meeting occurred on a regular basis reinforced friendships.

Example: I volunteer at this nonprofit. We meet every week and the common goal is to accomplish the nonprofit's mission. After going to a few meetings, I started to slowly get invited to hangout. There was no "this dude is gay" vibe because the guys became comfortable around me after seeing me so often and knew me better. Also, we had a strong talking point at all times in common because we had a common goal in life (i.e. to accomplish the task of the nonprofit)

2) You want to give value and be an alpha. I know it sounds cliche, but here's a real-life example from the nonprofit I joined above:

I joined with barely any knowledge of the topic at hand. I was constantly the one asking dumb questions, learning from others, and leeching like a motherfucker. People slowly began to ignore me and not talk to me as much because I wasn't really adding any knowledge/value and because I was in learning/asking mode, I was always giving away my frame to others while kind of being annoying. Heck, even the chicks who I first met started to ignore me and hovered around the more knowledgeable folk.

Solution: Hold frame, be knowledgeable, add value, and be good at whatever activity you're involved in. Once you're the one to hold the frame and the leader, people will flock toward you like no other

3) Make sure that whatever activity you join, that there aren't a shit ton of people in the room. The nonprofit I joined had about 30 people meet every week. That's not a huge size. But if there are like 200 people meeting in that same room everyday, it's going to be hard to locate your friends that you met the week before. I personally like small groups.

4) Show that you have social value. Dress nice, be a gentlemen, etc. Give off the illusion that you are a cool guy. People want to make friends with other cool dudes who could add to their social circles too.

5) Reach out to old friends from high school, college, etc. if you have any and meet friends through them. To date, all of my tightest friends now are through friends of high school / college friends - the fact that we have a friend in common creates connection/comfortability

6) Not a necessary point, but: I've noticed that if you bring chicks to any event/meeting, guys automatically respect you and want to associate with you. I personally try to befriend any dude who can have the future possibility of introducing me to any women. May sound superficial, but a genuine friendship can develop over time with anyone.

That's really it.

[Dragan]

I arrived in Belgrade, Serbia at approximately 9PM after over a day of travel.

I knew no one and already missed my family.

We all say things, which we may mean, or we may not. But the follow-through is the bitch. It's what separates the men from the boys. Real men follow through with their promises.

There I was at the airport, ignorant to the exchange rate for Serbian currency, and honestly with no clue of Serbia, despite months of internet research into Serbia.

I fell victim immediately to a taxi scam, and it's one of the most sobering experiences of my life.

At the airport, I had tried to contact my host, but failed.

My taxi pulls into my block, where I will now be living for the foreseeable future-- my first long stint abroad. I am mentally and physically overwhelmed (and, to add, the taxi driver is also physically overwhelming). Price comes up, and I've been ripped off, I hang my head and pay (I can't fight-- I'm a pacifist, but I consider fighting because I know it's a rip-off). At least I'm safe.

I find my apartment, dangling barely to consciousness.

My host is there to greet me, can't be older than 18. He looks fucking young, but there he is with his attractive girlfriend.

We take the elevator to the top floor-- my new home. I'm afraid of small spaces, and this is the smallest elevator I've ever been in.

I'm wheeling my big american suitcase up the last flight of stairs to get to the apartment.

I am clueless and don't know how I will survive here.

What happens?

My landlord takes me to buy a beer, and unencumbered by cultural differences, stereotypes, and also, the cultural conditioning lifted by alcohol, we talk.

He is my friend, my little brother, my fixer, my host, my guide, my "in" to Serbia. It takes just one person, and one beer my friend.

Postscript: I found friends here, a lot. All through him. They are all good guys. They are measured, thoughtful guys who hold traditional values, which is really incredible. We agree on a lot. It just takes one guy man, to get a social circle going.

[AceP]

(04-19-2018 03:14 AM)tobehero Wrote:  

meetup.com
facebook groups
forum members
language apps

I would start with meetups. Because you can find people with similar interests, young professional or these "transplant" meetups. You should be able to find guys with similar interests or in a similar position as you are