At the start of university I didn't know many people. I went to the club by myself once with mixed alcohol in my water bottle and sipped that along the way. I saw a group of guys and girls and asked them which way the club was, they said come with us we're going there. Gave the dude some of my alcohol, then after he introduced me to his female friends and invited me to events and parties. We are still friends. Just an example how you can go from not knowing anyone to being introduced to a whole lot of people by being outgoing.
Making friends from social ground-zero
Quote: (05-16-2018 10:58 AM)Mikestar Wrote:
At the start of university I didn't know many people. I went to the club by myself once with mixed alcohol in my water bottle and sipped that along the way. I saw a group of guys and girls and asked them which way the club was, they said come with us we're going there. Gave the dude some of my alcohol, then after he introduced me to his female friends and invited me to events and parties. We are still friends. Just an example how you can go from not knowing anyone to being introduced to a whole lot of people by being outgoing.
Nice. College game is always sweet. Alcohol is a universal token of friendship. You're still in college?
^Yep still 1st year.
For a younger single dude out of college trying to make friends, here is what I have found has worked well. I've made a lot of good friends after college than I did when I was in college. Do not see why guys complain of this, ignore what media tells you about life after college. Here is what has worked for me.
1. City = everything.
If you're in the suburbs or a small town, you're not going to have much success. People settle down at the age of 25 there and start a family, tough to get much going there. You have to be in a major city or any area with a large population of young single people, that is half the battle.
2. Neighborhood = everything.
Move to an area of the city where they younger single crowd gathers. You'll find that a lot of the kids who were socially popular in college end up in certain parts of big cities and they tend to congregate there, Murray Hill in NYC is a good example of this sort of thing. Find that young trendy neighborhood in a given city and then try to live there, many of these apartments have gathering places where people often go regularly, great way to meet people when you see them enough. Better to live with roommates there too, you can make a lot of good friendships that way starting out being fresh out of college not as rich.
3. Activities, find the go to activities in a given city.
Whether it is flag football, intramural soccer or whatever it may be, go for that. Find the hobby that is constantly bringing in a big crowd. In different regions, the groups and hobbies vary. From what my friends from the south tell me, a lot of young people make friends through church. In NYC I found it was through legit hobby groups that attract younger people, photography was a big one.
4. In some cases, coworkers if you work in a young enough environment.
I have made great friends with coworkers although the friendships are stronger after they move on to another company, then there is more of an incentive for them to want to be friends with you as competition is in the way less. Do be a bit careful here though, this can be tough to do in hyper competitive and cut-throat fields.
Be creative with it, its all about value, it always has been.
Even in high school and college, the people with the best social life brought value. Lots of kids in high school and college are loners without friends, it is much more common than you may think. People are judgmental in that age group and tight cliques form, it is almost like the real world. The kids who had the most friends and were popular had value and were in the right circumstances. A lot of these were rich kids in frats and naturally outgoing, it takes work to make a lot of friends and have a good social life at any age.
I found that people hype up high school and college too much around here with social life, they pretend like everyone isn't judgmental and picky about friends at that age, they are. At every stage of life, people want to socialize and be around those with value.
1. City = everything.
If you're in the suburbs or a small town, you're not going to have much success. People settle down at the age of 25 there and start a family, tough to get much going there. You have to be in a major city or any area with a large population of young single people, that is half the battle.
2. Neighborhood = everything.
Move to an area of the city where they younger single crowd gathers. You'll find that a lot of the kids who were socially popular in college end up in certain parts of big cities and they tend to congregate there, Murray Hill in NYC is a good example of this sort of thing. Find that young trendy neighborhood in a given city and then try to live there, many of these apartments have gathering places where people often go regularly, great way to meet people when you see them enough. Better to live with roommates there too, you can make a lot of good friendships that way starting out being fresh out of college not as rich.
3. Activities, find the go to activities in a given city.
Whether it is flag football, intramural soccer or whatever it may be, go for that. Find the hobby that is constantly bringing in a big crowd. In different regions, the groups and hobbies vary. From what my friends from the south tell me, a lot of young people make friends through church. In NYC I found it was through legit hobby groups that attract younger people, photography was a big one.
4. In some cases, coworkers if you work in a young enough environment.
I have made great friends with coworkers although the friendships are stronger after they move on to another company, then there is more of an incentive for them to want to be friends with you as competition is in the way less. Do be a bit careful here though, this can be tough to do in hyper competitive and cut-throat fields.
Be creative with it, its all about value, it always has been.
Even in high school and college, the people with the best social life brought value. Lots of kids in high school and college are loners without friends, it is much more common than you may think. People are judgmental in that age group and tight cliques form, it is almost like the real world. The kids who had the most friends and were popular had value and were in the right circumstances. A lot of these were rich kids in frats and naturally outgoing, it takes work to make a lot of friends and have a good social life at any age.
I found that people hype up high school and college too much around here with social life, they pretend like everyone isn't judgmental and picky about friends at that age, they are. At every stage of life, people want to socialize and be around those with value.
![[Image: banana.gif]](https://rooshvforum.network/images/smilies/new/banana.gif)
Church, visit church. I haven't done it here yet, but i think an english language church will be great.
My friend stefpdt posted about it on a different thread (project Belgrade I believe), but Couchsurfing meetups can yield results, his post quoted here:
My friend stefpdt posted about it on a different thread (project Belgrade I believe), but Couchsurfing meetups can yield results, his post quoted here:
Quote:Quote:
Absolutely hilarious that me and Bigfoot both booked bachelor pads in the same building. It was cool chilling with you and Dragan yesterday, and giving our waitress shit about listening to turbofolk.
I went to a Couchsurfing meet-up last night (taking notes from Digital Nomad's thread) and learned some valuable lessons.
I walked in, gave a girl a high five, and then spilled some chick's beer all over the place. Totally embarrassing, but I said fuck it, and just powered through the disastrous entrance.
So I started working the room, and eventually clicked with this local Serbian chick. This was the first time that I understood why people say you need to have your "backstory" straight when you're in Serbia. This chick absolutely grilled me about why I was staying in Belgrade of all places. I just told her the truth, didn't really feel the need to lie, and explained my situation (I'm a business owner, can travel the world, and stay wherever I want, etc.) Overall, this girl was average-looking, but very smart and curious about my reasons for being in Serbia.
At closing time, I get her phone number as everyone is leaving the venue, and go in for the kiss. She turns her head and forces me to go for the cheek kiss.
We walk to her car, and she offers me a ride back to my place. Then, she says we're going to drive for a bit first before she drops me off. She takes me to some pizza place and goes into a long story about how she likes this particular pizza place because it has really good pizza...and also because she used to hook up with a guy who works there.
Major shit test.
I say, "So you drove me to this pizza place to show me the guy who you hooked up with? Fuck this pizza guy. He's a faggot." Then I turn on the ignition on her car, and tell her to drive me home.
She crossed a boundary with me, and I basically called her on it. I also enjoyed playing into her drama, and spiking her emotions.
This worked, and she became way more attracted after our bit of drama played out.
She drives me home, I go in for the kiss once again, and we start making out in her car like highschoolers.
We also made plans to meet later in the week.
A couple lessons.
Lesson #1: The game is traumatic at times. Sometimes you'll spill beer all over the place (completely sober) and look absolutely retarded in front of large groups people. But you only need to make it work with one girl to have a successful night. It doesn't matter if you burn bridges with 50 chicks throughout the night. 1 closure is all you need for a successful night.
Lesson #2: This particular girl was extremely receptive to aggressive physical game. I was touching her, holding her hand, grabbing her by the head while making out with her, and giving her the caveman treatment. I love that you can actually be a man in Serbia, and girls will give you positive reinforcement for it. This country is very refreshing.
Quote: (04-21-2018 09:27 AM)zoom Wrote:
Whenever there is a big UFC pay per view, buy it and invite people over to your house. Or invite people to meet you at the bar to watch it.
Who are you going to invite over if you don't have friends?
"Does PUA say that I just need to get to f-close base first here and some weird chemicals will be released in her brain to make her a better person?"
-Wonitis
I find that the basics of game can be applied to making friends as well. I re-settle my life twice, once in USA and once in Paris, each time knowing zero local people. I always ended up having a social circles and having 1-2 good life time friends. People who invite you to their wedding after several years losing contact.
Be a very good listener, get people talking about themselves, and DO NOT talk about your problems.
Organize events! This is how I've always built my SC. Invite them to your favorite pho/dim sum/tacos after training. Everybody is hungry and dying for food.
Host cocktail party and make sure everyone is having a good time.
Here comes the problem though: after getting to know some people, I mostly become apathetic towards them.
After what I've seen or traveled, I simply stop caring about people or the world in general. Everybody has a problem and everybody thinks they are unique, except it's the same exact story over and over again. I just don't care anymore.
You can't be interesting to people unless you are interested in them.
So finding those rare individuals whom you actually give a shit about, it's already half the work. So I would put all the effort in building my social circle, identify the 1-2 people I want to stick around, then I jump ship. It takes a lot of effort to maintain a social circle.
Even then you would have to "game" your friends, just like you would have to game your wife. After all they are just people who happen to share a lot in common with you and may care about you somewhat; doesn't mean you don't have to deal with their shit.
Be a very good listener, get people talking about themselves, and DO NOT talk about your problems.
Organize events! This is how I've always built my SC. Invite them to your favorite pho/dim sum/tacos after training. Everybody is hungry and dying for food.
Host cocktail party and make sure everyone is having a good time.
Here comes the problem though: after getting to know some people, I mostly become apathetic towards them.
After what I've seen or traveled, I simply stop caring about people or the world in general. Everybody has a problem and everybody thinks they are unique, except it's the same exact story over and over again. I just don't care anymore.
You can't be interesting to people unless you are interested in them.
So finding those rare individuals whom you actually give a shit about, it's already half the work. So I would put all the effort in building my social circle, identify the 1-2 people I want to stick around, then I jump ship. It takes a lot of effort to maintain a social circle.
Even then you would have to "game" your friends, just like you would have to game your wife. After all they are just people who happen to share a lot in common with you and may care about you somewhat; doesn't mean you don't have to deal with their shit.
Ass or cash, nobody rides for free - WestIndiArchie
Go to the Gym and ask dudes for workout advice.
In my experience, making friends is the easy part while maintaining it is much harder.Case in point, when your new friends begin spaming you with funny youtube links, have the patience to watch at least one of them and make a comment. From time to time, contact your friends just to ask how they are doing. In addition, the favors they ask - like helping to get out of a traffic violation, will annoy you and yield no immediate benefits other than the satisfaction of helping out a guy.
The inertia of everyday laziness will make this difficult as you will likely enjoy reading RVF or Game Literature more than interacting with friends.
stevepavlina.com has a good rule, contact one old friend per day by phone or by messenger. Than cross it off the calandar.
Also, like with girls, do not tell friends about other friends, especially new ones.
DO NOT TELL A FRIEND THAT YOU FIND THEM BORING EVEN IF YOU DO
The side benefit of having the patience to maintain those friendships is the ability to wingman girls while getting together for a glass of Guinness. If nothing else, this can be your motivation to answer their calls from a jail cell at 3 in the morning...
In my experience, making friends is the easy part while maintaining it is much harder.Case in point, when your new friends begin spaming you with funny youtube links, have the patience to watch at least one of them and make a comment. From time to time, contact your friends just to ask how they are doing. In addition, the favors they ask - like helping to get out of a traffic violation, will annoy you and yield no immediate benefits other than the satisfaction of helping out a guy.
The inertia of everyday laziness will make this difficult as you will likely enjoy reading RVF or Game Literature more than interacting with friends.
stevepavlina.com has a good rule, contact one old friend per day by phone or by messenger. Than cross it off the calandar.
Also, like with girls, do not tell friends about other friends, especially new ones.
DO NOT TELL A FRIEND THAT YOU FIND THEM BORING EVEN IF YOU DO
The side benefit of having the patience to maintain those friendships is the ability to wingman girls while getting together for a glass of Guinness. If nothing else, this can be your motivation to answer their calls from a jail cell at 3 in the morning...
"The unexamined life is not worth living." - Socrates
Quote: (04-20-2018 05:12 PM)ElFlaco Wrote:
Quote: (04-20-2018 04:34 PM)Siddartha Wrote:
Charisma on command had a video mentioning the very same thing
I have had a typical trajectory (lots of friends in high school and college, but decades later, far fewer). I consider my social skills reasonably strong but I'm picky/selective and most people don't get me.
Charisma says good stuff, just watch out for his Beta qualities
"The unexamined life is not worth living." - Socrates
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