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On Comfort
#1

On Comfort

In the early days of game, Mystery essentially broke sex down into three phases -- attraction, comfort, and seduction. You build the initial attraction, make them comfortable with you, and then seduce them. Mystery theorized that, on average, it takes about 8 hours of quality interaction with a girl to get her into bed.

That is still a good breakdown, in my opinion.

Let's talk about comfort...

Comfort is basically your ability to make a girl feel safe around you, and develop a rapport with you.

However, comfort is a dual edged sword. On the one hand, if there is not enough comfort, you're a "creep." On the other hand, if there is too much comfort you're "boring" and "like a big brother!"

The key here is you want to develop enough comfort, but not too much.

With that said, comfort is often a misunderstood concept. Comfort is not you being a provider, rich, or a "nice guy." You can be a total "badass" biker with a rap sheet, no job, and tons of tattoos, but your "vibe" happens to make her feel good being about around you. On the flip side, you can be a rich guy with a solid career, but a bit "weird" with no game and it will make her say you're "nice but a little creepy."

In essence, comfort is about being someone who is well socialized, who she likes being around. It's not about your job or your bank account. It's not about "proving" you're a good provider.

Understand that comfort does not build attraction or initially get you laid. Just because a girl is comfortable with you doesn't mean she wants to bang you. Quite the contrary -- there are often times when a girl doesn't know anything about you and she's in your bed after a short night out at the bar and a few shots. On the the other hand, when you spend too much building comfort, she'll say stuff like "Awww, you're like a big brother! Is your friend single?" It doesn't require a lot of comfort to bang a chick initially, and it really should only be developed more heavily after a bang or two, provided you want her to stick around.

So, what's the benefit of comfort? Comfort is what turns bangs into LTRs if you're into that, and also turns bangs into long term FWBs. If your comfort game is good, about 80% of the women you bang will continue to be in your life, even if they have a boyfriend and when they break up with him. Comfort is what keeps them coming back again and again and again, no matter what you do or what they do. I chuckle when women walk out of my life, because they always walk back in at some point without me doing anything.

Also, once your comfort game is strong enough, you can pull some crazy shit. Text her and tell her how much you want your cock in her mouth, or how you want her to leave her boyfriend's house and come over so you can do dirty things to her all night, and then feed her cheap pizza. If a girl is comfortable with you, it's basically all fair game from there. You can pretty much do or say anything you want and they won't hold it against you. (i.e., "i'd love to see your lips on my cock tonight. dont worry, i won't tell your boyfriend" or "im bored. we should go to the bar and bring another girl home with us"). You can really push the envelope, and at the very worst they will just laugh it off or be like "haha ur crazy." You'll also get a lot of "Hank, I broke up with my boyfriend and I'm feeling a bit down. Do you mind if I come over for a drink and a movie?"

With that said, this is my advice on comfort...

1. Have inside jokes, and inside stories. She doesn't need to be your "bestie", and these can be pretty basic. Even if it's just a story about a waiter at a restaurant, an Uber drive, or something silly her cat did while you were at her place. Inside jokes and stories build rapport.

2. Identify some stuff in common with her, even if it's just a movie or a band. Fuck her brains out, and then after watch a movie you both like on Netflix. (Then an hour later, randomly pull out your cock and tell her how hot it would be to get sucked off during the movie. If your comfort game is good, she'll be into it.) Don't get too over the top with this, though. I just mean a few movies and bands, not to share her love of makeup and fashion. At the same time, you also have to keep your own interests and masculine hobbies. (i.e., you still smoke cigars, do Jiu Jitsu, and can do home improvement projects.). You have to have some common interests, while at the same time, do stuff she doesn't "understand" or at least finds engaging. Personally, I love 80s movies and music. The goal isn't to be her bestie, it's to find a few things you can do together.

3. Keep everything really light all the time. Don't ever lose your temper. Everything is fun, everything is funny, we're just trying to hang out and have a good time. Even if she pisses you off, there is no need to emote or tell her. If it gets bad, just silently and gradually phase her out, and focus your attention elsewhere. There is no benefit to you emoting to women, ever. Chances are after you silently phase her out, she'll be chasing you in a month or two. ("Hank, why don't we hang out anymore? I miss seeing you." "sorry ladyface been jammed up with work stuff. call me sometime.")

4. I like to "honk" their noses randomly. "Hey babe, look over here at me." "Why, what's up?" "Honk honk." They always laugh and then kiss you. Really dumb stuff makes them laugh -- put a finger in their nose or give them a wet willy (again, very playfully). Then kiss them on the forehead and laugh.

5. Keep it sexual. Smack their asses (even in public) and call them stuff like "babe" "love" and "darling". Even if you're just out shopping, whisper things in their ear about all the dirty things you want to do to them when you're done running errands. Always, always, always keep it sexual and playful. The key here is fun.

6. Rock their world in bed. Once the comfort is there, they'll pretty much let you do anything you want to, and then beg for more. Hell, they'll blow you and act like you're doing them a favor by giving them that payload -- the very thought of getting you off makes them hot ("Don't worry girl, you're doing such a good job, keep going, I promise you're gonna get this load."). But after, mix in some cuddling, hand holding, and kissing their foreheads, etc. After sex, I like to playfully ask "has anyone ever told you that you're one sexy mamma jamma?"

7. Make her do stuff for you, but be sort of nice about it. "Babe, get me a drink." "Babe, grab some tacos on your way to my place." "Babe, take that dress off and come get naked with me." Issue lots of commands, but do it like you're entitled to the thing you want -- not like you're a drill instructor. At the same time, occasionally do stuff for her without her asking. "Babe, you're thirsty. Let me go get you a water. I just need you to lay there and keep looking hot."

8. Have friends outside of her. Cool ones, preferably both men and women. (although you can also run total sigma game and have zero friends). It builds comfort when you're accepted in social circles. If you're lazy, you can just have a local bar / restaurant where the staff all knows you and take her there. All you have to do is tip well and be a regular. I prefer to have actual friends.

9. Keep your texts short and mostly logistical, but occasionally send something like "How is your mom?" "What's your little furball up to?" [link to something random like a band you both like, or a news article]. Do not send a whole bunch of texts -- there's no need, and you have better stuff to do with your time. However, when you ask basic questions, she'll respond to your texts like crazy. From there, just ask more really basic questions -- "thats crazy. then what happened?" "why did your mom say that?" If she doesn't respond, it doesn't matter. Texting is mostly for logistics, but can be used to build some comfort. Personally, I do not use any emojis, but your milage may vary. My texts are about 80% logistics, and 20% basic questions. I text virtually nothing about my life or what I'm up to.

10. Use pet names. For sex I use "babe", "baby", "darling", "honey / hun", "sugar", "beautiful" etc. For play, I use "sexy mamma jamma", "love" or "ladyface". When we're talking personal, I use "kiddo" or "kid".

So, that is that. In my opinion, all that much comfort doesn't need to be built for the initial bang. That's mostly based on attraction and seduction. A minimal amount of comfort will get you laid, provided she's attracted to you, you're reasonably socialized, and you can close the seduction element.

However, if you want long term relationships (either a bona fide girlfriend or long term FWBs), comfort is why they'll keep coming back. It's also what allows you to pull all the crazy stuff.

Finally, use comfort at your own risk. Once you've built enough of it while keeping things sexual, she is going to demand some type of LTR...
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#2

On Comfort

Great advice, very easy to understand and apply to life....I think my biggest problem is making women too comfortable. Therefore balancing the line of the friendzone.
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#3

On Comfort

Awesome insight and practical advice that anyone can follow. You got a rep point from me.
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#4

On Comfort

Quote: (04-17-2018 07:11 AM)HankMoody Wrote:  

3. Keep everything really light all the time. Don't ever lose your temper. Everything is fun, everything is funny, we're just trying to hang out and have a good time. Even if she pisses you off, there is no need to emote or tell her. If it gets bad, just silently and gradually phase her out, and focus your attention elsewhere. There is no benefit to you emoting to women, ever. Chances are after you silently phase her out, she'll be chasing you in a month or two. ("Hank, why don't we hang out anymore? I miss seeing you." "sorry ladyface been jammed up with work stuff. call me sometime.")

This shit is all situational but I would say sometimes you need to drum up some drama or intrigue, especially when you're dealing with the upper echelon of attractive chicks who get way too much attention. If you're too light and funny they may take it as an open invitation to just bulldoze their way into your life on their own terms b/c you never corrected them or set boundaries.

I'm not saying you become emotional, but moreso don't let a good opportunity to send some shockwaves to her pussy region go by the wayside b/c you were trying to play it too cool and remain unaffected.
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#5

On Comfort

Quote: (04-17-2018 07:50 AM)Donfitz007 Wrote:  

Great advice, very easy to understand and apply to life....I think my biggest problem is making women too comfortable. Therefore balancing the line of the friendzone.

The only thing you really need to escape the friend zone is touch (kino).

Comfort has a way of getting her guard down so that she is OK with physical contact that her rational mind thinks is fairly innocent, but with escalation, starts turning her on. This is exactly what "one thing led to another" means. It's a quirk of female physiology/psychology. Lots of threads here about escalation.
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#6

On Comfort

#3 and #5 are important.

Keep it light and keep it sexual. There is a fine line. You don't want to come off like you're just with her to fuck her brains out.

Don't come off as needy or desperate and that sex is all you're after. But at the same time, make your intentions known. I'll usually say something sexual and then follow it up with a stupid joke or sarcastic remark. That way she will be thinking "Was he serious or was he just joking around?" It gets her hamster running but at the same time doesn't scare her off.

For me, comfort game is the hardest to master. I usually screw up my chances it's because I come off too sexual and don't ease her Anti-Slut Defenses. If you sense this happening, then I suggest easing off on the sexual stuff a bit and recalibrating.

"Once you've gotten the lay you have won."- Mufasa

"You Miss 100% of the shots you don't take"- Wayne Gretzky
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#7

On Comfort

Solid review of comfort.

This phase is probably my strongest. I used to have problems in opening (attraction) or going for the kiss close (seduction).

Honestly, comfort is nothing hard. Just wait a bit until you jump on her and get her talking and sharing things. Not that hard, most people like talking about their lives.

If it won't matter in 30 years, it doesn't matter now.

My thoughts and memoirs: yourfriendtrent.wordpress.com
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