[XXL]

By easier I mean less time wasted. I've became a bit obsessed with time as a asset and that's why I pay attention to such things these days.

Truth is ltr can take so much time to mantain it's not even funny. Especially with a girl that needs constant help and attention. I learned that the hard way and nobody will ever convince me to be with some damsel in distress again.

Contrary to the popular belief (on this forum as well I think) that's the worst type of women. I once also had this feeling that a shy girls with two left hands is cute and my inner superman will save her impress her and make her love me. In (very) short it might be cute. In long term dating it's pain in the ass. Unbearable in LTR.

Beside the character traits there are also certain skills and lifestyle in general that make certain girls easy to date, get along with and live with eventually.

From my personal experience here are things that make LTR waaaay more smooth and easy.

Driving licence and own car

Big difference between dating a girl with car and without one. It helps tremendously when you girl can just hop in to her own ride and go somewhere without you even knowing about it. Whether it's shopping or going to deal eith some paper work somewhere she can just donit on her own independantly of your time. Life is just easy when you dont need to drive her everywhere she needs to go. Girl with driving licence but without her own car is still ok but its not the same.

To some guys being the driver is cool with her sitting on the side doing nothing.. not to me. I have bettet things to do.

Good friends and social life

I really like when a girl has normal friends she can count on and debate her problems with. I dated some girls without friends and every little thing was put on me. Like I was a center of universe. It was quite annoying after a while.

Interest in sport

I've always liked girls into sports. They all seemed to be more energetic and upbeat and most importantly more resistant to shit and healthy. This is key cause you can do much more with them in terms of everyday life, sport, trip adventures, travels, etc. They don't get sick that easily and often and whats cool is that yiu can treat them like a partner in crime. Want to go trip to mountains to discover new tracks and routes and come back covered with mud sweat and rain? No problem.

On the other hand a couple of so called damsells I dated tend to get ill once they went outside on a windy day. Great.. that's at least 3 days of nursing.

Beside sporty girls take care of their body very well and take it seriously. So you don't need to motivate them and drag them to the gym. They go themselves with smile on their face.

Having hobbies

I like it cause I have my hobbies as well and I need time for that. There's nothing more lame than a person who gets bored fast and needs (of course!) YOU to entertain her.

Stable job or transferable skills

That is a sign of a girl who THINKS more rationally. This is very good trait in general as it says all the good things about the person.

Anyone who dated a girl who lost her job and couldn't find new one for months and months knows how it's like. Especially when she doesn't have any real skills beside mo ing papers making coffee or editing doc/xls files. That's what happens when luck ends.

The everyday flood of complaining crying endless "what about me" debates and sadness becomes horrific environment to live in. Especially if you are busy with something important to you to upgrade the standard of life. Forget it. It's another day another drama or escapism like tv, movies, or "great ideas" (the worst) like to go somewhere to relax.

Proactive attitude

It is great to have a person on your side who can do shit on her own without counting on you all the time. I mean when she can look up the answers online before asking you the question. She can make a few phonecalls to check some sort of procedures. She can brainstorm solutions on her own and ask for your advice AFTER she boils it down to few options. I just love it so much when I do mot need to play the daddy to my girl.

No joke I met a couple of girls who asked me how to get back home when one tram line of public transport was suddenly out of order. You live here all your life and have device in your hands with eveything laid out. But no why not call me.

Even more anoying was this never ending string of questions before trying to start handling the problem. I felt like I was with a child not grown up. I remember that my most used phrase was.. how old are you.

Actually I could sum it up like this. I prefer grown up women to be with. Not incredibly independent girl power crazies. Just grown ups. That's more than enough.

[Running Turtles]

I agree 100%. Some times it seems like guys want someone that's too dependent and subservient. While some might find it to be a welcome change compared previous marriages or compared to the idiot husband/dad stereotype, it can get incredibly annoying and unpractical.

I would add one more point to the list that I've experienced personally (or the lack thereof). PapayaTapper was the first I saw to put it into words and he called it the "Happy Gene." If she has to be entertained in order to be happy, it will end up being exhausting.

PT's post: thread-49934...pid1096998

[Investment Bro]

I want to expand on the positive attitude part, because this is very valuable information here.

I believe it was PapayaTapper that initially coined the phrase for this: "Does she have the happy gene?"

The way I look at it, everything that has been mentioned relates to the woman having a complete life outside of her man. However, many women have that and are still emotional roller coasters or default to discontent. Everyone has experienced this.

I've noticed it a lot from women that didn't have the best family situation growing up. Either one parent wasn't there, or both parents were there, but they didn't show an abundance of love and unconditional support to her. Women that come from these type of backgrounds are usually not going to have the happy gene.

So what is the happy gene? Most men have it. The happy gene is the ability to accept your circumstances and understand that today is not representative of the future. Once you can get outside of yourself, you can quickly dissipate any negative feelings and default toward your emotional nexus. Generally speaking most people who were raised right will have a happy, easygoing emotional nexus.

For instance, my one of my two LTRs at the moment comes from a traditional Korean family. Her parents lavished her in love and support growing up and she has succeeded greatly as a result. Her life presents its challenges but she breaks down the barriers with a cheerful and pleasant demeanor.

She might have had a rough day at work, but when she comes over to my apartment at the end of the day she is all smiles and love. She accepts the circumstances in her life and doesn't lose track of her emotional center. This makes her a joy to be around, because instead of being an emotional vampire she gives me back the same happiness and love I give her. I can't say that I know many men who have experienced this. I hope more people here have.

TLDR: Girls from loving, supportive, nuclear families will have a more positive, happy go lucky attitude that makes them great for LTRs.

The other bit that I would like to touch upon is a woman with goals and a mission. Not the BS Instagram #goals, but real goals she is passionate about. Most men don't have this, and an even smaller percentage of women have it.

A woman with a mission has a clear cut vision that's emotionally compelling for her life. I'll use my Korean LTR for example. She has told me numerous times that she wants to help heal the twisted notions worldwide about boundries artificially dividing us worldwide. She isn't religious, but she is very spiritual.

She seeks to emphasize that kindness on a daily basis but she also has a specific plan to do the above that she is chipping away at even now.

Part of the problem with men here is a significant number of men seem to be poisoned by this false notion of women as vile, degenerate sluts. There are plenty of those, but that is a minority compared to the beautiful and gentle souls also out there.

Important for a guy in an LTR: Don't be poisoned by a false picture of women! Some of them are really good people too.

[XXL]

Running Turtles Wrote:

I would add one more point to the list that I've experienced personally (or the lack thereof).

Go ahead. It's a thread about certain topic, not MY thread. Everyone is welcome to add their own stuff

[XXL]

Investment Bro Wrote:

She might have had a rough day at work, but when she comes over to my apartment at the end of the day she is all smiles and love. She accepts the circumstances in her life and doesn't lose track of her emotional center. This makes her a joy to be around, because instead of being an emotional vampire she gives me back the same happiness and love I give her. I can't say that I know many men who have experienced this. I hope more people here have.

Wonderful woman

[Dalaran1991]

Low material maintenance.

Nobody should ever hope for girls who are low emotional maintenance inside of a LTR. But there's a lot to be said for a girl who doesn't need shit from you, and thus, appreciate everything you do for her.

My ex came from a lower-middle class family and raised very well. She makes next to zero money aside from her baby sitting job, but she insists on paying her due every time. If I buy her ice cream she would buy me desserts next, or similar. If we cook together she insist on paying for her own groceries. So when I do offer her gifts she beams up like a child, those are the sweetest moments of our LTR.

Conversely a girl like this understand the value of hard work. Instead of buying me stuff she spent 3 month hand-knitting a wool scarf for me. It's a simple thing but it has tremendous value. How many girls have actually done shit for you aside from just buying you stuff or cooking? Shit, even my mom doesn't knit me scarf.

Coming out of this LTR is why I have next to zero tolerance for entitled bitches. There was this young nubile chick who comes over to fuck, and I give her food and drink everytime. Zero quid pro quo except for sex. I'm a great cook and an even better bartender so this bitch be thinking her sex = me treating her like my closest friends is in way over her head. Ended up kicking her out. Aint nobody got time for that.

[Noir]

Good points, you basically just need an adult.

Some of these traits can be evident from the start. Others from 6 months onward. Others upon living with that person.

Easier and more rewarding are two completely separate things..


Knows How to Prioritize/Manage Her Life

This means not coerced by her friends or family, balances free time between personal, professional and relationship goals and maintenance.

She knows what is important and focuses on those without trying to do 230493094 things at once.


Enjoys Her Job

Related to Investment Bro, this just reduces the amount of shit she brings home from work. Allows for a more fulfilling career and thus less reliance on you or future projections of you supporting her 100% (even if this is what you want).


Not Known to be Dependable

Being dependable and being known for being dependable are two different things. You want the former, not the latter. If she has that reputation, all of her friends and family will constantly be eating up her time and she will be helping everyone. This comes at the expense of your relationship (time and emotional stability).


Is Clean

Unfortunately, I know women who are beautiful, intelligent and driven but their places look like shitholes because they don't take care of them.

These are the ones who are working late, eating out and generally not used to having a 'home'.

This is crucial for me.


Being proactive, having good friends and hobbies are essential but these follow the law of diminishing returns, the longer you are in a relationship. As long as you can make the roles clear, you are good to go. The diminishing returns only appear when you are needy and they also become needy so stay as independent as possible.

If needy, you will end up replacing those 3 points because subconsciously, that's what women want and their lives end up being complicated through friendships or having children.

[Remington]

Being proactive is a very important character trait when being in a relationship or when you’re with a woman in general.

If you have a woman who doesn’t put forth an effort in anything when you are together, you’ll begin to harbor resentment toward her.

For example, a girl I was seeing for the past couple months was over and I ended up cooking us a nice dinner. After we were all done, I began washing dishes. After I was about halfway done, I was going to ask if she was going to help with the rest until she finally came over to do something.

If I put the effort out to cook a woman dinner, I expect her to pull her own weight. It doesn’t necessarily mean that she has to help while I cook, but if she would set the table or clean the dishes after we were finished, that would be extremely helpful and it would be appreciated.

Another example, another girl I was dating for a while spent the night at my apartment. I had to be up early for work while she had the day off so I let her sleep in my bed while I headed off to the office. When I came home, there was an empty bowl and glass on my coffee table, and one of my couch blankets crumbled up on a ball on my recliner. Of course, I called her out on it immediately since it was a blatant disrespect of my hospitality. She of course apologized and promised it would never happen again. That relationship quickly fizzled out.

I don’t have the patience to put up with that nonsense. My energy is better used in other aspects of my life.

I think a lot of it has to with how they were raised. If a woman was coddled for most of her life by her parents who didn’t make her do anything, then it will get worse as she gets older. She will feel entitled to where she doesn’t think she needs to complete menial tasks to help out in a relationship. Don’t enable a woman to behave like a spoiled little brat.

As the old saying goes, relationships are give and take. If a shared balance does not remain, the relationship will fall apart.

[seabridge]

100% agree with OP. Had two girlfriends and I was their number 1 hobby, best friend, love of their life. All of their problems were also my problems, and none of them could manage to make a simple decision. Both highly emotional, and everything seemed to stress them or make them sad. High maintenance. What a relief it was to ditch them. Most of my friends seem to find these type of girlfriends as well.

[yankeetravels]

Lots of good points brought up so far. Here's something big I look for.

Trust

This is really my number one. I'm surprised this hasn't been mentioned already unless you guys think this is a given. I need to trust a girl not to fuck me over, to be responsible, to be myself around, and I need to trust a girl to be a little vulnerable around.

I'm not saying give up frame by being vulnerable, but if you are entering an LTR, you have to open up a little and make yourself a little vulnerable. An example would be with one girl I dated, I was just getting over the loss of a close relative who died a couple months before I met her. One day, I kind of showed it to her that I was still recovering from this and we really bonded over it. She talked about a situation in her family prior and opened up about something similar in the past a while ago.

With third world girls especially, trust comes with money too. Early on, I did small tests with a girl I considered for LTR with money, and she was not looking to spend my money, only bought what was necessary, etc.

------------------------------------------------------------------

As a side note, I completely agree about the happy gene. Looking back at your guys' notes about it, my last ex definitely had it and my god it without a doubt made my life easier. I'm not a high energy guy by any means so I can't be in a relationship with a girl I have to constantly entertain. In other words, I need chill time.

[Investment Bro]

(04-03-2018 08:40 AM)Noir Wrote:  

Is Clean

Unfortunately, I know women who are beautiful, intelligent and driven but their places look like shitholes because they don't take care of them.

These are the ones who are working late, eating out and generally not used to having a 'home'.

This is VITAL. Completely agree. A woman who is clean is usually very organized and efficient in how she does things. As long as it's not anal-retentive, if a woman keeps a clean place of her own, she's a lot more likely to have her life together.

I believe this was one of the things Tuthmosis posted on his "Slut Tells" series ages ago. I too have noticed that sluts are almost always messier.

[The Stronger Sex]

A shared sense of humor is a necessity. Humor is like the motor oil than lubricates any relationship. I couldn't even have a recurrent fuck buddy I couldn't have a laugh with.

[Repo]

Enjoys and is good at cooking. This gives her something to do at the house, helps you eat heathly, and saves money.

[RatInTheWoods]

For me Intelligence

If you are LTRing her, you can only spend so long banging her. Eventually you have to have a conversation with her.

You do no want a woman who is as dumb as dog shit.

[YoungBlade]

Surprised no one has mentioned deference.

Absolutely best thing in a woman. She defers to you in everything. Not to the level you are micromanaging her life, but she wants to make sure she is making you happy no matter what. One of the most liberal couples I know, the woman ALWAYS defers to the man. They are both supremely happy.

[debeguiled]

Big purse.

Small purse means dirty car.

[Checkmat]

Can’t agree more with the advice in this thread. Ex-wife had the “miserable gene”. Large crowds, noise, strangers, close spaces, cursing/sexual things all made her very uncomfortable. Everything was a constant struggle. And she had zero friends or social life.

You do not want the weight of a girl’s life and world on your shoulders. She should have friends and close family members that she can vent to.

[Monkey Business]

This thread is a godsend, thank you gentlemen. I'm currently doing some assessing for LTR potential and seeing these traits/behaviors codified is really helping me clarify things. The timing is on point. I'm noticing a pattern too, in that I'm attracting girls with little to no friends/social life and hobbies. It becomes annoying very quickly when receiving emotional texts or calls when any little thing in their day sets them into an emotional frenzy. I usually just ignore, but I can't see it being healthy in the long run.

[Investment Bro]

(04-03-2018 07:09 PM)Monkey Business Wrote:  

This thread is a godsend, thank you gentlemen. I'm currently doing some assessing for LTR potential and seeing these traits/behaviors codified is really helping me clarify things. The timing is on point. I'm noticing a pattern too, in that I'm attracting girls with little to no friends/social life and hobbies. It becomes annoying very quickly when receiving emotional texts or calls when any little thing in their day sets them into an emotional frenzy. I usually just ignore, but I can't see it being healthy in the long run.

The girls you attract are based on a reflection of who you are. So what do you think is causing this?

[XXL]

BTW the points that I mentioned and others are things to look for in a girl only when simple life is your priority. I know that love is blind and all but the point of this thread essentially is to know what to look for when you want to be with adult who can take care of herself without your constant assistance.

Personally I find these type of women very high quality. The common theme about them is having some sort of hard skill they use to make money, active interest in sport and go getter spirit. They are quite hard to reach and to open up towards you.

Such personality really make your life easier ss you have time for important things and you feel she is your REAL PARTNER next to you ready to fight with shit that happens.

Most girls just want to chill and wait till you deal with shit while they give you their shit as well in the meantime.

[speculator]

Knowing how to cook

If my woman doesn't know how to cook, we won't be more than FWBs. I like eating out but family dinners are the most important bonding events in a typical family life. Cooking requires patience, dedication, and skill: very important prerequisites for strong relationships.

Being shrewd with money

If she is flaunting her LV and Gucci bags in Instagram posts but works as a barista, run away. She will drain your resources and turn you into an ATM. Your wife can either help you make a fortune or rob you of it.

Knowing her way around children

If children are not her priority, she is not my priority. Period.

[Suits]

Cock-Sucking Skills

A month has 4 weeks and one of those is blowjob week.

[Monkey Business]

(04-03-2018 09:53 PM)Investment Bro Wrote:  

(04-03-2018 07:09 PM)Monkey Business Wrote:  

This thread is a godsend, thank you gentlemen. I'm currently doing some assessing for LTR potential and seeing these traits/behaviors codified is really helping me clarify things. The timing is on point. I'm noticing a pattern too, in that I'm attracting girls with little to no friends/social life and hobbies. It becomes annoying very quickly when receiving emotional texts or calls when any little thing in their day sets them into an emotional frenzy. I usually just ignore, but I can't see it being healthy in the long run.

The girls you attract are based on a reflection of who you are. So what do you think is causing this?

That's a good question, and something I'm considering as well. Honestly I like the attention, and am probably sub-communicating that. It's like I was getting high off it, then coming down. A hot/cold unstable thought and behavioral pattern. So I can see how I was reinforcing that position, and stepping into the frame of being an emotional tampon for these girls at times. My gut was like, no this isn't good we don't like this! So I'm glad to have caught this thread and have it spelled out in front of me. I am grateful for having gained some awareness so I can shut that shit down. (my own neediness and to stop reinforcing their negative behavior) It makes me appreciate the ones that are more cool and stable, even if they aren't giving me attention all the time, and helps me realize I was a bit too dependent on their attention for validation.