[firat113]

I went on a date with this girl that i met a few days ago, i brought her with me to the gym, then we went out to eat and i managed to pull her back to my place in the end. The atmosphere was good, we were laughing and kino was progressing well. We watched a movie and i got more touchy, she was open to it. We started making out and i slipped a finger down her underwear. She was resistant at first, but with a little assurance, she let me get my hand down there. I fingered her for like 2 minutes while kissing her, and she let go off her guard. She stopped me and took her underwear off. I got up, undressed and went to look for a condom in the drawer. She started laughing because i couldn't find any. I started panicking. When i finally did find the condom, i looked down and my dick was soft as fuck. I couldn't get it up. She was laying there with a dissapointed face that fucked me up. I went to the toilet and tried to put life into it, but no matter how hard i tried, it wouldn't get hard. I was so embarrassed. I had never experienced this before. I felt like shit man.

The thing that fucked me further up was seeing her laying there scrolling through instagram. In my mind i was like "seriously?", i don't know why that provoked me so much. So much anger/dissapointment in me at the time. Perhaps it was performance anxiety, since it's been a while. I am currently on a long dry spell. Maybe i was just nervous. The 2 hours we were making out i was rock hard. But it changed so fast.

"Take your time. Tell me when you give up". she said while i was in the toilet. I came back and sat at the edge of the bed broken. She started putting on her clothes. She tried to calm me down saying its fine, and she tried to kiss me, but i kind of pushed her away, turning my head from the kiss. At that point i think i fucked up. I had lost my frame. I mean, this wasn't her fault, why did i act like that. I guess i was just still shocked.

She told me her bus is leaving in 15 min and that we probably should get going. I put on my clothes and i followed her out to the busstation. On the way there was the most worst awkward silence i have ever tried before. I didn't know what to say, and i could barely look her in the eyes. I never experienced this, so i didn't know how to react. But i know for damn sure my reaction was awful. I hugged her good bye and she got on the bus.

I don't know how to explain this, i didn't feel like a man, i felt so embarrassed. I might have fucked up something good here. We had such a great time together. How should i have dealt with this? How do i deal with this if it happens again in the future? Should i text her and tell her we should try again some other time, or should i leave it be?

[Zerdame]

Tough luck mate but it could happen to anyone, don't be too hard on yourself.

I think you were alittle too anxious and your mind was no longer in frame. Still, the girl sounds like a bitch. "Tell me when you give up" is not something you should say in such a situation, I would have thrown her out of the apartment just for that line.

Next time, prepare your apartment before going out for the date, get your speakers out, prepare some alcohol in the fridge and place some condoms near to your bed or sofa so you wouldn't have this problem again.

Chalk it up to game and move on.

[Selembao]

OP, you did not mention if the girl was hot, or was it a fattie?

Some years ago, I pulled a girl from a club. She was no stunner. Took her to my place. I couldn‘t get hard. She sucked me, my cock remained soft.

I told her it must be the alcohol. For some days I told myself it was the alcohol. But it wasn‘t.

Two weeks later, I pulled a much better girl and my boner came back. I could bang her a third time, drunk, without dick pills.

So stop thinking about that incident and upgrade your girls.

[Montrose]

Very true Selembao. The problem is more likely with the girl than with the guy. She’s ugly or not his type. It’s like men who think they are getting old because they are no longer aroused by their wife; but it’s not them, it’s the wife who’s too old!

[firat113]

@Selembao I understand what you're saying, but she's beautiful, otherwise i wouldn't have pulled her home with me. Even her body was good. Don't know what went wrong. Hard as fuck for 3 hours then suddenly this.

[questor70]

(03-15-2018 12:01 PM)firat113 Wrote:  

Hard as fuck for 3 hours then suddenly this.

I'm reaching for straws here but there have been times when my body has sort of burnt out on extended sexual anticipation and it kind of packs up and goes home in a sort of blue-balls condition. This can also happen during sex if I'm trying to last too long. Male sexuality is not really evolved to be aroused for extra long periods without some sort of resolution one way or another. If I fall into that sort of valley I have to kind of reboot the arousal cycle and since the pressure is on, it usually doesn't just snap back. This is in addition to the negative impact of alcohol and becoming tired/sleepy late at night.

Point being that it's best to try to orchestrate an evening so that you go at it when you are taking full advantage of the build-up but not so late that your body has "given up" on its expectation of release or is transitioning over to want to go to sleep.

I also find that snuggling and a short catnap can do wonders to reset the clock when things are getting late. It's when I try to force it that it makes things worse. The excitement has to go back down to zero and then let it start itself back up again.

[John Silva]

In that situation, if her pants where off, I wouId go down on her. Buys you time, you relax and feeling her pleasure might get you up again. It works for me. Lost all my ansiety with this method.

One time though one girl complained: "No more tongue I want your dick" - fortunately it worked. I was not rock hard but it was enough to give her what she asked.

[PapayaTapper]

(03-15-2018 07:33 AM)firat113 Wrote:  

She was laying there with a dissapointed face that fucked me up. I went to the toilet and tried to put life into it, but no matter how hard i tried, it wouldn't get hard. I was so embarrassed. I had never experienced this before. I felt like shit man.

The 2 hours we were making out i was rock hard. But it changed so fast.

"Take your time. Tell me when you give up". she said while i was in the toilet. I came back and sat at the edge of the bed broken. She started putting on her clothes. She tried to calm me down saying its fine, and she tried to kiss me, but i kind of pushed her away, turning my head from the kiss. At that point i think i fucked up. I had lost my frame. I mean, this wasn't her fault, why did i act like that. I guess i was just still shocked.

First this can happen to any guy and happens to most of us at one point or another. I personally had it happen a couple times very early in my game journey whenever I was with a new vagina transport vehicle (aka girl). Especially if I had just met her. It is a type of nervousness / anxiety. Like anything it gets easier with practice

That said and the "its ok man" outta the way...wtf man? Why were you in the bathroom tugging on your meat noodle? Getting you hard and your nut off is (in your universe) her sole purpose for existing. That's the "benefit of the social bargain". It is her fault

I suggest adjusting your mindset a bit regarding what a woman's role is

[MikeInRealLife]

(03-15-2018 12:24 PM)questor70 Wrote:  

...there have been times when my body has sort of burnt out on extended sexual anticipation and it kind of packs up and goes home in a sort of blue-balls condition.

Can confirm. Has happened to me, too. Throwing her in the 69 position usually resolves it for me, though.

[Dulceácido]

Once you found the condom you should've got back in bed and ate her pussy. It's almost medically impossible to be eating pussy and not get an erection. Even if you didn't get the erection, you could play it off. After you bring her to orgasm and your dick still isn't working, then you can say some really cheesy shit and still get away with it. You could, literally, think up any sappy excuse to deny yourself the pleasure of making love to her and she'd believe it, because you just made her cum with your mouth.

But, like I said, I bet after a few minutes in Tuna Town with your tongue, your boner would've come back for a visit.

[RatInTheWoods]

Lay back on the bed, and tell her to "warm you up".

If she can't get it up, it's all her fault.

[Going strong]

(03-15-2018 07:33 AM)firat113 Wrote:  

I went on a date with this girl that i met a few days ago, i brought her with me to the gym, then we went out to eat and i managed to pull her back to my place in the end. The atmosphere was good, we were laughing and kino was progressing well. We watched a movie and i got more touchy, she was open to it. We started making out and i slipped a finger down her underwear. She was resistant at first, but with a little assurance, she let me get my hand down there. I fingered her for like 2 minutes while kissing her, and she let go off her guard. She stopped me and took her underwear off. I got up, undressed and went to look for a condom in the drawer. She started laughing because i couldn't find any. I started panicking. When i finally did find the condom, i looked down and my dick was soft as fuck. I couldn't get it up. She was laying there with a disappointed face that fucked me up. I went to the toilet and tried to put life into it, but no matter how hard i tried, it wouldn't get hard. I was so embarrassed. I had never experienced this before. I felt like shit man.

The thing that fucked me further up was seeing her laying there scrolling through instagram. In my mind i was like "seriously?", i don't know why that provoked me so much. So much anger/dissapointment in me at the time. Perhaps it was performance anxiety, since it's been a while. I am currently on a long dry spell. Maybe i was just nervous. The 2 hours we were making out i was rock hard. But it changed so fast.

"Take your time. Tell me when you give up". she said while i was in the toilet. I came back and sat at the edge of the bed broken. She started putting on her clothes. She tried to calm me down saying its fine, and she tried to kiss me, but i kind of pushed her away, turning my head from the kiss. At that point i think i fucked up. I had lost my frame. I mean, this wasn't her fault, why did i act like that. I guess i was just still shocked.

She told me her bus is leaving in 15 min and that we probably should get going.

Well, you didn't fuck her, sadly, but she did fuck you, or say, she fucked with your mind quite superbly :

1- She starts laughing at you when you are looking all around for the condoms, and not finding any. You're on a long dry-spell (has she guessed about that?) and understandably nervous, and she already puts you ill-at-ease...

2- She "puts on a disappointed face", not hiding her feelings at all, when you start losing your frame. Neither polite nor kind on her part.

3-The kill shot: she loses interest in you, puts a show on, starts "scrolling through her instagram".

4-The coup-de-grace: she tells you that you can try as much as you want, you'll have to give up eventually, "Take your time. Tell me when you give up", adding insult to injury.

So, she seems like a cruel person and I would advise you not to contact her anymore; in any case, she has probably written you off already.

One thing: you spent too much time fingering her without even getting her naked (2 full minutes), so much time that she stopped you and had to remove herself her clothes. And, why was she not at the same time pleasuring you, too? Next time you finger a woman, guide her pretty hand onto you, so that she gives you a hand-job simultaneously...

I mean, when a woman has to stop you from preliminary entertainment, it means you are not doing things perfectly right, you are stalling, procrastinating. Finger her if you must one minute max, then get her naked and start some serious action, don't get her bored with teenage stuff.

[Selembao]

(03-15-2018 12:01 PM)firat113 Wrote:  

@Selembao I understand what you're saying, but she's beautiful, otherwise i wouldn't have pulled her home with me. Even her body was good. Don't know what went wrong. Hard as fuck for 3 hours then suddenly this.

So it wasn't because of the girl.

Looks like the problem started when you could not find a condom. That's probably the most important part. For the next time, have your condoms ready, for example in your wallet.

I think you over-analyse that and now you are in performance anxiety mode.
Your dick doesn't get hard when you desperately say "I must have an erection now", it just doesn't work this way.

[Martin_l]

Quote:

for example in your wallet.

Quote:

My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family".

The moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car.

It takes a big mind to set your mishaps aside, and be happy, even when you did not reach your goal. Just change the goal. maybe make her come is goal enough for that day.

[Keepiticy2]

She sounds like the typical girl. Cruel and manipulative when she doesn’t get her way.

I don’t know if u masturbate often but I know a lot of guys who masturbate and can’t grt it up in real situations. Start supplementing zinc and calcium and you’ll feel like a teenager again..

The face of her disappointment is what killed it. U sensed u were losing her and the anxiety got to you. Don’t blame yourself she should have been more supportive.

If a woman can’t grt wet then there’s all types of lube, hell even spit and you’re good to go. So she’ll never understand

[questor70]

(03-16-2018 08:40 AM)Martin_l Wrote:  

maybe make her come is goal enough for that day.

It sounds like the OP didn't have a very long block of time to work with, and that in and of itself can create performance-anxiety (to have this feeling of "it's now or never") I really think it's worth arranging these things so you have an entire evening. Then it's really easy to break the festivities up in such a way that when you're out of commission (for whatever reason) you're keeping her fully engaged in some other way, physically or otherwise. It's the moment she becomes aware that you're having a problem that the whole thing is ruined.

[Montrose]

Women put up with all sort of male sexual dysfunctions and they don’t seem to mind. They forget from one session to the next. They care about these incidents much less than you do, particularly if you are imaginative enough that you can please her in other ways. However, your embarrassment is the big turn off. Don’t show embarrassment, keep working as if everything is normal.

[Beirut]

Its not the girl nor her fault. The problem is how you handled it.

Anyway, source of the problem is likely either that you had the erection for too long or, more likely, performance anxiety.

Both are understandable and can happen to everyone.

What you shouldn't have done is become pissed and bitchy about it.

If you were hard when making out, doesn't mean you're gonna stay hard for 24 hours. Simply resume foreplay or make her give you a blowjob. You stressed yourself out there.

That'll solve it in many cases. In case it doesn't and it's just not happening, be cool about it.

I've had it happen with a girl or two and saw them again and banged and it was all good.

[firat113]

(03-15-2018 12:24 PM)questor70 Wrote:  

I'm reaching for straws here but there have been times when my body has sort of burnt out on extended sexual anticipation and it kind of packs up and goes home in a sort of blue-balls condition.

Point being that it's best to try to orchestrate an evening so that you go at it when you are taking full advantage of the build-up but not so late that your body has "given up" on its expectation of release or is transitioning over to want to go to sleep.

You're absolutely right about this. Food for thought... I feel like this was me that night. So much time passed and i had almost given up sex with her, because of so much resistant in the beginning that i didn't describe in details.

(03-15-2018 01:54 PM)John Silva Wrote:  

In that situation, if her pants where off, I wouId go down on her. Buys you time, you relax and feeling her pleasure might get you up again. It works for me. Lost all my ansiety with this method.

One time though one girl complained: "No more tongue I want your dick" - fortunately it worked. I was not rock hard but it was enough to give her what she asked.

I wanted to go down on her, but she kept removing me saying "nooo don't". I think she either never received oral sex before or she's just holding back. I don't know man, she didn't want to take off her bra in the beginning and i asked her why, she said she's insecure about her body, which blew my mind, because her body was literally normal.

@PapayaTapper after reading your post a few times, it made me think man. You're right, she should in fact have done something, instead of just laying there scrolling instagram and laughing. It pissed me off. But now it's worse thinking about it. I should have told her to help me out. She was just laying there receiving, giving nothing in exchange.

@Dulceácido Yeah as i mentioned above, she didn't let me eat her out. She was sensitive to that, but didn't mind me fingering her.

@RatInTheWoods I will do this the next time. Why am i not already doing this. Fuck me man. I think too much about my partner and forget about myself sometimes. Bad habit.

@Going strong Thank you for the detailed post. She really did add insult to injury, i only just thought about it like this, after you and PapayaTapper gave me that view. It wasn't clear to me until now. She was kind of a bitch.

(03-15-2018 07:26 PM)Going strong Wrote:  

One thing: you spent too much time fingering her without even getting her naked (2 full minutes), so much time that she stopped you and had to remove herself her clothes. And, why was she not at the same time pleasuring you, too? Next time you finger a woman, guide her pretty hand onto you, so that she gives you a hand-job simultaneously...

I mean, when a woman has to stop you from preliminary entertainment, it means you are not doing things perfectly right, you are stalling, procrastinating. Finger her if you must one minute max, then get her naked and start some serious action, don't get her bored with teenage stuff.

I am taking notes of this. She might have gotten bored and wanted me to just get started already, but she was confusing me with the resistant, one minute she seemed to give in, another minute, she didn't even want to take her bra off. She's weird. Next time i finger someone, i will ask her to grab my dick or i will guide her hand down my pants, note taken.

She messaged me earlier today saying that it's fine i couldn't get it up, she didn't mind that, but she is upset that i acted the way i did, rejecting her kiss and acting annoyed. I wanted to write sorry, but after reading you guys' posts, i don't feel like it was my fault. Maybe i reacted badly, but that was due to the things she did and say. Normally im a calm person, but the insult to injury she added and the dissapointed face along with the instagram feed scrolling, pissed me off. I am dissapointed, and i don't know if i will even give her another chance. She's acting like it was all my fault and that i "need to figure out what i want" before we continue again (???).

@Beirut Yes, that's what i think too, but there was a reason to why i reacted the way i did. 1) i didn't experience this before, so i didn't have the experience to know how to react = resulting in confusing denial. 2) she started laughing and scrolling social media instead of showing support. 3) she's acting like it's all my fault and that i made a big drama out of this. But i get what you're saying, i just think her reaction enhanced my anger/dissapointment and it led to me being annoyed = pissed attitude.

[Dulceácido]

Text her back: "Unsubscribe"

Then move on to the next girl.

[Kahler]

The best thing to do when your dick fails is to turn it into joke, in order to defuse negativity both in you and girl. Then restart.

[PondScum]

Yes, you handled it horribly, and it's your fault. That's ok, you can learn something. Putting blame on her for being disappointed after the anticipation of banging you is a passive aggressive response, unworthy of a man. Take responsibility for your actions, rather than blaming her for your reactions. You left her to play with yourself in the toilet to the mental tune of other girls or porn whores, and you want to say she was in the wrong for checking her phone when you came back? Get a grip. No, not that kind. You are the man, you lead the interaction.

In future, if this happens again, make light of the whole thing. Don't be autistic and go to toilet to work up a boner, just change the action, for example tell her to dance/strip for you, or waltz for a while, or take a shower together. Relax and give her your full attention, your boner is primarily an autonomic response to her look, smell, taste, sound. Give those your full attention, not your dick in the toilet for crying out loud. As you get back into foreplay, forbid her to touch your genital area for a while and go for your other erogenous zones, ears are good, any regular massage too. If you can't get it up, her fruitless tugging and sucking will usually make it worse.

If you are watching porn, stop. It's intentional warfare on your body and spirit, and will make you blind, sexually speaking.

Now, if you had kept cool and done the above, or something like it, and she had still behaved the way she did, then you would some reason to say it's her fault.

I put my jewels in a bowl of ice water daily to help circulation, and it's obvious that my boner suffers if I miss the gym for more than about 2 weeks, especially as my job is sedentary.

Now get back on the whorse.

[bk19xsa]

I can't believe this post is up as this happened to me just a week back. Ill tell you my situation OP and maybe it helps you.

I had a date with a hot Colombian. I had been talking to her online and only met her once at a club before where she worked as a promoter. The girl would easily get a 7 and some guys who do not mind fake boobs might give her an easy 8. She was smoking hot on the outset. 5'9. Amazing ass and proportionate fake tits. Suffice to say most guys WB and have an erection for her.

After the date I brought her to my place for wine and music and ofcourse to fuck.

Problem was that day I had already fucked one of my regulars two times, gone to gym, had been awake from early morning and had drank decent amount while on the date with Ms. Colombian.

At my place, I put some Colombian music which she wanted me to hear while having wine. We slow dance and grind. I do feel I am getting hard. Clothes come off. I like her body, especially her ass but for some reason her fake tits and scar on stomach slightly are a bummer to me. I ask if the scar is from a kid. She says no. Then I think to myself ' she had Lipo'. Again it was not a big bummer for me.

I go down for a while. She likes it. Then she sucks me. And I was not getting hard. I managed half a erection. Put the condom on (hate condoms) and it made it worse. However I still inserted my half mast thinking sex will help. It didnt. Used lube. Nope. Then the poor girl asked me to fuck her raw. Tried that nope. I just knew I was tired. She then started asking me if I liked her? I started laughing. I told her she was hot and she needs not worry and that I had a very long day but I would fuck the shit out of her next time. She felt a little more comfortable. Called her sis to pick her up. We kissed infront of her sis and she left. I didnt get the chance to fuck her again even though after that night she has messaged me, asking when I would be free again to go out. I have been busy and trying to go out to night clubs and approach more. But I know someday I might just get to meet her again and I am confident she will get it good.

Here is the difference. I had made the girl a little more comfortable beforehand. She knew wine and music meant fucking. Even though in your case that should have been the same as the girl did after all come down to your place. She must have known what was going to happen. Perhaps, she was resisting in her mind and trying to hamster. That might explain the attitude. Some girls are just plain bitches.

Also, I would have thought that Ms. Colombian would have had all the trademarks to be the one who would give seriously bad attitude. I would not have expected any less, especially thinking she is a club promoter, her hotness level which would have led her to go through lot of chad thundercocks. But she turned out to be very nice about the situation and even blamed herself. I would also credit that partially to my frame.

In any case, if this kind of situation happens, play it cool or laugh it off. Say teasingly, 'why arent you getting me hard? You are supposed to be hot!' It will fuck with her brain and put the onus on her to get you going. Also, even if she tries and nothing happens then don't worry. Act cool and tell her smilingly, 'looks like our gym work has really exhausted us'.

Then you take the initiative to make her go home unless you wanted her to stay the night (rare on first dates, especially those early into evening). This will show her that you are in control and not desperate to work it through. She will question herself more. Act non chalant. Right before she leaves, grab her by het waist, pull her very close, look into her eyes and say 'next time, I will fuck you and you'll love it.' Wait a second where she keeps looking into your eyes. Dont let her respond and kiss her deep. Let her turn around. Pat on her butt as she leaves. This will stimulate her curiosity, wondering if you really are that animal in bed and most probably get a return opportunity from her.

Other than above, make sure before fucking that you are energised, not completely stressed, not exhausted from work out, not on a weak empty stomach, not drank too much and not fucked/masturbated few times already. Also reduce porn if you do watch.

If you do get a chance with her again, make her scream in orgasms.

[Batman_]

I am now under the firm belief that if I can't get hard for a woman, it's probably because I'm not attracted enough to her. I don't ever blame myself anymore, because even if it's not her fault, I can't really take accountability for a low libido/depression or some other external cause.

I find this relieves the pressure to perform. Our culture places too much emphasis on a guy to do everything perfectly. If a girl doesn't get wet, it's because the man didn't get her turned on. If the man doesn't get hard, it's because he's meek. Enough with that shit. Maybe, if a girl doesn't get wet or get you hard, it's because she's shit in bed.

In my experience most women aren't good at fucking, at all, and expect you to do all the work. Sex shouldn't take work. If you can't get hard for a girl, why bother with her?

Don't beat yourself up. I would instead change your attitude about this. Stop worry about performing. If you don't get hard so what. I've had it happen to me enough times now where I genuinely do not care if I don't get it up or if it's not fully hard, I just say "oh looks like my dick isn't cooperating" and then brush it off. If they make you feel bad about it then I would next them.

Another note...one thing to do is switch to oral. Eat her out, and then have her blow you, takes some pressure off and makes it easier.

[Running Turtles]

Another thing you can do is tell her to lie on her stomach on your bed and feel her up. Massage her a bit. Once you start getting hard, lift her hips up so she's on her knees, face down and spank her ass a bit. Dick goes in when you're ready. 99% is in your head and if she's face down, it can be easier to escape whatever pressure you're feeling.