[LeightonBlackstock]

The point of money is to buy your way out of crap like this

Burn it and run

[asdfk]

You solved it in an other way... but this guy is less emotionally stable then you. He will crack first.

If you think he will become physical in a way that is impossible to handle, do not do it. But has he been violent before? To anyone?

[Bienvenuto]

(03-07-2018 04:50 AM)asdfk Wrote:  

You solved it in an other way... but this guy is less emotionally stable then you. He will crack first.

If you think he will become physical in a way that is impossible to handle, do not do it. But has he been violent before? To anyone?

Based on what he tells me? Many a time. Mentioned that in my post.

Then again, have I been in a few scrapes? Sure.

Not that I would but getting involved in violence with a coworker in as isolated a job as this would be madness.

Got to the point where I just want a bit of sanity and not someone following me around all the time.

[asdfk]

Is there a possibility he is bragging?
Look, since you have to live with the consequences you have to choose yourself anyway. I voiced my opinion based on prior experiences, I have seen it work.

[Bienvenuto]

I'm sure it can work. yeah I don't think either of us is arguing, I appreciate different points of view coming from other forum members like yourself.

I've watched some of his boxing fights on youtube and whilst he isn't a very technically accomplished boxer (not that I am) he is game as fu *k and can take quite a pounding.

@handsome creepy eel - old mate the flatmate has also been insisting on talking to me while I go into and am in the toilet. Misheard and misinterpreted most of what I said but.. toilet doors are no barrier..

As far as the bowling pin guy he sounds like a guy who I met when I worked part time for a religious charity shop in my early 20's. He came from Manchester Uk to London under a cloud.

Apparently he developed an obsession with a female teacher he knew to the point where he was convicted and given a restraining order.
moved to London and spent all his time getting upset that she had 'mischaracterised' his intentions.

Then he would have to get back in touch with her to tell her that he wasn't actually stalking her.

And then on a Sunday afternoon I would be sitting there at the counter and two plainclothes officers in shirt and trousers and Manchester accents would wander in to the shop and say "Is X here?"
"Uh sure, he's just there.."
"X? Can you come with us mate, we need to have a chat.."
X would come back in the shop like he'd seen a ghost and it would be another three months before he started talking again about how she had misinterpreted what he'd said and how he needed to get back in touch with her and tell her..

[Jetset]

(03-05-2018 11:28 AM)Bienvenuto Wrote:  


He did come out for a work thing, he just orbited me all night, didn’t talk to anyone else, we were all waiting for a taxi outside and he goes off in my ear about his jobs as a bouncer in the Uk, ‘I fucked up a guy outside a club like this’ (grabs my arm) I head butted a guy here (pokes my face).

I stayed calm and told him to let go of me.


took the taxi to a karaoke bar he just retreated into the corner all night, didn’t talk to anyone.



we’ve fallen out about a few things in the flat, he uses utter fucking bullshit to justify why he should get his way and starts yelling at me if I put my point across,

Up until this point, I was thinking "alright, the guy's an awkward clown, whatever".

This is where the flags turn from yellow to red, though. The thing about the teacher is far, far too weird, as well.

Dude sounds like a time bomb and any price is worth it to get some distance.

[RatInTheWoods]

Move out tomorrow. $500 is a small price to pay for quality of life.

[godfather dust]

I would quit the job and leave the country if it came down to it. Money is cool and all but I would be bugging the fuck out by now, he sounds crazy to the point I'd sleep with one eye open.

[Going strong]

"Moved to Vietnam to teach English.

Got a job in a big isolated town

Arrived at the same time as another hire, thought this guy's a bit dumb but he seems okay, the choice was pay $1500 dollars (which I couldn’t afford) up front for my own place or $600 dollars to get a shared flat that was available with him.

boxed semi-professionally on TV, big into Jujitsu "

2d-tier Vietnam town, and 600 usd per month only gets you a shared-flat!?

You made mistakes, as detailed below:

1- apparently, you didn't research the local apartment-renting market. You probably could have found an apartment for you alone, for even less money.

2- you shared an apartment with a man. Rarely is that a good idea.

3- you let a big, powerful, unstable, and frankly batshit crazy dude into your home.

So yes, you should urgently get him out, or move out yourself, before bad things happen, and probably to you.

[Handsome Creepy Eel]

^^ I believe that USD 600 for a shared flat is the inflated price that people pay because they don't want to live like locals. Housing in developing countries may not be as dirt-cheap as people imagine, but if you're willing to forego air-conditioners, large flat-screen TVs, flat-rate internet and building gyms and pools, you can get by with just a fraction of that price. Personally, I'd rather live without those in exchange for my safety and peace of mind.

p.s. I've never been to Vietnam, so I don't really know if this applies there

[Transsimian]

Forget my previous post about continuing contact, this guy is more than potentially dangerous.

Leave as soon as possible, and consider moving to a school in a different city.

Asking work to fire him would put you under increased threat. Whilst his hearing problems give them more than enough justification to fire him, do you really trust that when confronted by a huge and furious boxer, your manager wouldn't shift responsibility to you?

[Foolsgo1d]

He has emotional attachments to you now so consider how you may get another place to rent, he could still be around and once he see's you out and about there will be times he invades your personal space from the get go and stays there.

My experience of these types is if they go for a prolonged period of time without help and enter a stage of adulthood where it is them vs the world (you're part of the world) then it is incredibly rare to change their behaviour without serious help and possible drug intervention to calm him down.

He sounds like a person running away from a house fire and he hates fire, only he is the arsonist causing it all.

Do not, whatever you do confront this guy with ultimatums and be prepared to look over your shoulder. If you get drunk or have women with you make sure you have someone to help you if he turns up and gets violent/confrontational.

[monsquid]

(03-05-2018 08:29 PM)Suits Wrote:  

I'm completely shocked that a southeast Asian country with easy visas and a willingness to hire anyone white to teach ESL would attract psychos like this individual.

Came for the pussy paradize and stayed for Suits sense of humor.

[Soothesayer]

Some great advice on this thread. Years ago I had the misfortune of having to share an apt floor with two of the most diseased, psychotic Ontario lesbians known to man. Every day, almost right on the hour, they'd start up with the rage and daggers: Throwing shit. Beating each other up. Swearing loudly. Chasing each other down the hall with weapons in hand and threats being thrown about like mardi gras beads. One day as I'm fixing myself a grilled cheese sandwich in the kitchen, I hear one make a threat about 'draining the bank account'. I got out of there pronto.

Do whatever it takes to GET YOUR OWN PLACE.

If you cannot afford your own place (i.e. no sharing walls) then work extra hours. Work 12 hours a day if you have to. Use credit cards even. Move in with your folks. Your brother. Your grandma. Whoever. In this day and age you never know who the next Jeffrey Dahmer is and life is too damn short as it is without worrying about someone sticking a knife in your gut or strangle you in your sleep.

Hell, even a beat up, squalid trailer (the kind Trevor Philips had in GTA V) beats having to share space with a lunatic.

[Transsimian]

OP hasn't updated in over a week, hope things are okay.

[Bienvenuto]

Ha ha, fair question..

UPDATE: moved out two days ago. Now live a good distance away. Still on... at-times-sincere/ at-other-times-insincere.. good terms with old flatmate.

He's on a clock here because he is both palpably dumb and pathological combined. But if he manages to survive good luck to him.

The last week was stupid - he just couldn't seem to see people as separate and not just part of what he wanted. Tried to march me to the cashpoint a few days ago to give him loads of cash because.. ?? ... (he had frittered away his own).
I walked off.
He came into lunch after me and sat there talking in my ear whilst I maintained conversation with two other people sitting in front of me at the same time. For about 20 minutes. It was embarrassing.

Later he wanted to know 'what my problem was'.

I told him that -his- debt was 10 units, our pay just delivered was 60 units, his outgoings that day were 10 units maximum (or 20 units out of 60 units including paying off his debt in full) my outgoings that day were 44 units out of 60 units owing to moving etc. and I still had a whole month to go on that money..

He interrupted me 'you should take care of that! Thats yours! Its not my problem! Not my problem!'

'Well then, by that logic, your debt -that isn't my debt. That you've just been paid more than enough to pay off 6 times over- is also.. not my problem."

I don't know if he was more surprised than he was outraged or if it was vice versa.
"What?! What?! Jesus!!! You've got an attitude! You've got an attitude!'
He started squaring up to me.. But it was at work and others were around.

Since then I have acted suitably contrite and humble toward him, cleared up any bad vibes ... whilst at the same time not giving him a cent.

His long, drawn out demise in here 2nd tier Vietnam is like watching Darwinism in slow motion.

[Suits]

(03-14-2018 08:40 PM)Bienvenuto Wrote:  

His long, drawn out demise in here 2nd tier Vietnam is like watching Darwinism in slow motion.

You played this smart by simply moving away and avoiding a continued conflict.

Odds are that this individual isn't the first you'll see go down a long, drawn out demise in 2nd tier Vietnam.

On the other hand, no matter how stupid he is, he has to know that his options there are better than his options virtually anywhere else.

He might outlast you.

[GoingTheDistance]

OP Your old flatmate clearly has some psychological problems. By any chance did you give him your personal information like social media or anything like that? I would definitely change phone numbers and perhaps even completely delete all social media if he has access to those accounts. Your stories about him are so over the top it's almost like it could be in a movie or something.

I like what others have said. Don't rock the boat, politely acknowledge him but try to keep your distance. When you leave that 2nd tier city and leave your place of employment that you share with him, hopefully you'll never have to see this crazy guy again.

[PapayaTapper]

He sounds like the kind of guy nobody would really search that hard for should he just kind of suddenly disappear.

Just making abstract conversation

[Ethan.Allan]

I thought my first roommate in college was bad (A WOW addict who never showered and dropped out 1st semester).

It sounds like he never learned any schemas to deal with not having closure, some attachment issues and a warped theory of mind. It is nice to try to save someone, but it isn't a duty. Sometimes the right thing is not the nice thing: only the burnt hand believes in fire. Some things must be experienced firsthand for them to have any impact. This poor creature will eventually have to confront his shortcomings, but it isn't your job. That's what the human experience is for.

When in an argument, never underestimate the power of silence. It puts the pressure on the other person to keep talking.

Speaking to others is a way humans have of putting their thoughts in order, because there is the added cognitive element of taking thoughts and putting them into proper syntax. By speaking to you, he's trying out his thoughts and ideas. By not confronting them you are in a way giving them approval. People are social creatures and rely on others to give them cues. Sorta like a sh!t test. We send our thoughts out into the world via socialization to imitate our actions so we don't have to deal with the consequences of those actions as dramatically (our thoughts die in our stead).

A few phrases that might be helpful in dealing with such people are "Some people don't think the way you do/know what you know", or "What if someone did that to you?"

Possibly the best thing you could've said was "How are you going get to know people and make friends if you're with me all the time?" When confronting a person of dubious mental state it is always best to phrase criticism of their ideas in the frame of concern for their well-being.

[Suits]

Some people are just fucked in the head. The barriers to entry for a Westerner to get an ESL job in Asia are quite low. Contacting previous employers is rarely done and demand usually exceeds the number of quality instructors available.

We just had a unpleasant episode at a school that retained me as a consultant a few weeks ago. They've really struggled to find any teaching staff and decided to take a chance on an American guy with a year of experience under his belt. The guy had persistent body odor and wasn't showing up to work presentably dressed. He kept coming in with torn jeans and a distinct scent. He had some sob story about how a previous roommate had stolen all his good clothing and he'd had some unlucky experiences recently that had left in a bad place financially.

So, I gave me $50 out of my own pocket to get some decent work clothes and the school owner took him to a shop and got him a good pair of pants. He pocketed the $50 I gave him and wore the one pair of pants every day. I sat in on one of his demonstration classes for new students and it was clear that he needed significant improvement in classroom management. The students were out of control and he had no idea how to deal with it. A common problem that can be corrected with the right classroom management skills, which I have and know how to teach to others.

I sat him down and talked him through it. His response was very poor and endemic of the bad attitude he'd had from the day he was hired. We were seriously talking about letting him go before his probationary period ended.

Then I get the word that the fucktard has been caught red-handed stealing money out of other staff's bags. We have security cameras in all the rooms. His smartest move wasn't showing up for work at all today, because there were a number of very displeased coworkers awaiting his arrival.

[Handsome Creepy Eel]

^^

What makes SEA such a dumping ground for maladjusted western parasites that they can just prance from one country to another while continuously getting away with that bullshit and even being paid for it? If that guy attempted to pull the same crap while working in Africa or South America, I bet that he would have "mysteriously disappeared" within a month.

[Suits]

Well, I live in Beijing, which is actually not in SEA, due to geography. China attracts a better breed of crazies, as the visa requirements are a little bit tighter than most of SEA. But we still get some serious losers here.

[Aurini]

(03-06-2018 12:12 AM)RawGod Wrote:  

Lesson learned. I shared places with plenty of guys in my 20s but eventually you realise that you aren't "unlucky" to share with a psycho/thief/drunk or whatever the case may be, but in fact about 1 in 3 (unvetted) guys are going to fit into one of those categories so it's just not worth it.

I recently started doing the roommate thing again after years spent living on my own. It's eye-opening and existentially terrifying just how many people are utterly broken.

For a while there, I asked "Is it me? Am I attracting these people into my life?" But after a lot of self-analysis, as well as conversations with friends, I was able to conclude that no - it wasn't me, it's the overall low-quality of human beings out there. The worst thing I can say about myself is that I tend to think too highly of people. I need to force myself to be more judgmental.

Do not treat this creature like a human being; you need to harden your heart against sympathy, because his ongoing gaslighting of you (Talking to you while you're in the bathroom? Seriously?) is undermining your ability to think logically.

You should have one, simple goal: get this creature out of your life. Don't try and reason with him; don't play fair with him. Don't fight him, because crazy beats smart every single time. Say whatever you need to say to get rid of him. He gave up the right to be treated as a human being long ago. As far as you're concerned, he's just a broken AI that needs to be circumvented.

Honest to God, I'm sometimes amazed that anything gets accomplished with these people out there.

[PondScum]

All's well that ends well.