I keep running into problems in the office environment, and I would be very thankful to hear your thoughts on it.
About me: I have a pretty good position (team lead) in a company in the digital industry. In our office we are about 70 people.
I have always kinda had trouble with not knowing what exactly is the best behavior towards my co-workers. Either I come across as too aloof/standoffish to people, or then on the other hand my impulse is to create a stronger bond than just superficial friendliness, which some people don't really want.
Some examples:
- I try to focus on my work at the office. Since I'm a team lead I have quite a bit of responsibility. That doesn't leave much time for socialising in the office. It's also not so easy for me to snap out of my concentration and get into "funny, jokey mode". That's why I seem kinda serious all the time. So that's why to some people it seems like I am aloof/ standoffish to them. Then sometimes when we have drinks at the office on a Friday I am friendly and open to them, but to some it seems kinda strange that I don't really talk with them during the week and then on Friday afternoon I kinda "change my personality" and become talkative.
- Some girls have made it pretty obvious that they are into me. Thing is unfortunately most of them are like a 4 or 5. While I genuinely like them as a person, I simply am not attracted to them. This creates tension. Other people in the office know that I kinda "rejected" them because I didn't make a move. This kinda made these girls "lose face" which I find unfortunate. I don't really know how I should act towards these girls. I want to be nice to them because I like them, but at the same time I don't want them to think that I want to hook up with them. Sometimes I then become too aloof/ standoffish to them, which I find not good.
- Many people in the office seem very friendly with each other, often making jokes and laughing together, but from what I know they actually don't really hang out together outside of the office. This is something I don't really understand. To my mind, if I have a good connection with a person, the logical thing is to go grab some drinks after work or on the weekend. But it seems like most people are actually quite happy with just joking around in the office, being friendly, but not meeting their office colleagues outside of work. I can definitely understand that, but for me it's kinda hard to strike that balance of being "funny" but still keeping a distance. That's why I often err on the side of being too aloof/ standoffish.
- If I happen to run into co-workers outside of the office (e.g. on a Saturday afternoon) I am very open and talkative because I am in a different mindset. But the next Monday when I see them again in the office my mood is quite different as I am in "work mode". This change of character seems strange to people, and I kinda come off as "schizophrenic". I really don't like it, but I can't help it.
I was wondering if other people have had similar issues in the office environment. Maybe someone can offer some tips what I could do differently. I would be very thankful for any comments.
I have been working independently for quite many years, and about 6 months ago started a new permanent position, and I really kinda seem to struggle with the social dynamics / behaviours in the office environment.
About me: I have a pretty good position (team lead) in a company in the digital industry. In our office we are about 70 people.
I have always kinda had trouble with not knowing what exactly is the best behavior towards my co-workers. Either I come across as too aloof/standoffish to people, or then on the other hand my impulse is to create a stronger bond than just superficial friendliness, which some people don't really want.
Some examples:
- I try to focus on my work at the office. Since I'm a team lead I have quite a bit of responsibility. That doesn't leave much time for socialising in the office. It's also not so easy for me to snap out of my concentration and get into "funny, jokey mode". That's why I seem kinda serious all the time. So that's why to some people it seems like I am aloof/ standoffish to them. Then sometimes when we have drinks at the office on a Friday I am friendly and open to them, but to some it seems kinda strange that I don't really talk with them during the week and then on Friday afternoon I kinda "change my personality" and become talkative.
- Some girls have made it pretty obvious that they are into me. Thing is unfortunately most of them are like a 4 or 5. While I genuinely like them as a person, I simply am not attracted to them. This creates tension. Other people in the office know that I kinda "rejected" them because I didn't make a move. This kinda made these girls "lose face" which I find unfortunate. I don't really know how I should act towards these girls. I want to be nice to them because I like them, but at the same time I don't want them to think that I want to hook up with them. Sometimes I then become too aloof/ standoffish to them, which I find not good.
- Many people in the office seem very friendly with each other, often making jokes and laughing together, but from what I know they actually don't really hang out together outside of the office. This is something I don't really understand. To my mind, if I have a good connection with a person, the logical thing is to go grab some drinks after work or on the weekend. But it seems like most people are actually quite happy with just joking around in the office, being friendly, but not meeting their office colleagues outside of work. I can definitely understand that, but for me it's kinda hard to strike that balance of being "funny" but still keeping a distance. That's why I often err on the side of being too aloof/ standoffish.
- If I happen to run into co-workers outside of the office (e.g. on a Saturday afternoon) I am very open and talkative because I am in a different mindset. But the next Monday when I see them again in the office my mood is quite different as I am in "work mode". This change of character seems strange to people, and I kinda come off as "schizophrenic". I really don't like it, but I can't help it.
I was wondering if other people have had similar issues in the office environment. Maybe someone can offer some tips what I could do differently. I would be very thankful for any comments.
I have been working independently for quite many years, and about 6 months ago started a new permanent position, and I really kinda seem to struggle with the social dynamics / behaviours in the office environment.