[Crassus]

Hello all,

I am asking what seems like quite a basic question (hence the newbie forum) despite being a longtime reader of this forum. The course of action to take is fairly obvious to me, but my query is do any of you gentlemen have experience of similar situations, how did you manage it and what was the outcome?

Background: I am recently out of a 2 year relationship (in which time I also played the field), early 20s student living in London. Notch count 35-40. Recently met a girl at a club, SNL, and of course we got to talking. She was also recently out of a LTR and wasn't looking for anything serious, to which I said "perfect", and turned it into a FWB arrangement. In the 3 weeks since meeting her we have met up 4 times (3 at my place, once at hers, never a date or anything), and the sex has been good (in fact, she begrudgingly admitted she had told her flatmates I'm "probably the best she's ever had", which I had a little chuckle about). I am happy to continue this arrangement of seeing her at my place once or twice a week, as I have my final exams in March, and in April, I am going travelling in SEA as an end of uni adventure for 10 weeks (hence I don't really give a too much of a shit what happens in London until then, I have my plate full with studying and gym, and adventures on the horizon).

I was supposed to meet this girl last night, but she texted me yesterday afternoon telling me that her friend was having a hard time and she needed to be there for her. I responded tersely ("well that's disappointing but it's your call") and she was very apologetic. I felt she had built some capital with me so I sent her a quick text today "hope things are ok with your friend, have fun at that thing you've got on tonight" and she responded with the following:

"Thank you she is feeling much better! Wow you remembered haha! Crassus, I have to say something and it is quite difficult for me so bear with me. As you know I have just come out of a relationship and I think over the past few days it has hit me that this might be too soon. I really do like you Crassus I think you're funny, great guy but it is quite difficult for me at the moment. I'm so sorry and I'm sure we will speak soon but for now I just need a bit of a break. Speak soon x".

This took me by surprise as I felt that I'd been running pretty tight game up to this point, and the sexual chemistry is very obviously there. Ordinarily, "I need a bit of a break" is something of a death knell, but in the context of a recent LTR breakup, and 4 overnight stays in 3 weeks, I'm wondering if it may just be the hamster spinning. What is the best way to play this is: Obviously it's no contact for a while, but I am keen to get back to it in the next 2 months if possible. Do I give her a week or so and hit her up to see how it goes, or just go permanent NC and see if she reenters the picture after getting her mind right? Or is there another course of action that has eluded me?

TLDR: FWB recently out of a LTR, with whom value has been established, "needs some time". Best course of action?

Many thanks in advance for any advice.

-MLC

[ìlikegirls]

I've read all your message quickly. It's very hard telling what's happening from only few details you gave and I didn't understand all the story...

When she pushed you away?

First I would say stay calm, 99% IF you played well the girl always came back, you also banged her well! (some with me contacted me after moths or also after years!)

If her action happened without any reason, it may be a test to see what you do without her if you beg her to came back, or maybe just her push n pull, or she her ex boyfriend is back or she is crazy who knows.... as I said hard to tell what is happening. My advices would: chill out, doing something else (like meeting other girls, sports, or some hobby) if she will try to contact you again with careful calibration push her a away a little bit in a friendly way like she is not in your mind anymore (but with calibration!) , if this happens it will make her horny like hell. In other words overturn her push n pull.

Seems she also played well if you are thinking about her


Reading well her message it's full of contradictions, I would say is a test she will try to contact you again. From other details I noticed seems also you were already thinking to a LTR with her while she is still playing...

It may be also another test, like to see if you really are interested in her, but very hard to tell, precisely. I would do nothing for the moment.

Another option could be consider her message "girls bullshit" and bang her again (like inviting her like she never sent the message) but for doing this you have to being able to read "between the lines" like maybe she sent to you the message but she would like to have more sex... I don't know if I explained it well.

[Investment Bro]

(02-10-2018 11:27 AM)Crassus Wrote:  

Hello all,

I am asking what seems like quite a basic question (hence the newbie forum) despite being a longtime reader of this forum. The course of action to take is fairly obvious to me, but my query is do any of you gentlemen have experience of similar situations, how did you manage it and what was the outcome?

Background: I am recently out of a 2 year relationship (in which time I also played the field), early 20s student living in London. Notch count 35-40. Recently met a girl at a club, SNL, and of course we got to talking. She was also recently out of a LTR and wasn't looking for anything serious, to which I said "perfect", and turned it into a FWB arrangement. In the 3 weeks since meeting her we have met up 4 times (3 at my place, once at hers, never a date or anything), and the sex has been good (in fact, she begrudgingly admitted she had told her flatmates I'm "probably the best she's ever had", which I had a little chuckle about). I am happy to continue this arrangement of seeing her at my place once or twice a week, as I have my final exams in March, and in April, I am going travelling in SEA as an end of uni adventure for 10 weeks (hence I don't really give a too much of a shit what happens in London until then, I have my plate full with studying and gym, and adventures on the horizon).

I was supposed to meet this girl last night, but she texted me yesterday afternoon telling me that her friend was having a hard time and she needed to be there for her. I responded tersely ("well that's disappointing but it's your call") and she was very apologetic. I felt she had built some capital with me so I sent her a quick text today "hope things are ok with your friend, have fun at that thing you've got on tonight" and she responded with the following:

"Thank you she is feeling much better! Wow you remembered haha! Crassus, I have to say something and it is quite difficult for me so bear with me. As you know I have just come out of a relationship and I think over the past few days it has hit me that this might be too soon. I really do like you Crassus I think you're funny, great guy but it is quite difficult for me at the moment. I'm so sorry and I'm sure we will speak soon but for now I just need a bit of a break. Speak soon x".

This took me by surprise as I felt that I'd been running pretty tight game up to this point, and the sexual chemistry is very obviously there. Ordinarily, "I need a bit of a break" is something of a death knell, but in the context of a recent LTR breakup, and 4 overnight stays in 3 weeks, I'm wondering if it may just be the hamster spinning. What is the best way to play this is: Obviously it's no contact for a while, but I am keen to get back to it in the next 2 months if possible. Do I give her a week or so and hit her up to see how it goes, or just go permanent NC and see if she reenters the picture after getting her mind right? Or is there another course of action that has eluded me?

TLDR: FWB recently out of a LTR, with whom value has been established, "needs some time". Best course of action?

Many thanks in advance for any advice.

-MLC

Best course of action for now is to do nothing. She said she would speak to you soon.
Give her the time and the space and keep doing your thing. If she reaches out, assume she wants to see you and proceed as usual into her pants.

We could spend all day speculating what she thinks. Women have a much more difficult time handling FWB relationships. Keep spinning your other plates and prepping for a great 10 weeks in SEA and hopefully doubling that notch count.

[Bienvenuto]

Seems to me like this is a result of you running tight game.

She's just out of a long term relationship and now she's catching feelings for you at the same time that she can probably tell you're not a bona fide long term prospect.

Instead of the "onward, upward" "growing " "expanding" " more conscious of who I am and my needs" narrative that she will have imbibed over the years regarding her past break ups she's in danger of falling in love with and being f* cked over by a 'f buddy' who isn't going to be around, but rather heading out to f+ck half the world in South East Asia just after the last relationship went South.

Can't spin that one to herself when she's reading the " relationship and self development" section of Grazia or watching the empty nods of her friends reflecting it back to her when she talks about herself and her love life.

So don't get tough or moody or uptight with her or at least I wouldn't,: you are her guilty 'mustn' t' distraction, the 'wrong' and guilty pleasure she will stray back to even though she knows that she shouldn't and that there is no future.

Think of yourself like lucifer or chick Crack just lying in the cut like a magnet that she will eventually give in and go back to.

[PapayaTapper]

(02-10-2018 11:27 AM)Crassus Wrote:  

I responded tersely ("well that's disappointing but it's your call") and she was very apologetic. I felt she had built some capital with me so I sent her a quick text today "hope things are ok with your friend, have fun at that thing you've got on tonight" and she responded with the following:

"Thank you she is feeling much better! Wow you remembered haha! Crassus, I have to say something and it is quite difficult for me so bear with me. .

My suspicion is you were "caring" more than a fuck buddy should and it leaked into your game.

You cant be disappointed if you dont care. When you care you transfer power.

If youre laying the pipe right and she hit you with "sorry I cant come over my friend is having issues yada yada" (which sounds like a bs excuse anyway) that's when you go hard and cold and respond with:

"gay"

Followed by silence

She would be blowing you up within a day or two.

Remember drama is chick crack.

Whenever possible let her crack addicted hamster do the work for you.

[ksbms]

PT's advice seems right on the money. Another scenario is that her ex reached out to her... 85% that's the case (or who knows, you SNLed her, maybe she's under another, shiner guy by now?). In any way, you weren't as shiny as you thought you were. Regardless, the worst thing would be to get needy. I'd answer to her:

"I understand"

No more, no less. Exactly these two words.

This two words only but rich in possibility of interpretation. It shows that you "get her", yet are nonchalant and don't expect anything, non-reactive, not bargaining, and cool about it. She'll get back with her ex, then they'll break up again, a matter of weeks/months. No guarantee she'll be back with YOU, though I think Heartiste suggested this one liner. Then, the ball is in her court.

[PapayaTapper]

(02-10-2018 01:30 PM)ksbms Wrote:  

PT's advice seems right on the money. Another scenario is that her ex reached out to her... 85% that's the case (or who knows, you SNLed her, maybe she's under another, shiner guy by now?). In any way, you weren't as shiny as you thought you were. Regardless, the worst thing would be to get needy. I'd answer to her:

"I understand"

No more, no less. Exactly these two words.

This two words only but rich in possibility of interpretation. It shows that you "get her", yet are nonchalant and don't expect anything, non-reactive, not bargaining, and cool about it. She'll get back with her ex, then they'll break up again, a matter of weeks/months. No guarantee she'll be back with YOU, though I think Heartiste suggested this one liner. Then, the ball is in her court.

The ex coming back onto the field of play is very probable indeed. If so thats all the more reason to go hard and cold.

I used the following exchange (and posted it before) anytime Ive had a fairly new chick push back. (LTR game calls for a different variant)

Her "Hey PT I dont think I can make it tonight. Im not sure what we're doing/going" (insert whatever anti bang push back)

My response

PT "Error message 0404 The AT&T subscriber is no longer receiving your messages"

Her "haha"

Cut, pasted and sent immediately for max hamster scrambling effect

PT "Error message 0404 The AT&T subscriber is no longer receiving your messages"

Her "seriously?..."

PT "Error message 0404 The AT&T subscriber is no longer receiving your messages"

Her "what the hell?"

PT "Error message 0404 The AT&T subscriber is no longer receiving your messages"

Repeat until she stops. Then remain on dark mode and within a day or two:

Her "PT are you still blocking me?"

Respond with

PT "Error message 0404 The AT&T subscriber is no longer receiving your drama"

Her " I was just having a bad day. Im sorry."

PT. "Come over here and prove it"

Her "Ok"

Every time

[Crassus]

Thank you all for the advice. I think PT you may be right in the sense that I probably do care a bit too much, and if I'm honest with myself this did leak into my game with this chick (and I think she definitely picked up on it too). I am almost entirely sure the ex is not back in play, as I know for a fact that he has a new girlfriend. I wonder if this could be part of the issue, she sees her ex about with his new girl and the hamster starts spinning that she's messing around with a guy who is not gonna be her new boyfriend? Then again, as Investment Bro pointed out, I could spend all day speculating (good thing I don't care quite that much! )

I think I will go the way of radio silence for a few weeks and see what happens. Thanks again gentlemen.

-MLC

[PapayaTapper]

(02-10-2018 02:39 PM)Crassus Wrote:  

I am almost entirely sure the ex is not back in play, as I know for a fact that he has a new girlfriend. I wonder if this could be part of the issue, she sees her ex about with his new girl and the hamster starts spinning that she's messing around with a guy who is not gonna be her new boyfriend?

...ahhh ok. This changes things a bit.

She's been alpha widowed

If she got sent by her ex then her self esteem is damaged at the moment. In girl psychology that affects the "value chain".

In her subconscious she's thinking "I'm lesser thats why he (the ex) dumped me" and by extension "If I'm lesser then any guy that cares about me must be of even lesser value still". It's counter intuitive to us but "nice" is actually more unattractive to the wounded girl

I wouldn't give it too much thought but in the past I might've try to have fun with it by playing with the wounded hamster. I'd wait about a week then send

"..just wear the short black dress I like. c u soon"

That already bloodied self esteem will go into hyper drive. You'll instantly occupy the same subconscious ground as her ex. She will almost not be able to control responding.

And when she does....

[RatInTheWoods]

Possible causes:

1) Ex sniffing around again
2) Swooped by hotter cock
3) Catching feels for you

I would disregard she's worried about you catching feels for her and ending it "before you get hurt" because women don't give a fuck if you get hurt and shes not going to give up an orbiter.

Regardless of the cause which we will not spend another second worrying about, your response is the same to all of the above.


Text "ok" and go 100% ghost.

If she wants to "chat" or be friendly, only set up bang and chat after. Don't be converted from FWB into a emotional tampon.

[HankMoody]

I would just respond "cool" or "ok" and ghost her. Then I'd go hit the gym, do some work around the house, ride my bike, and maybe go out with my friends. By mid-afternoon I've completely forgotten about it and moved on to new poon.

Personally, I don't ask a lot of questions anymore or put a lot of emotional investment into women. There is always another one right around the corner.

She'll be texting you in a week or so anyway, unless she found a more desirable cock. Chances are she hasn't.

[astro]

I'm interpreting it a little differently than others. It almost sounds like she's catching feelz for you and doesn't want to be more up front.

[Suits]

A girl saying "I need some time" means "it's over."

[PapayaTapper]

(02-10-2018 08:41 PM)astro Wrote:  

I'm interpreting it a little differently than others. It almost sounds like she's catching feelz for you and doesn't want to be more up front.

Anythings possible but not likely in this case. A girl thats catching feels with a fuck buddy is more apt to make excuses to see him than not see him.

[Bienvenuto]

Agree with ASTRO.

Could be wrong of course but we give women a hard time for being slots and stupid but maybe this one is actually realizing that developing feelings for a fb who is going to leave for SE Asia is not going to be a good path for her and is taking steps accordingly.

[ksbms]

So because she wants you, she comes up with an elaborate excuse not to see you? That's mental calisthenics of stratospheric heights. Just go with Ockham's razor - What's more probable? In this case, there's a shinier actor than you on the stage (at least for now).

[astro]

Oh, don't get me wrong. Usually the "I need a break" is the easy way of saying they met someone else or otherwise have no desire to see you any more. What got me thinking that way was that this girl seemed very eager and talked about him to her friends in a positive way, then went cold. She left the door open though. It could be a test whether or not you'd pursue still. It's a hamster way of gauging your continued interest. Usually it is when things move very fast, then there is a moment of rationalization that you probably have no interest in a LTR (EVEN if they say FWB is ok!) and that they are being "used". It's a clever trick to test your interest is all, but you would need to confirm that (if you want to) to know.

[Vaun]

Possible causes:

1) you did something to turn her off
2) or she just doesn't like you anymore

Don't take this so hard. You stumbled on to a gem. Post LTR, meet up, easy sex, you obviously like this girl. What seems like a lot.

My guess; she probably caught wind of your increasing feelings. At least by what you have shown us here, you have caught feelings for her. But who cares, right? Unless she is knocking on your door to see you, blowing up your texts, and asking to see you all the time, why would you want to waste time on her?? Take women at face value. Women vote with their feet. Thats all this is.

No woman in history has ever "run away" from someone she is catching feelings for.

Let her go, completely. Don't text her back, ever. Dig in to see where you screwed up, be brutally honest with yourself, so you can fix it. My guess is you caught feelings really fast, and she sensed that, and took off because you were getting intense. Proof? Your "terse" reaction to her flaking on you. You should have just blown her off after that, and not texted her for a few weeks, if at all again. You should have seen that as an open invitation to go out and find another girl. She literally gave you that opportunity, but you waited around for her.

When we find a gem like this, we tend to hoard. There are so many cute girls your age in London, I'd be out looking for more if I were you. Dont catch feelings next time.

[fitness2569]

No one acts distant to their number 1 option , male or female. Start finding other girls to bang , don't worry it's a few billion of them

[AneroidOcean]

(02-10-2018 08:41 PM)astro Wrote:  

I'm interpreting it a little differently than others. It almost sounds like she's catching feelz for you and doesn't want to be more up front.

There's been some good advice given, especially from PT, that's gold.

However, I read it a little more like astro did. I think she's attempting to protect herself from falling harder for you especially since you are planning to leave.

She just needs an "out" and this is the one she chose. I would steer the situation to a meeting in person (just a walk/quick chat somewhere) and then when you're in person get her to open up.

Maybe text her "yeah no problem but let's get chat I'd like to understand more"

Then when you meet, I'd probably do it with something like this:

"So what happened with your friend?"
<she explains>
"Ahh that sucks. That's tough."
"So speaking of tough, it's hard to talk about things but I've found it's initially harder to be honest but usually you feel a lot better afterwards. You know I'm going to SEA and I know you're just out of a relationship so it's not a perfect situation and I'm sure that has a lot to do with this but I wanted to ask you."

Then let her talk. Usually that'll be a big factor and she'll open up. You have to "open up" too which basically means NON-crudely talking about what you want. Example:

Instead of "I want to go bang chicks in SEA when I'm out there so let's just be fuck buddies" say "I like you but I don't want to lead you on because I have to leave for almost 3 months. I also want to keep enjoying this passionate fun we've been having."

You will probably find a better way to word it, but you'd be surprised how much chicks appreciate you telling them the reality of the situation in a way that shows you respect them but you also respect yourself and will be honest about your intent. You let them justify it to their hamsters and they get to have fun and you get to have fun before you go. She can say "yeah, I don't want to do the FWB thing, but since it's only until April I can figure my dating life out later" to herself and feel good about herself.

Help her feel good about herself/you. The sex will follow.

[Rocha]

(02-10-2018 08:49 PM)Suits Wrote:  

A girl saying "I need some time" means "it's over."

Normally means its over.

An answer like, "Ok. Take your time" and silence for a few weeks months and she might come back for more..or not. Outcome independence is the key to deal with these sluts.

I say sluts in a affectious way)) no shaming here ))

[Rhyme or Reason]

"I need time / space" = "I need time / space for other cockas in my gina"

[Steve McQueen]

You just got nexted. Delete her number and move on.

[Simeon_Strangelight]

(02-10-2018 06:50 PM)HankMoody Wrote:  

I would just respond "cool" or "ok" and ghost her. Then I'd go hit the gym, do some work around the house, ride my bike, and maybe go out with my friends. By mid-afternoon I've completely forgotten about it and moved on to new poon.

Personally, I don't ask a lot of questions anymore or put a lot of emotional investment into women. There is always another one right around the corner.

She'll be texting you in a week or so anyway, unless she found a more desirable cock. Chances are she hasn't.

< Do that.

You are about to fuck your way through SEA. If she wants to wait around for you and thinks you are the ideal future partner, then she will do everything in her power to do just that.

But chances are that it's over and she fucked another dude, her ex came back or she is not done with her party years and won't be done until her mid to late 20s.

You banged her. You won. Now go on to better things. If the life brings you back together and you are a great fit, then something will happen in the future that will bring you closer. Otherwise - NEXT!

Also - it's a very very bad sign when a woman says that she says "I need more time".

Would she have said Leo DiCaprio the same? Would she have said this to her dream-man who is absolutely nuts about?

Nah - 99,99% it's over and 100% certain that you should not care either way.

[The Alpha Virgin]

Sadly I think Zelcorpion is right. Seems to be that when a man says he "need space", he will take a few days to control his feelings a bit and think through the future of the relationship and what he wants.

When a woman "need space" it's because she's lost attraction/feelings that can't be repared but she somehow becomes a little bit nostalgic when she thinks about you and your time together.

That's the impression I got. Even if she gets back to you it probably won't take long before she pulls back again. Unfortunatly I think I'm pretty sure that's the case.