[PixelFree]

I'm in an LTR with a beautiful 25 year old. She's amazing wife material, however she's quite shy, very passive and submissive.

She's Russian and moved to Australia to study were we met and now live together.

She has her Dads personality (quiet, shy), yet her Mum is the life of the party.

I didn't think this would be in issue although now after four years I'd say she's borderline boring, and I yearn for a bit more excitement from her - organising some social outings m, dinner parties or even just her having some more interesting friends (instead of just mine).

Is this something that can improve with Improv classes etc just like for guys?

[dknightbro]

Be careful what you wish for.

ALL young shy women open up sooner or later. There's only so much they can bottle up. This inevitably means more stress to her counterpart as she unleashes her emotions.

It's just a matter of how much. Light cases mean typical couple fights. Hard cases mean a lot of pent-up hostility.

I'm not fooled by the facade anymore.

[PixelFree]

Yeah wow. I didn't think of that. Very wise comment.

[david.garrett84]

Neuroscience would suggest that once a person reaches 23-25, their basic personality is almost set for life. Obviously a change of environment can change a girl, even after this time (and especially when a move from a traditional country to a Western country occurs), but it is harder once they reach a certain age.

[ksbms]

(02-05-2018 10:32 PM)PixelFree Wrote:  

I'm in an LTR with a beautiful 25 year old. She's amazing wife material, however she's quite shy, very passive and submissive.

She's Russian and moved to Australia to study were we met and now live together.

She has her Dads personality (quiet, shy), yet her Mum is the life of the party.

I didn't think this would be in issue although now after four years I'd say she's borderline boring, and I yearn for a bit more excitement from her - organising some social outings m, dinner parties or even just her having some more interesting friends (instead of just mine).

Is this something that can improve with Improv classes etc just like for guys?

She's precisely an amazing wife material because of relative shyness, passivity and submissiveness. A very out-going, smily, confident girl will attract many suitors embolden by her behaviour (neutral as it may be but interpreted as false-positives) that you'll have to constantly fend off. She'll have girls-only night outs and you'll wonder if she's staying at Stacey's overnight or at Steven's.

also, as a man you should be responsible for organising dinners, outings, vacations and what have you. I'm even surprised you demand that from a girl (are you trolling?).

Your problem is no-problem. Good luck.

[Skank_Hunt]

(02-07-2018 11:15 AM)ksbms Wrote:  

Your problem is no-problem.

I know right! Read OP: "...beautiful...shy...passive...submissive...boring..."

And thought, where is the problem?

This type of girl, if genuine, is conservative, reserved, pleasant, feminine -- who will make the most loving girlfriends, and most nurturing mothers.

The only downside is that - yes - they can be boring. That's what impulsive, adventurous sluts are for. Just don't tell the girl and you'll have the best of both worlds.

[PUSSYPOUNDER]

Let me get this right..so you want your shy submissive kitten..to open up and be what aggressive and dominant..? *Scratches head!*

[PixelFree]

Thanks guys - I appreciate the responses.

No I'm not trolling, and yes, I realise now how I'm being silly.

Over the majority of our four years I had organised literally all of our social life, and (after some huge investing losses and excessive hours working on my business) I didn't have the energy to also create our social life. Once I stopped organising stuff, our relationship became quite boring.

I blamed her for it, and also was romanticised my previous PUA lifestyle. I also lost sexual interest, even though she's very attractive. We had sex once every two months, and that's with me not really wanting it but doing it for her.

How do you guys deal with this?

[Simeon_Strangelight]

Stop porn. Watch The Brain on Porn.
Get her pregnant - very shy women open up afterwards. I have heard this from some formerly shy older women.

Sex once a month at your age is too low.

[hv123]

The problem with that personality type is that it becomes really annoying eventually. What I mean by that is, say you are walking round and decide it's time to eat something. Now how many times have you had the conversation that goes - (Q) where do you want to eat? (A) I don't mind. Women are very prone to this personality type where essentially they are such cowards and or insanely lazy that they don't want to ever suggest anything for fear of it being 1% wrong or just can't be bothered because they know you will do it.

As I say, beware, you can spend many years of your life asking where do you want to eat. It gets really infuriating.

The only thing that women are usually self starters at is turning in to a whore. You're dreaming if you think she's going to start developing hobbies and interests, just like that. Well spending money I guess.

[Simeon_Strangelight]

Why do you need to ask a woman what she wants to eat?

You choose - she adapts.

[Putin Closes]

(02-07-2018 10:06 PM)PixelFree Wrote:  

Thanks guys - I appreciate the responses.

No I'm not trolling, and yes, I realise now how I'm being silly.

Over the majority of our four years I had organised literally all of our social life, and (after some huge investing losses and excessive hours working on my business) I didn't have the energy to also create our social life. Once I stopped organising stuff, our relationship became quite boring.

I blamed her for it, and also was romanticised my previous PUA lifestyle. I also lost sexual interest, even though she's very attractive. We had sex once every two months, and that's with me not really wanting it but doing it for her.

How do you guys deal with this?

If she's being boring she's probably fucking some other guy for her side dick. No normal girl is gonna go 2 months without sex.

[Chetthebaker]

@PutinCloses I'd say if her behavior were hostile and passive aggressive or changes suddenly that maybe she was getting Dick on the side. This sounds like a gradual change.

In any event, I'd say she needs a little excitement. The best way I can think of to give her that is to FUCK THE HELL OUT OF HER. Do something you've never done. Be rough. Maybe do something you've always wanted to try. Better yet, find out if there's something she's ever wanted to try. Talking about it may turn you both on. What makes her come? Find out if you don't know. Do it to her, or with her. Make that a bit of a fun mission.
Take a pill if you need to.

Come home and act like something is urgent or wrong. Get her to the bedroom, have her lie down. Tell her to breathe deeply. Then go through one of those "make her squirt" routines, maybe lick her asshole, or something you know she likes that turns her on. Whisper in her ear about what you're going to do to her- what you know she wants. We all know deep down girls want to be told what they want.

Once a month is a shame, but she won't say anything because she's shy. And sometimes relationships run their course. But if she's 25, beautiful, and feminine you should be aiming to pound her daily, if not at least 3 times a week.

No beating off, only pounding.

[The Alpha Virgin]

I can see where you're coming from. After spending years with so many low energy people in Scandinavia I've realized that I wouldn't stand being with a girl like that long term.

Having energy is crucial and I just can't stand boring low energy people. I know some guys say that you shouldn't expect either intellectual stimulation or shit like this, with having energy from a woman. But considering that you probably aim to spend the rest of your life with this person and that it's going to be so much spent together with this same person, it's going to be a problem if you're not like that.

At some point it's just simply going to be too much.

Look, I've also spent a few years in countries like Italy and the girls are much more open and extroverted there and they're far less slutty than the Scandinavian counterparts.

I think guys here just thinks of the extroverted Anglo-Saxon type of chick who is usually just a feminist slut who goes out to bars and fuck different dudes. Sure, in that case I'd rather take a boring introverted girl, but point here is, there are more sides of the coin.

My girlfriend's best friend is actually a big celebrity in a latin country and is super extroverted and friendly and even I have enjoyed spending time with her, but because of the more religious culture (I suppose) she's still a virgin and don't go to bars and bullshit but just spends the days at home with her parents. Same type of fame and extroversion for a young woman in America would turn her into a Miley Cyrus degenerate though.

There are good, extroverted women out there too. I suggest you don't settle for less if you, yourself is a high energy and fun guy to be around.

[PixelFree]

Thanks again for all the responses.

Just to be clear, the infrequent sex thing is from me - I don't want to do it. Unsure if I'm bored or if I'm unhappy myself. I went through periods of no porn but I have been masturbating 3 times a week or so. I'll try this again - no PMO/no fap.

She is absolutely not cheating, and there is no other people involved in our situation.

I had a good chat with my sister last night, and while the thought of having a kid to bring excitement to a relationship sounds like the worst advice ever - we do have a amazing strong relationship in many ways, I think we've just reached the stage were we have courted too much. Every weekend has become so monotonous, we go out to breakfast, we pick a new place each time but then we end up home around lunchtime wondering what to do with our day. That's when I start to resent her, but really I don't think couples are meant to court for this long - the relationship needs to either end or into a new chapter/phase.

I am the type of nerdy guy at heart who always gets excited by some little project like 'green juicing', going keto or reading all the reviews to find the best pc build or whatever (although I've lost interest in gaming in my now later years).

My sister said wait until you have baby growing inside her, your entire life and perspective changes and all you think about is what to do next for about 20+ years. She said even the day they went out shopping for a pram and looking at all the different types was a lot of fun. I really feel I am ready for this next chapter.

[Steelex]

You can't actively change somebody without them resenting you. That's a recipe for a bad time.

You should pass her on to the next bloke, it's not going to get better.

[david.garrett84]

(02-08-2018 03:02 AM)Zelcorpion Wrote:  

Get her pregnant - very shy women open up afterwards. I have heard this from some formerly shy older women.

Well, her cunt will open up/widen after pregnancy, that's for sure. I'm not convinced any opening up verbally will be what OP wants. People should be careful what they wish for.

[xmlenigma]

(02-08-2018 04:20 PM)PixelFree Wrote:  

Thanks again for all the responses.

Just to be clear, the infrequent sex thing is from me - I don't want to do it. Unsure if I'm bored or if I'm unhappy myself. I went through periods of no porn but I have been masturbating 3 times a week or so. I'll try this again - no PMO/no fap.

She is absolutely not cheating, and there is no other people involved in our situation.

I had a good chat with my sister last night, and while the thought of having a kid to bring excitement to a relationship sounds like the worst advice ever - we do have a amazing strong relationship in many ways, I think we've just reached the stage were we have courted too much.

Every weekend has become so monotonous, we go out to breakfast, we pick a new place each time but then we end up home around lunchtime wondering what to do with our day. That's when I start to resent her, but really I don't think couples are meant to court for this long - the relationship needs to either end or into a new chapter/phase.

I am the type of nerdy guy at heart who always gets excited by some little project like 'green juicing', going keto or reading all the reviews to find the best pc build or whatever (although I've lost interest in gaming in my now later years).

My sister said wait until you have baby growing inside her, your entire life and perspective changes and all you think about is what to do next for about 20+ years. She said even the day they went out shopping for a pram and looking at all the different types was a lot of fun. I really feel I am ready for this next chapter.

The kid is not gonna fix your issues. SHE is not the issue, you are..

One has to choose happiness in small things.. and to make things NON-Monotonous is up to you.. Not her. Change it up if it bores you.

There are people who are perfectly happy with a simple life and when you need or want some variety.. go find it and do it..

You want her to make your life exciting when you dont seem to be doing much or anything for yourself or her.

You've got a nice compliant follower, start LEADING.

There is daily enthusiasm and/ or contentment. You dont seem to be doing well on any of these 2 parameters; look first at yourself before pointing fingers at others.

[PixelFree]

(02-14-2018 05:42 AM)xmlenigma Wrote:  

The kid is not gonna fix your issues. SHE is not the issue, you are..

One has to choose happiness in small things.. and to make things NON-Monotonous is up to you.. Not her. Change it up if it bores you.

There are people who are perfectly happy with a simple life and when you need or want some variety.. go find it and do it..

You want her to make your life exciting when you dont seem to be doing much or anything for yourself or her.

You've got a nice compliant follower, start LEADING.

There is daily enthusiasm and/ or contentment. You dont seem to be doing well on any of these 2 parameters; look first at yourself before pointing fingers at others.

It took me over 6 months to realise it, however you've hit the nail on the head.

During my life I've kept distracting myself with new jobs/relationships/homes sufficiently enough to keep myself entertained, but when the monotony of a LTR started to appear I couldn't deal with it. I projected these feelings of discomfort onto her, but in reality, it was me who was boring myself.

Logically an easy thing to understand - I hope in practice in my next relationship I can avoid this trap.

[Zoso]

So did you cut her off?

Or is it going better?

[PixelFree]

Unfortunately, after raising her desire to have kids and start a family again, I told her I was unsure about 'us' which broke her heart. Then she left me.

She moved back to Russia early March 2018. I've spent the last 6 months in the dumps about it, wondering the whole time did I make the right choice or not.
I've described it here - thread-69505.html

I'm only just starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel now, and realise it I was the problem. She was just fine.

[RatInTheWoods]

(02-07-2018 11:15 AM)ksbms Wrote:  

She's precisely an amazing wife material because of relative shyness, passivity and submissiveness.

Your problem is no-problem. Good luck.

+100 to this.

Last thing you want is a flirty tarty loud mouth wife.

You are a lucky bastard.

Enjoy it.

[Flux]

You should’ve focused on your work more, to the point where you barely saw her during the week, and only have a couple of days with her.

When you did see her, she would really miss you, and would have a lot to tell you.

Having a family is the goal of a long term relationship. If boredom is what you were battling, there are many ways to make your life more complex.

You needed more ambition.

[369eyedea]

I'm in a similar situation as the OP with a Russian girl who is also quite shy and not very outgoing.

One thing that bothers me about her is that she has very few friends, and puts pretty much all her social energy into talking to me, which I find a bit suffocating.

Obviously I appreciate how loyal she is, her Ltr qualities of being on the meek side.

What do you think about girls who have very few friends, and dedicate themselves solely to you?

[PapayaTapper]

(09-26-2018 07:28 AM)369eyedea Wrote:  

I'm in a similar situation as the OP with a Russian girl who is also quite shy and not very outgoing.

One thing that bothers me about her is that she has very few friends, and puts pretty much all her social energy into talking to me, which I find a bit suffocating.

Obviously I appreciate how loyal she is, her Ltr qualities of being on the meek side.

What do you think about girls who have very few friends, and dedicate themselves solely to you?

It also sounds like youre on the same path to regret as OP once you've lost her