First, and perhaps most importantly, there are some ground rules. Before taking a woman out to dinner, first you have to know when is the right time...
The When
1. Never ever do a first date over dinner. If there's no chemistry, it will be an awkward night for both of you, and chances are on your dime. First dates should always be over coffee or drinks, so if there's no interest, either of you can leave quickly and with little investment. Nothing is worse than a long night of awkward conversation over an overpriced meal.
2. Desire cannot be negotiated. If a girl isn't into you, no amount of wining and dining her will change that. She might be happy to enjoy a meal and a glass or wine or six on your dime, but it won't make her want you sexually. I've known guys who have gone on 10+ dinner dates and not even got a peck on the cheek. I laugh when they're like "we're dating!" No, you're not, you're her meal ticket. Literally! You're not dating until there is a sexual relationship.
3. If you don't want some type of LTR, dinner dates send the wrong signals. (Unless it's "I just got off work, I'm starving, meet me at Taco Joint, otherwise I'm just gonna eat all the Triscuits in your cabinet and fall asleep on your couch...")
4. If a woman you're not in a sexual relationship with "demands" you take her out to nice places to "prove you're interested", chances are she's also blowing the bartender. Meaning you'll feed her, get her tipsy, and then she'll go over to his place when the night is over. Sorry. (Be the bartender - "Hank, I just had the best steak! Can I come over? Or are you still playing Playstation?")
The How
That out of the way, wining and dining a woman you're into can be fun. There is nothing like a night out on the town with a beautiful head turning lady in a tight black dress.
Typically a good dinner date is how you seal the deal on an LTR after some makeout sessions, or hopefully sex. A solid dinner date is what takes a hookup to another level.
However, once you take her out on a memorable dinner date, she's going to expect to be more than just a side piece. So, use at your own risk.
This is how...
- Most importantly... do not ask her what she's "in the mood for" or ask her for options. Your job is to lead. I will often surprise my date. ("Where are we going?" "You'll see when we get there, babe.") Nothing is more beta than saying "Hey, I'd think I'd like to take you out, what are you in the mood for? Do you like tacos, or Indian food? Where would you like to go?" Pick a restaurant and go there -- something you enjoy and want to share with her. Women hate to be bombarded with options and forced to make decisions. That's your job. Lead the interaction from start to finish. Pick the restaurant and make it work. If she hates it, who cares, you'll make the most out of it.
- You don't have to go somewhere expensive to have a great time. Just because the bill was high doesn't mean it was fun. Sitting in an overcrowded, expensive restaurant ends up being a night just like any other. If you're looking to escalate the relationship, the experience has to be memorable - not merely expensive.
- My suggestion on a budget is to do an ethnic BYO and pair it with appropriate cocktails (i.e., do a French BYO with a French wine and some Cointreau, or an Asian BYO with saki.) It's cheap and makes you look cultured. For an added bonus, talk a little bit about the history of the drinks, their cultural significance, and about the regions. You can come off like a total boss with a little bit of internet research the night before.
- If you've never been there before, get to know the menu a little before hand, even if its just internet research. If you don't feel like doing that or don't have time, when you get there ask the server this question: "If this were my last meal on Earth, what are three things on the menu would I spend the rest of my life regretting having never tried?" I typically only go to places I've been to, but if I go somewhere new, that's the question I ask the server. If it's a female server, you can run a little bit of game as a DHV. (Side note - watch Gordon Ramsay on Kitchen Nightmares drop some game on a server - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqpUCfb7F3g. If you watch this show, Ramsay's server game (and game in general) is epic - he's incredibly kind to servers, but also assertive about the restaurant and his own needs).
- Dress up. Blazer, dress shirt, blue jeans, pocket square, and nice dress shoes. Tell her to wear something hot.
- Table manners. Don't obsess over where to put your elbows, but do the basics if it's a nicer place. Put your napkin in your lap, chew with your mouth closed, treat the server with respect, and eat slowly. Don't be afraid to ask for a clean plate if its a multi-course meal or to request one for your date (without her asking). Be assertive but very polite and friendly. (And don't worry - I served when I was in law school. As long as you tip well and don't act like a douche about it, pretty much any request is fine. I'd rather replace a dude's plate 3 or 4 times and get a great tip than get a $5 on a $205 bill from a customer who didn't ask for anything.)
- Go somewhere there is live music, but not a cover band. Find a steakhouse with a piano player, or a jazz house. Hell, I've done a Mexican restaurant with a Mariachi band. Class it up by ordering martinis, an old fashioned, or something 20s-esque (or if you're somewhere ethnic, appropriate ethnic drinks). There is something awesome about being dressed up nice, listening to live music, and sipping on old fashioned cocktails.
- Go straight alpha and order for her. Start by ordering a few appetizers for the table without asking her input. ("You'll love the [whatever].") This is especially effective at ethnic places where you know the menu. Then ask her what she would like when it's getting time for entrees. When the server comes around, say "She'd like the salmon, medium rare, and I'll have the steak, rare." I remember the first time I did this, that night my date was like "I've never had a guy order for me. It was actually hot."
- Pick up the check. At this point, you've already hooked up, you know she's into you, and you're not just a simp trying to buy her affection. Make this a night she's going to brag to all her friends about - how you went to this cool Cantonese restaurant, ate jellyfish, and then went and drank martinis at a jazz house no one knows about. Be in complete control and order what you want, and be willing to pay for it. It's not very alpha to order a bunch of stuff without her input and then ask her to pay for it. It's very alpha to do whatever you want and then pay for it all.
- No matter how much fun, don't ruin it by then "asking" for exclusivity. ("Babe, I had so much fun last night. We should be exclusive!") As always, let her come to you with that, even if it's what you want. She will.
None of this stuff is necessary for banging girls off Tinder or Bumble. Many of my buddies take them out for tequila shots, cheap appetizers, and get blowjobs liberally. But, if you're looking for an LTR (particularly with a girl who is over 25), a great night out on the town is what makes them fall head over heels for you.
Plus, if you're into her, it ends up being a great night for everyone.
The When
1. Never ever do a first date over dinner. If there's no chemistry, it will be an awkward night for both of you, and chances are on your dime. First dates should always be over coffee or drinks, so if there's no interest, either of you can leave quickly and with little investment. Nothing is worse than a long night of awkward conversation over an overpriced meal.
2. Desire cannot be negotiated. If a girl isn't into you, no amount of wining and dining her will change that. She might be happy to enjoy a meal and a glass or wine or six on your dime, but it won't make her want you sexually. I've known guys who have gone on 10+ dinner dates and not even got a peck on the cheek. I laugh when they're like "we're dating!" No, you're not, you're her meal ticket. Literally! You're not dating until there is a sexual relationship.
3. If you don't want some type of LTR, dinner dates send the wrong signals. (Unless it's "I just got off work, I'm starving, meet me at Taco Joint, otherwise I'm just gonna eat all the Triscuits in your cabinet and fall asleep on your couch...")
4. If a woman you're not in a sexual relationship with "demands" you take her out to nice places to "prove you're interested", chances are she's also blowing the bartender. Meaning you'll feed her, get her tipsy, and then she'll go over to his place when the night is over. Sorry. (Be the bartender - "Hank, I just had the best steak! Can I come over? Or are you still playing Playstation?")
The How
That out of the way, wining and dining a woman you're into can be fun. There is nothing like a night out on the town with a beautiful head turning lady in a tight black dress.
Typically a good dinner date is how you seal the deal on an LTR after some makeout sessions, or hopefully sex. A solid dinner date is what takes a hookup to another level.
However, once you take her out on a memorable dinner date, she's going to expect to be more than just a side piece. So, use at your own risk.
This is how...
- Most importantly... do not ask her what she's "in the mood for" or ask her for options. Your job is to lead. I will often surprise my date. ("Where are we going?" "You'll see when we get there, babe.") Nothing is more beta than saying "Hey, I'd think I'd like to take you out, what are you in the mood for? Do you like tacos, or Indian food? Where would you like to go?" Pick a restaurant and go there -- something you enjoy and want to share with her. Women hate to be bombarded with options and forced to make decisions. That's your job. Lead the interaction from start to finish. Pick the restaurant and make it work. If she hates it, who cares, you'll make the most out of it.
- You don't have to go somewhere expensive to have a great time. Just because the bill was high doesn't mean it was fun. Sitting in an overcrowded, expensive restaurant ends up being a night just like any other. If you're looking to escalate the relationship, the experience has to be memorable - not merely expensive.
- My suggestion on a budget is to do an ethnic BYO and pair it with appropriate cocktails (i.e., do a French BYO with a French wine and some Cointreau, or an Asian BYO with saki.) It's cheap and makes you look cultured. For an added bonus, talk a little bit about the history of the drinks, their cultural significance, and about the regions. You can come off like a total boss with a little bit of internet research the night before.
- If you've never been there before, get to know the menu a little before hand, even if its just internet research. If you don't feel like doing that or don't have time, when you get there ask the server this question: "If this were my last meal on Earth, what are three things on the menu would I spend the rest of my life regretting having never tried?" I typically only go to places I've been to, but if I go somewhere new, that's the question I ask the server. If it's a female server, you can run a little bit of game as a DHV. (Side note - watch Gordon Ramsay on Kitchen Nightmares drop some game on a server - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqpUCfb7F3g. If you watch this show, Ramsay's server game (and game in general) is epic - he's incredibly kind to servers, but also assertive about the restaurant and his own needs).
- Dress up. Blazer, dress shirt, blue jeans, pocket square, and nice dress shoes. Tell her to wear something hot.
- Table manners. Don't obsess over where to put your elbows, but do the basics if it's a nicer place. Put your napkin in your lap, chew with your mouth closed, treat the server with respect, and eat slowly. Don't be afraid to ask for a clean plate if its a multi-course meal or to request one for your date (without her asking). Be assertive but very polite and friendly. (And don't worry - I served when I was in law school. As long as you tip well and don't act like a douche about it, pretty much any request is fine. I'd rather replace a dude's plate 3 or 4 times and get a great tip than get a $5 on a $205 bill from a customer who didn't ask for anything.)
- Go somewhere there is live music, but not a cover band. Find a steakhouse with a piano player, or a jazz house. Hell, I've done a Mexican restaurant with a Mariachi band. Class it up by ordering martinis, an old fashioned, or something 20s-esque (or if you're somewhere ethnic, appropriate ethnic drinks). There is something awesome about being dressed up nice, listening to live music, and sipping on old fashioned cocktails.
- Go straight alpha and order for her. Start by ordering a few appetizers for the table without asking her input. ("You'll love the [whatever].") This is especially effective at ethnic places where you know the menu. Then ask her what she would like when it's getting time for entrees. When the server comes around, say "She'd like the salmon, medium rare, and I'll have the steak, rare." I remember the first time I did this, that night my date was like "I've never had a guy order for me. It was actually hot."
- Pick up the check. At this point, you've already hooked up, you know she's into you, and you're not just a simp trying to buy her affection. Make this a night she's going to brag to all her friends about - how you went to this cool Cantonese restaurant, ate jellyfish, and then went and drank martinis at a jazz house no one knows about. Be in complete control and order what you want, and be willing to pay for it. It's not very alpha to order a bunch of stuff without her input and then ask her to pay for it. It's very alpha to do whatever you want and then pay for it all.
- No matter how much fun, don't ruin it by then "asking" for exclusivity. ("Babe, I had so much fun last night. We should be exclusive!") As always, let her come to you with that, even if it's what you want. She will.
None of this stuff is necessary for banging girls off Tinder or Bumble. Many of my buddies take them out for tequila shots, cheap appetizers, and get blowjobs liberally. But, if you're looking for an LTR (particularly with a girl who is over 25), a great night out on the town is what makes them fall head over heels for you.
Plus, if you're into her, it ends up being a great night for everyone.
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