Hi
Finally got my first meetup after an approach (I've had 1 insta date but it didn't go anywhere).
The approach:
Saw a girl sitting on a bench at a park late afternoon on a weekend. Walked past her and asked her for directions to some place that doesn't exist, then went direct and said I'm not lost I thought you were cute etc etc.
Started talking about the book she was reading, why she didn't use kindles etc, books I'd been reading etc.
She asked me to sit down, but I didn't want to seem too eager so said I need to meet up with some friends later
Chatted a bit more and then actually sat down.
We continued talking about neutral topics, but she was quite evasive about what she did or where she was from.
I asked, "what do you do, I think you look like a proof reader"
Her: "Sure" with a smile
Same as when I asked her where she was from since she had a somewhat American accent, but it was a bit off, so it seemed like she could have learned english by watching tv.
"Where are you from by the way?... I think you're from Hungary*"
"Sure"
This was kind of starting to piss me off since I couldn't get any straight answers out of her.
*She was quite well dressed with immaculate makeup. When I sat down, she uncrossed her legs and I saw the lacetops of her stockings. I thought wtf, who wears lingerie like this casually?!? Definitely not local women, must be an eastern european girl thing.
In total I'd say we were talking for about 20mins.
I had to meet up with friends out of town later so I said we should meet up and talk properly, have you ever been to (cafe) since its meant to be quite good.
She says sounds good and I ask for her number.
She says she doesn't have a phone (?!) and that how about we meet at this exact spot tomorrow.
I hadn't thought of this happening, so agreed but then thought, not sure if I want lunch or anything with her, just coffee would have been fine.
Me: "what were you thinking, lunch..? how about 12:15?"
Her: "hhmm, how about 2?" (who meets up at 2? she probably doesn't have a job)
Me: "I have work. How about 6:15?"
Her: "6:13"
So I write it in my phone diary since I already had my phone out to get her number. I see her write in a notebook "Here, 6:13pm".
I was kidding around a bit since I was starting to get a bit of her vibe and said you can't just write "here", you need to write "behind the statue where he can't see us", referring to a statue in the park.
Was I a bit of a puppy dog to agree on her terms? As in she says jump and I ask how high?
That is a little how I felt when I went to the same spot after work on the day we agreed to meet. I felt the chance of flaking was high since I've never had a girl text back after I get a number from an approach, but since she was the one who suggested it, it might be ok. What kind of girl would explicitly suggest a time and place to meetup then flake?
Meetup the following day:
I sit and wait. A few minutes after our agreed time, she turns up as she wraps her headphones around her phone (so she -does- have a phone, I'm pretty sure it was a phone and not an ipod) but doesn't notice me (or pretends not to). I get up and approach her.
Her: "Do I know you? Sorry I'm bad with faces"
Me: "Well, I did meet this girl called (her name) over the weekend..."
She instantly turns to walk away from me and says "I don't have time for this" and starts giving me cranky attitude. She isn't in a great mood and I thought "is this how she treats all guys she meets? way to make a good first impression."
I said the cafe I mentioned is closed in the evenings and suggested another place.
She doesn't feel like it and suggests another place. I agree (was this a mistake? Losing frame, letting her have her way etc).
We sit down and get some small items of food (small antipasti plates are what this particular restaurant specializes in).
She isn't really talkative and it really is quite grinding. I wouldn't say abrasive, but its about halfway there. I was thinking, why did I choose to meet up with this girl, to be honest, we didn't really hit it off or click like I have with other girls.
I eat slowly and try to direct the conversation into something she can talk about. She reads a lot and talked a lot about poets and authors I haven't really heard of.
I did one of those pop psychology quizzes (where the horse represents your soul or ambition, the person she carries on the horse with her is her best friend etc). It is only when I do this small game that she kind of opens up. Before this, we were both sitting beside each other facing the road, but now she is turned a little towards me and leaning in, "what else does this story tell you about me?". I would say this was the emotional high point of the night.
I suggested we leave and go somewhere else, with the plan to go to a bar or a pub, maybe alcohol will loosen her up a little bit. She pays for her plates and I pay for mine. She starts walking in another direction and says lets sit on one of these benches (in the shopping arcade we are in). I said ok (again, was this a mistake, letting her do what she wants?).
We sit and keep on talking a for a bit. I ask for both her hands and do the strawberry test. I did this test on a girl once who said there is a 10m high barbed wire fence around the strawberry field and she later told me she was a virgin, so this test actually works![[Image: smile.gif]](https://rooshvforum.network/images/smilies/smile.gif)
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As I'm telling the scenario, I squeeze her hands to see if she squeezes back but she doesn't.
I lower my hands so they aren't touching hers, just to see if she would drop them to to stay in contact with mine, but she doesn't either. I ask her to describe something from the story and she turns to face ahead and she takes her hands away and cups her face and she thinks.
At this point as she isn't copying my hand movements, I assume I'm not really winning her.
She says there is no fence around the strawberry field so I assume that she is dtf for the right guy.
As I start explaining what the elements in the story mean, a guy comes up to us (it is about 8:15pm now) and asks us if we know of any good restaurants around here. Shit, he may as well have just asked us if we knew of any good pet stores around here.
He starts telling us (but mainly talking to her) that he is from America and here for work for 10 days. He asks her what she does, but she says something evasive. He asks her, "Where are you from? I think you're from Russia. Well, what I'm saying is that I think you're very attractive".
She says thanks and there is a little small talk between us. Unfortunately I farted silently but it was a bit of a stinker so I leaned forward to let it waft in her direction so she might associate the stink with that guy. I just thought, shit, this is a comedy of errors for me tonight.
I sit there wondering if I should tool this guy out by asking him a lot of questions (what city you from? What airline? how was the flight? how long did it take?) Basically the way you shouldn't speak to a girl, but I didn't want to be a 'lets you and him fight' kind of guy - she hasn't earned the effort on my part really.
I sit there waiting for him to run out of things to talk about and it starts getting a bit more and more awkward and he tries to pull more conversation out of us/her and he leaves.
At this point, it feels like he has torpedoed what was left of the night as she is pulling her sleeves down saying she is starting to feel quite cold.
I have an early start the following morning and say well this was nice (being polite) but since you don't have a phone, we can't really do this again.
"well I'll see you around the city anyway and if I do I'll say hi".
I walked away not really kicking myself or disappointed like I normally would have. Actually I felt quite good that I was able to create something from nothing, even if we didn't click. Previously we were two strangers and if she were better, we could have formed a good connection - and it would have only happened because -I- made it happen.
I was proud of myself that I didn't resume telling her the meaning of the story elements before that guy interrupted us - if she were really interested, she would ask me to continue.
I also didn't ask her for her number again even though I knew she had a phone. I do think the old me would have done both in a vain effort to try create more connection when there is none.
What could I have done better?
- I think the approach went ok, I just don't know how to handle evasive answers. I ended up knowing more about her personality and what drives her, but nothing about her actual person (where she was from, what she did etc).
- I should have forced my will a bit more, but I think because she was already in quite a cranky mood, it would have been either her way or the highway. Am I so desperate for a good date that I will supplicate? I guess I am, otherwise I wouldn't have gone with what she wanted.
- I should have tooled that guy just for the practice.
Anything else I should get from this? I'm sure that for the right guy, she would have been dtf. I was just so far off the mark so didn't really entertain it.
Finally got my first meetup after an approach (I've had 1 insta date but it didn't go anywhere).
The approach:
Saw a girl sitting on a bench at a park late afternoon on a weekend. Walked past her and asked her for directions to some place that doesn't exist, then went direct and said I'm not lost I thought you were cute etc etc.
Started talking about the book she was reading, why she didn't use kindles etc, books I'd been reading etc.
She asked me to sit down, but I didn't want to seem too eager so said I need to meet up with some friends later
Chatted a bit more and then actually sat down.
We continued talking about neutral topics, but she was quite evasive about what she did or where she was from.
I asked, "what do you do, I think you look like a proof reader"
Her: "Sure" with a smile
Same as when I asked her where she was from since she had a somewhat American accent, but it was a bit off, so it seemed like she could have learned english by watching tv.
"Where are you from by the way?... I think you're from Hungary*"
"Sure"
This was kind of starting to piss me off since I couldn't get any straight answers out of her.
*She was quite well dressed with immaculate makeup. When I sat down, she uncrossed her legs and I saw the lacetops of her stockings. I thought wtf, who wears lingerie like this casually?!? Definitely not local women, must be an eastern european girl thing.
In total I'd say we were talking for about 20mins.
I had to meet up with friends out of town later so I said we should meet up and talk properly, have you ever been to (cafe) since its meant to be quite good.
She says sounds good and I ask for her number.
She says she doesn't have a phone (?!) and that how about we meet at this exact spot tomorrow.
I hadn't thought of this happening, so agreed but then thought, not sure if I want lunch or anything with her, just coffee would have been fine.
Me: "what were you thinking, lunch..? how about 12:15?"
Her: "hhmm, how about 2?" (who meets up at 2? she probably doesn't have a job)
Me: "I have work. How about 6:15?"
Her: "6:13"
So I write it in my phone diary since I already had my phone out to get her number. I see her write in a notebook "Here, 6:13pm".
I was kidding around a bit since I was starting to get a bit of her vibe and said you can't just write "here", you need to write "behind the statue where he can't see us", referring to a statue in the park.
Was I a bit of a puppy dog to agree on her terms? As in she says jump and I ask how high?
That is a little how I felt when I went to the same spot after work on the day we agreed to meet. I felt the chance of flaking was high since I've never had a girl text back after I get a number from an approach, but since she was the one who suggested it, it might be ok. What kind of girl would explicitly suggest a time and place to meetup then flake?
Meetup the following day:
I sit and wait. A few minutes after our agreed time, she turns up as she wraps her headphones around her phone (so she -does- have a phone, I'm pretty sure it was a phone and not an ipod) but doesn't notice me (or pretends not to). I get up and approach her.
Her: "Do I know you? Sorry I'm bad with faces"
Me: "Well, I did meet this girl called (her name) over the weekend..."
She instantly turns to walk away from me and says "I don't have time for this" and starts giving me cranky attitude. She isn't in a great mood and I thought "is this how she treats all guys she meets? way to make a good first impression."
I said the cafe I mentioned is closed in the evenings and suggested another place.
She doesn't feel like it and suggests another place. I agree (was this a mistake? Losing frame, letting her have her way etc).
We sit down and get some small items of food (small antipasti plates are what this particular restaurant specializes in).
She isn't really talkative and it really is quite grinding. I wouldn't say abrasive, but its about halfway there. I was thinking, why did I choose to meet up with this girl, to be honest, we didn't really hit it off or click like I have with other girls.
I eat slowly and try to direct the conversation into something she can talk about. She reads a lot and talked a lot about poets and authors I haven't really heard of.
I did one of those pop psychology quizzes (where the horse represents your soul or ambition, the person she carries on the horse with her is her best friend etc). It is only when I do this small game that she kind of opens up. Before this, we were both sitting beside each other facing the road, but now she is turned a little towards me and leaning in, "what else does this story tell you about me?". I would say this was the emotional high point of the night.
I suggested we leave and go somewhere else, with the plan to go to a bar or a pub, maybe alcohol will loosen her up a little bit. She pays for her plates and I pay for mine. She starts walking in another direction and says lets sit on one of these benches (in the shopping arcade we are in). I said ok (again, was this a mistake, letting her do what she wants?).
We sit and keep on talking a for a bit. I ask for both her hands and do the strawberry test. I did this test on a girl once who said there is a 10m high barbed wire fence around the strawberry field and she later told me she was a virgin, so this test actually works
.As I'm telling the scenario, I squeeze her hands to see if she squeezes back but she doesn't.
I lower my hands so they aren't touching hers, just to see if she would drop them to to stay in contact with mine, but she doesn't either. I ask her to describe something from the story and she turns to face ahead and she takes her hands away and cups her face and she thinks.
At this point as she isn't copying my hand movements, I assume I'm not really winning her.
She says there is no fence around the strawberry field so I assume that she is dtf for the right guy.
As I start explaining what the elements in the story mean, a guy comes up to us (it is about 8:15pm now) and asks us if we know of any good restaurants around here. Shit, he may as well have just asked us if we knew of any good pet stores around here.
He starts telling us (but mainly talking to her) that he is from America and here for work for 10 days. He asks her what she does, but she says something evasive. He asks her, "Where are you from? I think you're from Russia. Well, what I'm saying is that I think you're very attractive".
She says thanks and there is a little small talk between us. Unfortunately I farted silently but it was a bit of a stinker so I leaned forward to let it waft in her direction so she might associate the stink with that guy. I just thought, shit, this is a comedy of errors for me tonight.
I sit there wondering if I should tool this guy out by asking him a lot of questions (what city you from? What airline? how was the flight? how long did it take?) Basically the way you shouldn't speak to a girl, but I didn't want to be a 'lets you and him fight' kind of guy - she hasn't earned the effort on my part really.
I sit there waiting for him to run out of things to talk about and it starts getting a bit more and more awkward and he tries to pull more conversation out of us/her and he leaves.
At this point, it feels like he has torpedoed what was left of the night as she is pulling her sleeves down saying she is starting to feel quite cold.
I have an early start the following morning and say well this was nice (being polite) but since you don't have a phone, we can't really do this again.
"well I'll see you around the city anyway and if I do I'll say hi".
I walked away not really kicking myself or disappointed like I normally would have. Actually I felt quite good that I was able to create something from nothing, even if we didn't click. Previously we were two strangers and if she were better, we could have formed a good connection - and it would have only happened because -I- made it happen.
I was proud of myself that I didn't resume telling her the meaning of the story elements before that guy interrupted us - if she were really interested, she would ask me to continue.
I also didn't ask her for her number again even though I knew she had a phone. I do think the old me would have done both in a vain effort to try create more connection when there is none.
What could I have done better?
- I think the approach went ok, I just don't know how to handle evasive answers. I ended up knowing more about her personality and what drives her, but nothing about her actual person (where she was from, what she did etc).
- I should have forced my will a bit more, but I think because she was already in quite a cranky mood, it would have been either her way or the highway. Am I so desperate for a good date that I will supplicate? I guess I am, otherwise I wouldn't have gone with what she wanted.
- I should have tooled that guy just for the practice.
Anything else I should get from this? I'm sure that for the right guy, she would have been dtf. I was just so far off the mark so didn't really entertain it.